CHAPTER [15]

ACCELERATING THE PROCESS

In divorce, a slow time line works in nobody’s favor but the lawyers’. It stands to reason: The longer your divorce drags on, the more it costs.

I’ve heard it said that all good things must come to an end, but bad things seem to go on and on forever. How true these words ring in the context of the traditional divorce process, where time is second only to money in the list of things most recklessly consumed!

Movement through the traditional divorce process can be geologic in its pace and astronomical in its costs. But time is rarely on your side when it comes to the distribution of assets. Every now and then, a case will benefit from being dragged on and on, perhaps because sheer exasperation finally motivates the two sides to agree to a mutually beneficial settlement. In most cases, though, more time means not only more money but more pain.

The longer a divorce takes, the higher the costs (not only in dollars but in lost opportunities). As long as you’re stuck in divorce proceedings, it remains very difficult to move forward—to turn your attention to healing and creating a new life for yourself.

You will no doubt think a lot about the future and what it will be like during this new stage in your life. You might even have the wherewithal to piece together a plan, if not on paper, then at least in your dreams. But implementation is next to impossible until the assets have been conclusively divided and you can do with your part what you want.

So you wait. But as the old adage says, “In life there is no such thing as standing still; we are either moving forward or moving backwards.” If you’re not moving forward, well . . .

Time is reputed to heal all wounds, but time spent trudging through the matrimonial legal system actually makes wounds, already open and sore, much, much worse. In the interests of speeding up the healing of emotional wounds, you want to move through and beyond the financial issues as quickly as possible.

If you refer back to Part 1 of my personal story and take my emotional journey as an example, you’ll appreciate that much of the rebuilding and emotional step work takes time spent focusing on yourself and your emotional needs. The all-consuming distraction of a legal battle unnecessarily delays your healing and growth.

A slow process wastes invaluable time that would be far better spent moving forward and building a new life. Remember, time is a finite resource. Once wasted, it is gone forever.

Divorce is an ending, but with every ending comes a new beginning. The time in between is no-man’s-land, a place of limbo, and a tough place to be.

The ideal is to move through it as quickly as possible while still addressing all of the necessary issues. As painful as it is, that movement can be pragmatic. And while it can never pass by fast enough, the important thing is to create and sustain forward momentum.

As I’ve said before, divorce will be painful. An alternative approach to divorce isn’t going to take away the sting. It will, however, move you through the pain much more quickly, bringing you to a place where you can deal effectively with the emotional fallout and then get on with your life. Because it’s relentlessly focused on resolution and employs a strategically sound methodology for getting there, The Fairway Process dramatically shortens the time line from the start of negotiations through to conclusion. Where the traditional divorce process can perpetuate itself over many months or even years, the alternative approach significantly abbreviates the time line.

That’s time well saved.

A fair approach to divorce moves quickly toward a resolution that satisfies everyone’s expectations of fairness.