There’ll be a time (or many) when you ask yourself if you’re doing enough. You’ll wonder if you’re on the right track; if someone else in your position—exactly in your position—would be further ahead of you right now. What might’ve happened if you’d said ‘yes’ to that one opportunity; if you’d done one more push to get on that hot new podcast as a guest; if you’d gone left instead of right; if you had/hadn’t gone to that networking event … if, if, if.
When this kind of thinking pops up, it’s our shadow self wondering if we are enough. And your deepest self knows that you always are.
I don’t say this to dust lightly over your fears; but I do believe that most of us are always trying our best. Sometimes our best doesn’t get us to what our minds, goals or hearts were set on, but our best is enough. You know why? Because you’re doing all you can with what you have and what you know, right now. If you constantly wonder if you’re enough, and then tell yourself that even your best isn’t enough, how will you ever step ahead, towards the life you wish to create?
If you constantly tell yourself you’re not doing enough—if you never, ever believe that your best is enough—then even your ‘perfect’ best won’t be enough. Even the work you idealise in yourself, the part of your future self that you’ve put on a pedestal, that won’t even be enough. And you’ll never get to fully see, enjoy or take part in what your future self creates, if you can’t appreciate what you’ve already done, or how far you’ve already come.
Not all of your dreams will come true, but the ones that count will.
If you could’ve done better, you would have. But you started where you were, with what you had. Next time—because you will give yourself that chance, right?—you’ll know more. Maybe you’ll do it differently, or better. And that’ll be enough. And then next time, you’ll know even more. Maybe you’ll do it differently, or better. And that’ll be enough.
Do you see? Do you see this beautiful cycle? You made it. Do you see how it begins? With starting, making, showing up, and trusting yourself, your creativity, your voice, your vision and your enoughness.
Your work is enough; it’s enough. It’s always deepening and ever-changing. And so are you.
There’s a saying: A rising tide lifts all boats.
I started my business in 2011, but I only started blogging in early 2012. That was when I realised there was an entire online world … and I felt like a very small fish in a very large pond.
I went through a stage where I compared myself to every other blogger, health coach and naturopath out there. It was painful—my inner critic was raging at me, telling me I wasn’t good enough, that I’d never have what someone else had, that all the good ideas were taken.
I remember how I felt when I landed on someone else’s website, with all these nasty thoughts swirling through my mind. I remember how small I would feel when someone shared their success online, and I felt like there wasn’t any space for me to be successful too.
I remember thinking—as so many of us often do—that it was always so much easier for other people. I made up (and listened to) countless deeply embedded excuses (that often morphed into blocks) as to why I couldn’t create what I saw in others.
Sometimes the guilt I felt for feeling envious made me feel even more envious. I would think, They’re probably never jealous or comparing themselves to others, I’m crazy!
But in truth, I don’t know anyone who hasn’t compared themselves to someone else. Especially when you’re working towards something big and bold in your life; especially when you’re seeing other people creating what—on some level—you desire too.
It can be so painful, and most of the time, it doesn’t just go away by itself. It takes love, compassion, forgiveness, awareness and courage. It takes daily practice, until it becomes your new way of being. It will keep coming up for you until you realise this truth: What I see in you, I see in me too.
When I would see someone else’s shiny new offering or opportunity and feel a twinge of envy and the drag of comparison, it was only because I knew deep down that I could—and wanted to—create something that beautiful too. This realisation hit me after months of continuous comparisonitis.
And so I finally decided to rise. I decided I was tired of my inner critic pushing and pulling me down. I realised that our envy or jealousy is simply a beacon, guiding us in the right direction, reflecting a part of ourselves back to us.
If it’s calling to you, you must listen to it. It’s asking you to become clear on what you want, and to make a choice and a commitment to yourself about your dreams and your goals. And to then step up, take action, align yourself in the direction you want to head and shine your light to help you get there.
So, listen to your comparison. Listen to your envy. Make friends with it. Dig deeper into why a specific person triggers you, and what they trigger in you. Is it a desire to be seen? To show up? To create more?
Let your envy fuel your success. If you don’t listen to your envy in the right way, it’ll take a hold of you and prevent you from rising.
Envy vibrates at a low vibration, until you rise above it. You have the power to release yourself from those emotions and move forwards. But only you have that power.
In a yoga class, my teacher once explained how she used to be guided by Ganesha, the Hindi elephant god of wisdom and learning, and how she used to think Ganesha would help her remove obstacles in her life … until she just kept getting blocked by them. Then she realised she was just being shown the obstacles, but she had to remove them herself.
Your envy, jealousy, sense of lack or ‘competition’ is a block, an obstacle, something that’ll keep you stuck—if you don’t clear and release the block. While it may be helpful in showing you what’s possible for you, it’s also keeping you stuck exactly where you are, if you do nothing about it.
It’s completely draining to deny yourself your dreams. By not taking action when you’re stuck in comparison, you’re continuing to drain your own energy.
So you must take action. The ‘action’ can be as simple as a quick journalling session, or as profound as deep healing and forgiveness; letting go of procrastination and taking one action to move you forwards; calling your energy and power back through your intention; looking within, instead of ‘without’; combining fate and freewill to trust that you’re supported while you take your next steps; and trusting that what is meant for you will not pass you by.
That quiet, insidious panic—the deep sense that you’re not enough, or that you’ve done something wrong, or that everyone knows something you don’t—that you might be feeling, could come from a realisation that you’ve wedged yourself in a comparison trap of your own creation.
That’s not just the part of you seeking comfort and compassion from within. It’s also the deep part of you who knows you’re worthy of success—the part that wants to go forth and take action. That’s also the part ready to help release yourself from the trap. After all, you created the trap; so you have the key/map/plan to escape it too.
So be compassionate to yourself. Look at what you’ve already done. Let your envy and comparison guide you to take action. Let it shift you in the direction of your dreams, let it move you forwards, then work towards and receive what you know you can create (or something better) in your own way, all in good time.
You can also part ways with envy and comparison by creating an abundant mindset, and knowing there’s enough for you.
A little while ago, a long time after I’d decided to rise above the relentless chitter-chatter of my envious inner critic, I received an email from a fellow biz owner announcing her latest launch. For a moment, I felt triggered into lack again. I want what she has, I thought.
Then I realised that’s exactly what the triggering emotion was reminding me to do: step up, decide to rise, align to what I want, and know there’s enough space for me.
So, I sent her some love and a quick email: I love what you’re doing. It looks gorgeous! Sending you so much love. I hope it’s all going so well for you. Cass x.
Beaming love to the person you’re comparing yourself to will help lift you both up. (Even if they don’t know you’ve sent them love, you’ll know; and it’ll change the dynamics within yourself.)
If you’re feeling like you’re caught in a trap of your own making, extending love to someone else is a way to open the doors for you to receive too. It’s a mirror—if you wish to receive, you must give too. A rising tide lifts all boats, remember?
So, know there’s enough space for you too. Know there’s enough time for you to do it. Know there are enough resources for you to create it. Know there’s enough knowledge and passion and purpose inside you, to make your dreams come true.
When you feel triggered by someone or something, you don’t need to shrink back, or feel smaller, scared or unworthy. Because you are worthy too.
Once I realised that, in reality, I was the only person able to give myself permission to stop comparing myself to others (or at least to have the awareness I needed to help me move closer to my dreams), then I realised I had some (inner) work to do. Instead of trying to suppress what I was feeling, or blindly talk myself out of it, I sat with how I was feeling. I brought my attention and energy back to myself, within.
If we’re constantly looking outside of ourselves, we’re looking ‘without’, and that word has two meanings here. Firstly, we’re looking externally to ourselves and seeking validation and affirmation from elsewhere. Secondly, we’re looking at everything ‘without’—from a space of lack and competition.
When we’re in that space, we focus on what we don’t have. We focus on where we aren’t. We focus on ‘the other’. When we do that, we make up stories:
It’s so much easier for her. He knows what he’s doing, and I don’t. If only she knew what it was like for me. He has help that I don’t have. She knows something I don’t know. He is braver. She is smarter. He is more ambitious. She is more popular.
We make up excuses about why we don’t have what we want, and why we probably never will. We decide that everyone else knows something we don’t, that they had help, that they had more connections, knew more people, were in the right place at the right time. They were ‘lucky’, and we were not.
There’s a little bit of magic and synchronicity involved in all stories of success and achievement. But mostly, it comes down to your mindset and your actions; to the inner work you do, and the way this reflects the outer work you do. To the way you show up, step up, and step out. And that is up to you.
Make up your mind(set). Before you berate yourself for comparing, how can you be compassionate? How can you see that your envy is, in fact, guiding you? How can you send the apple of your (comparison) eye some love, then gather up your energy, call it back to you, ground into the present moment, and trust yourself and exactly where you are right now?
Once you start to release negative, limiting beliefs, and start to consciously work to uplevel your thoughts to believe that you are worthy, this is what can and will start to happen:
Oh, and if you do find yourself feeling caught in perfectionism, or feeling impatient, stressed, over-worked, worried, overwhelmed, out-of-sorts, vulnerable, stuck in lack, scared to move forwards, comparing yourself to others, or experiencing any other ‘symptom’ of trying to do your best work so that you can show up as the best version of yourself (for yourselves and those you love) then guess what? You’ll also know you’re human, and what you’re feeling is more than okay, and you won’t punish yourself for it.
You’ll do the forgiveness work, you’ll send yourself love and compassion, you’ll give yourself a break.
You’ll know one uncomfortable or stressful moment, hour or day does not undo all the work you’re doing.
You’ll know you are worthy of creating and receiving what you want in business and life, whether you’re starting up at home after having a baby, in corporate, in a small boutique business, planning your next move, or running your own biz on the oceans of wherever you find yourself.
If you stay focused on yourself, on your own body of work and on your own path, you’ll see your dreams come true (in their own way).
Next time you find yourself smothered in self-doubt, remind yourself that your viewpoint of your life and work is important, valid and unique; that you have everything you need right now; that you’re exactly where you need to be right now, in order to move forwards to where you’re envisioning.
If that doesn’t help, my favourite thing to do is back away from my work. Sometimes when we worry our work isn’t good enough, it’s being triggered by fatigue. That is especially true if we’ve been pushing ourselves too hard, for too long, in an attempt to prove to ourselves (or to someone else) that we are indeed worthy.
My mum always says everything feels worse when you’re tired—and aren’t mums always right?
When you give yourself a little brain holiday, you can come back to your work refocused and refreshed. You can find your voice again—that voice that helps you write, create, share, visualise, show up, dream and feel grounded in your perception of the world.
I am enough, my work is enough, and I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.