I was six weeks pregnant, and feeling it. My mood was low, my mind was distracted, my brain was foggy and my body felt like it was filled with mud.
I was on my way into the city to give a corporate presentation to a roomful of marketing executives, to essentially pitch myself for a huge gig. I was so grateful for the opportunity, but my excitement was marred by brain fog and fatigue—part of me would’ve much rather been on the couch.
It was a cold, windy and rainy day. Roadworks in the city meant that the usual route needed a detour, and the closest my Uber driver could drop me was several hundred metres away from my destination. Also, I was wearing heels. Fab.
I hadn’t felt as inspired or in flow as I usually did when I wrote and practised my presentation, and I certainly hadn’t prepared in my usual way. Because of my brain fog, I hadn’t felt like I could channel what I needed to while creating the presentation. I was worried that because I felt blocked, I wouldn’t feel guided or supported by spirit/source during the presentation.
I felt like I was going in blind; underneath it all, I could feel butterflies flapping against my insides, flying up a storm. I wondered how I’d manage to speak about energy and alignment, and radiate and hold space in a corporate environment, when I wasn’t feeling energised or aligned at all.
But … I showed up, did the presentation as best I could, and landed the highest paying corporate engagement of my business to date.
All the while not being perfect.
Alchemy, trust and magic are what alignment can feel like, when we’re truly in it, trusting our path and allowing the unfolding that’s to come. That’s when things seem to just fall into our lap, appear out of the blue, drop in seamlessly and work out effortlessly.
It’s what many of us strive for, and yet … the way we work towards our dreams and goals can be complicated by pressure, tension, tightness and perfectionism. So I’d like to invite you to see things from the other side. Even if you don’t feel magical and full of trust, this doesn’t automatically mean you’re not in alignment. If things don’t effortlessly fall into your lap, that doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong, that things can’t or won’t go right for you, or that you’re far away from your dreams.
Thinking that alignment means perfection is just another way we put pressure on ourselves to be perfect, and berate ourselves if things don’t go to our exact plan. This is how I used to feel (and sometimes still need to remind myself about).
Good things can still flow to you, even if or when you’re not feeling completely aligned. What might this look like in your everyday life?
How is all of this possible, you ask? You might be thinking to yourself: The only way for me to succeed is for things to run smoothly all the time, and for me to always feel aligned and unstoppable.
But that’s simply not the case, and to tell yourself that puts limits on what you’re actually capable of. You can have a bad day and still run a brilliant seminar. You can feel tired from being up all night with a sick toddler, then run a meeting that leaves everyone feeling energised and empowered. You can feel run-down and uninspired, only for an incredible idea to drop into your mind and heart which turns everything around in an instant.
You can be in alignment when your life isn’t perfect. You know why? Because perfection isn’t possible anyway, no matter how aligned you are.
Your emotions, mood, energy and desires will fluctuate, shift, change, adapt and evolve. Honouring this truth will allow you to use your life experiences—the positive and the seemingly negative—to create and enhance your ideal life and work.
You are so much more capable than you know. Thinking you’re only capable when you’re perfect does a huge disservice to yourself and those you’re here to support the most.
So, I want you to think about how you can take the pressure off how you work towards your dreams, to allow yourself to flick the switch on your potentially perfectionistic mindset. You know why?
Write out a list of all the ways you think you need to be perfect in order to be aligned, take action and receive. Shedding light on this will make it blindingly obvious that it’s time to let those perceptions go, and move forwards. For instance:
Once you have written your list, run yourself through it again. Ask yourself if what you’ve written is really true, or whether they’re just fears you’re holding onto, or ways of tricking yourself into thinking you need to be perfect, before you can move ahead in your life and work.
By getting clear on these fears and worries, you can start to clear them away through awareness, with self-compassion and by taking action anyway.
Am I saying you need to purposefully drop the ball and just expect magical things to happen? Not at all. Doing the inner work to feel clear, calm and confident as you build your ideal life is beautiful, important and necessary. I’m simply inviting you to take the pressure of perfectionism off yourself as you do so.
Perfectionism shocks the system into staying stuck and stagnant, which is so very clearly the opposite of aligned and unstoppable. Anyway, aiming to staying stuck and stagnant is not why you’re here, right?
How many times have you told yourself that unless you’re 100 per cent perfect, you won’t be able to call in what you’re working on? I’ve done that way too many times. In fact, I did it just this morning. I was in a funk, and automatically told myself that meant I’d be blocking myself from receiving.
Here’s what I did to flip that mindset on its head:
Perfectionism shows us what we must let go of, accept, release, allow ourselves to receive, and what we must move through, to know ourselves more deeply.
Instead of reaching for ‘perfect’, let yourself do the inner work that allows you to be compassionate and forgiving of yourself; the work that sees you start knowing (and owning) your worth, trusting yourself and your path, and finding your guiding light within.
Do the work you know you’re here to do. Allow it to keep evolving, shifting and changing as you do so.
Allow yourself to sit in the space of alchemy, trust and magic. Know that you can still call in what you desire on a ‘bad’ day, or when you’re feeling hormonal, or when you’ve just had a parking ticket, or when you’re feeling stressed or lonely, overwhelmed or puzzled.
While alignment feels like everything is going smoothly and in flow, like things are clicking into place seamlessly and effortlessly, please don’t think that life has to be perfect for you to be able to stay in your flow, and continue to move towards your dreams.
A little while ago, I put one of my guided meditations up on a free meditation website. I was so excited to do this, and felt really proud of the track I’d created and uploaded.
Several hours later, I checked the site and found that several thousand people had already listened to it and left reviews. Brilliant, I thought.
Until I started reading the comments on my meditation …
And on and on it went.
I didn’t know how to feel or what to think. My heart started to race, my palms went clammy, and my perfectionism swung into dangerous levels. I actually started pacing around my apartment, trying to work out what to do, and how I could make everyone happy.
I read over the positive comments and felt my heart and confidence soar … then I read over the negative comments and felt myself shrink back, wanting to disappear and delete my meditation from the site immediately.
I felt very attached to the work I’d created, the outcome and the comments. After taking some time away from my laptop and speaking to my husband about it (he gently and kindly reminded me that I could never make everyone happy), I realised had to release myself from the attachment I’d created.
I not only had to allow myself—and my work—to not be perfect, I also had to let others decide for themselves whether they liked my work or not. And perhaps have them decide that it wasn’t perfect at all. (Oh, the horror, right?!)
I knew what I had to do. I left the meditation up on the site, and stopped checking the comments.
I took the lesson for what it was: an opportunity to let go of my need to be seen to be perfect; to let myself increase my visibility, even if everyone didn’t like what I created or had to say. It was also a chance to clear and balance all of this within myself, before a year where I knew I was going to be in the public eye more, with a couple of really big speaking opportunities that were coming up (including the corporate one I mentioned before, which at the time hadn’t yet appeared on my radar).
When things are feeling out of alignment, or when your perfectionism is flaring up, remind yourself that you don’t need to be perfect to be in alignment, or to be seen, or to be heard, or to make money, or to love what you do, or to receive. Come back to your body and your breath and to what you’ve already created.
Let yourself shift out of the tension and attachment to come back into your deeper truth and purpose, your innate worth and enoughness, trusting your guiding light within. You’re on the right path, and you’ll land beautifully, whether you can see this yet or not.
If you could transmute your perfectionism into compassion, what might change for you?
In real time as I write this, the new season of MasterChef has just begun (insert hugging/dancing emoji). In one of the episodes, as the pressure builds and the clock ticks, one of the contestants, cooking a delicious-looking Italian seafood stew says, ‘I need to cook this perfectly. To do so, I’ll do it carefully and with passion.’
I nearly fell off my couch.
Wouldn’t it be brilliant if we could all have this attitude next time we want to do something well? Imagine if, instead of letting our negative self-talk punish us into trying to do something with excellence (out of fear of a reckoning), we let ourselves work towards our goals carefully, and with passion (and compassion).
It would settle the doubts, it would calm the fears, it would remove the shakes. It would let us think more clearly, be more rational, stay present and grounded. It would let us do our best work without self-judgement or harm, without punishment or regret.
Of course, we might still buzz with excitement and anticipation; we might still look ahead to the horizon and wonder what the next vista will bring; we might still not be 100 per cent sure that we’re doing the right thing—but we’ll trust ourselves enough to know that we’re doing the best we can, with the skills and knowledge we have today.
Another of the Bach flower essences, Rock Water, is wonderful to take here. It’s for those who constantly seek perfection, who set rigid goals with high expectations, and who use self-punishment when falling short of these self-created ideals. Rock Water helps you release internal harshness and step back into flow.
I transmute perfectionism into compassion. I allow myself to be seen exactly as I am. I radiate my deeper truth and purpose, allowing it to shine, and I trust my guiding light within.