Twenty

Passengers disembarked from the train. Soon it would be time for Caleb to board and travel back to Azure Springs. Em was by his side, her bonnet strings blowing in the wind. Oh, how he would miss her.

She reached into her pocket and pulled out a note. “I’m not certain you’ll be able to tell what the words are. But if you can, it’s my third question and my farewell.”

He took the slip of paper and started unfolding it.

“Stop!” Em grabbed it back from him. “You can’t read it now. I don’t want you to.”

“Give that back.” He tried to take it from her.

She held it behind her back. “No. Not until you tell me you won’t read it until you’re gone.”

“Honestly, woman.” He laughed as he tried to go behind her and snatch it away.

Standing tall, she turned and started from the platform with the note in hand.

“Oh, all right. I won’t open it now. I’ll wait.”

Em walked right back to him and gave him the note. He was tempted to open it and read it just to spite her. But he resisted. This was time to say farewell, not tease her. He put the wrinkled note in his pocket.

“Will you write me? Tell me where you decide to go?” Caleb asked.

Em put her hands on the railing. “I’m learning. Even that note in your pocket took me most of the morning. I’m not sure my letters would make any sense.”

“You’ll get faster. Olive will help—I think she’d like to. At least tell me where you go,” Caleb said. “I would always wonder if you didn’t.”

“I’ll tell you as soon as I know. I think I’ll stay here a while. Read through Lucy’s letters, get to know the Oversons better. After that, I’ll try to find something else to work for. Something to dream about.”

Caleb nudged her under the chin. “I know you will find something. There is always Margaret’s.”

Em shook her head. “I think I need a fresh start.”

“It won’t be the same without you.” He took his finger and ran it across the bridge of her nose. “Your freckles are like your very own constellation.”

Em covered her nose.

He pulled her hand away. “Don’t hide them. I want to remember them.”

The whistle blew. It was time to load the train. Time for them to part ways and go on with their lives.

“You have to go?”

“I do. I told them I’d be back.” He bent down and kissed her freckled cheek. “Take care of yourself.”

He left her then—standing on the train platform.

As he looked back through the train window, he saw her leaning on the platform rail. The look on her face made him want to abandon his responsibility—to flee the train and go to her.

Instead, he settled into his seat and pulled her note from his pocket. The penmanship was similar to that of a child, but she had written it herself and he was proud of her. Several errors were slashed through and written again. With a little deciphering, he was able to untangle her message.

Dear Caleb,

Thank you for being a friend to me. It has meant a great deal. Often I have dreamed of a friend like you. Someone I could trust. Someone I could laugh with. I will treasure the gift of friendship you have given me. I promised to write my third question, and so I will. But please don’t answer it. I don’t think I want to know, not anymore.

My question is, could anyone ever find me beautiful? As a friend I had wanted to know what you thought. Do you think anyone could ever love me like that? I stood on so many platforms, and no one ever wanted me. I believed no one ever could. And then a gunshot wound brought me to Azure Springs and I started to believe. I found hope in Azure Springs. I don’t know what to think now or what to aim for.

Kiss Mae and Milly for me. Tell them a story.

Your friend,
Em

Resting his head against the seat, he closed his eyes. Could anyone find her beautiful? He did. Would someone else? Were there other men out there who would take the time to know her? If they did, they would discover she was beautiful. That she was the most perfect definition of beauty. Why hadn’t he told her? He knew why. She needed to come back on her own. Leave Beckford on her own. He prayed she would. Fervently, he prayed.

Olive and Walt were so kind, and it eased her mind a great deal knowing such loving people had surrounded Lucy. Each day Em read through Lucy’s letters and diary, and listened to stories Olive told. Each testified of a life of love and laughter. Happy tears often spilled from Em’s eyes as she read Lucy’s letters or heard the sweet stories of her life.

One day, weeks after arriving in Beckford, she pulled a small stack of envelopes from the desk and sat down to read a letter from Lucy.

Dear Emmy,

It has been three years since I last saw you. I am ten now. I feel much older, just like you said I would. I have grown at least a foot since you saw me, and soon I’ll be taller than Mama O. That is what I call Olive. She is good to me and loves me. I had planned to not love her, because you were my family. But I have come to love her. She says no one can be loved too much. I believe her. I wonder if anyone is loving you. I am and always will.

Mama O gave me a new dress for my birthday. It is yellow with white lace around the cuffs and collar. Every time I put it on, I think of you. The color reminds me of your hair. I think of your stories and of princesses. I know I am ten now and too big to believe your stories, but I love them and when I miss you, I think of them. It’s a beautiful dress and I know you would love it.

Helen is coming this afternoon. She lives on Oak Street too and is my best friend. I have chores to do first and I want to get them done. When she comes, we are going to read up in the tree.

Love,
Lucy

Setting the letter aside, she wondered if she was living now. Summer was swiftly turning to fall. Em felt a pull inside her, something urging her to do more with her life. Needing a purpose, something to work for. She became antsy and restless. But if she left, would she still feel Lucy close to her like she did in this home?

“I’m grateful for the love you showed Lucy. And to you for welcoming me into your home,” Em said to Olive that night.

“But now you must go and live your life,” Olive said, finishing her thought for her.

“I owe it to Lucy to live. I believe she would want me to. I prayed so hard she was having a good life while we were apart—and she was. Now I think she is telling me I need to do the same.” Em stood and ran her hand along the bed that had been Lucy’s. “I only wish I knew what to do next.”

“Why not return to Azure Springs? I saw the way Caleb looked at you. I figure by now he is missing you sorely.” Olive crinkled her nose in a delightful smile. “If I were you and had a man like that looking at me the way he looked at you, I wouldn’t put so much distance between us. What’s keeping the two of you apart?”

“I don’t know that we could ever be more than mere friends,” Em said.

“There are others there that love you too. Caleb mentioned a family that took you in.”

Loved her too. Could Olive really believe that Caleb loved her? “There are others. The Howells have two little girls. They remind me of Lucy when she was little. I miss them, but I am afraid of going back. I haven’t even written any of them. I don’t know if I should return. What if Caleb doesn’t love me? What if he loves another by now? Someday he will. I don’t think I could watch that.”

“But what if he does love you and you never go back? How will you ever truly live if you are too afraid to be where you need to be?” Olive smiled. “Sometimes we have to risk the pain.”

“I want to be brave. I really do.”

“You’re braver than you think you are. We’ll miss you when you’re gone. You have been an answered prayer. It’s been like having Lucy back for a little while.”

“I feel so close to her here. I can almost imagine her growing up.”

“You will always be welcome here. Always.”

Two days later, Olive and Em stood side by side filling Em’s carpetbag. “Wait a moment,” Olive said when Em was about to buckle the latch.

Olive left the room for a moment and returned with a doll tucked under her arm. “Lucy loved this doll. She played with it for hours and hours, brushing her hair and dressing her. They had tea parties together and went for walks. Take her with you.”

“This was Lucy’s doll,” Em said, touching the doll’s smooth face. “It’s beautiful. I can’t take it.”

“I insist. I know she would want you to have her. Consider it a gift from Lucy.”

Em took the doll. She patted its little head and planted a kiss on its rosy face. “Thank you, Olive. For everything. Thank you for loving Lucy.”

When the doll was safely tucked away, Em decided to visit Lucy’s grave one more time before she left.

The grass was soft beneath her. The sky was blue above. A gentle breeze moved the trees, making the leaves rustle against it. This was a place Lucy would love.

“I have to go away now, Lucy. I think you understand. I can’t stay here forever—it’s not my home. I’m not sure where my home is, but I’m going to start by heading west to Azure Springs. It’s a small town, but the people are good. It took me a while to see that, but they are. There is a family with two little girls. They love my stories, just like you did. I think I’ll start by telling them one. I’ve never told them the story of the beauty that loved the beast. I think they’ll like it. You always did.

“I have a friend there too. He was here. He even said hello to you. I know if you were here, he would make you laugh. I want to see him again. After that, I don’t know. But I know time is short, and with so much loss, I owe it to myself and others to live. So I’m going to. Olive says she puts flowers here all year. I’m glad you had her to love. Mama would be happy knowing you were with such good people.”

Em pulled the faded packet of papers from her pocket. “This was Ma’s. I’ve been waiting to open it with you. I thought we could read it together. See if there is anything important.”

Sitting beside her sister’s grave, she opened the packet. Her hand shook as she lifted the flap and pulled out the papers. Inside she found a note about a room to rent and a job listing from a newspaper. Under these was another clipping from a paper. This one told about an accident at the docks and the deaths of eight workers. No names appeared in the article, but Em was certain her father was one of the men.

A yellowed envelope caught her eye next. Inside she found a letter written in neat little penmanship. It was signed, “Mary.” Curious, Em began reading aloud.

Dear Viviette,

Your letter delighted me. What happy news, a baby girl. I hope to visit someday and meet your Emmeline myself.

Em stopped and stared at the words. Reading them again, she realized she had seen them correctly. Her name was Emmeline. Not just Em. Eager to learn more, she kept reading.

I have missed you these years since you have been away. I am sorry that Father and Mother will not welcome you. I thought John was a good man and I understand why you married him. They never speak of you, but I have seen Mother pull out your portrait and look at it when she thinks no one can see her.

I have been courting Edward Brentley. You remember him, I am sure. Father approves of the match. Just think, your baby sister could be Mrs. Brentley before long. I wish you could come.

The letter went on about other friends and social outings. There were more letters from Mary. It was easy to piece some of it together. Mary was Em’s aunt, and from the looks of it, she was the only member of the family who wrote to her mother after her marriage to John Cooper. Under the stack of letters from Mary, Em found a note written in a shaky hand.

My Beautiful Girls,

“Lucy, this is a letter to us. From Ma. She wrote us a letter.” Excited, she read on.

I am very ill and I fear I will not be with you much longer. Life has been hard on us, but the moments of joy you brought to me have been worth every trial. I am proud of you both.

Emmy, my beautiful Emmy. I have loved you always. Keep fighting, dear girl. Fight for a better life. Fight for love. It’s out there. Even in this harsh world, it is there. Not always where we expect it, but it’s there. Find it, cherish it, sacrifice for it. I have such dreams for you, dreams where my freckled-face girl is treasured. Dreams where you smile and laugh. When I go, know that you are not alone. Don’t be afraid. A way will provide itself for you. Live, Emmy, and love. That is what I wish for you.

Lucy, my baby. I have been gone from you so often. My heart aches at all I have missed and all I will miss. I have always known Emmy would care for you. She will find you a place where you are loved. I pray you stay the happy girl you are. Always brightening the world around you. Keep smiling. I know you will. Some dark corner of the world will be brighter because my Lucy was there.

I love you both. Your pa did too.

Love, Ma

For a moment she sat, letting her ma’s words hang in the air. Then she gently patted the ground where Lucy lay. “She loved us, Lucy. I always knew she did. Hug her for me. Tell her I’m going to live and love. Tell her I will remember her every day. And please, stay as near me as you can. I need you. I always have.”

She put the papers back into the packet and stood. Then she tucked it back into her pocket. Looking at the light dancing between the branches of the trees, Em put her hand out and let it fall across her skin. Like a kiss from heaven. Like a kiss from Lucy. Then, raising her eyes to the light, she said, “I love you too.”