Don’t just do something, sit there.
THICH NHAT HANH, HOW TO SIT
We’ve talked about honouring our creative rhythm and our bodies. Now we must deepen this further by honouring our boundaries and creating brain holidays, so that we don’t burn out.
Brain holidays can be as long as weeks off, or as short as a walk around the block in between doing your work. They are really important, if you want to love what you create in a sustainable way. It’s in those spaces in between when we relax our minds, that we make space for the answers to flow to us, without pushing, without grinding our teeth, and without stressing ourselves out.
Next time you feel tired, drained or as if your creative mojo has left for a holiday in Mexico (without you, whyyy?), remember that your best ideas will often come when you least expect it; when you’re rested, calm and connected; when you’re giving yourself time to invest in self-care (which doesn’t have to be indulgent at all); and when you’re slowing down, tuning out or turning inwards.
You’re allowed to not work every day. You’re allowed to say ‘no thanks’. You’re allowed to slow down.
You’re allowed to … but you have to let yourself first.
By now, we all know that filling our days with too much is a trap; it keeps us stuck. It’s the opposite of becoming aligned and unstoppable.
Being busy can be seen as a badge of honour; a sign we wear to show the world we’re on the right track. We think that the only way to make stuff happen in our life is to hustle to the point of fatigue, to say ‘yes’ to every and any opportunity that comes our way, and to put everyone else’s needs above our own.
And when we do let ourselves slow down, all too often this can bring up feelings of guilt, fear, betrayal and low self-worth. We worry that we’re not good enough, if we’re not doing all the things, all the time.
We worry that we’ll miss out on opportunities if we’re not constantly reaching out and grabbing them, instead of trusting that things will still flow to us in the spaces in between; that we can attract opportunities to us without having to burn out.
We worry about what will happen if we aren’t seen to be overly busy, stressing, rushing and frantic. Maybe people will think I’m not actually working, you erroneously tell yourself. Maybe people won’t think I’m good enough. Maybe I won’t think I’m good enough. Maybe everything I’ve worked so hard for will come crashing down around me.
But the first truth is that being busy all the time, every week, every day, every moment, is exhausting. And the second truth is that pushing yourself to exhaustion is often a conscious choice, driven by subconscious fears.
What’s another (better) conscious choice? Creating a new, deeply aligned rhythm that supports your mood, energy, creativity and dreams; a rhythm that adapts in a way that continually serves and supports you.
Pushing yourself to exhaustion keeps you feeling stuck and trapped, always feeling rushed and pressed for time, and as if you’re never doing enough.
Excessive and all-consuming busyness holds you back from enjoying all areas of your life, from being the best version of yourself, and from seeing the bigger picture. It will make you feel rushed, as if you’re not on the right path. It can exacerbate feelings of failure and disconnect you from your core, your guidance and your path.
I’m not asking you to find the all-elusive ‘balance’—some days and weeks, indeed some seasons of your life, are definitely going to be busier and fuller than others. I’m simply asking you to ensure you’re looking after yourself in the best way you can, in a way that serves and supports you as you work towards what’s next.
A part of me used to think that if I wasn’t constantly working on something or moving forwards towards a goal, I was stuck and stagnant. What was I even doing with my life?
That way of thinking is pressurising and draining. And if I’m honest, it came from a place of insecurity. I was worried that if I wasn’t always moving ahead and doing more, then I wouldn’t become successful, or hit my goals, or feel a sense of achievement.
That kind of thinking is way off the mark. It leads to guilt, fatigue, burnout and … chocolate. Not my kind of wants (except maybe some chocolate). I’d go for respect over guilt, vitality over fatigue, and ability over burnout, any day (in fact, every day).
It’s time to stop filling your days with busyness, and to create and honour your new rhythm instead.
At the peak of my busyness, I didn’t even allow one afternoon of doing nothing, let alone a day. I thought that if I had a lot of work to do, that’s all I was allowed to do until I had finished it. I wouldn’t let myself relax, or go to a midmorning yoga class, or make lunch plans with a friend.
It was exhausting, all that planning and doing, stressing and gripping, with not nearly enough resting, flowing, and trusting.
The key to making self-care feel like a pleasure—without the guilt—is to not see it as something you do randomly, but as a way of living, where you care for yourself daily. Don’t see ‘self-care’ as a buzzword, see it as a way of life.
One way to start is by doing something to bring you joy every day. Write a list of things you love to do, from reading a novel or newspaper, to going to yoga, to cooking dinner with the music pumping, to going to sleep earlier, eating better food, doing a short meditation, eating lunch outside in the sunshine, exercising more consistently, or anything and everything in between. There are no rules here, just whatever brings you joy and makes you feel nourished, connected and calm.
Now, aim to do one thing from your list every day. It might be just half an hour of chill time, but if you block out the time and fill it with what you need most, you’ll let yourself fill your cup in the way that’ll best support your soul goals and your energy. You’ll also see that you don’t need to be constantly working and hustling to draw your dreams closer towards you.
Release what’s draining you, by uncovering where you’re leaking time and energy.
Where are you leaking time? And what could you be doing with your time and energy instead?
If you have a busy job and a full life (which most of us do), you are the only person who can give yourself permission to slow down. This has to be a conscious choice—and it’s your conscious choice—so carve out the time you need and honour it.
The only person who can permit you to slow down is you. If you give yourself permission to do so, and you start to see how it positively impacts on your energy and on those around you, you’ll be motivated and inspired to carry on looking after yourself in the way that supports you most.
If you make a plan to do some work in the morning, or go to a yoga class, or spend a few hours chilling on your own, or even just have a hot cup of tea at the end of the day after the kids are asleep, you have to back yourself.
Think of it like this: if you made an arrangement with a girlfriend, would you cancel on her ten minutes before? Probably not.
So think of your own self-care plans in the same way. If you’ve made a date with yourself to have a nap, or read a book, or go for a walk, or even just to do some work before taking the rest of the weekend off, then back yourself and follow through with your plans.
Don’t flake out on yourself. You’re the one who’ll feel it the most.
My mum tells a story of when I was little, and playing with one of my friends. My friend’s mum approached us while we were playing, and asked me if I wanted to sleep over that night.
I said I didn’t, and when she asked why and told me my little friend would love to have me sleep over and play, I confidently told her, ‘I’m the boss of me.’ I had decided not to sleep over; and I was only three!
When you decide to invest in your own self-care in order to support your energy, you become the boss of yourself again, instead of being bossed around by deadlines, schedules, to-do lists, mental clutter and that constant, cyclic, running list of things you think you should be doing.
Instead of just using your head to make decisions, feel into your body.
When thinking about making new plans or jumping into a new project, ask your body for the answer:
Listen to your body, then take action with that wisdom in mind (and heart).
When I was healing from burnout years ago, I knew I had to rein in my energy. If I was tired, if I couldn’t meet a deadline, if I had to reschedule, or if I needed time alone, I would be honest with myself, and with my family, friends or work contacts.
I didn’t want to be a flake, but I knew that looking after my energy and my boundaries was my main priority. I found that being honest with people was much nicer than flaking out.
Sometimes it was as simple as shooting off an email like one of the following:
Thank you so much, I would love to say ‘yes’, but I have a lot on my plate right now. Can we get in touch in another couple of weeks?
Thank you so much. This sounds amazing, but I don’t think I’m the right gal for you right now. Instead, I’d love to refer my friend, B, to write a quote for your article.
I would love to be involved, but I’ll only be able to get that piece back to you in five days, not two. Let me know if this is okay, otherwise I can refer you to a friend.
By being clear about what you can take on, and when you need to say ‘no’, you get to manage expectations while you manage your own energy. It’s a win-win.
Boundaries define your territory. They define what you say ‘yes’ to and what you say ‘no’ to. They also teach other people how they should treat you and communicate with you.
Without energetic boundaries, you may say ‘yes’ when you really want to say ‘no’; take on the energy and ‘stuff’ of others; burn yourself out by giving too much of yourself to others; never allow yourself to put yourself first and do what you need to do. And on and on it goes.
You can’t work every moment of every day and still show up in the world as the best version of yourself. You need to set boundaries. You need to take breaks. You need to give yourself time out, and time off. You need to let yourself see that you don’t always have to be working, to get to where you want to be.
Harnessing the power to protect your own energy is potent and powerful. Setting clear boundaries that raise your vibration and protect your energy is as simple as setting the intention to do so, then following through with your actions.
To strengthen your boundaries, give yourself permission to:
Creating firm but loving boundaries sets you up for success, and prevents you from feeling burnt out and resentful. The truth is, burning out doesn’t make you more successful. It doesn’t give you clarity, make you more money, or make you more productive or smarter. Burning out doesn’t give you a sense of accomplishment, ease or freedom. In fact, it does the opposite; it prevents you from showing up in the world in the way you’re needed most.
When you set boundaries, you are aligning to a new way of working and being that suits you. And your new boundaries will soon feel like a second skin.
You might have to consistently remind yourself that it’s okay to do less, to become less busy, and that’s okay. It’ll get easier and easier to rest, relax and restore your energy, so you have energy for yourself, those around you, and your dreams.
There’ll always be ‘stuff’ to do: to-do lists to tick off, groceries to be shopped for, laundry to be washed, beds to be made, emails to be replied to, and dogs to be walked. But you have the option of creating less busy time in your life by just declaring it, then making space for it and implementing it with love.
Initially, this might feel strange to you. You might feel guilty, scared, nervous, or like you’re just not doing enough. But remember, the world doesn’t need the burnt-out, exhausted version of you.
The world needs the strongest, most vibrant version of you—you at your best. And the best version of you is hiding behind that ‘being busy’ stuff. The stuff that keeps you tied down, distracted and empty. The stuff that keeps you aimlessly busy. The stuff that keeps you running away from relaxing, because you think you need to earn the right to rest.
You don’t need to earn the right to rest. You’re worthy of it right now.