part0026

Fighting back against his laughter, Luke just shook his head and walked toward me. After he pulled me into a hug, he attempted to comfort me. “It’s going to be fine, Nikki. I am here for you and if you want me to stay the entire time with you, I will. My plan is to stay here long enough for me to feel comfortable leaving you alone with him. It’s nothing against him; I don’t know him. I expect, though, that if what you’ve said about your dad is the truth, I’m going to see that within the first few minutes he’s here. It also helps that Cruz is trained to spot things that don’t seem right. If he had any doubts, I know he wouldn’t be bringing your father here. ”

I looked up at Luke. “Are you nervous?”

“Me? About what?”

“Meeting him. Isn’t meeting the father of the girl you love supposed to be nerve-racking?” I asked.

“I guess it is, but I wouldn’t say I’m nervous. I want him to like me, but that’s mostly for you. You’ve been dealt enough heartache to last a lifetime, so I’d hate for your father not liking me to be just one more thing.”

I pressed my cheek to his chest and declared, “I think he’ll like you.”

Luke didn’t get a chance to respond because there was a knock at the door. My stomach instantly clenched and my insides began shaking.

“Oh my god, he’s here,” I declared, unable to tame the roiling of my body.

“You’re fine,” Luke insisted, sensing my mounting fretfulness. “Wait here and I’ll let them in.”

I nodded my head quickly because I couldn’t form any words.

As Luke walked to the door, my anxiety skyrocketed. I couldn’t remember ever feeling so nervous before in all my life. I shifted back and forth on my feet, my eyes watching my fingers as they ran through the same lock of hair that had fallen in front of my chest.

I heard the movement in the living room before I saw anyone. My hands stopped moving in my hair and I lifted my head.

It was like the wind had been knocked out of me.

Only a few feet away.

He was still as handsome as I remembered, only a bit older now. And his eyes were as kind and sweet as they always were.

My emotions were bubbling to the surface and then he spoke .

The nickname he’d given me. Something I hadn’t been called since before he left. Hearing it made my throat grow tight. His voice never sounded so gruff; there was so much emotion in that single word.

Anguish and relief. I didn’t know how it was possible, but that’s what I heard.

Hell, I could barely breathe.

A single tear fell from my eye. He watched it fall and slowly walked toward me. Another tear fell. This time, his hand came up to cup my cheek and he used his thumb to dry my tear.

“I’ve thought about this face every single day for the last sixteen years.”

Between the weight of the words he spoke and the gentle touch of his hand on my skin, I was too consumed with feeling to respond.

My father continued. “Every night, I dreamt of this moment, Nikki. Of being able to see your beautiful face again.” He paused a moment as he searched my face. “My god, you’re so beautiful.”

One word was all I had.

“Daddy,” I whispered.

His eyes became wet and I lost it.

I broke down into tears.

He pulled me into his arms and my crying turned into full-fledged sobbing. My arms went around his neck and I squeezed. I held him so tight, afraid I’d lose him again if I let him go. I knew I wasn’t alone in my worries because my dad held on to me with just as much ferocity. It was then that I felt both scared and safe all at the same time.

“I cried myself to sleep for an entire year after I realized you were never coming back to see me,” I quavered.

His arms grew tighter around me in an effort to comfort and soothe me.

“I am so sorry, princess. I struggled to fall asleep every night wondering if you were safe and happy. I wish I could change that for you.”

I tried to take a few deep breaths, but it was difficult to calm myself down. Years of anger and sadness had built up inside me.

“I missed you so much,” I wept after a bit, my voice my softer now.

His voice was gentle and reassuring when he promised, “I’ve got you now and I’m not going anywhere. I swear, Nikki. I won’t let anything take you out of my life again.”

It was only after hearing his vow to stay in my life that I loosened my hold on him. When I pulled back and looked at him, I noticed the look on his face had changed. A peace had settled over him, something that wasn’t there when he first walked into the condo.

“When I got out a few months ago, I tried to find you. I had no idea where to look,” he started as he took a step back and turned to the side. He kept one arm around my waist as he pointed to Cruz and went on, “When this guy showed up on my doorstep and told me you’d sent him, I thanked my lucky stars that you found a way to forgive me.”

“It wasn’t me,” I corrected him.

I pointed to Luke and explained, “It was him. He’s the reason we’re here right now.” I gave my father a minute to assess Luke before I continued, “This is my boyfriend, Luke.”

Luke stepped forward and held his hand out to my father. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Mr. Drake.”

A moment of nervous tension passed before I felt my father’s arm drop from around my waist and saw him reach for Luke’s hand.

“Call me Michael,” he insisted as they shook.

Luke nodded and my father went on, “I don’t understand. You didn’t want to see me?”

“I never considered it a possibility. I just assumed you left and wanted nothing to do with me anymore, so I tried my best to accept that reality.”

“She wasn’t happy,” Luke interrupted. “I watched her struggle for months to let me in and when I finally learned the reason why I knew I wanted to help her heal. I thought if she could at least get some closure, it would make it easier. Cruz is my best friend’s brother and happens to be in the business of finding people. Nikki had no idea I reached out to him.”

“Oh,” my father concluded before he turned to me. “I thought you finally forgave me for what happened and believed me. I thought that was why Cruz showed up a couple days ago.”

I shook my head. “I couldn’t forgive you for anything because I never knew what happened to you until Luke told me what he had done. But what do you mean you thought I believed you?”

“All of the letters I wrote you, Nikki. Hundreds of them. All this time I just assumed you never believed what I wrote.”

Suddenly, I felt sick.

“I never received any letters from you.”

“Sorry to interrupt,” Cruz interjected. “I think I’m the only one that knows both sides of what’s going on here. Michael, Nikki doesn’t know anything that has happened to you other than you were put in prison back when she was nine and what the charges were. She just found that out about a week ago.”

My dad’s eyes shot to mine. “Where do you think I was all this time?”

“I thought you and mom just got divorced and you left. ”

He closed his eyes in defeat. When he opened them, all I saw was raw pain. “I never would have just left you.”

I didn’t know what to say.

Apparently, he did. “Nikki, I’ve got to tell you what happened.”

“It’s not going to be easy for you and it’s going to rip your world apart.”

I’m not sure if it was the right thing to say, but I responded, “It can’t possibly be any worse than what I endured in my life after you were gone.”

There was more frustration in my father’s face.

“Babe?” Luke called.

I turned toward him.

“I think you and your dad need some time to catch up. If you want me here, you know I’ll stay. But I think you two need this time alone.”

I walked to Luke, wrapped my arms around his waist, and felt his close around my back. He pressed a kiss to the top of my head before I pulled back.

“I think we need the time, too.”

His hand went to my hair and he reminded me, “Take your time. I’m here for you when you’re ready.”

“I know you are. I love you,” I said softly.

A smile spread across his face before he returned, “I love you too, baby girl.”

At that, he pressed a kiss to my lips before he and Cruz said goodbye and left.

After I closed the door behind them, I walked back to the living room. My father was standing there, staring into space. I started walking toward him when he focused his attention on me again.

“Sixteen fucking years.”

I stopped in my tracks, terrified by the change in his demeanor. Nothing but anger rolling off him.

I took a small step back.

He noticed and his expression went from fury to regret.

“Nikki, I’m not upset with you. You have no reason to be afraid of me. I’m angry, though, and you need to know why.”

“So sit; tell me what happened,” I urged him.

He moved to the couch as I followed behind him. We sat down on opposite ends of the sofa and, for several minutes, just looked at each other. I’m not sure what he was thinking, but I knew I was taking that time to brace myself for whatever he was about to share. Thankfully, I didn’t have to wait too long.

“You know what your life was like then. I put you and your sisters on the bus every morning and I was there to get you when you got off the bus every afternoon. That day, Jessie wasn’t feeling well, so I put you and Megan on the bus and went to work. I always stopped home at lunchtime since it was so close to the office. That day, I was especially concerned with coming home because I knew Jessie had stayed home sick from school. When I got to the house, I found a man named Carl there. Your mother had been beaten and your sister had been roughed up. I didn’t think; I just went after him.”

I remembered Aunt Lydia bringing us home from the bus stop that day and learning that my mom was at the hospital being treated for bruises and a broken wrist. Those were the things she said happened when she tripped coming down the stairs to chase after my dad. I also remembered Jessie didn’t go to school for the rest of the week. My mom said that my sister had gotten worse after Megan and I went to school and she didn’t want us catching the same thing, so she kept Jessie separated from us for several days. I never thought anything of it.

“I don’t understand,” I started. “If Carl did that to them, why did you get arrested and why did he move in not long afterward? ”

“The only thinking I did before I took my rage out on Carl was to confirm that Jessie was okay. I ordered her to her room and I told your mother to call the police. It took a long time for them to arrive, but when they did, Carl and I were still going at it. The police stepped in and separated us. They asked your mother what happened and she said that I had beaten her and roughed up Jessie. I had no idea what she was thinking and why she was lying. I tried to explain my side of it, but they didn’t want to hear anything I had to say. Not only did Carl corroborate your mother’s story, but your sister did as well. Nobody questions the legitimacy of a story told by twelve-year-old girl with bruises on her body.”

“Why would Jessie do that? Didn’t she know what would happen to you?”

He nodded. “She did and that’s precisely why she did it.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

He took in a deep breath, “Nikki, there’s something else I need to tell you.”

The tone of his voice had changed. This was going to get worse.

“Ok,” I responded nervously.

“You’re my only child.”

My brows pulled together, confusion having taken over.

“When I got together with your mom, Jessie was a newborn. Her father wasn’t in the picture and I stepped up. We were together a year before we got married. Two years after that, you came into the world and into my life. God, I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday. It was the best day of my life.”

He paused a moment, clearly needing to reminisce about that day. I left him to it.

“Anyway,” he continued. “Two years after you were born, Jessie’s father came back. He wanted to get back together with your mom and he suddenly had a hankering to be a dad. I told him to hit the road. Your mother ended up getting pregnant a couple months later and a week after Megan was born, your mom admitted that Megan wasn’t mine. When he learned about Megan, he took off again. I didn’t stick around because I was still in love with your mom. I stayed with her for you. I didn’t want your life disrupted because we were having adult problems that shouldn’t affect you. The bottom line, you’re my only child. Jessie and Megan are both Carl’s daughters.”

Suddenly, it all made sense.

My father was set up.

Jessie was old enough to understand that if they got my father out of the picture, hers could step right in. Suddenly, I was enraged.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” I yelled as I stood up from the couch with my hands balled into fists.

“Nikki,” my father called.

“No, I’m fine,” I insisted, holding my hand out in front of me. “I mean, I just learned that those selfish pieces of trash robbed me of my father for the last how many years. This shouldn’t come as a shock. They’ve shown me who they really are over the years. Mom has always been indifferent and never really seemed to care what happened to me. Jessie is just pure evil. She did this to you and went on to seduce one of my boyfriends a few years ago. Imagine walking in on that! And Megan is no better. She stood by her boyfriend after he assaulted me. To top it off, Carl isn’t even in the picture anymore! He was there for maybe a year. Why? Why didn’t this even cross my mind? How could I have even believed that the only person who ever showed me they cared about me would pick up and leave me without a word? I’m so stupid.”

I dropped my head back and stared up at the ceiling trying to control my breathing. After several minutes, I realized my dad hadn’t said anything. I lowered my chin and looked at him. He wasn’t happy.

“Someone assaulted you?”

His jaw was clenched and he was fighting to stay in control.

“Megan’s boyfriend, otherwise known as Derek the Dickhead.”

“What did he do to you?”

“Cornered me in the bathroom and put his disgusting hands all over my bikini-clad body. When I tried to tell the truth, nobody wanted to hear it. Though, I guess now that I know what happened to you, I shouldn’t have been surprised. Lies and deception have destroyed my life.”

“Princess.” My dad’s voice was just a hair over a whisper as he stood and walked over to me. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you. So sorry.”

I shook my head, “It’s not your fault.”

“There is one thing you’re wrong about, though.”

“What’s that?”

“Lies didn’t destroy your life. I hate knowing what I’m sure is just a small fraction of what you endured when I wasn’t there. Somehow, my little fighter, you’ve grown up to be an amazing woman. I’m so proud of you for getting yourself out of there and for managing to find someone who seems to genuinely love you. If your life was destroyed, you wouldn’t be where you are right now surrounded by the people you have in your life. And rest assured, as long as it’s what you want, I’m planning to become one of those people. I’m going to be a permanent fixture in your life from this point forward.”

“I do want that, but this is my home now. I can’t move back to California.”

He grinned at me and explained, “That’s why I’m moving here. For the time being, as part of my parole, I managed to obtain a travel pass so that I could come here and visit you. I’ve got to go back, check in, and start making arrangements. I need to talk with my parole officer to see what I can do to move here permanently. In fact, when Cruz told me that my daughter was in Wyoming and she wanted to see me, I was tempted to tell him I only needed a one-way ticket. Unfortunately, I can’t take any chances of doing this the wrong way. I’m not going to lose you again, Nikki.”