Until recently, law required all movies made in Hong Kong had to have English subtitles. But producers spent as little on translations as possible… and it shows. These gems are from the book Sex and Zen & a Bullet in the Head, by Stefan Hammond and Mike Wilkins.
“Take my advice, or I’ll spank you without pants.”
“Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.”
“You always use violence. I should’ve ordered glutinous rice chicken.”
“Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?”
“This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your toenails and leave them out on the dessert floor for ants to eat.”
“A normal person wouldn’t steal pituitaries.”
“That may disarray my intestines.”
“The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?”
“Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.”
“I am darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.”
“If you don’t eat people, they’ll eat you.”
“She’s terrific. I can’t stand her.”
“Darn, I’ll burn you into a BBQ chicken.”
“I’ll cut your fats out, don’t you believe it?”
“Sex fiend, you’ll never get reincarnated!”
“How can I make love without TV?”
“I got knife scars more than the number of your leg’s hair!”
“Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your doctor for a thorough extermination.”
“What is a soul? It’s just a toilet paper.”
As of 2001, 2% of Americans still don’t have 911 service.