At least baking gave her something to focus on for a few hours. She wrapped up the still warm coffee cakes and headed down to the VA to drop them off for the nurses who had helped Aunt Helen during her many appointments. Getting out in the fresh air before the heat of the day set in was just what she needed. No more wallowing. As she walked, Dani noticed that the donut shop on the corner was going out of business. She stopped in to chat with the owners who had supplied Aunt Helen’s Sunday morning apple fritters.
“Hi Rose, what’s with the sign?”
“Oh sweetie, Herb and I are getting too old for this 4 a.m. baking! We’re going to retire.”
“That’s exciting. What’s the plan?”
“We’re going to get us an RV and go cross country, see the grandchildren. I’m just worried about the shop. We own the building, and need to find a new tenant, but we’ve had no offers. I told Herb we should’ve renovated a few years ago with the tax refund, but did he listen to me? No, of course not! ‘What do we need new bathrooms for?’ he asks me.”
As Rose rambled on, Dani got a funny tingle in her belly, a niggling sense that something important was about to happen. She looked around her and realized that this space would be perfect for her fledgling business.
“Can I take a look around?”
Dani found an industrial kitchen setup that was optimized for efficient donut production, but she could see the potential. The back-office area was small and cluttered with forty years of records and receipts, but it would be plenty of space for her desk and computer once it was cleaned out. The flutters in her belly got stronger, and she just knew. This was The Sunshine Café.
“Rose, Herb, this might sound crazy, but I want it. With the money from Aunt Helen, I want to open a café specifically serving local veterans. I want to give them a good meal and a solid community. I’ve been looking for a location, and I think this would be perfect. What do you think?”
“I think I’d like to hear more.”
By the end of her pitch, Rose had tears in her eyes. Herb offered his hand to seal the deal.
“I’m a vet, and I know a few guys who come in here regularly. I’ve worried about where they’d go when I shut down. I think you’re doing a wonderful thing. I’ll rest easy knowing that our building is being put to good use by someone we trust.”
They decided to meet again in a few weeks to formalize things and hash out the details. That gave Dani yet another deadline to push towards, but the push was more difficult this time around. She sent in the paperwork to incorporate The Sunshine Café as a non-profit and applied for the necessary permits to upgrade the facilities. She opened a small business account and applied for a line of credit at the local bank. She used some of Aunt Helen’s seed money to secure the building and start renovations, but she didn’t want to blow through all of that up front. Dani had gotten the expected run-around from various offices online trying to find out what she needed to do next. She also applied for several state grants for women business owners. Researching used restaurant supply houses to get deals on the industrial range and ovens she knew she’d need to upgrade proved to be the easiest task on her list. She even contemplated setting up a kickstarter campaign to build community interest. Details. She was swimming in details.
Every step of the way, there was a snag or unexpected paperwork or unavoidable delay. Completely overwhelmed by the task she’d taken on, Dani slogged through with little enthusiasm. Her high from finding the building wore off quickly. She really missed having Nick to cheer her on.
One particularly low day, she flipped through her notes from the retreat trying to get reenergized. Jamie’s parting advice resonated loud and clear. Angry with herself for having pinned so much of her support network on Nick, she took steps to change that. She began doing her paperwork over at Mrs. Grady’s apartment for the company and encouragement. She invited Olivia over to look at paint swatches and plate designs.
Once they’d settled at the table with their design magazines, coffee, and blondie bars, Olivia dove right into her list-making mode.
“So, we’ll need a color scheme for the whole restaurant, dishes, cutlery, glassware, mugs, stools. I’ll start a list for that, and one for recipe ideas. Ooh, and another for your helpful business links. We’ll get you sorted in no time.” Nerves skittered through Olivia’s voice, and sent Dani’s skittering in response.
“Whoa, whoa, slow down! You just got here. What’s with the manic list making? You only do that when you’re stressed. What gives?”
“Ugh! You’re right.” Olivia took a deep breath. “I’m just frustrated with work. I mean, you know it’s a good job, and I know Michael values my contributions to his legal team, but something just feels off. I’m bored. I’m very good at being a paralegal, but now that my brother has finished grad school, I feel like I just don’t have the motivation to keep doing it, just because I’m good at it. Is this making any sense?”
“Of course it is. I’m in the same boat, honey. And I just got pushed off into the deep end by a well-meaning relative. It’s OK to do what you need to do for a while, but sometimes it’s important to go after what you want to do instead.”
“Do you have any idea what that might be?” Mrs. Grady joined them at her table, tea in hand.
“No, and that’s part of what’s so frustrating. I know I want a change but I don’t know to what, and it’s got me spinning my wheels. So, give me a break and let me spin them for you! The Sunshine Café, right? I see lots of yellow in my future…”
Building on her positive energy, Dani called Jaime and asked her for some advice on how to keep herself moving forward in a positive way. She couldn't afford to let herself get sidetracked into negativity again. She had gotten too close to giving up.
"I just need to be able to keep my eye on the bigger picture. I know there will be snags and delays, but I can't let them hit me so hard. What should I do?"
"Have you made a vision board?"
"A what?"
"I'll take that as a no. A vision board is a way to build your ideas on paper so that you don't lose track of them when you're caught in the doldrums.
“You can do it on Pinterest or the old-fashioned way. Go out and get a big poster board. Then take your favorite magazines, photos, Etsy finds, etc. that inspire you or your project. In this case, you could create your vision for the café. Then the next time you get frustrated, go look at the board, and let yourself imagine it done. Imagine yourself successful and standing in your brand-new restaurant serving your first customers. It's a way to keep your positive feelings in your sights."
"Brilliant! You're brilliant! Why didn't I think of this?"
"Because you were stuck in those doldrums. Now go and keep your chin up. It's a great dream, a great plan, and you can totally achieve it!"
"Thanks! You're the best!"
"Anytime, honey!"
Dani spent a few hours hunkered down with her scissors and glue, feeling very much like she was back in elementary school making a collage. She found herself drawn to bold colors like bright yellow and navy blue, with white trim to pop out the details. She began to build the detailed image of The Sunshine Café in her mind. She added to Olivia’s lists as she found things she loved and started a new one for renovation ideas. She'd knock out the dividing wall between the kitchen and the dining room. She wanted to recreate the function of Mrs. Grady's dinners on a larger scale.
Dani knew that people needed to feel at home to heal, so a home she would create. She dreamed of her bright yellow and white kitchen with a few pieces of kitschy artwork where she could create her meals and still talk to friends sitting at an island countertop built-in where the current display cases sat, splitting the restaurant in half. She wanted to pull out the ugly old booths, too, maybe sell them online. There’s a fine line between vintage and old, and the red vinyl booths that had been duct taped in several places to cover the holes were just old.
She had this vision of big family tables instead of small booths, serving family style to foster conversation and connection. How could they connect if everyone sat alone? She wanted to encourage people to talk to their fellow diners, and what better way than by sitting elbow to elbow with a stranger while sharing a meal. For men and women used to eating in a mess hall, she assumed this wouldn't be a problem. She'd remove the booths and try to sell them. Someone with vision could make them beautiful again, but they didn't fit in with Dani's vision, so they had to go.
Most of the front of the restaurant was framed by two plate glass window walls, which she planned to camouflage with lace curtains. She had one firm wall on the far right, and she knew exactly what she wanted to do there. One of her favorite walls at her house growing up was the memory wall. It had been covered with framed pictures documenting her family's history. She stared at that wall for hours as a child, building stories in her mind about the people in the pictures. When her parents moved north, they had boxed up all those memories, but Dani hadn’t forgotten.
She would paint that wall a bold navy blue and hang bright white picture frames in varying sizes. She'd fill it with pictures of Aunt Helen, her family, her friends in uniform. She wanted it to be a memory wall of military service, a reminder of good times, and a living testament that no one had to be alone in their memories. As her clientele grew, she imagined asking regulars to bring in pictures to add. Smiling, she continued clipping yellow tablecloths, white milk glass vases, and several fun mismatched place settings. With her vision for The Sunshine Café taking shape, more of her frustrations slowly faded.
On the social front, she was taking baby steps. She went out with Stella a few times, and practiced her smiling and flirting, even though her heart wasn’t in it. Stella even convinced her to go back to Flipped to try and bury the bad memories.
“Let’s get you a drink.”
“Thanks Stella. I have a feeling I’m going to need it tonight.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because none of this feels right. I’m sitting here all dressed up trying to attract a man, when the only one that I want has disappeared. What’s the point?” She twisted her cocktail napkin. “Maybe if I drink enough, I’ll stop worrying about him long enough to enjoy a conversation.”
“Oh Sweetie, that’s no solution. You’ve got it bad. Let’s sit here at the bar tonight. We can just have some girl time.”
“I hate to ruin your evening. I don’t know why I’m such a downer.”
“I know why. You’re in love.”
“No. I am absolutely not. I can’t be ‘in love’ by myself.”
“Uh-huh.” Stella raised her hand to call over a bartender. A woman with bobbing black curls and a mile wide smile hustled down to their end of the bar, and Stella greeted her with her signature warmth.
“Hi, I’m Stella. What’s your name?”
“I’m Brandy.” Stella reached over the bar to shake Brandy’s hand.
“Brandy, this is my friend Dani. She’s a bit lovelorn tonight. The guy she’s fallen for has gone AWOL. We need an appropriate cocktail.”
Brandy leaned back considering Dani’s slumped shoulders and miserable expression.
“Hmm, well judging by your face a Painkiller might be in order, or maybe an Orgasm. There’s nothing quite like getting The Last Word when it comes to men, but if he’s not around that will be tough. No, tonight I think you need a Flirtini, just a little something to help you get your groove back, so you can have a little fun.” She began expertly mixing the vodka, pineapple, and champagne cocktail.
“A little fun would be a welcome change.” Dani sighed, hoping her drink would indeed fix her mood.
“Oh, you are good!” Stella beamed. “What would you make for me?”
Brandy’s almond face split again with a mischievous smile.
“Hmm, for you? A Harvey Wallbanger or a Redheaded Slut.”
Stella’s bark of laughter drew the eyes of men all over the bar. Even Dani felt a grin tugging at the corners of her mouth. That deep throaty laugh was infectious. “I think I’ll stick with the Flirtini as well, thanks. Can you join us for one?” Brandy made a larger drink and poured a little into a third glass for herself.
When each woman had a martini in front of her, Stella raised hers in a toast.
“To Love, Lust, and all points between. May we find what makes us happy.”
“Anything I can do to help with that?” Seth said from behind Stella’s shoulder, making her startle and slosh a good portion of her drink over the treacherous rim of the martini glass.
“Jesus, Seth! You scared me!”
“And here I thought seeing me would make you happy.”
“Why on Earth would you think that, sir?” Brandy chimed in.
“I’ve been known to make a woman happy a time or two. You only know one side of me, Whiskey.”
“Not that I’m doubting your prowess, but it’s highly unlikely you’ll be making anyone over here happy tonight. And I thought her name was Brandy.” Stella fired back.
“Long story. Army nickname.” Brandy clarified.
“You could make me happy, Seth.” Dani said quietly, her eyes completely earnest. “Where is he? Is he OK? Have you seen him?”
“Uh, no, I haven’t seen him, but I know that he’s fine, Dani. We talk.”
“Why do you get to talk to him, and I don’t? Where did he go?”
“Somewhere safe. Trust me on this. He’s doing fine. You don’t have to worry.”
“I don’t think you’re helping, Seth. Is this about Captain Gantry, and the trouble he caused in here last time? You guys almost got me fired.” Brandy turned an accusing eye on Seth.
“You know Nick?” Dani asked.
“Yeah, I served with him in Iraq. He was my C.O. I was the field medic in his company. That’s why my nickname is Whiskey. My specialty code is 68W, or 68 Whiskey. With my first name being Brandy, it was too easy. We went through some tough shit together.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard about some of it. Thank you for your service.” Dani was dying to ask the young woman more questions about Nick and those tough times, but she got the feeling they wouldn’t be welcomed. She turned her attention back to Seth. “Listen, I get that he doesn’t want to talk to me. I get that whatever was between us is probably over. What I don’t understand is why we can’t have a fucking conversation about it! He dropped off his dog and a note, for crying out loud! I deserve better, Seth.”
“Yes, you do, Dani. I’m sorry I can’t tell you more, but it’s not my story to tell.”
“Here’s a story you can tell. I got a call about Taco. His owner got back from a trip and discovered him missing from the dog sitter who bailed. I’m meeting with her in the morning. I guess he won’t need to say goodbye to him, either.” Dani felt her anger spiking and she downed half of her Flirtini in one gulp.
“Yeah, I’ll, uh, pass that along…”
“Great. Now if you’ll excuse me, I feel like dancing.”
In addition to pissing her off again, this encounter gave Dani’s active imagination fodder for another week of disquieting dreams. The negative thoughts swirled her emotions into a frenzy again. He was doing just fine without her. He wasn’t suffering through any of this. He hadn’t even checked in on Taco, who had cried at the door for days after he’d left. Dani knew just how the poor dog felt, and now that Taco had been reunited with his real mama, Dani had completely lost her last thread of connection with Nick. He clearly hadn’t been nearly as attached to her, as she had been to him. Taco leaving had widened the hole in her heart. She blamed Nick for that, too, since she wouldn’t have gotten so close to the sweet pup if Nick hadn’t run away. Finally, her anger kicked in, and she vowed that she would move on.
Riding high on the wave of anger, Dani flipped open her laptop and logged on to a popular local dating website.
“It is past time to get over this ridiculous crush,” she muttered.
The little voice in her heart warned that this wasn’t a crush. Dani muted that little voice and resolutely set up a profile. She needed to widen the pool of applicants, cast her net out for someone who was actively available and searching for some kind of connection as well. It wasn’t like she was meeting anyone at her job (what job?) or in her building (yeah, that worked out real well). She’d met a few guys out with Stella, but none of them were really her type. She might as well start screening guys online. At the very least, she might enjoy going out for dinner with someone she knew had some shared interests, rather than randomly meeting up with whoever happened to be at the bar that night.
In just a few clicks, she had her basic profile set up. She was able to input her interests, hobbies, and physical traits. Before she had even uploaded a picture of herself, the website had supplied a full page of available gentlemen in her area.
Yes, she thought. This is a move in the right direction. She sat up a little straighter in her chair. She was strong, powerful even, for taking control of her own love life. No more relying on the whims of fate. She would tackle this goal just like she tackled the other goals in her life, with forethought, logic, and strong positive actions. And she would get Nick out of her head, and her heart. She had to move on. She couldn’t keep going like this.