SMART ALECKS

One of the privileges of fame is you get to say nasty things about other people and get away with it. Here’s a few of our favorite zingers.

“Do you mind if I smoke?”

—Oscar Wilde to Sarah Bernhardt

“I don’t care if you burn.”

—Sarah Bernhardt

“Do you mind if I sit back a little? Because your breath is very bad.”

—Donald Trump, to CNN host Larry King

“Michael Jackson’s album was only called Bad because there wasn’t enough room on the sleeve for “Pathetic.”

—Prince

“Ernest Hemingway has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to a dictionary.”

—Author William Faulkner

“Poor Faulkner. Does he really think emotions come from big words?

—Ernest Hemingway

“He’s racist, he’s homophobic, he’s xenophobic, and he’s a sexist. He’s the perfect Republican candidate.”

—Commentator Bill Press, on Pat Buchanan

“Boy George is all England needs: another queen who can’t dress.”

—Joan Rivers

“What other problems do you have besides being unemployed, a moron, and a dork?”

—Tennis pro John McEnroe, to a spectator

“McEnroe was as charming as always, which means that he was about as charming as a dead mouse in a loaf of bread.”

—Journalist Clive James

“Never trust a man who combs his hair straight from his left armpit.”

—Alice Roosevelt Longworth, on Gen. Douglas MacArthur

“He has so many fish hooks in his nose, he looks like a piece of bait.”

—Bob Costas, on Dennis Rodman

“Why, this fellow don’t know any more about politics than a pig knows about Sunday.”

—Harry S Truman, on Dwight Eisenhower

Bad old days: Dentures used to be made with teeth pulled from the mouths of dead soldiers.