Foreword

How I wish I’d had this book a couple of years ago! That’s when the physical and mental health of my own much-loved mum deteriorated to the degree that it became clear that living in our home as part of our family was no longer safe for her – or possible for us. It was a heartbreaking decision in which so many emotions came into play. For us, there was a huge sense of guilt that perhaps we could – and should – have been able to do more. I can’t get out of my mind, even now, the expression of pleading on her face on the many occasions she’d made me promise that I’d never “let them put her in a home” – and because of that promise, I still feel a huge sense of betrayal that, with all the love in the world, I eventually allowed that dreaded outcome to happen. For her, there came the realization that this would almost certainly be the last move she ever made. She was tired, as if she’d run out of puff at the end of life’s long race – but she was not emotionally ready to hang up her boots. She was confused and tearful one day, then positive and as bright as a button the next. And in that cameo of our own family life, I guess I’ve touched on the experience of many others who, like me, have longed for a book just like this to be written.

Penny Wilcock comes to the situation from so many angles because she’s been a chaplain in a hospice, a care assistant for the terminally or chronically sick, and a pastor in churches where the congregation was mostly in the older age group. She has listened, watched, observed, and finally managed to draw up some sensitive, empathetic, and constructive thoughts on the complex set of emotions and circumstances which bring individuals and families to the reality that either they, or perhaps one of their parents, need to consider moving into sheltered or residential care. She recognizes the impact on the family, the fear on all sides, the need for trust and boundaries, respect and dignity. She touches on grief, loss, relief, love, opportunity, loneliness, friendship, the future – and so much more. She looks at the role of care staff and the importance of their kindness, patience, and ability to see the precious individual within an ageing body. And she affirms the intricate, wondrous mix of mind, body, and soul that is the miracle of each and every human being.

You can read this book on so many levels – as a textbook packed full of good and practical ideas; as a comfort to reassure you that you’re not alone in this challenging, emotional situation; and last, quite simply, as a really good “read” that will keep you glued from page to page. This is one book you won’t want to let go.

 

Pam Rhodes

Songs of Praise

BBC Television