Have you ever been stuck in the bathroom with nothing to read? (Our greatest fear.) Try flipping through the classifieds to look for ones like these.
Beautiful 6-month-old kitten, playful, friendly, very affectionate OR… Handsome 32-year-old husband—personable, funny, good job, but hates cats. Says he goes or cat goes. Come see both and decide which you’d like.
Free! 1 can of pork & beans with purchase of 3-Bedroom, 2-bath home
German Shepherd 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German.
1-man, 7-woman hot tub, $850
Amana Washer Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
Cows, Calves never bred… also 1 gay bull for sale.
Tickle Me Elmo, still in box, comes with its own 1988 Mustang, 5l, Auto, Excellent Condition $6800
Georgia Peaches California Grown—89¢ lb.
Fully cooked boneless smoked man—$2.09 lb.
Kellogg’s Pot Tarts: $1.99 Box
Exercise equipment: Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs—$175
Used tombstone, perfect for someone named Homer Hendelbergenheinzel. One only.
For Sale: Lee Majors (6 Million Dollar Man)—$50
Turkey for sale: Partially eaten, eight days old, drumsticks still intact. $23 obo
Have Viagra. Need woman, any woman between 18 & 80.
Shakespeare’s Pizza—Free Chopsticks
Hummels—Largest selection. “If it’s in stock, we have it!”
Wanted: Somebody to go back in time with me. This is not a joke. You’ll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before.
Hairobért: If we can’t make you look good…You ugly!
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
…A: From crane berry—they grow on a stalk that looks like a crane’s neck.