Here’s something you might not fully believe (yet), but that I hope to change your mind on (soon). You don’t have to be perfect, to be successful and visible.
In fact, I believe it’s quite the opposite. I believe that to be successful (you’ll define that for yourself in just a moment) and visible, you have to be willing to be seen in your imperfect light; to show yourself for who you are; and to be yourself, knowing that you can’t control the outcome.
This doesn’t mean you need to overshare, find yourself feeling vulnerable in your sharing (in a way that leaves you itching to hide away), or make it all about sharing your life and not about teaching, supporting or empowering others along the way.
Rather, it means you allow yourself to be seen, and trust that by letting others see you, you allow yourself to see them too. And when we see others—when we really see others—that is when we can lift them up alongside ourselves, that is when we can support them, and that is when we can move, grow, evolve and connect alongside them.
In real time as I write this chapter, I recently held two client sessions in the same day where this idea of being ‘imperfect, successful and visible’ came up. Both of these wonderful clients are working towards deepening their own work, message and impact in their start-up businesses. And they’re worried about it.
They’re worried that being imperfect means clients won’t want to work with them. They’re worried that being imperfect means they’re not allowed to be visible. And underneath it all, they wonder how they’ll ever impact on the people they most want to support, with the energy they most wish to extend, if they continue to believe that they can’t be successful or visible if they’re not perfect.
One of my clients, Amber, is a coach. (FYI, all client names have been changed.) I asked her how she’d feel if she were to ever work with a coach who she deemed was ‘perfect’—one who’d never experienced the issues or problems she had; one who’d never experienced difficult times; one who’d never had worries, doubts or fears. In other words, someone who couldn’t really relate to her experiences at all. Of course, Amber’s answer was that she wouldn’t feel all that great about it. So I asked her why she felt she needed to be perfect, in order to attract the women she most wants to work with.
If feeling others’ pain, if knowing their fears and understanding what they’re feeling and experiencing is how we can truly connect with others, then isn’t that the (most perfect) way forwards?
If I’d never experienced fears or blocks, worries or doubts, failure or a lack of momentum in relation to my business, my writing, my creativity and my dreams, how on earth could I have written this book? And, why on earth would you even want to read it?
In a nutshell, it would have been very short and go something like this:
I left high school and I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I started my business with no fears or hesitations, and everything went absolutely perfectly from the start. I was fully booked within just a few minutes! I had the most perfect website straight off the bat. I never had a tech issue; I never experienced self-doubt; I never felt overwhelmed; I always knew I was doing enough; and I never ever worried about how to pay the bills (or myself).
I had no boundary issues to work through; I never burnt myself out; and because I always had extremely high self-confidence, I never had to deepen my confidence within myself, because obviously I’m perfect. Every workshop I ever ran sold out within seconds. I received hundreds of thousands of emails every month from people asking to work with me, but obviously no way, as I did not have availability! Oh, and 271 publishing houses got in touch before I’d even started my Instagram account, because they just knew I had a New York Times bestselling book inside me. And then, you know, Oprah called! But obviously, she was going to call. Gosh, life and biz is just so good when you’re perfect!
Ha! As if. Also … vomit.
Essentially, it would have read like a completely made-up (and quite cringe-inducing, boring and narcissistic) fairytale, but without the necessary moment (or many moments) when the hero/heroine of the story actually faces their vulnerability and fears, then does what they’re most called to do anyway.
It wouldn’t be real, and you wouldn’t want to read it, because it would be so far from your truth, from your story, and from your experiences. There’s beauty in trying, in taking imperfect action, in trusting that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.
Underneath it all, this fear that we can’t be seen or successful if we’re not perfect is a perception we must shift. And underneath that is a desire to be accepted and acknowledged, witnessed and seen.
To have others do so, we must first do so within. So, accept, acknowledge, witness and see yourself. Validate yourself. Trust in your innate worth, in your enoughness, and in the enoughness of your work.
Instead of trying to carve out a ‘perfect’ version of yourself in what you’re working towards, just be yourself. It’s all you have to be. And the best part is that it’s who you are already.
I see myself for all that I am, and I let this shine out into the world. It’s safe for me to be seen and to be visible. I honour, validate, accept and respect myself, knowing this supports others to do the same.