I was the one carrying this baby, puking my guts out, changing my diet, and going through daily hell. I had to undergo all the tests and the poking and prodding of my private parts—not Cory. In fact, he was the reason I was in this situation! When I looked at my man at that moment, all I could see was red. Cory tiptoed away, wondering when his mild-mannered, loving wife had turned into Attila the Mom.

I felt like I was at the mercy of my body: I was exhausted, queasy, and unable to think clearly. I had always prided myself on how much I could juggle. Now I felt like a big fat failure. I was letting people down—especially my sis before her wedding day—and there was nothing I could do about it. My mind said, “Go,” but my body was screaming, “Stop!” I wasn’t in control of my life anymore. At times I felt furious, while other moments I burst into tears. My emotions were on overdrive, and anything could set me off. I was like a ticking bomb with a very, very short fuse. Everything agitated me. I don’t think Tamera and I have ever argued as much as when I was preggers. When we went to Sweet E’s to taste cupcakes for my baby shower, I almost bit her head off when she ate my vanilla confetti cake pop.

“You don’t take a pregnant woman’s cupcake!” I screamed at her, wrestling the empty pop stick out of her hand.

“Geez,” Tamera replied. “You are so hormonal!”

For the record: I hated when anyone told me I was hormonal. I knew I was hormonal; I did not need to be reminded. And if you didn’t instantly sympathize with all my aches, pains, and agita, or rush to refill my cup of water, it was war. I resented anyone and everyone who wasn’t in my too-tight shoes.

Ask the OB

Am I crazy … or just pregnant?

You’re not crazy! You have a lot going on, from a biological standpoint: Human chorionic gonadotropin, or hCG, rises in the first trimester, then dips and levels off around four months. Progesterone and estrogen increase throughout the nine months. These hormones can cause morning sickness and can also make you feel moody. Remember that pregnancy is as much an emotional journey as it is a physical one. Get lots of sleep, communicate what you need and want, and ask for help from friends and family if you’re feeling overwhelmed. I promise you, you’re not nuts! Almost every pregnant woman experiences these feelings at some point.

Baby Shower Cake Pops

Makes 12 pops

1 cup crumbled white cake; use your favorite recipe

Sprinkles

¼ cup vanilla frosting; use your favorite recipe

Lollipop sticks

16 ounces white chocolate candy, for coating

In a large mixing bowl, rub the cake together with your fingers until it is all crumbs; mix some of the sprinkles in with the cake crumbs.

Mix the vanilla frosting in with the crumbs until the mixture can hold its own shape; use more frosting if needed.

Roll the mixture into 1-inch ball shapes with the palms of your hands. Place the balls on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper. Put a lollipop stick into the top of each one, and then put in freezer for 30 minutes to 1 hour.

Melt the white chocolate in a microwave-safe bowl in 30-second intervals, stirring in between.

When your cake balls feel chilled (not frozen), dip them into the melted chocolate and, while the chocolate is still wet, add sprinkles and place back on the cookie sheet to set up. Repeat with remaining cake balls. If making ahead for a party, you can store in the fridge for up to five days. Eat and enjoy!

These Vanilla Confetti Cake Pops from Sweet E’s are the perfect treat for a baby shower, and your guests will love them.

Feelin’ Not So Groovy?

I know, I know: Some women coast through their pregnancies, feeling no mental anguish. The rest of us mere mortals are emotional basket cases. While every lady is different, it helps to know what you might be in for, given your wacky hormones and the normal stresses you have to deal with at each stage of The Game.

First Trimester

You’re feeling ANXIOUS. No matter how prepared you think you are for this moment, reality slaps you in the face. Along with the joy of finding out you’re expecting comes the worry: Is the timing right? Will we have enough money? Will my boss freak out? Do we have enough room? Will the baby be healthy? I felt like my mind was racing all the time, trying to process every what-if. I also began to doubt that I was ready to change my life so dramatically—and I was terrified of what labor and delivery would be like. In a nutshell: I have never felt so anxious in my life. It gets better, I promise.

Second Trimester

You’re feeling LARGE. This is the time when most women start to show, so you’re dealing with having to tell everyone, as well as the fact that nothing in your closet fits anymore. The weight gain made me depressed; I dreaded every time I had to go shopping (so not like me!) because it meant facing a full-length mirror. This is also the time you’re coping with a ton of scary tests, such as amnio and other genetic tests to detect birth defects, and a glucose screening. With every sonogram, I got nervous that something would be wrong (“What’s that thing between its legs?! Oh, yeah …”), and Dr. Kumetz had to calm me down. I cried all the time, and for no reason: I once started to sob when I was watching Avatar. I cried through that entire movie. Cory stared at me. “Tia, are you serious? Why are you hysterical?”

“It’s just so beautiful,” I wailed. “The trees! The lights! The blue people!”

Another time, I finished a workout and Cory teased me, “Honey, you stink.” That was it. I broke down and bawled: “Oh my God, you told me I stink! That is so mean! How could you say that?”

Cory just laughed, which made me cry even more: “Why are you laughing at me? That’s so awful!”

Third Trimester

You’re feeling EXHAUSTED. The bigger my belly grew, the more tired I got. Think about it: I was dragging around an extra fifty pounds! The fatigue was frustrating and depressing: while all my sister’s friends were having fun, drinking wine and partying on her wedding weekend, I was in bed, unable to pick my head up off the pillow. I constantly felt like a third wheel, a burden, a blimp. And as my due date drew close, I was also increasingly fed up. I just wanted this pregnancy to be over and the baby to be out! At the same time, I was petrified and having nightmares about my C-section. My OB assured me it’s natural to be scared with your first pregnancy; you don’t know what to expect. Even moms who have had two or three kids get nervous before the Big Day, because every delivery is different. OMG … what happens if I want to go through this again?

I even dragged Cory to an appointment with Dr. Kumetz so she could explain that my tirades and tantrums were just a combination of hormones and stress. I felt terrible that Cory had to get the brunt of it, but he lived with me. He was in the line of fire most of the time. I felt like no one was listening to me, and the only way for me to be heard was to stamp my feet and yell.

When I finally calmed down, I saw that I was overreacting and being unfair to the people I loved. Tamera and I were both going through huge moments in our lives, and I had to cut her some slack and try to understand how stressed she was, too. As for Cory, I realized how lucky I was to have him in my life. He’s such a great guy, and I honestly don’t know how he put up with me! Dr. Kumetz reminded me that he was going through a lot as well. He was probably nervous about being a dad and frustrated that he couldn’t help me feel better. So he wasn’t purposely trying to piss me off; he just didn’t know what to say or do.

It was like a lightbulb went on in my head: Tia, it’s not just about you. I realized that Cory and I were in this together. I also realized that the things that were making me angry at him weren’t all that important. Stuff like his dragging his feet when he got out of the car (“Will you hurry up?”) or leaving the toothpaste cap off the tube (“Why do you have to be so sloppy?”). I apologized: “It was the hormones talking, not me.”

“Yeah, I know,” he replied, giving me a hug. “It’s okay.” Is this man amazing or what?

I promised to remember that we’re a team—and Cory vowed to be patient and understand if occasionally (okay, maybe daily) I needed to vent and throw things. Stuff will come up between you: that’s a given. Maybe you want to take a Lamaze class, and he thinks it’s a waste of time. Or you want to puree all your own organic baby food, and he wants to buy jars at Costco. You both want the same things: a happy, healthy baby and an easy, safe delivery—and you want to be good parents. We moms-to-be (since we’re the ones carrying around the bambino for nine months) tend to pull rank and get our way with most things. Give your hubby some consideration; hear him out. Let him air his concerns without fear of being shot down. He cares—give him credit for that. If he’s got a strong opinion one way or the other, it means he’s freaking out just like you are, worrying about all the possible and probable outcomes of this pregnancy. Is it honestly such a big deal if he prefers not to go to every birthing class, and your sis subs for him? I say choose your battles wisely.

Case in point: Cory was big on having me breast-feed. He did his homework; he believed that breast milk was the healthiest choice for our baby. That’s fine; I’m all for it. But I worried how I’d be able to nurse and work at the same time.

“I’m okay if we have to supplement with formula now and then,” I told him.

Cory wasn’t. “Can’t you just pump faster?”

I bristled. “Seriously? Do I look like a mama cow? I’ll pump as fast as I can, but it takes time. And sometimes the milk just doesn’t cooperate.” He assumed each breast had a quart on hand at a minute’s notice.

We argued over this for quite some time, until finally Cory realized Mama Knows Best.

We Can Work It Out

Even though my hubby was a prince during my pregnancy, we still had our share of spats. We were both nervous and facing a major change in our life as a couple. Cory, to his credit, didn’t blow his top and tried to let me have my way … most of the time. But as we got further along into the pregnancy, we both got more and more stressed. It was virtually impossible to always see eye to eye on everything. But we took a vow in our marriage: Never go to bed angry. This meant no matter how livid I was that he changed the channel on the remote while I was watching, we had to kiss and make up. By the morning, my pregnancy brain had pretty much erased the entire incident anyway.

If you’re feuding, here are a few ways to work it out:

• Take a step back when you feel you’re about to explode. Instead of ripping your spouse’s head off, find a way to focus on what you love about him. Think of great times you’ve spent together and the qualities you hope your new child will inherit from him, and share this information with him.
• Try to get away from all the “baby stuff”: the OB appointments, the registry at Babies “” Us, the nursery decorating. Allow yourselves to have some quality time alone. A lot of couples steal away for a last-chance vacation—otherwise known as a “babymoon”—before the baby is born (see chapter 9). You can also go out on a date night or cuddle on the couch and watch Netflix. The important thing is to take the time to reconnect and relax.
• Acknowledge that this is a stressful time in your lives—but you have each other to get through it, together. Practice patience and understanding (it will come in handy when you’re parents) and put yourself in your partner’s shoes.
• Don’t sweat the small stuff. This was a big lesson for me, the eternal control freak. My fuse was so short, the tiniest thing that Cory did “wrong” or failed to do could set me off on a tirade. I’d yell—then I’d feel terrible. Was it really so earth-shattering that we were five minutes late to a party? Or that he left the toilet seat up again (grrrrr!). In the grand scheme of things, you as a couple is what matters. You’re a team—you’ll both be up at the crack of dawn changing diapers and feeding the baby. You have each other’s back, and that’s what you should focus on.

“Honey, Can You Bring Me…?”

Earlier I mentioned that the one carrying the bambino seems to get her way. That doesn’t mean that your man should feel like whatever you say goes. My mama always told me, “You get more flies with honey.” Totally true. Men do not like to be told what to do. Your husband will feel used and abused, not willing to be your happy helper. A few clever techniques will make him want to cater to your every whim.

• GUYS LOVE A CHALLENGE. It makes them feel all smart and macho! When you’re too exhausted or large to set up the nursery, try, “Sweetie, I just can’t figure out how to put the crib together. It’s so complicated!” Nothing motivates a man more than the old damsel-in-distress routine—plus he’ll want to show how simple it is … for him. Not only will he put the crib together, he’ll do it with lightning speed to prove his mental prowess. Sit back, put your feet up, and watch him drill and hammer to his heart’s content.
• ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. I wanted sex 24/7. But rather than throwing Cory down on the bed, I gave him subtle hints. Grabbing his butt in public does not count. To get your point across in a truly subtle manner, when you’re at dinner in a restaurant, stroke the inside of his wrist or run your toes up his pant leg. Rent a sexy, romantic movie, parade around the house in flimsy lingerie (yes, it comes in maternity sizes!), lick your lips, or simply hold his hand. Experts say touch stimulates the human bond. Touch him as much as possible!
• GUILT HIM INTO IT. An age-old technique perfected by our parents! Now’s the time to turn it on your unsuspecting spouse. Say he wants to sit home on a Sunday and watch the football game, and you want to go out shopping for baby stuff. Start with a dramatic sigh, then say, “Oh, I am so stressed out about getting all the things I need for our baby before he comes …” Moan and groan, shake your head, choke back a few tears. Pour it on, girl! Then toss in for emphasis, “I have so little time to prepare before I have to deliver our child.” Trust me, he’ll be pushing that shopping cart in no time.
• SHOWER HIM WITH PRAISE. Every time your hubby does something helpful, tell him what a great job he did: “Honey, the dishes sparkle! You rock!” It’s like scratching your dog behind the ears when he heels at your command: “Good boy! Good boy!” He’ll feel appreciated and heroic, and you’ll get regular foot rubs and someone to pick up towels off the bathroom floor when you’re too big to bend over.
• TELL HIM. By this I mean: Communicate. Your guy is not a mind reader. He won’t know that you want/desperately need a pepperoni pizza at two a.m. unless you verbalize. Case in point: I was feeling anxious—very anxious, a few days before my C-section. Cory was cool as a cucumber. I wanted him to calm my nerves, assure me everything would be okay. I needed comfort and affection. What I needed was a hug! Instead, I was biting my nails in silence, trying to be strong. Finally, I spoke up: “It’ll be okay, right?” I asked. Cory put his arms around me (no easy task, considering I was so rotund!). “It’s gonna be fine,” he said. And I believed him and heaved a huge sigh of relief. I only wished I had asked him sooner—I would have felt a lot better!
• POINT OUT THE PERKS. Never underestimate the enticement of a reward. If you want something done, show your man what he will get out of it. For example, you need to clean out the garage to make room for the three baby strollers you bought. Explain that by clearing the space, he’ll have more room to store his golf clubs, his old collection of 45s, a new sports car …
• TIMING IS EVERYTHING. Men have mood swings just like women! Some wake up cranky; some melt down midday; others are exhausted and unyielding at night. You want to bring up the topic of converting his man cave into a playroom when he’s least irritable. My advice is to wait until the weekend when he’s relaxing or when he’s had a particularly great day at the office. Make sure he’s eaten (preferably his fave meal). Take his emotional temperature before you spring anything on him.

His Turn: How to Make Your Pregnant Wife Happy

Cory was a saint when I was pregnant: he made me breakfast, lunch, and dinner when I was on bed rest my last month. He also did the grocery shopping and tidied up the house, washed the dishes, took the trash out, picked up and dropped off my mail. And when I couldn’t tie my shoes or shave my legs, he did that as well. He liked to joke that he was my “weed whacker.” So romantic.

For all your well-meaning men out there, he offers the following words of wisdom:

DON’T …

• Tell her she looks fat (yeah, she knows that already).
• Tell her she looks tired (yeah, she knows that, too).
• Compare her with other pregnant women. As in: “How come Joe’s wife never pukes and always looks great?” She’s having your baby, and you gotta deal with it.
• Tell her you know how she’s feeling. ’Cause you don’t. Not even a little. And this just pisses her off.
• Expect her to be rational. She is not the woman you married; she has been temporarily chemically altered. She may scream, cry, or burst into hysterical laughter at any given moment. Get used to it.
• Act nervous or anxious. A pregnant woman needs her man to be a calm, steady rock—not a bundle of nerves. So if you have to, fake it.

DO …

• Rub her feet, her back, anything that aches. Instant brownie points, brother.
• Clean up around the house without being asked. You think she can actually bend over to pick up that towel you dropped?
• Go to OB appointments. Unless she asks you not to. Always assume she will need a hand to hold, and frankly, since it’s not you in the stirrups, it’s the least you can do!
• Be thoughtful. Serve her breakfast in bed, draw her a bubble bath, bring home flowers. Or best yet, say I love you. Amazing what those three little words can do.
• Buy her stuff. I’m not just talking diapers or a breast pump, I’m talking a goodie now and then. A cupcake, flowers, and even a “push present” (a gift for pushing out that baby!) as a generous show of love and appreciation for all she’s been going through.
• Make sure she has food and water at all times. Your spouse will get very, very cranky if she’s hungry or thirsty. Fair warning.
• Nod and say, “Yes, dear,” at all times. It will save you both a lot of pain if you simply agree with everything she says (even if you don’t).

Ask the OB

Is it true that your hubby can feel sympathy pains and nausea and may gain weight when you’re preggers?

It’s true! Guys can have pregnancy symptoms, too. There’s even a medical term for it. Couvade syndrome is a phenomenon where an otherwise healthy expectant father experiences physical symptoms and pains associated with his wife’s pregnancy—the most common of which include weight gain, nausea, heartburn, appetite changes, disruption in sleep patterns, backaches, itchy skin, and in extreme cases labor pains or postpartum depression. Some studies estimate that as many as 80 percent of fathers-to-be develop at least one pregnancy-like symptom.

For most men affected, the symptoms appear toward the latter half of the pregnancy, although they have been known to occur as early as the end of the first trimester. The syndrome is largely believed to be psychosomatic, but the symptoms are very real for the men who are experiencing them. So take it as a compliment—he’s being sympathetic to your suffering! It’s sweet—as long as he doesn’t expect you to start rubbing his achy feet.

I Get By with a Little Help from My Friends

I don’t know what I would have done without my Game pals to get me through this pregnancy.

The Game party animal Hosea is a hoot. He tells it to me like it is, and he loves to bust my chops: “You’d think you’re the only woman who’s ever been pregnant before,” he chided me. “I got news for you … you’re not the first and you won’t be the last—so quit the complaining!”

“Am I fat?” I asked him. I asked everyone—but I knew he would give it to me straight.

“You didn’t give me the memo today: should I lie to you or not?” He laughed. “Of course you’re fat! You’re pregnant!”

“I’m scared I’m going back to work on the show six weeks after I give birth, and I’m going to be heavy.”

“You are. You’re not gonna lose that weight that quick—get that through your head. No one will notice: we’ll camouflage your big ol’ butt.”

He brought over lunch another day, but wouldn’t let me have any. “You are especially large and ridiculously unproportioned,” he teased. But he did get me a cupcake!

By the end of our lunch, I was laughing my head off and feeling so much better. Hosea’s like my girlfriend. Cory sometimes gets jealous: “You’re on the phone with him for forty minutes!” But I just can’t help it—we always love to gab and gossip, and I know he has my back (as long as it doesn’t require babysitting duty).

Another one of my great friends from The Game, Wendy, gasped when she saw me in my third trimester. “You look like you’re in a fat suit! Where’s Tia?”

I started to laugh so hard I went into contractions. “It’s just Braxton-Hicks,” I told her.

“Toni Braxton? You got Toni Braxton in there?”

“No, Braxton-Hicks are false labor pains!”

I was cracking up. But I also wanted to get serious with my friend: “I don’t want a cesarean,” I told her. “It adds two extra weeks to the recovery, and I won’t be able to work out.”

“You’re going to be fine. Everything happens for a reason. Consider it a blessing,” she told me. And for the first time in a long time, I felt a little better about my situation. Thanks, Wend!