WEEK THREE

ADAM WALKER—JOURNAL ENTRY

I am in so much trouble. I can’t keep my hands or lips off Evie. I’m spending every day at her rental instead of my own, and there’s this inexplicable pull towards her. I’ve moved my painting gear there and started cooking for her, but what’s freaking me out is that it feels right.

I know it can’t go anywhere. When the eight weeks are up, we’ll both be going our separate ways. We have to, and yet when she looks at me and I can see the desire in her eyes, it gives me hope. I feel like she’s mending my broken heart and for a while I forget everything—there’s only Evie.

EVIE RIVERS

Sleep faded as my mind woke to the swishing of waves meeting the shore. But there was something else that seemed unfamiliar and my pounding head struggled to grasp it as I inhaled a familiar masculine scent. It was the soft, easy breathing of the man my body was wrapped around, the man I had spent the night with.

My heart sped up, making the drumming in my head increase. Lifting the blankets that were messily swathed around us, I peeked to see if we were both fully clothed. Reaching down to check my zipper, a rumbling laugh vibrated from Adam’s chest, adding to the percussion section that was beating out a tune in my brain.

“Don’t worry,” he said sleepily, his voice croaky. “I didn’t find the key to your chastity belt last night.”

I slapped him playfully and he recoiled in jest before wrapping his big, safe arm around me and pulling me tightly to his body. “I even tried all the magical words I could think of. Abracadabra, alacazam, bippity-boppety-boo…nothing worked.” He stroked my head gently. “But it was still a memorable evening.”

“I can’t believe we slept out here all night.”

“Well, in all fairness, we didn’t do a lot of sleeping.” Adam pulled me over for a kiss but I pulled away, holding my hand over my mouth. “Are you serious? After we spent half the night making out, you don’t want to kiss me now?”

“It ain’t that,” I mumbled, still holding my hand up. “I’ve got mornin’ breath.”

Adam laughed. “So have I. My mouth feels like the bottom of a birdcage. Here…” He pulled me over, kissing the top of my head instead, then frowned, tentatively touching my chin. “Does this hurt? Because you’ve got a nasty rash from my beard.”

“Have I?” I asked, secretly delighted. Running my fingertips over my face, I could feel the jagged skin. “Feels like you went after my face with sandpaper.” I snuggled in, trying to hide my goofy grin. “So we kissed a lot, then?”

“Yeah we did. Don’t you remember?”

“It’s kinda sketchy.” Racking my brain, I tried to think back to last night. I remembered the dinner, which was magnificent…I recalled the surprise oasis, and the brandy…Oh, the brandy.

“But you remember the epic blow job you gave me last night, right?”

“What?” My eyes widened as I sat up quickly, making my head spin. I was totally mortified to think I’d done that outside, where anyone could have walked past, although calling it epic I could live with.

A rumbling belly laugh erupted from Adam. “Oh my God, you are too easy to wind up. Babe, if my cock was in your mouth, your jaw would be aching.”

Now it was my turn to burst out laughing. “Oh, can I borrow that line? I have to use it in my book.”

“Your laugh…”

“What about it?” I asked, still trying to stem the giggles.

“It’s beautiful. You should do it more often.”

Max trotted over from beside the burned out fire where he had spent the night, and nuzzled Adam’s arm. Looking out at the sun rising over the ocean, Adam sighed. “It must be time for our swim.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Whatcha mean our swim?”

“Don’t you remember you promised last night to come with me this morning? You’ve forgotten, haven’t you?”

He looked so disappointed that I couldn’t admit I had absolutely no recollection of any conversation about swimming. But then I couldn’t remember much of what had happened after my fourth glass of brandy.

“No, no, of course I haven’t forgotten, Sugar,” I lied. “It’s just a bit cold this mornin’. Maybe some other time?” I asked hopefully.

“It’s only going to get colder, but…” He sighed and pulled his sweater over his head. “I can’t make you get your kit off and come in.”

I watched Adam undress under the blankets. He pulled his clothes out from under the covers and slung them to the side as he removed each layer. When the boxers came off and were tossed on the pile, I inched over to him and wrapped my arm over his chest for a cuddle. He gladly pulled me in, wrapping both arms around me, then rolled me up on top of him, making me squeal with surprise.

“You know, this would be so much more fun if you were naked too.” His face nuzzled my neck, his whiskers tickling under my chin.

“Okay, I’ll come in.” I giggled.

“Really?” he asked with raised brows, the huge smile on his face showing his delight.

Shimmying out of my jeans and sweater, I hesitated before slipping my bra off, all the while ensuring the blankets were still covering me completely. With only the thong to go, I stopped. I’d bought the wax strips a few days earlier, but I had yet to use them. Of course, as soon as I’d met Adam, I’d trimmed, but I didn’t want him seeing what lay beneath until it was presentation ready.

“Let’s go.” Adam climbed out of the bedding and stood with one hand extended to me, the other strategically positioned over his dick, which was at eye level.

Even under the warmth of the blankets I could feel the chill in the air. “I might sit this one out. It’s too cold,” I groaned.

He started walking backward in the direction of the water. “Are you sure? I can help keep you warm.” His eyebrows jiggled up and down, the corner of his mouth tipping up into a sexy smile. I shook my head vigorously. Shrugging, he turned and started jogging down to the water, Max trotting behind.

What was I doing? I’d spent most of my life trying to fit in by not living the way I’d wanted to. Now I had the opportunity to experience something I never thought I’d do, with someone I never would have met in my old life, and I was turning it down. Why? Because I was afraid of being cold. Pathetic.

Jumping up, I wrapped my arms over my chest. “Adam,” I yelled. “Wait for me. I’m comin’ too!”

He turned as he reached the water’s edge. Taking one look at me standing there shivering, the broadest grin I had ever seen graced his handsome face. Laughing, he raced back up the sand, apparently oblivious to the fact that he was naked and swinging in the breeze. Once he reached me, he held out his hand and I took it. Dropping my arms and feeling completely vulnerable, I took a moment to reflect on how far I had come since meeting Adam. From the disillusioned girl with the shattered heart, I was building a new store of memories, a new island with Adam that was filled with firsts, and laughter, and even a little romance.

Deep blue eyes swept over my nearly naked body. “You’re beautiful, Evie.”

That was all I needed. Leaping into his arms, I tangled my hands in his messy hair and kissed him square on the lips. “So are you.”

With a slap on the ass that stung from the cold, we were both racing down to the water where Max was jumping excitedly in circles.

“‘What the…” My God, it was like ice. As the water reached my stomach, I literally lost my breath. Strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me to him for what little warmth I could extract from his frozen body. “You are fu-fuckin’…cra-crazy,” I stammered through chattering teeth.

“Swim, it will warm you up.” Adam took off but stopped after a few strokes to look back. “Come on,” he called.

Swimming was never something I’d excelled in. Ball sports were okay. Running and gymnastics I’d been pretty good at when I was in junior school. Swimming for me was more about lying by the side of the pool, working on my tan. But I swam as best I could until my muscles warmed up a little and I was able to keep my head above water while standing on my tippy-toes.

“I ain’t a good swimmer,” I called to Adam, trying to remember how to tread water.

He stopped and came straight back to me, scooping me up until my legs were wrapped around his waist. “Is this better?” he asked, holding me so my chest was pressed against his. “It’s good for me. Your body feels perfect against mine.”

I scoffed at that one—even I wasn’t so naïve as to think my body was perfect. I was what you might call curvaceous. Not large, but I definitely had a figure with a decent bust and hips.

“Don’t,” he said, studying my face.

“Don’t what?”

“Put yourself down in your head. Just because the monk didn’t appreciate what he had, don’t ever think you’re not beautiful.” Hot lips seared my frozen cheek. “I think you’re perfect.”

We cuddled together and even though the water was like ice, I learned that sex in cold water would indeed be possible. With my legs wrapped tightly around Adam’s waist for support, every now and then my hips slid down his firm body and rubbed against what felt like an impressive hard-on. As I slipped down for the fourth time, I tried to gauge his length before attempting to leverage myself back up. His hands moved from hugging around my body to my ass, his fingers gripping tightly.

“Stay there,” he murmured as his lips gently brushed against mine. “I can feel the heat radiating from your…lady parts.”

“Really, Adam? Lady parts?”

“What would you call it, then?” he asked, his eyes dancing with mischief.

“I’d say ‘pussy.’” Just saying the word as we clung so closely together made my stomach clench. Any sign of humor had gone as I watched the blue of his eyes turn black.

“From your pussy, Evie. I can feel the heat from your pussy”—his tongue flicked out, parting my lips—“against my cock.”

My heart fluttered and I instinctively wriggled, pushing harder against him.

“Ah fuck, Evie,” he moaned, twisting the sides of my thong around his hand. “You’re lucky you still have these on.” His mouth came down hard onto mine as his hips ground against me. My chin was sore from the whisker rash and I winced, sucking in a sharp breath.

He pulled back as my fingertips went to my face. “Sorry, baby. I forgot.” His eyes were still focused on my mouth as the tip of his tongue ran along his bottom lip. “Where else can I kiss?”

Before I had time to respond, his warm lips were descending to my neck, finding that sensitive spot in the hollow of my collarbone and licking slowly. His beard tickled against my chest and I realized he was going even farther down, until his hot mouth latched on to my erect nipple. Arching my back, a soft moan escaped my parted lips, my body heating despite the freezing water lapping around us. While he sucked and licked first one side, then kissed across my chest to my other breast, his hands stayed firmly clutching my ass, subtly lifting me up and down so that I rubbed along the length of him.

I didn’t know how turned on it was making Adam, but I was seeing stars, unable to believe how quickly my body was responding. I closed my eyes and dropped my head back, the pressure of his mouth deepening as the sensation between my thighs grew. Unable to catch my breath, I clung to Adam, my hands tangled in his long wet hair as I gripped tighter around his waist with my legs and curled his head into my chest.

Burying my face in the crook of his neck, I slid my hands down his arms, feeling the muscles bulge as they worked overtime to keep me grinding against him. My body took over, moving in time with his, the rhythm intensifying with every stroke.

“Adam, I…,” I panted.

“I know, baby, I know…me too,” he said huskily as the pressure increased, sucking my nipple into his mouth while moving me harder and faster against him.

With my entire focus on the ache between my legs, I welcomed Adam’s mouth back to mine, his tongue flicking and caressing my own, as we both gasped for breath. I whimpered as the buildup became almost unbearable and Adam pulled back, biting his bottom lip as he watched my face through hooded eyes.

With one final shudder, I let out a breathless cry as my body tensed, then trembled over and over with the most earth-shattering orgasm I’d ever had rippling through my entire being. My shaky legs gripped Adam as his fingers dug in deeper, supporting my spent body in his hands. From around my hips, his arms tensed, the muscles rock hard as his head dropped to my chest. I clung to his torso, spurring him on with soft kisses over his wet brow while his movements became jerky, his breath coming out in short bursts, heating my cold skin.

I hugged Adam to me. Waiting for my breathing to calm down while Adam tenderly kissed away a silent tear.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his concerned eyes searching my face.

I nodded. He really had no idea just how okay I was. I finally felt like a sexy woman.

The cold was creeping in again now that we had stopped moving, and I shivered as I hugged Adam for any scrap of warmth.

“I hope there ain’t any early risers stayin’ in the other houses along the beach,” I said, searching for any movement in the still dark homes. “I’d hate to think we’ve just put on a show for the neighbors.”

Laughing, we decided it was time to get out and dry off before the day began for the residents and people came out to walk their dogs or go for their morning runs. We hadn’t really done much swimming, but I felt as if I’d run a marathon as I walked on wobbly legs back up the sand to the blankets.

“I can’t believe I agreed to do that. The water’s freezin’,” I told him, draping myself in the warmest blanket I could find.

“You didn’t, but I had to get you in there somehow.”

I chased Adam until he let me catch him, my feeble attempt to punch him for tricking me thwarted when he cocooned me in his blanket. Dropping my blanket, I let his body heat warm me as I snuggled into his chest, his heart skipping merrily as I pulled him closer to me.

“Same time tomorrow?” he asked as we shuffled up the sand heading for the back deck.

I smiled. “Maybe.” One thing was for sure—I needed to put those wax strips to good use.

  

After our skinny-dipping a few days ago, I decided some personal grooming was long overdue, so I spent all morning in the bathroom before going back to the computer and continuing my manuscript. I needed a break from the screen and to get some fresh air. I’d expected to see Adam a little while ago but he hadn’t come over. I knew I should feel comfortable enough to go over to his rental any time I wanted, especially since we had taken our relationship to the next level—and heaven knew he spent most of his time here, coming and going as he pleased.

Checking the clock again, I decided to be bold and venture over to his house to ask if he felt like going for a brisk walk along the beach. Surely the invitation of a walk was a casual enough thing that a friend would do and if he said no, well, I’d try to plaster on a smile and go on my own. No harm done.

Climbing the stairs to the back deck, I rehearsed my invitation in my head until it sounded just right. As my body blocked the sun from reflecting off the glass, movement caught my attention, and I peered inside. Adam was reclining on the sofa, with a woman leaning over him, her long blonde hair falling over her shoulders. Stopping dead in my tracks, I was torn between running back to the safety of my house before they saw me, and the macabre desire to torture myself and see more. Unable to will my feet to move, I watched as she ran her hand down Adam’s arm until she was holding his hand and then lightly patted it, grasping it between both of hers.

The affection they shared was obvious, but I told myself it was a friendly gesture as I pushed down the churning doubt in my stomach.

Max’s excited whimper from inside distracted me for a split second. When I looked back up, both Adam and the woman were staring back at me. I didn’t know where to look as I noticed Adam’s bare chest, then the mortified wide-eyed expression on his face. But it was the smug cocked eyebrow on the woman, mocking my confusion, that raised my heart to my throat.

Shaking my head in disbelief, I told my eyes not to deceive me as tears brimmed, blurring my vision. Taking three deep breaths, I tried to calm my racing heart while the woman, who looked immaculate in a clinging gray knitted dress, approached and opened the door. She resembled someone you would expect to see on a catwalk wearing a two-million-dollar bra and fluffy angel wings, and my jaw dropped open. I couldn’t stop my eyes from scanning her chest—her boobs were the most perfectly rounded mounds I’d ever seen. I looked at her face—yep, perfect teeth, perfect complexion, and perfect full, bouncy blonde hair.

I’m sure she was waiting for me to speak, to justify my intrusion on their private moment, but there were no words. There wasn’t one lucid thought in my head. All my concentration was focused on just getting through these next few minutes, second by second, with as much dignity as I could muster.

I stood on my tippy-toes to look past her into the living room, searching for Adam, expecting that any second now he would reassure me that what I thought I had seen wasn’t really so. And there he was, quickly slipping his sweater back over his head and running his hands through his hair to try to tidy the unruly mess.

“Hi, ah, Evie,” he said, hurrying over. He turned his body and slid between the Amazonian princess and the door, stepping out onto the deck. “What are…what are you doing over here?” he asked, wringing his hands as he avoided my gaze. “I was going to come over a bit later.”

I shook my head, my eyes pleading with him to tell me that my gut feeling was wrong. “I…I didn’t mean to interrupt.” My eyes darted to the blonde as she leaned against the doorjamb, arms crossed over her ample bust. “I was…I was just goin’ for a walk.” I needed to flee this crushing scene while what little composure remained was intact, but as luck would have it, the woman who had been watching me with a cat-that-caught-the-canary look on her face, decided to speak.

“Hi, I’m Annabel,” she said in a smooth-as-silk voice as she extended her hand.

My stomach dropped, my eyes darting to Adam. “This is Annabel? But you said…”

“Yeah…” His hand rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Annabel, this is Evie, my neighbor. Evie, Annabel.” He indicated between us with his hand but his eyes were fixed firmly on his feet.

My Southern good manners kicked in and I gave her my best beaming smile. “How lovely to meet you, Annabel. Adam’s told me all about you.”

She hesitated, her gaze shifting to Adam before she smiled smugly. “Well, don’t believe everything he tells you.”

“Oh, I don’t,” I stated flatly.

Adam shifted uncomfortably as he regarded me from under his lashes, his jaw clenched. “Well, you’d better get going, Anna,” he finally said, breaking the deafening silence.

“Sure. I’ll see you in Philly in a couple days?” Leaning over, she kissed his cheek. He recoiled as if her lips were scorching hot.

She pulled a business card from her purse. “My office has moved, so here are my new numbers. Let me know when you’re coming. I’ll clear my afternoon.”

She handed him the card and quick as a fox I scanned that piece of paper as if my life depended on it. Dr. Annabel Carmichael. Then there were a whole lot of letters I couldn’t make out, but I didn’t need to—it was her title that leapt out and smacked me in the face.

Bitch is a doctor.

Adam shoved the card into his back pocket and mumbled, “Thanks.” His brow furrowed as he watched my eyes mist over. After everything he’d told me about her and how she had treated him, he was going back to her. It didn’t make sense. Was I really so naïve to think that what we had started to build together could compete with what they once had?

She beamed at him, her eyes all doelike as she batted her six-inch eyelashes. “I’m so glad you’ve changed your mind. I just know this coming year will be a good one.”

I was seething and totally embarrassed at the same time, the throbbing from my wax adventure being overtaken by my heartbeat drumming in my ears. She was beautiful and successful but that was no consolation for making him feel like dirt.

“That’s a nasty rash you have on your chin,” she said, examining my chafed skin. “You need to use vitamin E cream.”

My sudden moment of triumph at her realization that Adam and I had been kissing was short-lived.

“I used to get the most wicked beard rash—only not on my face. It was so bad at times I could hardly walk.” She chuckled.

My cheeks grew hot as I looked at Adam, feeling more insignificant with every passing moment.

He cringed and covered his face with his hand. “Jesus, Anna, is that really necessary?” he snapped.

She giggled like a silly schoolgirl, totally unperturbed by Adam not laughing along. “Still, he would never shave this off.” She scruffed his beard affectionately, and I gripped the railing until my knuckles turned white to stop myself from flying at her or him. She was blatantly flirting with him, but what had my teeth grinding was that he did nothing to stop her. He must know how I was feeling, that finding the two of them together was heartbreaking, but to have no regard for my feelings and let it continue on was shameless.

With a curt nod in my direction, she rounded the deck to descend the stairs that led to the carport, and I watched as she strutted for any sign of her being chafed between the thighs.

I couldn’t look at Adam; my stomach churned with disappointment in him. I was so disillusioned by what had just gone down.

“Evie, I…” He stepped in front of me with outstretched hands, but I backed away. Just the thought of him touching me made me feel dirty. I turned on my heels and as quickly as possible, headed back to my house.

Slamming the door behind me so hard I was worried the glass would shatter, I clicked the lock, then braced my hands on my knees as racking sobs tumbled out. My heart pounded against my ribs as I slumped to the floor, unable to catch my breath.

What an idiot I had been, getting all wrapped up in this gorgeous man to the point where I had started to work out, in my head, the logistics of a long-distance relationship with him after the winter was over. I was here to write, not fall in love. Just to write.

Drying my face with my top, I took a moment to gather my thoughts before picking myself up off the floor. I needed to forget about Adam. After everything I’d been through with Charles, I didn’t need my heart broken all over again when it was still so fragile. Storming over to my laptop, I plonked myself down on the chair and shoved my glasses up the bridge of my nose. No more distractions. No making out on the beach under the stars, or early morning swims where I could strategically drape myself around his neck and rub against his hard naked body as the water lapped around us.

No more.

Thank goodness I’d discovered the truth before things had gone any further. He had said he was through with Annabel, but based on the affectionate way she was touching him, they were far from over. He’d shown his true colors—he wasn’t the man I thought he was.

Besides, I didn’t need to spend any more time with him to finish my story. I already had every inch of his ridiculous gorgeousness committed to memory. Every contour of his face, the way his hair curled around his ears when it was wet. The thickness of his lashes and the curve of his perfectly bowed lips when he smiled.

I didn’t need him, because his sculpted torso with its broad shoulders and defined pecs that led down to his rock-hard abdominals were forever etched in my mind and woven into every part of my main male character. His facial expressions and body language graced every page of my manuscript, but one thing was for sure—my fireman Mac would never treat Stacey the way Adam had treated me. He would never deceive her and play her for a fool. But then, that was the beauty of writing—I could make anything happen. I could make him hung like a bull, wanting and panting with desperation, or lusty and domineering with just a few taps on the keyboard.

Of course, there would be no more mouthwatering home-cooked meals accompanied by good wine and scintillating conversation, either. But cold coffee and three-day-old doughnuts were just fine with me. I scraped the chair back and strode over to the bench to grab a doughnut, then thought better of it and seized the remainder of the packet. Maybe the sugar rush would kill me and I’d be done with the whole foolish schoolgirl crush.

There was a knock on the back door, and I spun around to find Adam peering through the glass, his hands cupped around his eyes to ward off reflection. Taking a deep breath to calm my temper, I stomped over to the door, then grabbed the edge of the curtain and yanked it across in front of him, blocking his view.

There were no explanations necessary. Nothing he could say to weasel his way out of what had just happened. Sure, we were just friends, and we hadn’t even slept together. But we’d done more than kiss, and it had been the best damn kiss I’d ever had, and I was so pissed because I would never experience a kiss like that again in my lifetime. I was sure of it.

“Evie…Evie, open the door,” he called.

You have got to be shittin’ me.

“Evie, I need to talk to you.”

Standing on the other side of the curtain with my arms crossed over my chest, I listened to his voice become increasingly urgent. His accent seemed stronger when he was tired or drunk—and apparently when he was in deep shit and trying to explain away something that couldn’t be forgiven.

“Evelyn, please open the door. It’s not what you think.”

I pulled the curtain back as if on autopilot. The shock of hearing my proper name spoken from Adam’s lips was like a time warp, and for all my progress over the last few months, I had to fight the urge to give in straightaway. Charles had always called me Evelyn, preferring it to the more familiar Evie, and I knew the consequences for not listening when he spoke. Still, I didn’t owe Adam anything.

“What?” I shouted through the door, hands firmly planted on hips. “I don’t care if you’re sorry, Adam. I ain’t interested in your feeble excuses.”

He slumped, his head tilted to one side. “I didn’t come over to apologize. I need to ask…” He ran his hand through his hair. “I need to ask a favor.”

My head was shaking no, but I knew I would cave and do as he asked. I was a people pleaser and having someone ask me for something was my biggest weakness.

“What do you want, Adam?” I snapped, jerking the door open.

“It’s not what you think, Evie,” he said again quickly, stepping into the room before I had a chance to change my mind, Max in tow.

“So ya ain’t goin’ to Philly?” My arms were crossed defensively over my chest, warning him not to come near me.

“I am.” He hesitated, smoothing his beard in the place where Annabel had raked her fingers through it. “I have an appointment this week, so…”

I’d never heard of a booty call being referred to as an appointment. Maybe she was a hooker?

Turning, I walked to the sofa and sat heavily. This was too much. Were we seriously going to discuss this like two old friends? As if he hadn’t just ripped my heart out of my chest by parading his gorgeous ex-girlfriend in front of me? And why wasn’t she upset that I’d obviously been kissing her ex-boyfriend like nobody’s business? Maybe they had an open relationship where they could be with other people, but that wasn’t okay with me. I wasn’t prepared to be someone’s number two, even if he was the most extraordinary man I’d ever met.

“So go. I don’t need to know all the sordid details, Adam.” Tears pricked my eyes but I fought them back. We hadn’t known each other long enough for my blubbering to be seen as anything more than me being some crazy obsessed nutcase, trying to cling to something that was never really there.

His deep blue eyes searched my face as his hand took mine. Even as he was smashing my heart he was showing compassion. Damn him.

“Please don’t.” I pulled my hand away, shoving it between my thighs and out of reach.

“It’s not what you think, with Annabel. We’re not together anymore.”

“I saw you gettin’ dressed, Adam. If it’s not what I think, then tell me why else you would be half naked with her all over you?”

I waited. I waited for what felt like a lifetime for him to explain it away, and for a moment I thought he was going to. He opened his mouth to speak, but then his eyes…changed. From the open lines of communication we’d always had, a wall went up and he shut me out.

“Whatever, Adam. It doesn’t matter. It’s not my business what you do,” I said resignedly as I stood and headed for the door.

Adam followed behind. “Evie, please, you have to believe me. I would never do anything to hurt you.” He rested his hand on my shoulder, the warmth drawing me back to him. “I can’t go into it right now—I need to get organized before I leave—but I’ll be back in a few days.” His fingers brushed my collarbone and I closed my eyes, unable to control the racing of my heart. “I need to ask…would you mind looking after Max while I’m gone? It’s a long drive to Philly for a dog and I’ll only be there a day, two at the most.”

I sighed. I couldn’t be angry with Max—he was less of a dog than his owner.

“Fine. Everythin’s just fine. You go do what ya need to do.” I forced a smile, thankful that I’d had so many years of being let down by Charles and cloaking my disappointment behind a well-worn mask. “We’ll be okay, won’t we, Max?” I scruffed the dog’s head and he wagged his tail excitedly.

I was dying inside, my heart so heavy I thought I would never be happy again, but I couldn’t show it. It was yet another carryover legacy from my time with Charles.

Adam studied my face and I held the illusion that I was perfectly fine with his going away. “There’s really nothing going on with Annabel. Do you believe me?”

I nodded, but didn’t risk speaking for fear that my voice would catch in my throat, betraying me. I didn’t believe him, but more than anything I didn’t want to make a fool of myself by breaking down in front of him. They had so much history together, where as we had only a few weeks. If he had chosen her, then that was just something I would have to deal with.

He smiled, his demeanor relaxed as he stepped through the doorway. “Thanks, Buttercup. I’ll see you in a few days.”

I ain’t doin’ it for you. I’m doin’ it for Max.

Sliding the door closed, I turned my back as my bottom lip began to tremble. “And stop callin’ me Buttercup.”

  

Writer’s block is a bitch…a bitch named Annabel.

I couldn’t get her shiny blonde locks out of my head, or the way her boobs stayed perfectly still as she moved. I would put money that when she lay on her back, those titties kept pointing straight up to God. She was obviously so full of plastic they would melt right off if she got too close to a fire. Still, she did look as if she’d just stepped off the cover of Vogue. No wonder Adam was running back to Philly to see her; she was gorgeous.

I had to stop. All this obsessing over Barbie and Ken was driving me insane. I needed a sanity check.

“Ang, I need you,” I blurted out when she answered on the third ring. “Can you come to the Hamptons for the weekend, please?”

Offloading the kids with her parents was never a problem for Angie; in fact, I think she looked for an excuse to get away from them. She was an amazing mother and doted on them, but now that she was raising them on her own, and received no support from her cheating ex-husband, the chance for a girls’ weekend was like a trip to the Bahamas.

Angie was on my doorstep within hours, still dressed in her business suit and heels, her arrival announced by Max’s protective barking at the door. She looked flustered, and I felt bad for not telling her that it wasn’t a life or death emergency, only that my heart had been broken once again. Taking one look at my swollen, bloodshot eyes and disheveled appearance, Angie dropped her bags and pulled me into a hug.

“What’d the dirtbag do?” she muffled into my hair. “Come, tell Aunt Ang all ’bout it.”

I filled Angie in on all the gory details. The supermodel figure, the blonde shiny hair, the slinky outfit that hugged her shape perfectly, and the fact that on top of all that, she was a doctor with loads of letters after her name.

“Well at least you hadn’t slept with him yet, right?”

I shook my head. “Not exactly.”

Her eyes lit up. “What?”

Despite feeling as if I’d been pulled through the wringer, I couldn’t help laughing at her reaction. Just having Angie there made me feel better. Good enough at least to have a shower and change out of my sweats and sloppy sweater. She followed me into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed while I entered the bathroom, leaving the door open so we could shout over the sound of the shower.

I told her about Christmas night on the beach and the make-out session that had ensued. Even under the thundering water, I could hear her squealing with delight as I went into too much detail explaining our swim the next morning and how he had so easily found my buttons and pushed them.

“Well, I’m sorry things didn’t work out, hon,” she said, reclining on the bed while I dressed. “But at least now you’ve discovered that a guy who knows his way ‘round can get your motor running. That’s somethin’.”

That was true. All my years with Charles had never amounted to any more than a tingle, and secretly I was worried that maybe there was something wrong with me. Maybe my inability to get pregnant was somehow linked to my hormones and libido, and I was destined to live my entire life, not knowing how it felt to be totally swept away with lust to the point where you were screaming the walls down.

Angie was on a mission and decided I needed to know my competition, or enemy, as she put it. Not that I saw Annabel as competition; I was nowhere near her league in looks or brains, and I was pretty certain in the bedroom either. Still, I was curious to find out a little more about her, to discover what was so wonderful about this woman that had Adam running back to her even after she had laughed at his marriage proposal and broken his heart. How could he forgive something like that and sleep with her again after she’d clearly thought that she was so superior to him? He was sweet and thoughtful and sexy. He had come into my life and swept me away with how caring and helpful he had been. I needed to understand for my own peace of mind.

We typed in what we knew, which wasn’t much.

“Her name’s Dr. Annabel Carmichael, XYZPQM, or somethin’ like that. From Philadelphia.”

Angie looked at me quizzically. “What the hell does XYZPQM mean?”

“I don’t know. She had a stack of letters after her name. PhD somethin’ or other.”

As soon as we typed in a few basics and hit Enter, page after page of search results pinged up, and I scanned them greedily, looking for any chink in her armor. If there was one, it wasn’t in print.

The more I read, the more I wished we hadn’t gone exploring for dirt. She was as clean as a whistle, and then some. From accolades in breakthrough surgery techniques, to published articles in prestigious medical journals. If there were sainthood on offer, she would have won that too.

“Okay, so do you feel better or worse knowin’ the woman who burst your bliss bubble is a freakin’ cardiologist who can juggle, tap dance, and recite poetry in French while performin’ a heart transplant blindfolded?”

That image made me laugh a little maniacally. I dropped my head into my hands. How did I ever think I could compete with that? The woman had every base covered, and the man of my dreams was icing on the cake. What did I have to offer someone like Adam?

We decided to get business out of the way, so I showed Angie what I had written so far. I was probably two-thirds of the way through the first draft, but she was pleasantly surprised, especially with the kissing scene.

“That’s steamy,” she said. “Good as anythin’ I’ve read by published authors.”

That had me beaming. I had been so concerned I wouldn’t measure up to the other authors Ang had signed and would let her down.

“So are you gonna write as Eden Rose, or use your real name?”

I hadn’t thought about that. I had only written as Eden Rose because I’d wanted the anonymity at college, for myself as well as for Charles. Now that I was an adult and no longer with Charles, the whole secrecy factor didn’t need to come into play. I could publish as Evie Rivers, and if I ever met a man and wanted to settle down, well, he would just have to accept me and my career.

Angie tapped away at the computer, making notes in my manuscript, while I took Max for a quick walk on the beach to get some fresh air. I could tell by his restlessness that he was waiting for Adam to come home, and as soon as we were outside, he ran to Adam’s house and up onto the back deck, but the little cottage was dark.

“Come on, Maxie, your dad’s not home yet.”

His head tilted to one side, his big brown eyes full of sadness.

“I know, buddy. I miss ’im, too, but at least you’ll get to spend time with ’im when he comes back.” I stroked his fur. “I don’t think I’ll be spendin’ much time with ’im anymore.”

I wiped my teary eyes, and Max and I trudged back home to the warmth of the welcoming fire. It was New Year’s Eve, but we weren’t planning on going out.

Instead, Angie opened her suitcase, half of which was full of booze. “I stopped off for essentials on the way here,” she announced, grinning, holding up a bottle of Patrón in one hand and three limes in the other. Tucked under her arms was a bottle of champagne, and one of Jim Beam. “Pick your poison.”

We popped the champagne first, deciding it would go best with dinner, not that there was much for dinner. Having neglected the grocery shopping once more and not having Adam there to cook and take care of things in the kitchen, the only food I could find was some leftover spaghetti carbonara and cold pepperoni pizza.

Making ourselves comfortable on cushions on the floor around the coffee table, we tucked into the thrown-together dinner. It was reminiscent of our college days, and it made me teary to think that so much had happened in our lives that had jaded us, from Angie’s cheating husband to my marriage turning into gray nothingness over the years. We’d had our share of heartache but we were still here, each hopeful that one day our very own Prince Charming would come along.

“We need a toast,” Angie said, refilling my glass. “To bein’ a kick-ass success in the literary world, and makin’ all the douchebags that have crossed our paths regret breakin’ our hearts.”

I drank to that. How could I not? “Well, I know one thing for sure—I’m givin’ up men. My tunnel vision is firmly set on finishin’ this book. My only concern is writin’ steamy sex scenes when I have no experience to draw on.” I was worried. How could I convincingly write about people getting hot and sweaty when I’d had no experience? Now writing about waxing the furniture or making cupcakes for a bake sale, that I could do no problem.

“You need to watch some porn so you can see firsthand the positions you wanna write about,” Angie suggested.

“I reckon I need a drink for that.”

“I’ve got just the thing.”

While Angie opened the bottle of Patrón, I found the shot glasses. We set up the laptop on the coffee table so we could both see, then sat back into the soft cushions of the sofa. I had no idea where to look up porn, so Angie took over.

“Ya need to go into Redtube and search Decker Steele,” she explained, typing in the URL. “He’s A-grade amazin’ porn, not like some of the B-grade actors who you wouldn’t touch with a full-body condom.” She grimaced at the thought, making me giggle. It seemed the alcohol was having the desired effect, and I was beginning to unwind.

As easy as that, my laptop screen was tarnished for life, as various body parts did the bump and grind up close.

“There he is.” She sighed, as if she were watching an old friend.

“Oh, he’s quite attractive, isn’t he?” For some reason I’d been expecting some hairy, potbellied middle-aged man with a cheesy mustache, but that was not the case at all.

“Yep, he’s my go-to guy. There’s nothin’ a vibrator and Decker can’t fix.”

Man, I needed to be taking notes. As we watched the naked gymnastic display unfold, my thoughts went to the first conversation I’d had with Adam, where he had described various positions in detail. It was one thing to have them explained, but seeing them brought the entire scenario together. I finally understood what Adam was trying to convey. I could use this in my books—maybe not the emotion behind the deed, as these people were acting, but definitely the physicality.

I watched in awe as bodies writhed in unison and people moaned in ecstasy. Decker moved farther down the buxom beauty and Angie and I tilted our heads to the right to get a better view of the tongue tricks he was performing for our viewing pleasure.

“He’s won awards for that,” she stated.

“I ain’t surprised.” But watching Decker weave his magic just made me think of Adam giving Annabel a rash.

Angie must have sensed my mood change and quickly clicked the video off.

“Now this is what you don’t wanna describe.” She clicked into a fuzzy, older-looking clip. From the décor in the room it had been shot in the ‘70s. The guy was the cliché porn actor that I had imagined. The girl looked so high I doubted she would be able to recite the alphabet.

“Let’s make this a bit more fun,” Angie suggested. “Turn it into a drinkin’ game.”

I liked the sound of that. I needed something to get the image of Adam from my mind.

“Every time the guy says ‘you like it like that’…”

“Or the girl says ‘oh, yeah, baby,’” I added.

“We have to do a shot.”

Within half an hour, I was feeling so mellow I could have slid from the sofa onto the floor and stayed there.

“She likes it like that!” we cheered in unison, clinked glasses, and took the shot.

“Would I like it like that?” I wondered out aloud.

Angie laughed. “You would. Not with that gorilla, but yeah, ya would.”

Maybe it was the alcohol affecting my mood, but a wave of regret and despair washed over me.

“I’m never gonna have sex again,” I muttered. “I shouldn’t have left Charles.”

“Are ya kiddin’ me? You were married for seven years—seven—and he never made your toes curl the way Adam did.”

“We could’ve worked on it,” I offered.

“A leopard can’t change his stripes.”

I frowned. “Leopards don’t have stripes.”

“Exactly,” she said, as if it was a done deal.

We sat in silence for a while, watching the Neanderthal on-screen. Every minute or two we took a shot, as the script seemed to consist of very little other than the two phrases we’d picked out.

My head was buzzing from the Patrón, until one singular thought entered my mind: I needed to speak to Charles.

Picking up my phone from the coffee table, I barely managed to unlock the keypad. “I’m gonna call Charles, see how he’s doin’.”

Before my sluggish reflexes could react, Angie took a dive at me, snatching the phone from my hand and tumbling off my lap and onto the floor, where she sprang up like a ninja and scurried into the kitchen.

“I won’t let ya do it,” she called, bouncing up and down while holding the phone above her head.

I raced over, blocking the only entrance in or out from behind the kitchen counter. “Gimme that phone.”

She zigged and I zagged, resembling something that might be seen at a wrestling match.

“Nope, ain’t gonna happen.” She was still holding the phone above her head, as if she were six feet tall and I wouldn’t be able to reach. But she was shorter than me, and with her heels kicked off long ago, she was barely up to my shoulder.

I made a play for it, but she was surprisingly quick for someone who was plastered. She ducked left and I just managed to catch her leg as she darted past. Angie went sliding along the polished floorboards and I followed her down, both of us sprawled on our stomachs, laughing our asses off.

Crawling to the phone that had slid under the coffee table, I grabbed it up, holding it behind my back.

“Back away, Ang.”

She raised her head to look at me for a moment, before admitting defeat and flopping face-first back down on the floor.

Dialing my phone was a whole other challenge as the keypad blurred into three. Finally, I found Charles’s number and hit the call button.

“Evelyn, this is a pleasant surprise,” he drawled. “To what do I owe the honor?”

Closing my eyes, I imagined his perfect teeth, formed into the rehearsed smile, beaming at me from the other end of the line.

“Hello, Charles, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,” I said cheerily. “Just thought I’d call to say hi and see how y’all are doin’.”

In my mind I sounded perfectly normal, but he picked up my slurred words straightaway.

“You sound like you’ve been havin’ a good time. Where are ya, Evelyn?”

I looked around, frowning. “I’m on the sofa.”

His resonating chuckle echoed down the phone. “And where’s that sofa?”

In the livin’ room.

“Oh, I’m in the Hamptons. It’s just lovely here. You should see the place. It’s right on the beach. You’d love it, Charles.”

We chatted amicably for a few minutes, Charles asking me exactly where the house was, and me trying to give directions by picturing an area in my foggy brain that I didn’t really know. It was good to hear his voice, familiar. Throughout our separation he had remained hopeful, always making it known that he didn’t want the marriage to end. For him it was for life, and I’d always thought it was for me, too, but I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t face the prospect of one more day waking up beside him and feeling empty. One more day of having to wear the false smile and pretend that everything was wonderful when I was dying, little by little, inside. I had truly believed we would both be happier apart. Now? Well now that I had experienced what was out there in the world, maybe I had been wrong. Maybe feeling nothing for the man you were with was better than being heartbroken. I knew Charles so well and with a little stroking of his ego I was sure we could live harmoniously together.

We said our goodbyes and promised to talk again soon, maybe even catch up for lunch. By the time I’d hung up the phone, a sense of relief had washed over me. I wasn’t cut out for the big bad world. If the shock of my leaving could help me convince Charles to accept my writing career and perhaps attend counseling, the possibility of reconciliation seemed promising.

Angie had finally picked herself up from the floor and was sitting beside me. “I must be seein’ things. There’s either a drop-dead gorgeous guy who’s just materialized at your door, or I seriously need to drink more often so he’s a permanent figment of my imagination.”

Trying to focus as my head slowly turned, my heart leapt to my throat when I saw Adam standing on the other side of the glass, hands on hips, looking totally lickable.

“Humph, that’s Adam.”

“Oh, yeah, baby!” Angie cried, but I wasn’t sure if it was in response to the video clip, or Adam’s presence. Either way, she took another shot.

“I ain’t lettin’ him in,” I said, scowling, but Max had other ideas as he raced to the window, his tail wagging furiously as he jumped in circles waiting for me to unlock the door.

“Yes, you are. You’re gonna let him in and make him grovel. Then when he’s groveled a significant amount, you’re gonna drag him into the bedroom and let him do all the unspeakable things we’ve been watchin’ for the last hour.”

I staggered over to the door, tripping on the edge of the rug and nearly falling on my ass.

“Yes, Mr. Walker, what can I do for ya?” Squinting my eyes, I tried to see just one of him as I slid the glass open.

He wore a devilishly handsome smile as he leaned down to say hello to his excited best friend. “I just got back and came straight over.” His hand went to my cheek. “I missed you, Evie. Thought I’d come over and bring in the new year with you. Looks like I’ve missed the party, though.” He frowned, his gaze shifting from me to the laptop, as the grunting on the clip grew louder, piquing my suspicion that Angie had cranked the volume up. “What are you watching?”

I swung around, holding firmly to the door handle for balance. “Angie, my very best friend in the world, and I are watchin’ porn—for research.”

“Oh quick, Evie, shot…she likes it like that!”

I raced over to my glass but Adam was quicker, taking the glass and downing the Patrón himself.

He turned to Angie, who was studying him through squinted eyes. “Hi, I’m Adam,” he said with a sexy-as-sin smile.

Angie gave him a cool nod before glancing in my direction. I couldn’t help it—just seeing Adam had me turning to goo all over again. She sighed, reading my puppy-dog eyes like a polished novel.

“Pleased to meet you, Adam. Why don’t ya have a drink?”

Smiling, he took hold of the Patrón. “I think I’ve got some catching up to do,” he said as he filled the glass and shot that one back as well.

Snatching the bottle from his hand, I lost my balance, toppling back onto the sofa with a thud. Adam caught the bottle just in time before it hit the floor, placing it back on the table.

“I think you need some fresh air, Evie.” He held out his hand. “Come with me.”

Impressively, I managed to make it to the steps leading from the deck to the sand before planting my backside down on the rough wood.

For the longest time we sat quietly, watching and listening to the ocean. Adam’s hand rested gently on my knee, his thumb lightly stroking my leg. It was warm and comforting; then in my drunken haze, tears rose and tipped over my lashes.

Finally, Adam spoke. “I think I’m missing something here, baby. Can you fill me in, please? I thought you were okay with me going to Philly for a couple of days. You said you were fine.” He studied my face, his brow furrowed. “I’m guessing you weren’t really okay with it.”

My head clunked against the railing and stayed there, my silent tears turning into loud, blubbering sobs. “You…you left me here and now Abannel’s…got…got a beard rash on her cooch, and she can’t walk.”

He sniggered beside me. “Baby, if Abannel’s got a rash on her cooch, it has nothing to do with me.”

“Ya know her boobs ain’t real, right?” For some reason it seemed important that he know that. “I mean, when I lie on my back, my boobs go squish and spread to the sides. Hers would stand up straight.”

Adam covered his mouth to hide the laughter. “Thank you for the visual, and yes I know they’re not real. I helped pay for them.”

“Why’d ya do that?”

“Because she wanted them, and I wanted to make her happy.”

“Would you pay for my fake boobs?” I inquired.

“You don’t need implants. Yours are perfect the way they are, even if they do go squish when you lie down.”

“You went to see her, though, didn’t you? That’s why ya went runnin’ off to Philadelphia.”

“What? No, hang on. I told you I had an appointment. She had to sign some documents for me—that was why she was here—but I didn’t see her while I was away. I didn’t even call her, I promise.”

I could hear talking, but I wasn’t listening. All I could picture was Adam doing to Miss Freaking America what I’d been watching for the last hour.

“Evie…Evelyn, listen to me.”

I turned my head, tears blurring my vision.

“Oh, Evie.” He held my hands, squeezing them gently in his, his thumbs stroking my knuckles. “From past experience I know you probably won’t remember half of what I’m about to say, which is why I feel comfortable saying it. I came here tonight to bring in the new year with you, Evie. I had given up that this coming year would be one that I would even want to welcome, but meeting you has changed all that. It’s given me hope and it’s made me want to fight. You won’t understand what that means, and that’s fine.” He lifted my hand, placing it over his heart. “But I want you to know that there’s an island in here for you, and it’s one I want to spend a lot of time on.”

I tapped my chest. “You’re in here too.”

My head was swimming and I suddenly felt hot and clammy. Standing, I just managed to lean over the railing as tequila came flooding out, burning my throat.

“Now I know you definitely won’t remember anything I just said.”

My legs buckled, but Adam’s arms were there to catch me. One hand went to my hair, pulling it back and holding it as the next wave of nausea hit me. My body and mind weren’t connected as Adam led me back inside.

“I’m putting Evie to bed. I think she’s had enough merriment for one night.”

“I’ll do that,” Angie slurred, attempting to stand.

“No. I don’t wanna go to bed with you. I wanna go to bed with him,” I mumbled.

“Did he grovel, hon?”

“I’ve got an island, Ang.”

“That a girl. Go get him, ya little porn star.”

Adam’s chest vibrated and I’m sure he was laughing his ass off, but I couldn’t turn my head to check.

We made it to the bathroom before I had to dive for the toilet, dry retching. The tiles were hard and cold beneath my knees as my head rested on the seat, but I couldn’t move. I was positive I was going to die.

Adam steered me to the floor, where he had laid a quilt for padding. He sat leaning against the bath while I gingerly placed my head in his lap and he tucked the quilt around me. Sleep began to consume me as he stroked my hair tenderly.

“Sorry I spoiled your New Year’s Eve,” I said softly as my eyes closed and I lay perfectly still to stop the room from spinning.

“You didn’t spoil anything, Buttercup. There’s nowhere else I would rather be.”