It was a Sunday night and it felt like I was at rock bottom. I was seriously thinking about quitting my business and finding a job. But what that job might be, I had no idea.
Feeling utterly panicked, overwhelmed and confused, I turned to my hubby, tears streaming down my cheeks. Nic asked me, ‘What would be the most amazing that could happen right now?’
‘If someone purchased my top 1:1 coaching package, that would be amazing. That would be the absolute best thing that could happen right now.’ I half-smiled as I said it, because it felt so impossible and far away. Who would be browsing my coaching packages late on a Sunday night? I thought to myself with disdain.
I followed Nic to the kitchen to chat while he made dinner (yeah, he’s the chef in our house; I’m a lucky lady). I poured myself a huge glass of red wine and sat down in a slump, taking big gulps though my tears.
I took a deep, shaky breath and decided to let it all go—the fear, the worry, the concern—and just focus on what I could control, align and balance: my energy, thoughts and actions. I decided to stop thinking of myself as a victim in this situation, enjoy the rest of the evening, and look at everything with fresh eyes in the morning.
Just before dinner was ready, I went back to where my phone lay on the couch and picked it up. On the home screen sat a PayPal notification, for the exact amount of the program I’d just mentioned to Nic. A new client had indeed signed up to my top coaching package.
Like a Disney cartoon character, my jaw actually dropped. I thought I needed a moment to sit down on the couch, but as soon as I did so, excitement and relief took over. I leapt back up again to race into the kitchen, brandishing my phone in hubby’s face with the biggest, silliest grin on mine.
Nic looked at me as if to say, ‘Of course!’ I’d received the most incredible confirmation from my business, the Universe and the energy of my own desires; I was still on track, still able to receive, still in the right place, and still able to ask for something, shift my mindset, get out of my own way, and receive (without needing to constantly hustle either).
I’d let myself fall and feel it all, and then I’d given myself a very clear choice: stay where I was and continue to feel like a victim, or drink the wine and find a new way forward tomorrow. I chose the latter (and not just because it included wine).
When I’m working with my business alignment clients, I have a saying they all know well: It’s your business, and your choice.
It sounds so simple, but when we give ourselves the gift of choice—in whatever we’re working towards, and however we’re working towards it—we free up so many possibilities and draw them closer to us.
This means you can change …
Our mindset is everything. When I’ve gone through hard times, the harder I thought they were, the harder they felt. My mindset was everything, meaning I could also shift out of struggle and into surrender. Don’t get me wrong—I’ve held plenty of pity parties for myself. But I can honestly say they’ve never made an inch of difference in my moving in a positive direction.
When I’ve taken responsibility for how I was feeling and reconnected to my intuition, deeper purpose and inner power, then I’ve been able to turn the volume down on my inner critic, and call my inner ally back into the room (where she was desperately needed). This meant that I could start to allow myself to not take things personally, to let myself feel the struggle and transmute it into something that could create a stronger base for myself. Then I could see the beauty in what I was creating, and my work felt lighter and easier.
My struggles felt healthier; they weren’t happening to punish me, or only happening to me. Knowing this supported me in moving through them, in letting them go, in using them as fuel to rocket myself forwards.
In this way, I could let myself move from A to B with less struggle and more flow; with less expectation and pressure; with more ease and grace—because I allowed my mindset to support me.
A supportive mindset is one that’s based on compassion; one that allows you to be adaptable and quick-thinking; one that helps you feel supported and on track, as you move towards your goals.
When you make the shift to support yourself—when you let yourself change your mind—you’ll see the effects of making positive changes in your life and business, as well as the effects and impact this shift can make on your mood, energy system and vibration.
There’ll be a moment of change for you too. Okay, let’s be honest, there’ll be many moments. There’ll be many moments where you’re called to reassert yourself in the workplace, in your business, in your career, and in your life. It’s when this moment arises that you’ll turn to face your doubts and say fiercely, ‘You think that’ll sway me? I’ll show you what I’ve got. I’m just getting started.’
You can change your mind, and you can change your thoughts. You can stop feeling like a victim; you can stop thinking that you’re not doing enough; you can stop thinking you’re sabotaging yourself in ways you don’t understand.
I believe that sometimes we think we’re secretly self-sabotaging if things aren’t going to ‘our plan’, yet we can’t work out why. We take it too personally and think it’s because we haven’t done enough. Aah! This is when we’re called to surrender, trust, show up and let go. It’s not always (or only) up to us. There’ll always be trust to lean into; a bigger plan at play; and the timing of new beginnings that asks us to be patient, while the details are worked out just out of sight.
Before we knew the earth was round, sailors used to fear they’d travel too far and fall off the side of the earth. You can imagine a sailor from that period feeling a little nervous when travelling far and wide. If you believed that going the distance meant certain death from freefalling into a black hole of nothingness, of course you’d be scared of sailing far away.
But we are not sailors (or maybe you are, but at least you now know that the earth is round!) and we don’t have to fear freefalling into a black hole of nothingness by going the distance.
In fact, it’s when we allow ourselves to trust that we’re in this for the long run that we can really go the distance, take the pressure off ourselves, continue to show up for ourselves and our dreams, and put in the work that really matters.
This is when small wins become momentous, when momentum creates more opportunities, and when little dips, failures and plateaus cease to grind us to a halt. Because you know—you really know!—that you can go the distance; that you’re in this for the right reasons; that you won’t give up on yourself; and that you’re here for the long haul.
I have a memory of being really small and swimming in a dark-tiled pool. The effect of sunshine on the dark tiles meant that the water looked a murky dark blue-black. Whoever I was playing with decided it’d be a good idea to play ‘sharks’. (Not to spoil the ending, but that is never a good idea when swimming in a pool that looks as deep and dark as the ocean.)
At one stage, my mind took this game to the next level, and not in a fun Mario Kart way. It stopped feeling like a pretend game, and started to feel all too real for me. I told myself there was a shark below me, and so I started panicking, seeing things in the water that were definitely not there.
To put this a tastier way: when you open a packet of salt and vinegar chips, does your mouth water? Hmm, salt and vinegar chips. (Ah, my mouth just watered as I wrote that! Our brains are so smart.) I’m guessing you said ‘yes’. So if your mouth waters when you see or smell (or even think about) salt and vinegar chips, what happens to your body and energy when you make up stories about yourself, or when you tell yourself negative things, and then believe them?
It’s the same when you create something, or work towards something. It’s the same when you apply for a job, or open for business, or launch a new product or program. If you tell yourself there’s danger and expectation everywhere, that’s what you’ll see, because it’s what you believe.
If you tell yourself you’ll fail, you’ll think you’re about to freefall into a black hole of nothingness. If you don’t really look within, you’ll start to see things that aren’t there.
All those fears you’re carrying … are they really true?
Grab your journal or a notebook. At the top, scribble down your current goal (anything that you’re working towards). Not sure what you’re working towards? Write that down.
Now, write out how you’re currently feeling about your goal (or goals, or lack thereof). What’s your mindset around this? Write down all the fears you’re carrying around in relation to that goal coming to fruition, and the fears around it not coming to fruition.
Look at it from every angle, every perspective. Don’t fear writing down your negative thoughts, fears or beliefs around this; you have to be aware of these blocks in order to clear them.
As you write these negative thoughts and fears down, become aware of any stories, memories or ‘rules’ around them. Perhaps they are other people’s beliefs you’ve taken on as your own; old memories that have become the story of today; old ways of doing things that you know aren’t serving you anymore.
Now, it’s time to clear away these negative thoughts and fears:
You can try any or all of the above to see what works for you—in your own way, in your own time, and with compassion and gentleness.
We so often talk about limiting beliefs, right? Part of what you just did was to become aware of them. So now, let’s create some unlimiting beliefs.
In my book, It’s All Good, I wrote:
Will you be ready to let go of your old limits, expand, integrate and uplevel? Will you let the energy you stand in, the ground you stand on, become more expansive, hold you more steadily, and feel illimitable? Of course you will. Of course you can. That’s why you’re here.
What could you expand into now? What could some of your unlimiting beliefs be? Here are some ideas:
Take some time to write down your own unlimiting beliefs now. They’re most likely the direct opposite of your fears. Start listening to these beliefs, and acting from this place.
Another great way to start to clear away limiting beliefs, reprogram your mind and expand your energy is to start connecting with your future self, and to what you wish to see, feel, have, experience, do, and embody in the future. Grab your journal or a notebook, and write out a script ‘as if’ you were already experiencing everything you wish to experience, already embodying everything you’re working towards, and already feeling/doing/having/being all that you wish to feel/do/have/be.
This isn’t about future tripping or feeling like you’re not ‘there yet’; it’s about creating an internal pathway to your future, building a bridge between ‘then’ and ‘now’, and rewiring your brain and neural pathways so you can truly visualise and make space for your ideal future.
You may like to use some of the unlimiting beliefs you just created, when you do this exercise.
To create and receive your dreams and goals, you have to keep ‘going in’—going into the places that help you create; the places that scare you; the places that push you, expand you, rock you, ground you.
You have to keep going the distance, to get to where you want to be. You have to keep envisioning yourself there, and believe it’s possible.
We’re so used to quick Instagram posts and videos, flashes of likes, shares and comments, all equating to quick dopamine bursts from social media. But writing a book, building your body of work, your business, career or empire … that’s going to take as much time as it needs, and that’s perfect.
Let it be a slow burn, so that you don’t use all your fuel at the beginning. Let things take time to grow. Trust the process of not rushing. Start thinking like the sailor who knows the world is round. Start by trusting that you’re supported, and that you can go the distance.
Start believing in yourself, your future, and your unlimiting beliefs—the ones that support you to step up, show up, step out and do the work you know you’re here to do.
Remember that you have an innate power to change your thoughts and adapt to a more positive way of seeing yourself and your world, knowing that your thoughts affect your actions, energy and ability to receive.
This doesn’t mean you can’t look at your fears, for fear they’ll manifest. It means you must look at them, become aware of them, clear them away in whatever way serves you best, then take action from that space.
Start by knowing, deep down, that you are held and supported (because you are).
I trust in my innate power to uplift my thoughts, supporting my energy, actions and ability to receive, as I work towards what matters most to me. I believe in what I’m calling in next.