April 1849
Do I look all right, Sissy? Oh, I’m still so thin.”
Standing in the Randolphs’ spare bedroom, which she and her sister had shared through the winter months, Amanda had to fight tears as she fluffed out Sarah’s veil. Throughout the long trek over the Oregon Trail she had envisioned life with the two of them together, running a store… for several years, at least, if not forever. But God’s plans had proven to be vastly different from hers. She would content herself with the few months that dream had been reality.
“He’ll be rendered speechless,” Amanda finally murmured, mustering a smile. Her fingertips lightly touched a cluster of seed pearls and alabaster sequins adorning the fitted lace bodice. “You’ve done a beautiful job on your gown. Maddie would be pleased to see how those years of stitching and samplers paid off.”
Sarah covered Amanda’s hand with hers. “I only wish I weren’t moving away. Won’t you please reconsider closing the shop and coming with us to Mount Shasta?” she pleaded. “Jared always said you were more than welcome. And you know how Bethy and Tad became enamored of you while they stayed here and Jared went off to find a place of our own.”
With a stoic smile, Amanda met the younger girl’s shimmering eyes in the oval cheval glass. “Not just yet. It’s so convenient here on the farm, with Sacramento only a few miles away. You know how busy we’ve been, what with that tide of newcomers pouring west. Mr. Randolph doesn’t seem to mind my using the wagon to drive to town and back every day—and besides, you need some time to be alone with that new little family of yours. You’re a bride, remember?”
“I… sometimes feel a little guilty about that,” Sarah confessed quietly. “After all, he did ask you first.” Taking a fold of the lacy skirt in hand, she stepped away from the mirror and sat on the multihued counterpane draping the four-poster.
Amanda eased gently onto the rocker, so as not to crush the cerulean taffeta gown she wore. “Well, it’s time to put those feelings to rest. You and I both know I never loved him in that way. And I could hardly miss seeing that you did.”
A light pink tinted her sister’s delicate cheekbones.
Increasingly conscious that soon enough the buckboard would bring Jared and his children, Amanda was determined to keep the mood light… the last sweet moments before Sarah’s wedding ceremony would bring the younger girl’s old life to an end and embark her upon the new. “It’ll be ever so exciting,” she gushed. “I wonder what your house looks like. I’m surprised Jared was able to finish it so quickly.”
“Probably not quite as grand as this one, I’d venture. He wouldn’t even give me a hint in his letters—and no doubt the little ones have been sworn to secrecy, too. I only hope the curtains I’ve sewn will fit the windows. It’ll be nice having those braided rugs Mrs. Randolph taught me how to make, though, and the pretty needlepoint pillows you’ve done. But no matter what, I’m determined to like it—and to be the best wife and stepmother in the world. Perhaps one day the Lord will see fit to bless me with a child of my own.”
Amanda felt tears welling deep inside. Tomorrow the shop in town would seem unbearably quiet and empty without Sarah’s bubbliness. Happy as she was for her sister, it was difficult to dismiss the waves of sad reality that insisted upon washing over her.
The sound of approaching wagon wheels drifted from the lane leading into the rolling section of land.
Sarah sprang to her feet. “He’s here!” she whispered breathlessly, and moved to peer out the window.
“Don’t let him see you,” Amanda teased. “I’ll go downstairs and find out if everything’s ready.”
There was a soft rap on the door. Mrs. Randolph opened it and peeked around the jamb. “It’ll be just a few minutes, my dears.” Her glance fell upon the bride, and her eyes misted over. She stepped inside the room. “Oh now, just look at my sweet Sarah. Almost too purty to look at, I swear. I couldn’t be prouder of you if I was your own ma.”
Sarah Jane flew into the older woman’s arms. “Don’t you dare make me cry. I’ll spoil your pretty new dress.”
“Pshaw!” Mrs. Randolph clucked her tongue. “Don’t pay me no mind, even if some of my mountain of happiness spills out of these old eyes.” She switched her attention to Amanda, slowly assessing her from head to toe. “And my other sweet gal. Never were spring flowers as purty as the two of you.”
Barely containing her own emotions, Amanda joined the huge hug.
Mrs. Randolph’s bosom rose and fell as she tightened the embrace, then stepped back. “I’d imagine everybody’s in the right spot by now. I’ll go tell Cora to start the organ. Nelson Junior never told us his wife could play.”
As the first reedy notes drifted to their ears, Amanda moved to the top landing. Her eyes grew wide at the breathtaking transformation of the staircase and parlor. While she and Sarah had been fussing with curls and gowns, masses of brilliant orange poppies and blue lupine had been gathered to fill garlands, vases, and centerpieces to near overflowing. Here and there, tall tapers lent a golden aura of candlelight to the lovely scene. Taking one of the nosegays of spring beauties that Mrs. Randolph had thoughtfully left on the hall table, Amanda slowly started down, aware that all eyes in the house were upon her.
Hair slicked back and in his Sunday best, Charlie Randolph met her at the bottom landing and offered an arm, then escorted her toward the fireplace, where Jared Hill, in a crisp new shirt and black suit, waited with the minister. Bethany and Tad, seated off to one side with Mrs. Randolph, waved and smothered giggles.
Amanda took her place, then watched Jared flick his attention toward the top of the stairs to his bride. His expression of awe almost shattered her fragile composure. It was all she could do to hold herself together as Mr. Randolph escorted Sarah Jane to the side of her husband-to-be.
Lost in remembrances of all that had transpired to bring this moment about, Amanda witnessed the simple ceremony as if it were a dream… a blur of loving looks, tender smiles and murmured vows, the breathless kiss. Soft laughter at the end brought her back to reality. She blinked away threatening tears and fortified herself to extend her best wishes to the newlyweds. “Much happiness,” she managed to whisper as she hugged Sarah.
Returning the embrace, her sister kissed Amanda’s cheek. “Oh Mandy… I never knew there could be so much happiness as I feel right at this moment.”
Amanda moved into Jared’s open arms next. “I always wanted a brother,” she told him. “I’m so glad Sarah chose you. May God bless you both.”
He gave a light squeeze. “I’ll take care of her for you. I promise.”
“I’m sure you will. Be happy. God bless you both.”
He nodded. “When you come to visit, the kids will sing you a whole raft of new songs, I’ll wager. They begged me to make sure she brings her guitar home with us.”
Amanda’s lips parted. “You really like her music?”
“Well, sure! Can’t carry a tune in a bucket, myself, but Sarah’s pretty voice pleasures me.”
Amanda had to laugh. After a lavish celebration of Mrs. Randolph’s grandest fare, everyone went outside to see the newlyweds off.
Daylight was fading into a watercolor glory of muted rose and mauve as the setting sun gilded the edges of slender clouds low on the western horizon. A perfect end to a perfect day, Amanda decided. She bent to kiss Bethany and Tad, then their father swept them up into the wagon bed.
Sarah Jane threw her arms around Amanda once more, and they hugged hard for a long silent moment. Amanda knew instinctively that her sister was no more able to utter a word than she. Finally they eased apart with a teary smile. “Be happy,” Amanda whispered again as Jared came to whisk his bride away.
Waving after them, watching until the wagon was but a speck in the distance, Amanda’s heart was filled to bursting. She had never known such happiness.
Or such sadness.
Amanda plucked her shawl from a hook by the door and tossed it about her shoulders, then grabbed the parcel containing the men’s shirts she’d finished the night before. “Good-bye, Mrs. Randolph,” she called out. “I’m going now.”
“Take care on the road,” came the older woman’s answer from the backyard, where she was beating rugs on a clothesline.
Amanda drove the wagon at a leisurely pace toward the teeming settlement of Sacramento, whose level of noise and activity seemed to increase constantly. Every day brought more and more newcomers to replace those who had pulled up stakes and moved on to the next gold field. New businesses sprang up overnight in the very structures abandoned only days before. And an amazing number of lonesome, homesick men appeared at Amanda’s shop on the pretext of needing a button sewed on or a tear mended. She never imagined she’d receive so many proposals! But after having her heart shattered two times already, marriage was the last thing on her mind. Inhaling the heady scent of the spring flowers adorning the greening countryside, Amanda wondered if there were as many farther north, where Sarah had gone two weeks past. Perhaps one day soon, after the newlyweds had settled in, it might be fun to take the stage and visit. After all, the store was hers, and she could close it up whenever she took a fancy. Smiling at the thought, Amanda felt considerably more cheerful.
Dear Lord, her heart prayed. Please watch after my dear Sarah Jane. I’m lost without my sister, my best friend, my confidant. I miss her so, yet I would never begrudge her this happiness. It still humbles me to think back on the indescribable journey You kept us through. Deserts, swamps, horrific storms, torturous mountains—to say nothing of how easily I might have drowned that day…
As happened so often despite all her best efforts to the contrary, the memory of Seth Holloway intruded. Amanda had never so much as spoken his name aloud since the incident at the Green River… but a small, secret part of her couldn’t help wondering what had become of the man. “Oh, what does it matter?” she hissed. The farm horse twitched an ear her way. Chagrined, Amanda returned her attention to the road.
Guiding the gelding along the bustling dirt streets of town, she took pride coming into view of the painted sign above her own enterprise. Apparel and Alterations, grand forest green letters proclaimed, then in much finer print, A. J. Shelby, Proprietor. She turned alongside and drove around to park in back of the small square building Mr. Randolph and Charlie had fitted with shelves and counters months ago.
Using the rear entrance, Amanda hung her floral-trimmed bonnet on a peg, then went through the swinging half doors to the salesroom. There she slid the shirred curtains apart on the front window and turned the Open sign out… duties she would perform every day, save Sundays, for the rest of her life. It was her lot, and what she had planned—or, nearly so, anyway. She would get used to the solitude. To help matters, she would look for a room to rent this afternoon as well, so it would no longer be necessary to burden the kind Randolphs or tie up their wagon. Thus decided, she began tidying the simple shop in readiness for the day’s business.
After eating a bite at noon, Amanda walked several doors down the street to Mrs. Patterson’s boardinghouse and put a deposit on a room that only that day had been vacated by a former tenant. Then, returning to her own shop, she tackled the ledgers.
The bell above the entrance interrupted the chore. Amanda set her quill aside and peered toward the dark figure silhouetted against the bright daylight. “How may I—?”
He removed his hat.
“W—why, Mr. Holloway!” Amanda gasped, rising to her feet.
Seth watched the blood drain from her face. He had been similarly shocked himself when, moments ago, he’d exited the Crown Hotel a few doors beyond the boardinghouse and glimpsed Amanda as she strolled to a clothing store up the street. He’d have recognized her anywhere, even with that long hair of hers tucked ever so primly into her bonnet.
He gave a perfunctory nod and settled for a simple greeting. “Good day,” emerged on his second try.
“W—what are you doing here? I mean, you’re the last person I ever—” Amanda’s expression was one of utter confusion as she stood still, her mouth agape.
Another nod. Seth suddenly realized his hand was crushing his good hat and eased his grip. Lost in those glorious green eyes, he couldn’t recall a word of the great speech he’d worked out so carefully in his head through the Oregon winter. He cleared his throat. “You’re well?” Great beginning, idiot!
“Yes… fine… and you?”
“Not bad. Your sister, she’s well?” It was all he could do not to roll his eyes at this inane conversation.
She nodded, then blinked quite suddenly and shook her head as if to clear it. “What are you doing in Sacramento?”
No point beating around the bush, when the truth was so much easier to get out. He shored up his insides. “Looking for you, actually.”
“I—I don’t understand,” she said, her fine eyebrows arching higher. “Why would you—?”
Seth raked his fingers through his hair. “Sorry, I never asked if you were busy, Miss Sh—I mean—are you? I won’t take much of your time.”
She frowned, still perplexed. “I’m not busy just now.”
“Good.” A tiny flicker of hope coursed through him. He breathed a quick prayer that the Lord would loosen his tongue. “I must have asked at a hundred gold camps if anyone had seen you or knew of you. I was just about to give up, when you appeared out of the blue, just down the street.”
Her expression remained fixed.
“I’ve been wanting very much to apologize,” he went on, “for the callous things I said that day at the river. They were rude and completely uncalled for.”
Amanda moved nearer the swinging doors and sank slowly to one of the chairs occupying either side of them. “Really, Mr. Holloway, the incident has long since been forgotten, I assure you.”
“Not by me, it hasn’t.” He paused. “Do you mind if I sit down?”
“Oh. Not at all.” She indicated the other chair.
Noticing the absence of a wedding band during her gesture, Seth thought it odd, but figured her preferences were none of his business. Obviously Hill must be an addlebrain, unconcerned about letting the world know she was taken. “As I was saying, I came to tell you how sorry I am. My partner seemed to take singular pleasure in pointing out what a cad I was—which is true. It’s gnawed at me ever since.”
“Well, pray, suffer no more, then. I accept your apology.” A tiny smile softened her face, revealing a touch of her old feisty spirit. He didn’t realize how much he’d missed it. Missed her.
“Splendid.” Swallowing, Seth stood to his feet. “Then I won’t keep you from your work any longer. Thank you for hearing me out. I wish you well.”
“And you,” she whispered.
Watching him cross to the door, Amanda rose, still in shock over his sudden appearance. “Mr. Holloway?” He paused, his hand on the latch, and turned.
“Since you’ve come so far, and all… might I offer you some tea?” At her rash invitation, Amanda felt her knees wobble as she rose. The whole thing seemed unreal, dreamlike.
“That would be… kind. Yes, thank you.”
She waved toward the chair again. “I’ll be only a moment. I had some brewing in the back room.” Hastening there, she filled two cups and returned. By sheer determination she willed her hand not to tremble as she gave one of the cups to him. There was certainly no reason to be nervous.
“Thank you.”
“I don’t see any familiar faces in town,” she said, noting the presence of circles under his dark eyes, a day or two’s growth of beard. And his boots were dusty. He really must have been traveling. For some unaccountable reason, she thought that was sweet. Touching. She felt her face growing warm. He couldn’t be the ogre she had painted him after all. His gaze, wandering about the premises, returned to her. “This your place?”
She nodded, gathering herself. “Didn’t you see the sign?”
“I wasn’t paying much attention.”
“Oh. Well, it was Sarah’s and mine, until she left.”
“Left?” He raised the tea to his mouth.
“Moved, actually. To Mount Shasta, after she and Jared married.”
He swallowed too quickly and choked, and some of the scalding brew spilled over on his hand. The cup crashed to the floor and shattered in a thousand pieces as russet spokes of tea stained the plank floor. He knelt to collect the shards. “How clumsy. Sorry.”
Amanda was more concerned about him. “But you’ve burned yourself. Let me look at it.” Before he could argue, she knelt beside him and took his work-roughened hand in hers. Gently she unraveled the clenched fingers, turning them this way and that to assess the reddened skin. “It’s not”—she raised her lashes, finding his face mere inches from her own—“not too bad.” The last words were barely audible.
She released her hold even as her face turned every bit as scarlet as his burn. Why had she been so impetuous? This man somehow managed to bring out the absolute worst in her—and had since the first time their paths had crossed a summer ago. She’d never been more humiliated… unless she counted those half-dozen other times she’d been in his presence. She tried to regather her dignity while easing graciously back onto her chair seat.
He sputtered into a laugh. Then roared.
Hiking her chin, Amanda turned her back. Perhaps he wasn’t the gentleman she’d thought she’d glimpsed mere moments ago. “I’ll thank you not to make fun of me.”
“Oh, I’d never make fun of you, Amanda,” he said in all sincerity. “I promise you that.”
It was the first time he had ever called her by her given name. And it sounded so—different, in that raspy voice of his. Her heart hammered erratically against her ribs as she turned and shyly met his gaze.
He wasn’t laughing now… but a strange almost-smile caught at her, stealing her breath. “You truly came all this way just to see me?” she asked in wonder.
“Mostly. I’m trying to acquire some good horseflesh for my new venture, so I answer every advertisement I come across. But in my travels, I’ve been looking for you.” He reached to brush a few stray hairs from her temple as his intense gaze focused on her eyes. “Everywhere.”
Her mouth went dry. “That’s—that’s really—” Unable to think straight, she moistened her lips.
“I thought I could forget you, Amanda Shelby,” he continued. “Tried my hardest to. Drove Red crazy with my mutterings. That day I saw you turn off the trail, I figured you would be marrying that widower. Even when I saw you today, I thought you’d become his wife by now.” His face blanched. “Or someone else’s. Are you promised to anyone?”
She shook her head, wondering where this was all leading, fearing the hope that it could go anywhere at all. And did she want it to?
“Good.” He appeared visibly relieved. “Then I might as well go for broke. If I were to stay on at the hotel here for a while—” He swallowed nervously. “What I mean is, would you be opposed to being courted? By me?”
Amanda felt suddenly light-headed and took hold of a spindle of the chair to steady herself. “Aren’t you forgetting the matter of my being—how did you put it—brainless and foolhardy, wasn’t it?”
Seth had the grace to smile, though it was tinged with more than a little guilt. “I deserve that. I’ve been unbearably thoughtless to you. But I know now that I was way off course, Amanda. After you drove off the trail and out of my life, I had to face up to the way I’d mistreated you—and forsaken the Lord. I finally sought His forgiveness and then knew that to have true peace I needed to seek yours as well. I’m no longer the man you met in Independence. I’ve changed. Because of you. I’m asking for a chance to undo that bad impression I made on you… if you’ll allow me to.”
Looking at him, Amanda could see how vulnerable he was. There had been a considerable amount of ill feeling between them, but thinking back, she could recall sensing almost from the onset of the journey west that he was trustworthy and honest. He affected her in ways she’d never before experienced, stirred chords within her soul as no man she had ever known. And she felt profound inner peace about his offer, because for longer than she cared to admit, she had been in love with Seth Holloway.
All things considered, she had only one choice… to be honest in return. “I would be truly honored, Seth, to have you court me.”
His vulnerability evaporated, leaving a fragile hopefulness in its place. He expelled a ragged breath and drew her close, close to the beating of his heart. “I promise you, Amanda, you will never be sorry.”
Raising her lashes, Amanda tipped her head back, needing to glimpse again the intensity of the love he made no effort to disguise. Seeing it, she smiled.
Seth held her gaze for a heartbeat, then slowly lowered his head, until his lips were barely a breath from hers. Then with tenderest reverence, he kissed her.
Amanda felt her heart sing and wanted the moment to last forever. But all too soon he eased away.
“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” he murmured huskily.
“And I wished for a long time that you had.” The remark came in all honesty.
He wrapped his arms about her just as the bell above the door tinkled, announcing a customer.
Seth took a step back, and a comical spark of mischief glinted in his dark eyes. “Well, thank you kindly, miss,” he said with a mock bow. “That’s mighty friendly service, I must say. I’ll be by later for that new shirt.” With that, he exited, whistling.
Amanda smiled after him. Yes, come back later, my love. I’ll be here waiting.