[ Prologue ]

A FOOL’S MISTAKES

Crisis. To describe divorce and all its outcomes, there really is no better word.

The process of divorce as we know it is brutal—nothing less. And like hungry wolves amid startled herds of caribou, many of the professionals within the system feed on weakened prey.

On one level, this book is about learning whom to trust and how to empower yourself in a system that feeds mercilessly on the naive.

On another, much more practical level, it’s about being proactive. If you or someone you love must face the much dreaded, much maligned but often unavoidable prospect of divorce, you’ll discover so many reasons for proactively embracing a new and better approach—one that accelerates the process and reduces the costs while it protects children, preserves assets, and minimizes emotional fallout.

Finally, it’s about moving graciously and gracefully through the inevitability of change rather than getting bogged down in the chaos it fosters and the fear that surrounds it.

I’m an educated, intelligent person esteemed among peers as a purveyor of common sense. Yet for all my pragmatism and business acumen, I made some profoundly poor decisions during my own divorce, decisions endorsed and encouraged by people with no accountability for the outcomes.

I have no desire to be a martyr or don the victim’s mantle and finger-point in blame. For my poor choices and my misplaced trust, I humbly accept due responsibility.

I believe strongly in the time-honored adage, “The wise man learns from the fool’s mistakes.” My story is rife with learnings for the taking. I invite you to help yourself.

Of all the lessons I’ll endeavor to share, I’ll begin with this: Before you put your life into other people’s hands, make sure appropriate consequences are attached to any outcomes. In the system as it is, very few people are accountable.

Wisely place your trust in people and processes with a vested interest in your financial and your emotional survival—your family, your friends, your children, and others whose unselfish motives and intuitive wisdom will help you reach the light at the end of a dark and terrifying tunnel.