CHAPTER [14]
DEMANDING ACCOUNTABILITY
In a system where those who profit by the proceedings can prolong them with impunity, quick and cost-effective resolutions are rare.
Michael Armstrong, AT&T’s former chairman and CEO, relates the following anecdote from the annals of history:
The ancient Romans had a tradition: whenever one of their engineers constructed an arch, as the capstone was hoisted into place, the engineer assumed accountability for his work in the most profound way possible: he stood under the arch.
Imagine if professionals today demonstrated that same kind of accountability, standing beneath (or behind) their work and their word! Instead, the traditional system of divorce engenders a “cover your ass” attitude. Deflecting blame and denying responsibility are commonplace techniques within the system of traditional divorce.
I said earlier that this isn’t a story about if onlys. Now I take that back: When it comes to legal excuse-making, if onlys are epidemic!
“If only we’d ended up with a different judge.”
“If only your spouse wasn’t such a manipulator.”
“If only the opposing lawyer could have convinced your spouse to see things more clearly.”
“If only I’d seen that affidavit coming.”
“If only I hadn’t accidentally sent your private notes to opposing counsel.”
If only.
If, during your divorce, you decide to hire a lawyer, don’t do so with any illusions that the system will own its part when things go sideways. If a lawyer’s advice has disastrous consequences or, as I experienced, a lawyer’s gaffe spawns a whole new set of legal woes, the costs of cleanup will fall squarely on your bill.
My lawyer’s misstep in providing opposing counsel with my rough notes concerning a possible settlement precipitated a breach of contract lawsuit from my ex-husband and his lawyer. Not only did this put me through yet another legal wringer, it inflated my already-astronomical legal fees.
In such cases, isn’t it reasonable to expect a lawyer to step up and say, “Wow, did I ever blunder! I’m turning off the clock until I set things straight again.” (Yes, I know there are many out there who would. If you are perhaps a matrimonial lawyer reading this book, would you?)
To ensure fair outcomes, I have created a system in which people are held accountable to their commitments and everyone’s interests are aligned.
In this system, hope is fostered by the setting of clear, achievable goals and the keeping of promises as all parties work toward their fulfillment.
In Three Resolutions, Stephen R. Covey, most noted for his 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, explores the impact of bad habits and engrained ideas on positive change in organizations and individuals. Covey writes:
Every organization—and individual—struggles to gain and maintain alignment with core values, ethics and principles. Whatever our professed personal and organizational beliefs, we all face restraining forces, opposition and challenges, and these sometimes cause us to do things that are contrary to our stated missions, intentions and resolutions. We may think that we can change deeply embedded habits and patterns simply by making new resolutions or goals—only to find that old habits die hard and that in spite of good intentions and social promises, familiar patterns carry over from year to year.
Much of what Covey says could be taken one step further to a discussion of the systemic change that’s needed in the process of divorce. There, old habits die hard indeed, and although many who operate within the system recognize its deeply engrained flaws, the status quo barrels stubbornly forward.
One of Covey’s most powerful statements is “Accountability breeds response-ability. Commitment and involvement produce change.”
The Fairway Process is truly responsive: It has pure empathy for the emotional turbulence each of the parties is experiencing, and it responds with a methodology that’s kinder and quicker, and one that turns despair into hope for the future.
A fair approach to divorce is accountable for bringing people to a mutually agreed-upon resolution as quickly as possible.