part0019

Luke, Zane, and Stone were all at Parks Ridge Ski Resort training while the girls and I were at Zane and Emme’s house. Wes was not training; however, given that the busy holiday season was approaching he was still at the Blackman Boards’ office preparing for that.

While I had been in touch with the girls over the last several weeks and then individually here and there, this was the first time the four of us were getting together since the trip to New York. Of course, the guys were part of the group during that trip, so the girls and I hadn’t gotten together, just the four of us, since before Emme and Zane’s wedding.

We always made time to see each other on a regular basis, but following Emme’s wedding, Zane took her on a two-week honeymoon. I was surprised he was willing to go away for so long considering the Olympics were in a few short months and none of the guys had spent the summer traveling to distant locations to train.

This was new information to me. Over the last few weeks, I learned a bit more about snowboarding. Luke explained the differences between what Stone and Zane did in halfpipe and what he did in big air. He also informed me that many of the winter Olympic competitors will travel to a location that provides them with the necessary conditions to train when it’s the off-season. In fact, he explained that a lot of guys in the U.S. spent late spring and summer at Mt. Hood in Oregon, where they’d have snow sometimes until mid-August. Some riders even went so far as New Zealand to train over the spring and summer or would go to Japan or Europe, where they’d find indoor training parks.

“Why didn’t you, Zane, or Stone go training somewhere?” I asked him.

“Zane and Stone have Emme and Monroe. After everything they’ve all been through, the guys weren’t thrilled about leaving their girls. I took a week and went out to Mt. Hood earlier in the summer before things went sour with us, but preferred to spend my time here preparing my body in other ways.”

“Oh, I would think being on the mountain would provide better training for such a huge event like the Olympics.”

“It does and the Olympics are a big deal,” he began. “If things were different I might have gone and spent a lot more time there, but I wanted to be here. There was something just as important to me that was here in Rising Sun.”

I didn’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out what that important thing was. It left me feeling a mix of emotions, most of which I didn’t know how to handle.

This, amongst several other conversations and experiences with Luke, is precisely why I was grateful to now be sitting with Emme, Monroe, and Charley at Emme and Zane’s place for a girls’ night in. I knew we’d eventually get to a discussion about my relationship with Luke and my girls would see me through it.

First up, though, was Monroe giving us pregnancy updates.

“So, it’s every morning?” Emme asked referring to Monroe’s morning sickness.

Monroe grimaced. “It’s awful. I’ve tried all the recommendations and nothing works until I’ve vomited my brains out in the morning. Once I do that, I’m good to go for the day.”

“Well, what do they suggest you do to try to help with the nausea?” Charley wondered.

“The doctor has suggested staying in bed and not getting up until I’ve gotten something in my stomach. He also recommended ginger. I’ve tried both and it was worse because instead of just vomiting up clear liquid, I’ve got to deal with chunks of food. It was so disgusting.” She took a deep breath and continued, “I feel bad for Stone. He’s been doing everything he can think of to make it better for me, but I’ve resolved myself to the fact that it’s just best to get up, throw up, and go about my day.”

“I can’t imagine how he’s handling it,” I started. “He’s thrilled about the baby and can’t be more excited about that, but seeing you sick is probably killing him.”

Monroe confirmed, “That’s exactly the issue for him. I remember how proud he was when he won his first snowboarding contest that I attended. I never thought he’d ever top that feeling of excitement, but he’s proven me wrong. Through all of this, though, he’s been so sweet. He’ll follow me into the bathroom in the morning and hold my hair back for me. He’ll call me in the middle of my day at work to make sure I’m not overdoing it and that I’ve had something to eat. He’s been planning ahead to cook dinner because I’ve been so exhausted. And I feel horrible about it all.”

“He’s training now. I’ve been pretty useless lately because I’m so tired. Stone seems to be taking it all in stride, but it doesn’t change the fact that I feel guilty about everything he’s doing while I’m not doing much.”

“Mama,” I called to get her attention. “You’re growing a baby. That’s a lot of fucking work.”

“She’s right,” Emme agreed. “Don’t make yourself upset. Besides, Stone’s not complaining and that’s probably because you’re giving him a family again. It seems to me he’d do anything to make sure nothing happens to you or the baby.”

“I guess you’re right. I know he’d be devastated if something bad happened.”

“Then make sure you do whatever the doctor orders and take care of yourself, honey.”

I offered, “And now that the boys are training for the Olympics and Wes is busy with Blackman Boards and the holidays coming, it’s not like Emme, Charley, and I are busy doing anything crazy most evenings. If you need a little extra help, you know we are here for you.”

Monroe’s face softened as she looked to the three of us. “Thanks, ladies. At least I’m nearing the end of the first trimester. They say I’m supposed to feel the best in the second, so here’s hoping. Regardless, I’m so thankful for the three of you. I love you girls.”

“Speaking of love,” Charley practically sang as she turned her attention to me. “What’s the word with you and Luke?”

“He’s in love,” I stressed because there wasn’t a doubt about that. “I don’t know what I feel right now other than terrified.”

“Still?” Emme worried. “Why? What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” I sighed. “He’s perfect. He loves me, loves spending time with me, doesn’t care that I can’t cook, is super patient with me, and protects me from anything that might cause me distress. ”

“Has he needed to do that?” Monroe questioned.

I looked down at my lap and admitted, “Perhaps once. He didn’t necessarily have to protect me, but he felt the conversation was entering dangerous territory. I was meeting his family for the first time and everything was going great until they started asking about the reasons I moved here from California. Luke knows everything and immediately told his family to back off. I got pretty emotional and he wasted no time removing me from the situation.”

Charley cut in, “I don’t understand. With everything you just said about Luke and how he is with you, what exactly are you terrified of?”

Her question was a loaded one. I took a minute to try and find my voice. “All of those things I just said to describe Luke could have been used to describe my dad. And you all know how that turned out. He didn’t think I was worth sticking around for. Hell, I wasn’t even deserving of an explanation.”

“Luke wouldn’t do that to you, Nikki,” Emme insisted.

“As much as I’d like to think he wouldn’t, I can’t seem to shake this awful feeling. Perhaps if it had just been my dad, I could find a way to love Luke without reservation. But it wasn’t just my dad. It’s just that his abandonment is the one that hurts the most.”

“Obviously, I know Lexi since she works with me at the studio, but what is the rest of his family like?”

“They are incredible. His parents are amazing. In fact, his mom offered to teach me how to cook. And, keeping myself out of the equation, you can just see the type of people they are when you look at the dynamic between the five of them. Luke, Lexi, and Logan are so close. I’m almost envious of the relationship they have with each other. What really got me, though, was witnessing how protective their father is over Lexi. It made me feel a bit nostalgic because the way he was with her was everything I loved about my relationship with my dad. ”

It was tough to watch. Seeing Luke’s dad interact with Lexi reminded me so much of my relationship with my father. I may have been young when he left, but I still remembered how fiercely he protected and loved me. It never crossed my mind that he’d just walk away and yet, that’s precisely what happened. Knowing how my father made me feel and realizing I was feeling safe like that with Luke frightened me because I was certain that if I gave Luke my heart and he walked away, I’d never get over it.

Not wanting to have the night with my girls be sad and depressing, I snapped myself out of it and insisted, “Alright, no more emotional stuff. I can’t handle it. Somebody please talk about something else.”

“The sex,” Emme stated, with a devilish look in her eye. “Tell us all about the sex.”

“Now that is something I have no issues with!” I exclaimed. “You want to talk about love? I love sex with Luke.”

The girls grinned at me and leaned in for more. I couldn’t help it. They’d shared that part of their lives with me, I was absolutely going to share it with them.

We were having such a great time and I’m not sure how much time had passed because we’d gotten so involved in our discussions about everything under the sun, but we eventually heard the garage door opening. Zane had arrived home with the rest of the guys. Apparently, someone called Wes to let them know they were finished and on their way back because he walked into the living room at the same time as Zane, Stone, and Luke.

“Hello, boys,” I greeted as they walked toward us.

My eyes were only on Luke, who wasn’t looking at anyone else but me. He came over to me, as the rest of the guys went to their women, leaned over the back of the couch, and pressed a kiss to my lips.

“Hey, babe,” he whispered with his mouth still just barely touching mine.

I smiled against his lips and returned, “Hey.”

“Yes, I ate,” we heard Monroe huff from the spot on the couch opposite of where I was sitting.

I had to laugh. Stone was already being such a good dad and Monroe was losing her mind with him.

Monroe’s statement had Emme notifying the guys, “We all had dinner, but I made a bunch of extra food so that the four of you would have something to eat when you finished. You guys didn’t eat at the lodge, did you?”

Zane gently squeezed the back of her neck and shared, “None of us ate. We just wanted to get back, sweetheart.”

She smiled up at him before she got up off the couch and moved to the kitchen. Zane followed behind her.

“How’s it going at the office?” Charley asked, looking to Wes, who was now sitting on the couch beside her.

“We’re ahead of schedule with everything that needs to be completed before next week. If it continues, I’m thinking I might be able to take off an extra day or two next week.”

Charley’s eyes lit up. “Could we go riding one of those days?”

Wes looked like he’d fallen in love all over again. “Sad to say that even if we fall behind now, I won’t go in to take care of it. I’ll take you riding, gorgeous.”

Luke had made his way around to sit next to me. He pulled me in to his side and I found it odd. I’d never been the type to cuddle with a guy, particularly in front of my friends. The reason for this was mostly because I never allowed a guy to get close enough to me that I’d even consider bringing him around my friends. It was also because I never allowed myself to get to a place of such vulnerability where I’d want the comfort of a cuddle from a guy. As time went on, I was finding that not only was Luke already around my friends and I wanted to cuddle with him, but also that I craved it.

“How was training today?” I wondered.

“Really good,” Luke started. “We had an air bag set up for training, so it gave me an opportunity to try out a few new tricks. I’ve still got a bit of work to do to perfect them, but I’m certainly headed in the right direction.”

“I still can’t believe you guys aren’t riding in any contests this year,” Monroe chimed in.

“Angel,” Stone called. “We’re training for the Olympics. The other contests pale in comparison to that. We need to focus our efforts on preparing for our trip to Salt Lake City in February and not be distracted by smaller competitions. I’m not sure about Zane and Luke, but this is likely going to be the last time I have the opportunity to compete in the Olympics.”

“Why?” Monroe challenged.

Stone’s face softened as he put his hand on Monroe’s belly. “Once she arrives I doubt I’m going to want to do anything but be home with her.”

Monroe melted. I knew this because I melted. It was so heartwarming to see Stone so unguarded.

“Are you telling me that you are planning to deny our son the privilege of seeing his father ride in the Olympics?”

“Our daughter is going to be more interested in having her dad there for her dance recitals. She’s not going to want to spend an entire day out in the cold with her little nose turning red.”

Monroe fired back, “Well I guess it’s a good thing we’re having a boy then, isn’t it?”

Just then, Zane and Emme walked into the room, but we continued with the conversation at hand.

“I take it you two have no idea whether you are having a boy or girl yet,” I interrupted Monroe and Stone’s banter .

“Sure, we do. It’s a boy,” Monroe answered.

“Except it’s a girl,” Stone corrected her.

“Fucking hell,” Luke bit out from beside me.

“How much longer until you can find out?” Wes questioned.

“If we wanted to, we could find out the sex when I’m twenty weeks pregnant, which is roughly another eight weeks away. We’ve decided to wait until the baby is born, though.”

Luke made a sound. We all turned our attention to him. “So, the rest of us will be listening to this until June?”

“I’m sorry, Luke,” Monroe apologized. “Stone is being stubborn and won’t accept the truth. We’re having a boy.”

Stone shook his head and finally acquiesced, “Ok, baby. I’ll stop arguing. You win tonight.”

At that, Emme handed out plates and utensils to the guys as Zane set the food on the coffee table. The guys dove in and plowed through all the roasted chicken, potatoes, and veggies Emme made. Of course, Stone offered Monroe several bites from his plate, which she happily accepted.

While the guys ate, we all discussed our plans for our Friendsgiving party. We were all so close that the thought of not spending a holiday together such as Thanksgiving bothered us. When the girls and I went to the guys and explained that we wanted all of us to get together for our own celebration, they were more than willing to accommodate us.

We decided it was best to celebrate on Wednesday evening so that the guys could put in full days of training until then. On Wednesday, they’d train for half a day and take the remainder of the day off as well as all day Thursday to spend it with their families.

For the Friendsgiving party, Emme was going to cover preparing nearly all the food. Charley had a few desserts she was going to make. Monroe offered up her and Stone’s pad to host it since she was constantly tired and vomiting. If she needed to doze off or felt sick, she’d at least be able to do that in the comfort of her own home. I promised to bring drinks and games.

With the details of our party sorted and the guys finished eating, we all decided to call it a night. Luke, Zane, and Stone had to train again tomorrow and the rest of us had to work. Everyone said their goodbyes and left.

When we got outside, Luke walked over and opened my car door. When I got in, he wondered, “My place or yours tonight?”

He lowered his head to mine, kissed me quick, and instructed, “You pull out first. I’ll follow behind you.”

It reminded me of the time he followed me back from Lou’s after we learned about Elle’s stalker so I teased, “You always like being behind me.”

“You can’t exactly blame me, can you?”

I just gave him a knowing smile.

Luke went on and promised, “Not tonight, though. I’d like you up against the wall in the shower tonight.”

I was instantly turned on.

“That works for me.”

“Good,” he started. “Then let’s get going so we can make that happen. I’ve got a grueling day of training planned for tomorrow, so I’ll need to get some rest in at some point tonight.”

At that, Luke closed my door and I pulled out of the driveway. He did as he said he would and stayed behind me the entire way there. When we got to Luke’s place, we quickly found our way to the shower, where we washed away the day. Of course, this was only after he had my back up against the wall.