I can’t say I wasn’t warned. Friends told me their bodies behaved bizarrely during pregnancy. But I assumed most of it was manageable. So you got a little gassy and queasy from time to time—that comes with the territory, right? They say every woman is different and each experiences pregnancy in a unique way. That I buy. But I am convinced no one had all the crazy stuff that I did. This chapter isn’t meant to freak you out; instead I hope it gives you some reassurance that no matter how bad you think you’ve got it … I can probably top that!
The Urge to Purge
If I had to sum up my pregnancy in one word, it would be nausea. Overwhelming, unrelenting, gut-wrenching nausea that came at the most inconvenient times. Like when I was having a lovely dinner out with friends, or in the middle of a romantic love scene on The Game. This nausea knew no boundaries and refused to be tamed! Trust me, I tried. I sucked on dozens of preggy pops, sipped cup after cup of ginger tea, accessorized with seasick bands (luckily, they come in so many pretty colors!). Nada. My OB kept reassuring me, “Oh, it’ll stop in the second trimester … it’ll stop in the third trimester.” Guess what? It never stopped. I kept patiently waiting, and every time I thought I had conquered it, it would come a-knockin’.
Some doctors will tell you morning sickness comes from high levels of hormones, and others say genetics play a role (so if your mom escaped it, you might be lucky, too). I don’t know what brought it on, but by week three of my pregnancy, I was in misery. This nausea—if you’ve yet to experience it—is not your average stomach-flu variety. It rolls over you like a tidal wave, with virtually no warning. Sometimes my mouth would get watery, and I could feel that “taste” creeping up the back of my throat. That was it: my only signal that I had mere seconds before whatever I had eaten made a repeat performance. I actually entertained the idea of carrying a barf bag with me (the kind they give you on airplanes), but I thought that would be a little too gross—not to mention too obvious while I was trying not to spill the beans (figuratively and literally!).
Shooting on a warehouse set in Atlanta made it even more complicated. I would have to leave the stage, usually dressed in heels and some sexy, tight dress, and race up a flight of stairs to reach the nearest bathroom. To make matters worse, the bathrooms were located right next to hair and makeup—so I would run the water and pray none of the stylists could hear me retching. Yes, I was a polite puker.
Anything could trigger my nausea: watching a commercial for IHOP (the pancake syrup oozing was sickening!); catching a whiff of someone’s perfume in an elevator; the sight, taste, or smell of onion, eggs, or chicken of any kind. But the thing that set me off the most? The scent of my man’s body odor. My sense of smell was so heightened, I could detect the second Cory came through the door after working out at the gym. I would literally duck for cover and beg him to take a shower and Lysol the premises. Then there was his breath. I could eat garlic—and I would crave the taste. But if Cory ate some and I smelled it … it was all over. One night after we’d pigged out on a loaf of garlic bread, I couldn’t sleep in the same bed with him. He brushed his teeth three times and used Scope, but I could still smell it. The Mama nose knows.
All this made me extremely pissed off at people who cheerfully told me they had no morning sickness. I figured there had to be some secret that no one was letting me in on. I even googled it: Miracle Cure for Morning Sickness. I tried all the suggestions:
After much trial and error, what finally gave me some relief? Sourdough bread! I just discovered it one day. I had a piece and, lo and behold, my nausea subsided. I’ve heard of women eating bagels and pizza dough for similar reasons: thick bread acts like a sponge and absorbs stomach acid. Once I had my cure, there was no stopping me. I didn’t even bother slicing it; I’d just tear into it with my teeth! I would wolf down several loaves a day and Cory would stare at me, wondering how and when the woman he loved had turned into a bread binger. I felt a little better—but I began gaining weight. Like, a lot of weight. Like fifty-seven pounds. Cree weighed seven pounds, twelve ounces—and I’m pretty sure most of the rest was sourdough.
Why do some women (like me) get morning sickness and some don’t? It’s not fair!
You’re right, it’s not fair, but about 70 to 85 percent of women suffer with some degree of morning sickness in their first trimester—you are not alone. Fewer than 10 percent experience nausea and vomiting beyond 20 weeks, and fewer than 3 percent of women suffer from the severe form called hyperemesis gravidarum. Morning sickness is currently believed to have evolved as a defense mechanism. The first trimester is the most critical for organ development in a fetus, and the time when the developing baby is most sensitive—and most at risk—to exposure to environmental chemicals or toxins. When exposed to the smell or taste of foods that might contain toxins dangerous to the fetus, women experience nausea to trigger avoidance of those potentially dangerous substances, even if they may be harmless to both of you. So, though you’re miserable, just know it’s your body’s way of making sure baby is healthy!
I wish I could say things improved for me as I neared my due date. Au contraire! The bigger the baby got (and the bigger I got), the more the weight pressed on my bladder. Translation: Any sudden movement could cause me to spring a leak. Whenever I coughed, laughed, ran, sneezed, barfed, or burped, I was rewarded with what ranged from a trickle to a large stream down my legs. Cory considerately followed me around, putting towels under me. I wet myself wearing a beautiful teal silk dress during a magazine photo shoot. I tinkled at Tamera’s bachelorette bash, just as the male stripper, dressed like a cop, started to bump and grind. Since you can’t plug up the problem (though, trust me, I googled that, too!), I strongly recommend you familiarize yourself with the panty-liner aisle at the drugstore. Like a Girl Scout, you always want to be prepared. Trust me, the day will come when you will wee unexpectedly. My pee problem maxed out in my last month. Now I know what it must be like when you’re ninety; I was constantly in a puddle. We were in the supermarket one day, and Cory took some Depends off the shelf and waved them at me: “You might wanna consider these.” I cracked up … and promptly wet myself.
The Buzz on Fuzz
The werewolf dude in Twilight has got nothin’ on me. During my pregnancy, hair suddenly sprouted up all over my body in places it had no business being! Like in a straight line from my belly button, pointing to my privates. My OB told me it was due to those lovely hormones again: they make facial and body hair grow faster, and this is called the linea nigra (literally, the “black line”). On most people, the linea nigra shows up as line of darker skin pigmentation; for me, it was that plus some newfound furriness. It tends to be more pronounced on darker skin, but luckily, mine was a light, sandy brown color. I figured it might come in handy in case Cory had trouble finding his way over my huge stomach during sex. I now had my own road map!
Girlfriends told me that hair can pop up anywhere: your boobs, back, stomach, arms. One pal confided that her nipples had suddenly sprung a few strays! I probably could have handled that; at least you can hide it under clothes. What freaked me out was the little ’stache growing on my upper lip. It was Cory who pointed it out (he doesn’t notice the dirty dishes in the sink, but spies the peach fuzz on my face?). I raced to the bathroom mirror in a panic: yup, I needed a shave! The next day, I went and had it waxed—outta sight, outta mind. But I worried and wondered if I’d wake up one morning covered in fur. My doc reassured me that all the unwanted hair would be gone three to six months after I delivered. At the same time, some of my hair on my head (which felt thick, soft, and luxurious during pregnancy—a plus!) would fall out. Great. Now I had to worry about going bald, too.
I liked to think of this as my baby’s way of heralding his arrival with a thunderous trumpet blast. But truthfully, it’s damn embarrassing to break wind. I would try to hold it in, but as my body took on the shape of a whoopee cushion, there was no stopping it. Of course, whenever I cut loose, I pretended it wasn’t me. I would point the finger of blame (and fan the air) at anyone in the neighboring vicinity—my costars, my husband, the guy in front of me at the grocery checkout. Once again, those horrid hormones are to blame: they slow down the rate of food passing through your gastro tract. This gives some ladies constipation—and that goes hand in hand with gas. My advice: Eat more fiber, drink lots of water, and stay away from anything with bubbles in it (like soda). Some foods will just do it to you, for instance cabbage, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, broccoli. And oh, those evil collard greens! But if it makes you feel better, the average pregnant woman farts about twenty times a day. So I figure I was right around that average. You should know, however, it’s quality, not quantity, that counts!
My Best/Worst Fart Award goes to my appearance at a star-studded Essence magazine event. Jennifer Hudson, Jill Scott, Viola Davis—a virtual Who’s Who of entertainers were there. I was seated at a luncheon table when suddenly I let one slip. I was praying no one heard or smelled my handiwork, and I could feel my cheeks (the ones on my face!) burn with embarrassment. I kept chattering away, pushing the food around on my plate, pretending I had no idea where that noxious odor was coming from. If anyone asked, it was the waiter.
The Burp Heard ’Round the Set
Whenever my sister and I were shooting our reality show, we were hooked up to microphones. In fact, after a while, I totally forgot they were there and just went about my business. One day, I forgot we were filming in front of an audience, and I let out this huge belch. It was amplified about a million times, and I practically blew out the mike guy’s eardrums! He looked a little shocked, but then he cheered, “Yes! My kind of girl!”
Here’s the funny thing I learned: Guys think it’s great when a girl belches. Whenever I burped at the dinner table, in front of my male costars, even in Cory’s face, I was met with the same reaction: “Awesome!” You can thank those good old pregnancy hormones (progesterone, in particular), which are slowing down digestion to allow more time for the nutrients from food to be absorbed into your bloodstream and passed to the baby. This makes you feel bloated and gassy, and I found the easiest way to relieve it was to belch—kinda like uncorking a bottle of champagne! I know it’s gross and unladylike, but guys don’t see it that way: I actually got standing ovations. And all this time I thought my talent was acting. Who knew?
I was one of those teenagers you loved to hate—the one with beautiful, blemish-free skin. I prided myself on a perfect complexion. So you can imagine my horror when I started breaking out during my pregnancy. I am not talking just a little zit here or there, I am talking body acne! I had it all over my chest, and my face and hands were covered in scaly patches of eczema. The skin was actually peeling off my knuckles! I knew when I told my OB, she’d have some logical explanation (turns out hormones can make the glands in your skin get bigger and produce more oil). For my itchy skin, she suggested that I avoid drying situations (like hot showers or baths) and lather up with a heavy moisturizer or cocoa butter just after getting out of the water.
But I still felt like a “Before” picture in a commercial. The makeup artists on my shows were great with camouflage (see “Face Facts” on page 59), but I knew what was beneath those layers of pancake and powder. Where was that “pregnancy glow” that I was promised? Friends told me it could be a lot worse. Besides stretch marks, some women wind up with spidery veins, rashes, skin tags, and chloasma (a.k.a. the mask of pregnancy), where skin on the upper cheeks, forehead, and/or upper lip turns brown when exposed to the sun. The good news: All these freaky face and skin problems tend to disappear after delivery.
Plagued by pimples when you’re preggers? Annoyed by itchy, sensitive skin? My makeup artist, Stacy Gibson, did a great job helping me clear up and cover up. Make sure you check with your OB before you use any over-the-counter acne medications. They can be absorbed through the skin and may be harmful to your baby.
Well, Ain’t This Swell?
One day in my last trimester, I woke up and my toes looked like those little pigs in a blanket they serve at cocktail parties. You should know I am a shoe girl (you saw the cover!), and to suddenly not fit into my fave size 7½ Report Signature heels was heartbreaking. My feet were swollen beyond recognition. They looked like two floppy balloons attached to my puffy ankles. I know, I know … it’s par for the course. It even has a fancy name: edema. Knowing this didn’t do much for me (I am sure you agree!). What did help immensely was splurging on a cute pair of Steve Madden sandals with a silver sequin strap—in a larger size. My feet breathed a tremendous sigh of relief the second I put them on. I wore them everywhere—even to my sister Tamera’s wedding. I am just very lucky that I live in California, not, say, the frozen tundra. Although I hear mukluks are pretty comfy, too.
Nobody Nose the Trouble I’ve Seen
One day I was in my kitchen when blood started pouring down my face. I freaked. I had no idea why my nose was suddenly gushing. My first crazy-pregnant-lady thought was brain tumor. When I came back to my senses and called my OB, she said to take a deep breath (how could I? My nose was hemorrhaging!) and chill. Nosebleeds are very common for pregnant women, thanks to our increased blood supply. Basically, it ruptures fragile blood vessels in the nose, and there you have it: a gusher! I had never had a nosebleed before. Then again, I’d never been pregnant before.
Thirty percent of pregnant women also snore! It usually happens during the second and third trimesters, and experts think it comes from a combination of weight gain and increased blood flow, which causes blood vessels in your body to expand. As the vessels in your nose and throat enlarge, mucous membranes in the area begin to swell too, producing more mucus. So your breathing is obstructed, and your hubby is in for a symphony at night! Cory would tell me in the middle of the night to stop snoring, and I didn’t believe him. I never snored before!
My body was exhibiting so many bizarre new behaviors, I never knew what to expect next. I can happily report that I somehow sidestepped one particular pregnancy symptom: swelling down below. One pal shared with me the fact that her labia doubled in size and also popped up several purple varicose veins. Just picturing this made me nauseated (back to square one!), but slightly relieved. I know how easy it is to go all “Woe is me” when you’re pregnant, to think no one else suffers this much or feels this lousy. I did. Most of us do. It also helps to know that most things that seem totally crazy-abnormal are perfectly normal during these nine months (okay, technically, ten, but who’s counting? I’m trying to make you feel better here!). Any issue that arose, my doctor was there to help me deal with it—even the day I thought I was going blind.
Yes, you read correctly. My eyesight suddenly went fuzzy, and I found myself wearing my reading glasses all the time, even when I drove. Turns out, hormones decrease tear production, and your eyes can feel dry and irritated. The hormones can also cause fluid buildup in the eye (just like in my feet!) that can lead to vision changes. So there you have it. I wouldn’t be blind, blemished, and barfing forever—just until I had my baby. A small price to pay, don’t ya think?
Why are my gums suddenly bleeding whenever I brush my teeth?
This is a very common problem for pregnant women. Pregnancy hormones can cause your gums to swell, become inflamed, and bleed more easily. Mild tenderness is normal, but if your gums are bright red, very sore, and bleed easily (your toothbrush has taken on a pink tinge, or you’re spitting blood out when you rinse), you may have gingivitis, which is a mild and relatively harmless gum disease. But gingivitis can develop into the more serious condition called periodontitis, which is why good dental care is so important (research has also shown that periodontitis during pregnancy increases the risk of having a premature or low-birthweight baby). So, as long as you take extra care of your pearly whites and gums during pregnancy, you will avoid any complications.
Pregnancy Brain
And you thought it was just your body that suffers? I am living proof that your memory gets fried during pregnancy. I would forget phone numbers, where I put my cell phone (once in the fridge!), and whether or not I turned off the oven. I also left my keys in our front door all night—thank God we weren’t vandalized! Sometimes it felt like I had peanut butter between my ears. Why couldn’t I remember appointments? The next line in a scene? Those hormones were wreaking havoc again. Combined with the stress and the nausea, it’s a wonder I knew my own name. And believe it or not, your brain-cell volume actually decreases during the third trimester. Yes, your brain shrinks! I am told by medical experts not to worry; it goes back to its original volume a few months after delivery. But in the meantime …
WRITE STUFF DOWN. Don’t assume you will remember anything. I sure didn’t. Jot dates on a calendar, e-mail or text yourself, or talk into a digital recorder. If you have to, scribble notes on your arm or leave yourself a voice-mail message. I memorized a mantra, “Take key out of car,” and said it every time I parked, after the time I forgot and left the key in the ignition when I got out to go into the supermarket. Luckily, I remembered when I wasn’t too far from the lot, and raced back to retrieve the key. After that I made an effort to carry around a yellow pad with me everywhere. Which was great … unless I forgot where I’d put it.
GET SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT FOR YOU. I’m not kidding—delegate. I don’t mean be a diva; ask politely. When you are juggling too many responsibilities, you are bound to let something slip through the cracks. Ask your friend/sis/mom/spouse if they can pick up your dry cleaning, drive you to an appointment, or pick up some groceries. I was pretty hesitant to burden people … until I was put on bed rest. At that point, stuck in my house all day, I was more than happy to ask favors of friends and family. I even sent Tamera shopping for me. Since she’s my twin, I figured she could hold up a dress, picture herself fatter in it, and choose a great look for my baby shower. I told my BFF, Jessica, I was hungry all the time, and she showed up with a huge container of homemade matzo ball soup. I didn’t even know the woman could cook! It was the nicest thing any friend has ever done for me.
FIGURE OUT FUN WAYS TO REMEMBER THINGS. Try little rhymes, jingles, and visual clues. For example, one of my pregnant gal pals kept blanking on her new coworker’s name. Though he told her several times, she just couldn’t recall what to call him. She came up with a unique way to remind herself: Sea bass was her favorite fish (Chilean, to be exact)—she could eat a ton of it! So when he strolled by, she would think sea bass ton, and got his name instantly: Sebastian.
LAUGH AT YOURSELF. If you find your car keys in the freezer, cut yourself some slack. This fog will likely blow over a few weeks after you give birth. In the meantime, embrace your airheadedness. Someone asked me at a promotional event who my favorite actress was, and I totally blanked. I hemmed and hawed, and finally laughed and said, “There are too many for me to name!” I can always think of a million actresses I love, but in that moment … not a one.
Another time, Cory had just told me he was on the phone with Derrick, his stepfather.
“You’re kidding, right?” Cory replied.
“Give me a minute. It will come to me …” I racked my brain but, for the life of me, could not remember who Derrick was. I couldn’t even picture his face.
Cory sighed: “Uh, my stepdad?”
“Oh, yeah!” I chuckled. “It was right on the tip of my tongue!” Frankly, my husband was lucky I didn’t start calling him Cody or Mory …
Your friends and family may also realize that now is not the best time to be asking you to remember things for them. Case in point: My nine-month mark was a few days before Tamera’s wedding, and I was supposed to be keeping her dress under lock and key. She knew me as the sister who was reliable to the point of list-making, but when I was pregnant, that all changed. I was busy remembering to pack my gown, my shoes, my purse, my jewelry, and my maternity Spanx to keep my new figure in place during her ceremony, when she called.
“You packed my dress, right?” she asked.
Gulp. I looked around the room. Where the heck did I put that big white silky thing?
“Oh, yeah. I um … I kind of forgot and left it in my car.”
“You what?!” My sis was livid.
“I guess I forgot … you know, pregnancy brain?”
Yeah, she’d heard that one before. She dashed out of her house and drove over to mine, seizing the dress. I felt terrible, but it really wasn’t my fault. My brain just wasn’t working!
With my pregnancy brain these days, I have to write myself a note to take my prenatal vitamins. Is it okay if I miss a few?
Prenatal vitamins are specially formulated multivitamins that make up for any nutritional deficiencies in a mom-to-be’s diet, and let’s face it, the average American diet may not be the most nutritious. Prenatal vitamins contain various vitamins and minerals, and their folic acid, iron, and calcium content are especially important. Folic acid can reduce the risk of severe spine and brain abnormalities called neural tube defects. A baby with a neural tube defect may have varying degrees of paralysis, incontinence, and sometimes mental retardation. Calcium taken during pregnancy and breast-feeding can help prevent your own bones from thinning, as baby uses that mineral for its own bone growth. Iron helps both the mother’s and baby’s blood carry oxygen. While a daily vitamin supplement is no substitute for a healthy diet, taking these supplements will ensure you are getting adequate levels of these minerals. They come in various formulations, and sometimes it takes a little experimentation to find one that doesn’t leave you feeling queasy. Don’t beat yourself up if you forget once, but these are important. Bottom line: take them daily.
Aside from all the freaky physical stuff going on, you can also chalk up the following to your changing body chemistry:
The First Time I Felt the Baby Kick
With all the nonsense going on, your body expanding and your brain literally shrinking, it can be really easy to get overwhelmed with what’s going on with your body. But then something wonderful happens inside you that makes you realize what it’s all for.
I will never forget it: I was in my second trimester, watching A Baby Story on TV, and something in my belly did a little flip-flop. It tickled and I jumped. What the heck is that? It felt kind of like a butterfly kiss on the inside, or popcorn popping.
I wondered, was it indigestion (God knows I was gassy!)? Flutter flutter flutter. No, there was definitely something moving in there and it had rhythm! Hello, in there! Are you saying, “Hi, Mama?” Are you doin’ the cha-cha?
I was so excited I ran to tell Cory, and he wanted to feel it for himself. He tried his best to get the baby to demonstrate his field kick. “You in there?” he shouted into my belly button. Amazingly, Daddy’s booming voice actually calmed Cree down. But anytime I ate—especially something sweet or spicy—he responded with a little tap dance in my tummy. It was pretty amazing, feeling life growing inside me for the first time. It made it very real for me. Of course, then I worried: Is he moving too much? Too little? Why haven’t I felt him move in the last five minutes? Dr. Kumetz encouraged me to calm down—sometimes Cree was actually sleeping!
Take a moment to enjoy those little flutters. Why? Because after you deliver, you’ll lie awake at night missing them. It was the first connection I had with my son—our own little Baby–Mama Morse code.