Manic and I chatted through dinner, keeping things light. Well, he kept it light. I forced myself not to stare into his eyes too long or at his mouth, and several times I had to contain a shiver when memories of our night together forced their way into my mind.
After eating, we headed to the bar, and Manic ordered us another drink. I got a beer this time. Who was I kidding? Never drinking again, especially this weekend? Wasn’t going to happen. Anything to help me through this trip.
I ate up the sight of him as he paid for the drinks. He had these smile lines at the corners of his eyes that only made him more handsome. Muscled and tall and inked, he stood out in a crowd. And he’d been getting a lot of looks from around the bar since we walked in. But what I wasn’t prepared for was some brazen chick rocking up to him, right in close, and introducing herself.
Manic smiled at her, polite, but didn’t look overly interested. Then she touched his arm and leaned in, pressing her boobs into his side. My hackles shot through the roof, and my mouth opened all on its own to tell her to back the hell off.
I slammed my mouth shut.
Nope.
I bit my lips together and rushed to the bathroom before I said something stupid.
Shutting myself in, I leaned over the sink and splashed water on my face, working at calming down. This was torture. Tonight. The last month. Being in the same freaking room with him.
This had been a spectacularly bad idea.
“Pull it together,” I said to my reflection. He is not yours. He never was.
We’d had some fun. He’s a free agent. We’re friends, like he’d said several times. And while all of that was true, and that was all it ever could be between us, I still didn’t want to stand by while he picked up someone else right in front of me. Okay, maybe that wasn’t fair. She was the one who’d approached him, but still.
I hated it.
And honestly, I wasn’t sure I was cut out to be Manic’s friend, not when I knew what it was like to be with him, to have all that hunger, that dominance, focused on me—but I was stuck.
For the next few days, whether I liked it or not, I’d be playing the role of his girlfriend. My belly clenched and my palms grew sweaty. I didn’t want to see him with someone else. I felt too raw, my emotions too close to the surface.
Then suddenly, it was hard to breathe. My hands trembled and my heart raced. Oh god, I felt dizzy.
No. Please, no.
Why the hell was this happening now? I rushed to a stall and locked myself in. I didn’t know why this was happening. I hadn’t thought about my family or Macy. I gasped, sucking in a breath, then another.
Slamming my eyes closed, I tried to focus on something like I’d been taught to and worked at slowing my breathing. Carrot cake with cream cheese frosting was what popped into my mind first. I went through the motions in my mind, measuring out the ingredients carefully, mixing, lining the tin, putting it in the oven, and preparing the icing. Cream cheese frosting was my favorite.
Finally, my breathing slowed, and the shaking and dizziness stopped.
I pressed my forehead against the cool door. How had I gotten myself into this?
I needed to go back out there, but I needed air. I needed to clear my head.
I rushed from the bathroom and weaved my way through the crowd, not letting myself look over to where Manic had been.
There was a garden bar off the side, and I pushed through the door. Outdoor heaters were dotted around, but it was cold as hell, which was why I was the only one out here. I sucked in an icy breath and hugged myself. Why the hell did I have a panic attack? It made no sense.
The door opened, and I glanced over my shoulder. Manic walked out, brows lowered. He took me in from head to toe and frowned. “What’s going on? One minute you were there, the next you took off. I’ve been looking all over for you.”
“I needed the bathroom then thought I’d get some air. I’m fine,” I lied.
He saw right through me, of course. “No, you’re not. Did you think I was into that girl at the bar?”
“It’s none of my business. I thought you might not want me cramping your style, if you wanted to, um…you know. I didn’t want things to be awkward.” Understatement of the universe. I had to admit to myself that I had it bad for this guy. So much so, I’d somehow given myself a fucking panic attack just seeing him with someone else. It didn’t matter that I couldn’t have him, denial wasn’t going to work anymore. The feelings were still there, and I didn’t know what to do about it. “If you want to, I mean…if you want…” Goddammit. I couldn’t even get the words out. In fact, the idea of him with someone else made me feel physically ill.
“So you’re okay with me fucking some random while I’m here with you?” His voice was low as hell, and I had no hope of reading the expression on his face.
The girl he’d been talking to was watching us through the glass door, waiting for him to go back inside. I hated this feeling of jealousy building inside me. I hugged myself tighter. “I mean, if you wanted to. And she’s your type, right? You’re not exactly known for your dry spells. And it’s not like you’re in it for the riveting conversation—”
“What?” His gaze darkened.
My face heated. What the fuck was I even saying right now? But the words kept on falling out of my fool mouth. “Well, you have Mercedes and the other club girls ready and waiting whenever you want to get laid.” That came out way more bitter than I’d intended.
He stared at me for several long seconds, his gaze hard. “You really said that shit, huh? That’s some opinion you have of me, cupcake.”
I swallowed, mouth dry. “Your reputation isn’t exactly a secret. It doesn’t matter to me. I know you’re a good guy. A good—”
“Friend,” he finished, a look on his face I couldn’t read.
“Ah, yeah. I’m sure if I walked in there and picked someone up, you wouldn’t care. Friends want what’s best for each other, right, Manic? And that includes getting off regularly, I assume.” I tilted my head to the door. “Your new friend’s waiting, don’t let me stop you.” Now I sounded out and out pissed. What the hell was wrong with me? Why was I pushing him to leave with that girl?
One minute Manic was several feet away, the next, he was right in front of me. “Why’re you so pissed, Addie? You sound jealous.”
I swallowed and it was way too loud. “I assure you, I’m fucking not.” I was jealous, so much so that I was surprised I wasn’t glowing bright green.
Easygoing, affable Manic vanished from his face, and the hard, take-no-shit biker was looking at me. “First, if you think I’m a good guy, you don’t know me as well as you think you do. Second, you got something to say, Addison, then say it.”
I stared up at him, my heart racing. “What could I possibly have to say?”
He took my chin in his long, thick fingers, his skin rough against mine. “How about you’re so fucking scared to tell me you want me that you’d rather push me at another woman.”
My heart felt like it was bouncing around in my chest. “You’re wrong.” He was so goddamn right, it was like he was inside my head.
“You’d rather hurt yourself than risk someone else hurting you, do I have that right?”
“No,” I whispered unconvincingly, feeling like he’d sliced me open and spilled all my secrets on the ground at my feet. I didn’t want him to know the truth, that it would expose all the ugly from my past. He saw me as wild, fun, free, or at least he had. If I told him the real reason I’d avoided him, he’d see something else. He’d see the truth, the real Addison. And the last thing I wanted was for Manic to pity me. I’d do anything to avoid that.
But even if I wanted to share, I couldn’t. I didn’t talk about my past and not only because it was a trigger but also because talking about it and sharing tended to bring people closer, exactly what I wanted to avoid. It was this whole twisted cycle, one thing feeding into the other.
“No?”
I shook my head and bit my lip to stop it quivering.
He leaned in closer. “Well, I’m not quite as together as you, cupcake,” he said, quiet, rough. “’Cause if another guy even thought about putting his hands on you in front of me, I’d tear them off and beat the fucker with his own severed limbs.”
My belly trembled. “You, ah, paint a vivid picture.”
His nostrils flared, his gaze wild, hungry.
He still wanted me. Maybe for a night, maybe two, but nothing permanent. He was territorial, but that didn’t mean he wanted more than sex. And yes, I was too broken for more, but that didn’t mean I didn’t wish otherwise.
No. I couldn’t do this to myself. I’d just had a freaking panic attack in the bathroom, I couldn’t do this. “I don’t think I should come on this trip. I’ll take a bus home.”
His head jerked back. “You’re gonna bail on me?”
His phone rang, and we stared at each other for several painstaking seconds before he finally grabbed it.
“Yo!” a voice called before Manic could speak.
Manic often put his phone on speaker. It always made me feel awkward, but he didn’t seem to care. “Beau, brother, how’s it?”
“Good, as long as you tell me you’re on your way home?”
“I’m in Ridgeford. Staying here tonight. Should be there before lunch tomorrow. So have the grill ready.”
“You know it,” Beau said. “Freya and the girls have been working overtime.”
“Nice, looking forward to see ’em, and all those kids you keep popping out.”
Beau laughed. He had a great laugh like Manic. “Yeah, about that.”
Manic grinned. “You knock Freya up again?”
“We know how to keep busy in the mountains.”
Manic chuckled. “Congratulations, brother. Be good to come home, even if it’s only for a couple nights.”
“These mountains are in your blood, Levi, they always will be.”
Manic nodded, though his cousin couldn’t see him.
“Talked to your old man today,” Beau said, and Manic stilled.
“Yeah?”
“He’s looking forward to seeing you.”
Manic’s laugh was rough. “I almost believed you.”
“Not feeding you bullshit. He brought it up. Asked about your girl. I couldn’t see him, but I swear the old bastard was smiling. He’s excited to meet her, Levi.”
Manic didn’t look my way. In fact, he studiously looked at his phone. “Yeah?”
He’d already told his family that he was bringing me.
When Beau spoke again, there was a smile in his voice. “I’m looking forward to meeting your girl as well, brother.”
My heart started racing. The look on Manic’s face hit me hard. He was tough, sometimes brutal, but he still wanted to make his dad happy, to make him proud. He still wanted his dad’s approval.
And that included introducing him to his girlfriend, even if his girlfriend was a big old fake.
Manic kept his head dipped and shook it again. He opened his mouth, and I knew what he was about to say. He was going to tell Beau I couldn’t make it. “About that—”
My own mouth opened before I knew it was going to happen. “Hey, Beau, looking forward to meeting you as well.”
Manic’s head shot up, his gaze slicing to me.
Beau laughed. “Hey, Addie. Levi says you’re a mean cook. Looking forward to the breakfast you’re gonna cook us on Sunday.”
“She’s not your fucking breakfast cook,” Manic said, chuckling. “She cooks for me, ’cause I’m awesome. You on the other hand—”
“If you’re lucky, I’ll make some of my famous French toast,” I said.
Manic’s lips curled, giving me one of his heart-stopping grins, with a good dose of heat, and I quickly looked away. I listened as they finished their conversation and didn’t know where the hell to look when the call ended and he turned to me.
“You changed your mind.”
“Your cousin sounds nice, and your dad…you shouldn’t have to go alone.”
“Adds…”
“Don’t make a big thing about it, okay? We’re friends who had sex once and things got a little weird there for a moment.” He was a biker, and bikers were possessive over their possessions, but it didn’t mean they had any true feelings for the thing they were possessive over. I was here with him right now, ergo, I was “his” to anyone looking, whether that was the case or not. I’m sure if someone had tried to take Mercedes off his lap at the bonfire in his backyard, he would have had something to say about it, probably with his fists. Unless he was in the mood to share, of course. That was the biker way from what I’d observed. It was about someone disrespecting him, not about me.
I had to remember that.
“Let’s pretend this whole conversation never happened,” I said because I couldn’t deal with him being all sweet to me, not in this cute little town decorated with fairy lights. Not after he’d told me about his dad and I heard that conversation with his cousin.
“That’s what you really want?”
I forced a smile. “Yep.” I looked around. The chick in the bar was still there, waiting. “It’s getting late.”
“You wanna head to the B&B?”
I nodded. “Yeah, that’d be good.”
He pressed his hand to my lower back as we returned to the bar. He didn’t spare the girl grinning at him the slightest glance.
We left, but he didn’t head for the B&B, not right away. No, he took me on a scenic drive around the town. The place was even cuter than I first thought.
“It’s so pretty here,” I said as we drove past some of the cute storefronts and a café that I decided we needed to try in the morning.
“Thought you’d like it. Mom’s originally from here.” He pointed out the window to a small house across the street. “That’s where my grandparents lived, where she grew up. We used to come and stay here once or twice a year.”
“They don’t live there anymore?”
“Passed away a few years ago. I haven’t been by the house since my grandfather’s funeral.” He looked out the window at the sweet little house, and there was sadness in his eyes and a soft smile on his lips.
I’d never wanted to wrap my arms around him more. Then I wanted to kiss him and keep on kissing him until that sadness left his eyes. God, I was a confused mess.
He put the truck into drive and we pulled away.
“It must be weird for you, being here again,” I said into the silence.
“Yeah. I wasn’t sure I could drive by their old place, honestly.” He gave the steering wheel a squeeze. “But it was good to see it.” He glanced at me. “Glad you’re here with me.”
I reached out and gave his arm a squeeze. His gaze slid to me again, and I had to mentally restrain myself from leaning forward and planting one on that gorgeous mouth of his. I wasn’t sure I’d ever wanted him more, and I’d wanted him plenty since that night together, and before.
Releasing his arm, I looked out the front window, and Manic said nothing more. We drove to the B&B. The place was decorated with fairy lights, and they were all on when we pulled up.
“Wow. So pretty. Ann certainly goes all out. This place is picture perfect.” I turned, and Manic was watching me.
I quickly looked away again and got out of the truck. He met me at the front and we took the stairs and onto the porch. I opened the door and felt him watching me again. I shivered.
“Stop it,” I said.
“Stop what?”
“Giving me that look.”
“What look?”
“You know what you’re doing,” I said and forced a laugh as I walked up the stairs.
I waited by the door, and Manic pulled the key from his pocket but didn’t unlock it. He crowded me. His big body so close. Too close. “Tell me what I’m doing, Addie?”
His voice was low and sexy, and my face heated. “You’re toying with me,” I said and kind of laughed again, then dipped my gaze because it didn’t feel funny. He’d done this before, until I couldn’t resist him anymore and finally spent the night with him, but giving in again now would be a seriously bad idea, wouldn’t it?
His finger brushed my chin then he tilted my head back. “Not toying with you, baby. I don’t play games. I want you so badly I can barely fucking think straight. You don’t want me, I’ll respect that. But I can’t pretend that I’m not desperate for another taste of you, Addison.”
“You can’t…you can’t say things like that to me.”
“Why?”
The sound of someone coming up the stairs reached us, and Manic unlocked the door. I walked in, but he grabbed my hand and stopped me from crossing the room, then shut the door and pressed me against it. “Why?” he asked again.
“This can’t happen,” I whispered.
“Yeah. It can. You just have to give in, Adds.” He gripped the side of my neck and brushed his thumb over my jaw. “I know you want to.”
“It’d be a mistake,” I said, my voice barely recognizable. But I couldn’t think of the reasons why all of a sudden. “We’re friends.”
He brushed my jaw with his thumb again, and I shivered and squeezed my thighs together. Manic’s nostrils flared, not missing it.
“We can still be friends.”
I blinked at him. “You mean…”
“We’re pretending we’re a couple this weekend, anyway, right?”
“Right?” I knew what he was going to say. This was insane.
“We still have all this fucking heat between us, cupcake. One night wasn’t enough for me, and I know it wasn’t enough for you either. Why not fuck it out of our systems? We can go back to being just friends when we’re back in Rocktown.”
“That sounds like a terrible idea,” I said, even as the pulse between my thighs throbbed deeper. It was the absolute worst idea, but despite all the reasons I told myself this shouldn’t happen, I didn’t think I could resist him. No, I knew I couldn’t.
“It’s a fucking awesome idea.” He dipped his head closer to mine. “I know what my good girl needs. And you know I can give it to you the way you like it, baby. Just for this trip, we have fun. We fuck until we can’t see straight and work out all the tension between us.”
My nipples tightened, and my panties grew damp when he called me his good girl. “That makes zero sense.” But it also kind of did. I chewed my lip. “So if we did this, it would only be while we’re away, yes?”
“Yeah,” he said and ran his thumb over my lower lip. “What do you say?”
I stared up at him and licked my lip where he’d touched it. Was I really considering this?
He dipped his head closer, his hand sliding around the side of my neck. “Do you trust me?”