Workplace wisdom from Scott Adams, creator of “Dilbert,” America’s favorite anticorporate comic strip.
“I’ve discovered what I call the Bill Gates effect. That is, the more successful you are, the uglier you get.”
“Informed decision making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.”
“Reporters are faced with the daily choice of painstakingly researching stories or writing whatever people tell them. Both approaches pay the same.”
“The only risk of failure is promotion.”
“Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs.”
“It’s hard to argue with the government. Remember, they run the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, so they must know a thing or two about satisfying women.”
“There are two ways to predict the future. You can use horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, a crystal ball, and so on, collectively known as the ‘nutty methods.’ Or you can put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer models, more commonly referred to as ‘a complete waste of time.’ I find it a lot easier to simply make stuff up.”
“Always avoid meetings with time-wasting morons.”
“In the future, the most important career skill will be a lack of ethics.”
“A Mission Statement is defined as ‘a long, awkward sentence that demonstrates management’s inability to think clearly.’ All good companies have one.”
“By definition, risk-takers often fail. So do morons. In practice, it’s difficult to sort them out.”
“The Dilbert Principle: People are idiots.”
Dividing something into squares is known as graticulation.