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“Why Juniper?” Enzo asks as we sit against a bale of hay, an old blanket thrown over it so it doesn’t scratch our skin.
We’re both still naked, tangled in one another after the most incredible night of my life.
I grunt at his question and wonder why the hell he hasn’t asked it sooner. Most people find my name unique and want to know why my parents chose it. I have gotten used to my name over the years, but it wasn’t always my favorite thing. I hated it growing up, and people would tease me relentlessly because of it.
As I got older, I owned it and now, it’s who I am.
“My mom went through a hippy stage,” I explain. “It was when she was pregnant with me, and she wanted to live this all-natural life out in the woods, but obviously that didn’t happen. So, she called me Juniper in some attempt to live out that dream. It never suited me, not for a single second. I’m the least carefree, easy breezy person you could ever meet.”
“No shit,” Enzo grunts.
I slap his thigh. “You’re not meant to agree.”
He looks down at me, and I tip my head back so I can meet his eyes.
“You’re as feisty as they come.”
He’s right, I am.
“So anyway, I’ve never really gone by that name. I’ve always just been June.”
“You introduced yourself to me as Juniper.”
I roll my eyes, looking forward again. “I was so drunk that day, I don’t remember.”
“I remember everything. Daddy.”
I laugh. “God, that is the cringiest thing I’ve ever done.”
“It was funny.”
I grin to myself.
“We should get back, they’ll all be wondering what I’m doing to you in here,” Enzo murmurs, tracing a finger down my cheek.
“Let them wonder, it’ll do them good.”
“Can’t believe we’re on the final week, these retreats are goin’ real quick.”
“Have you got many more booked in?”
“Yep,” he mutters, “they’re full for a good long time. Next one is six weeks after this. We don’t get much room to move in between them, but they’re bringin’ in the cash.”
I can imagine.
“Who are your next guests?”
Enzo grunts. “You’ll never believe it, but they’re criminals who are being let out of a low security prison.”
I turn around, facing him. “What?”
“Yep, bunch of women that are in some rehabilitation program after gettin’ out of prison. Can’t wait to see how that one ends.”
“I kind of want to see how it ends, too.”
He goes quiet.
Is he thinking what neither one of us is saying?
What happens with us when this retreat ends.
Do I just go home, and that’s the end of it?
I want to ask him, I do, but I’m also terrified of the answer.
If it’s not the one I want to hear, it’ll hurt and right now, I just want to enjoy him.
“What have you all got planned for us, for the final week?” I ask, changing the subject.
“Got a surprise tomorrow for you all, then we’re just goin’ to take it easy. Relax, spas, time out before you leave. I’m sure you ladies will come up with something to get yourselves into trouble before then.”
“We’re not that bad, surely?”
He grunts. “You’re fuckin’ sendin’ me grey.”
I snort. “Come on, we’re fine.”
He turns to give me another look.
“Okay, so we’re a little rebellious. You don’t know what it’s like having to be a mom all the time. We don’t get to go out and do these things often.”
“Can see that.”
I press my cheek into him, breathing him in and exhaling slowly.
I don’t want this to end.
I wish I could say that out loud.
I haven’t had a connection like this with someone before. So effortless. So enjoyable.
I know how much Hudson would like Enzo.
God, they’d get along so well.
I close my eyes.
Why do things have to be so complicated?
“What are you thinkin’ about?” Enzo asks.
“Just about how this week is going to go fast, and I don’t want it to.”
“Mmmm,” he murmurs.
“I’m sure you’ll find plenty of women to keep you entertained in the next group.”
It’s a joke, but when he doesn’t answer, I feel like perhaps he didn’t see it like that.
“Is that what you think? I just do this for fun?”
“No,” I say sitting up and turning towards him. “No, not at all. I was only joking.”
He studies my face. “Got no interest in anyone else right now.”
I give him a small smile.
“Well, that’s good, because I’m not ready to give it up just yet.”
He grabs my face, pulling me close and kissing me.
God dammit.
Why does he have to make this so hard?
We finally decide to leave the barn, figuring we had better get to sleep before it gets too late. Enzo still has to wake up early and work, as most men do when they’re working a ranch. He still makes the point of walking me back to the cabin and kissing me on the front stairs, like a god damned romantic movie.
I watch him go and exhale.
I’m doing a lot of that tonight.
“You two had a good night then?”
I turn to see Faye at the door, a smile on her face.
“You have no idea.”
“Have you told him how much you like him yet, or are you just going to leave and never take that chance?”
I give her a look.
She raises her brows. “What? You think everyone can’t see it? You two are obsessed. Just tell him, what have you got to lose?”
“We don’t even live in the same town. Hudson has Ronnie. I can’t just change my whole life.”
“Nobody said you had to. All I’m saying is tell him, you might just be able to see where it goes. You think about that stuff down the track.”
She’s right.
I know she’s right.
“I wish you weren’t so smart,” I mumble, walking past her.
She grins and follows me. “I’m sorry, are you admitting I’m right?”
“No.”
She laughs, throwing her arms around me from behind. “I know one thing is for certain, I’m going to miss you girls like crazy.”
She’s right about that.
I’ve grown awfully attached to these ladies.
It’s going to be a hard day when we have to part.
Hard indeed.
~*~*~*~
“KEEP YOUR EYES CLOSED, ladies,” Rhett calls as we stand out the front of the main house.
We’re in a line and our eyes are closed, but I have no idea what they’re about to do. When we arrived, everything seemed quiet. We couldn’t see anything special, so I have absolutely no clue about what’s going to happen next. Either way, I’m excited. I keep my eyes closed and wait, for what I don’t know.
A few minutes later, Rhett instructs us to open our eyes.
Just as I do, I hear the giggle of a small child.
In front of us, are all our children. I know this because I see Hudson, standing in front of me, a big smile on his face. I cry out with joy and rush towards him, wrapping my arms around his little body and pulling him up against me so hard his feet come off the ground. He holds me just as tight, and tears burn under my eyelids. I didn’t realize just how much I was missing him until this moment.
I swipe the tear that escapes as I put him down, ruffling his hair. “You got so big, what has daddy been feeding you?”
Hudson grins. “A lot of pizza.”
“You have them for the day, ladies. Then they’ll be picked up later. So, enjoy yourselves. The retreat is yours to do with as you please.”
My eyes go to Enzo, and he’s watching me with an intense expression. His mouth is turned up in a slight smile and the look in his eyes has me trembling. I want him to meet Hudson, but I also don’t want to push it if that’s not something he wants. I don’t think he’ll be against meeting him, so I take the chance.
“Come on, I want you to meet my friend.”
I take Hudson’s hand, smiling as I watch Faye, Alice and Chev all hugging their kids and talking so much, I can’t discern one voice from another. Linda is with her kids, too, a big smile on her face. I can’t help but watch them all with an aching heart, because I know just how good it feels and even though we’ve been having the time of our lives, we’ve missed our kids.
“Hudson,” I say when I reach Enzo. “This is my friend Lorenzo, but you can call him Enzo. He lives here at the ranch.”
Hudson looks up at Enzo, and then presents a big, toothy grin. “You live here?”
Enzo nods. “I sure do.”
“You’re so lucky! Do you have horses?”
“I’ve got a lot of horses. Do you want to see?”
Hudson nods, looking at me. “Can we? Please?”
“Of course.”
I smile, because Enzo is putting himself in the picture and that makes me happy. I know he’s probably overwhelmed and a little unsure, but you can’t see it in his face.
We all make our way down to the barn, where Enzo shows Hudson all the horses. Of course, he likes Red the most. I can’t say I blame him, that horse is my favorite, too. Red laps up the attention, letting Hudson snuggle him and feed him hay.
“Do you like riding in cars, Hudson?” Enzo asks him.
Hudson nods.
Enzo grins. “Then you’ll love this.”
He uncovers the buggy and Hudson’s eyes get big. “That’s so cool! Can we go for a ride?”
“If your mom says we can.”
I laugh. “Of course.”
Enzo gives us both a helmet and we climb into the buggy, Hudson squished between us.
“Hang on, this thing is fast,” Enzo says, looking down at Hudson. “Are you ready?”
Hudson nods. “Go fast, go fast!”
Enzo laughs. “As you wish.”
He speeds out of the barn at a rapid speed, and Hudson’s squeal of delight fills the air as we bounce down the paddocks, through the trails and come to a stop at the river. We climb out, and Hudson begs to swim. I tell him he can, but it’s freezing. He’s not worried and quickly dives into the water, splashing around, the smile on his face contagious.
“Gotta say,” Enzo murmurs. “He’s a fuckin’ great kid.”
My heart swells. “He’s the best.”
“You’re lucky to have him.”
I glance at Enzo. “Yeah, I know.”
His eyes scan my face and for a moment, I can see the desire to kiss me, but he holds back. I wanted so much to see how he would be with Hudson, before having a conversation with him about what might happen after the retreat, and now I’ve seen him with my son, I only want that to work so much more. I don’t want us to end, I want to see where this goes, but I don’t know how that’s going to work.
We finish up with the swim and Enzo takes us back to the ranch where Hudson joins in with all the other kids at the lake, swimming and kayaking. I sit down beside Faye and Alice, exhaling happily. “Best surprise ever,” I say, watching the kids.
“It really was,” Faye smiles. “Your son is adorable.”
“Your kids are, too. All of them are.”
Alice leans back on her elbows. “I’m starting to get sad about going home, though. When you see your kids, you see reality and it has been such a good time away.”
I nod. “I get that.”
“Have you spoken to Enzo yet?” Faye asks me. “He looked like he was getting along well with Hudson.”
“He was, but I haven’t spoken to him yet. To be honest, I’m not sure how to approach it. It seems almost impossible to try and do some sort of long-distance relationship...especially in its infancy. Like, this is the time when you should be spending most of your time with that person.”
“I think you should talk to him and see what he suggests,” Alice throws in. “He might have a suggestion you haven’t considered.”
“You two need to stop being so good at all this advice stuff,” I laugh.
They both grin and we chill out in the sun while lunch is being prepared. Then, we call all the kids in, and they gather around the table for the best lunch you could want as a child. They’ve got pizza, except they get to make their own. Happily, they take a base and start putting toppings on before taking it to the chef who puts it in a large oven.
As we wait, the husbands all return for lunch, too.
I get to meet Alice’s husband, and even though Faye doesn’t have one, she’s so happy to talk to everyone else’s. She is at ease and doesn’t seem uncomfortable. I introduce Ronnie to all of them, and then the two of us join everyone for lunch. Enzo watches me as I interact with Ronnie, and his eyes scan over him, no doubt trying to gauge what sort of person he is. I give him a small smile, which he returns, but that’s as far as our interaction goes.
“Want to go for a stroll?” Ronnie asks after lunch. “Feels like it has been ages since we’ve caught up?”
“I do,” I say, missing my best friend. “Let me just see if Faye can keep an eye on Hudson.”
“I got him.”
Enzo’s voice comes from behind us, and I turn around to see him standing with Hudson by his side. “We’re goin’ to feed the horses.”
“Oh,” I say, heart racing at the sudden appearance. “Oh, well that will be nice. Shit, Ronnie, this is Enzo. Enzo, this is Ronnie. Hudson’s dad.”
The two men shake hands.
“Got to thank you for what you did for us,” Ronnie tells Enzo.
He doesn’t say anymore because Hudson is there, but Enzo gives him an appreciative nod, knowing exactly what he’s referring to. Them saving our asses from Joel. I’ve told Ronnie a few things about Enzo, but nothing too in depth, just that we’ve been having fun. Ronnie and I share everything, it has always been the same.
“I’ll see you when we’re done with our walk,” I say to Hudson. “Listen to Enzo, okay?”
Hudson nods and the two of them disappear. Ronnie and I go down to the lake to take a walk. I’m so full from lunch, I’m doing more a waddle than a walk.
“That man is into you in a big way,” Ronnie says, finally bringing up the giant elephant that has been in the room all day.
“It’s complicated,” I murmur.
“Why?” he asks, pausing so he can turn to face me.
“Firstly, because I have a son, and you. Secondly, because I don’t live here. Thirdly, I don’t know him that well. When this retreat ends...”
“Why can’t you explore that? He seems like a good man; he saved your ass.”
I purse my lips. “How am I supposed to explore it? Even if I did, and it went well...then what?”
Ronnie grins. “You know I go where you go, June.”
I roll my eyes. “I can’t move for every relationship and expect you to follow.”
“You haven’t had a relationship since Joel, so I’m not worried about that. Besides, I met those guys from the club today in town. They are looking for another mechanic. I could get a job here tomorrow.”
I blink. “You’d move, just because I wanted to explore a relationship?”
“Not right away. I’d want to know it was something worth moving for, but yeah, I’d move for you.”
My eyes burn with unshed tears. Ronnie looks down at me, placing his hands on my shoulders. I don’t know what I did right in this world to deserve him, but I do know that I’m so very grateful.
“You’d honestly change your life for me, why?” I croak.
“Because I’ve watched you change your life for everyone else. I watched what you went through with Joel, I watched what you did to protect Hudson. The entire world has been about everyone else and now you’ve found someone that could just make you really fucking happy. I know you’ll put it aside if you can’t find a way to make it work, even if it hurts, because that’s the kind of person you are. I can’t watch you live that life.”
I bite my tongue to try and stop the crying. “I’m not certain what I did right in this world to deserve you, Ronnie, but I’m so thankful.”
“You gave me Hudson, that’s what you did right. It’s me who owes you, not the other way around.”
I throw myself into his arms, tears flowing forth and running down my cheeks, because I can’t hold them back a single moment longer.
Ronnie hangs onto me, just as tight.
I’m so lucky.
God, if he only knew just how much I love him.
I’m blessed.