“So, Dani, how are things going with the café?” Stella sat across the table from her at a trendy Italian trattoria, trying to keep the awkward flow of conversation going. This was Dani’s first attempt at meeting a person from an online dating site, and it was already a disaster. Thank God she had Stella to help her get through this.
She and Felix had been chatting for a while, and Dani had offered a double date. Felix had jumped at the opportunity, so Felix and Dani, and Stella and her Mr. Right Now, Blaine, were sitting around a table wasting an evening. The food was excellent. The company was not. Felix had posted a profile picture that was very flattering and taken probably 10 years earlier. Not wanting to judge a book by its cover, Dani had been willing to overlook the blurring of the truth and consider him based on his character and conversation. Unfortunately, both were severely lacking.
“OK, I guess. It’s been a challenging week.”
“This is why pretty women shouldn’t work so hard. Trying to make it in the business world is just too much stress. Women can’t handle the pressure like a man.” Felix tossed off that comment as calmly as if he were remarking on the weather.
“Excuse me?” Dani was stunned. Felix seemed to think she simply hadn’t heard him clearly, because he elaborated.
“Women just aren’t built for the workplace. We all know what women are best at. That’s why any woman of mine is gonna stay close to home. Wouldn’t want to get caught too far from the bedroom. Right, man?” Felix had turned to Blaine for backup, but Stella’s friend just stared, dumbfounded.
Stella opened her mouth, likely to burn the little hair left on Felix’s head right off with her flaming retort. Dani deliberately cut her off.
“I can handle the stress just fine, thank you. It’s just been a bad week.”
“Well, maybe I could help you relax later, if you know what I mean.” He leered at Dani dropping his gaze to her chest. As if his verbal innuendo hadn’t already been too much. Ugh.
Phrases and compliments that had sounded charming in text were smarmy coming from his lips accompanied by a knowing leer. His continued references to sex and intimacy couched in euphemisms grated on her nerves. How many ways could a guy find to bring up sex in subtext? Apparently thousands. His commentary on the roles of women in his life and wider society were repulsive. He did not register the effect his conversation had on the ladies at the table. Blaine had picked up on it and had the grace to look ashamed on Felix’s behalf. Dani locked eyes with Stella in disbelief. Was he serious? Were they being punked?
When Blaine had blessedly turned the conversation to baseball and the Giants’ chances at another ring, Dani excused herself from the table. Stella followed her.
“Gotta go together, huh? Need any more company?”
The man did not know when to stop.
“No, we’re fine, thanks. Be right back.”
Safe inside the privacy of the bathroom, Dani ran her wrists under cold water, desperate to cool her rising temper. Stella’s tirade wasn’t helping.
“Is this guy for real? Does he truly think that women want to hear this shit?” Stella was pacing, and Dani followed her friend in the mirror.
“I’m so sorry I dragged you along for this.”
“No. It’s a good reminder that sexism is alive and well in the world. Thank God Blaine was able to deflect.”
“How are things going there?”
Stella leaned against the sink, and fluffed her red waves in the mirror. “He’s fine, I guess. Perfectly polite, and he has great taste in music, but we just aren’t clicking, if you know what I mean. Life’s too short to settle for average sex.”
“Well, after tonight, you might not have to worry about that anymore. Felix might run him off.”
“Felix is about to run me off. I don’t know how much more of his crap I can listen to.”
“Let’s just stay for dessert. There’s a grilled peach napoleon on the menu that I wanted to try.”
“Well, I do deserve a reward for making it through this date without punching him in the throat. Give me your credit card, though. I’ll slip it to the waiter now, so we can make a quick retreat. I’m not staying here one minute longer than it takes you to satisfy your sweet tooth.”
“I promise I’ll be quick.”
“That’s what he said…” Stella wiggled her eyebrows, and Dani snorted.
“Too soon.”
The joke broke the tension, and they returned to the table to tough it out. She couldn’t do it. When their waiter came with dessert menus, Dani quickly declined and asked for the check.
“That’s right, baby. We’ll have some dessert later,” quipped Felix, that leer returning to mar his slightly fleshy features.
“No, we won’t!” Dani snapped back, her disgust and anger infusing her tone. “Not only will we never 'have dessert,' we won’t even have dinner again! Good-bye. Don’t call.”
Frustrated and upset, she stormed out of the restaurant. How had she gotten this so wrong?
The door opened, and Stella marched out behind her.
“Thank God. I couldn’t take another minute of that. I know in dating you have to kiss a lot of frogs…”
“Hell, no. Never kissing that frog. Not now, not ever. Let’s go home.”
Dani felt her disappointment weighing on her heart the whole drive home. Stella blessedly left her to her own thoughts, but that meant she had no escape from them. She tried not to compare Felix to Nick, but she couldn’t help it. He’d set her bar awfully high, and Felix didn’t measure up in so many ways. This was a disaster.
Now she was sneaking in, so she wouldn’t have to dissect the whole mess for the edification and amusement of her neighbor. Tomorrow, it would be funny. Tonight, it just made her sad. Dani opened the door to her apartment quietly. She didn’t think she could face the temptation of the sexy man across the hall after the hellacious double date she’d just endured.
She opened up her laptop and waited for it to wake up, so she could permanently block Felix from her inbox. She made herself a cup of tea, changed out of her date wear into a cozy t-shirt and yoga pants, and pulled up SanJoseSolos.com. In her inbox she had 2 unread messages. The first was from Felix saying he’d had great time and couldn’t wait to see her again. Amazed at the man’s audacity, idiocy, optimism, or some combination thereof, she checked the time stamp. Either he’d texted her immediately after her brush-off outside the restaurant, or he had someone else writing for him. She really hoped it was the latter, so she wouldn’t have to feel quite so foolish for being taken in. She clicked the block sender button and switched over to the next message in her inbox.
This one was from someone new, a CaptAm. It took her a second to come up with Captain America, but when she did, she smiled and clicked to open the message.
Hey SunnyD,
Are you as sweet as your namesake? That taste on my tongue still takes me right back to hot summer days. I used to beg for it every chance I got. Anyhow, it looks like we’ve got a lot in common according to your profile. Want to chat and get to know each other better?
-CaptAm
She almost deleted the message without replying. Seriously? How slimy could you get? Before she could click to delete, another message from him showed up in her inbox. She clicked on it instead out of curiosity.
Hi SunnyD,
So...I re-read my message to you and realized how bad the first few lines sound if you read them the wrong way. I DID NOT mean it that way. I just really liked the juice when I was a kid. Your name made me smile and remember. Just didn’t want you to think I was a creep. Good night.
-CaptAm
His earnestness reached out to her and made her chuckle. She had read that email in Felix’s voice. What did it say about him that he re-read his message and worried about perception? She was inclined to cut him some slack, but then she remembered her Cyrano suspicions about Felix and wondered if someone else had tipped him off to the potential tenor of his note. She would vet her suitors more carefully this time around.
She pulled up his profile, noting vital stats as well as his lack of picture. Hmm, she thought. No wonder the computer matched them up. They really did have a lot in common. She opened up a message back to him.
Hi CaptAm,
I’m glad you sent that second message. Definitely creepy LOL. So is Captain America another childhood joy? How do you like the site so far?
-SunnyD
She hit send, determined to keep things easy breezy. Let’s see what he says. She got up to make herself some dessert to get rid of the bad taste left in her mouth from her spoiled dinner. The herbal tea wasn’t cutting it. Time to call in the reinforcements. She spooned chocolate coconut ice cream into a bowl. By the time she sat back down at her computer, he’d sent her a chat request.
Willing to be diverted, Dani joined the chat, said hello, and settled into the corner of her couch, laptop settled across her thighs, ice cream in hand.
CaptAm: Hi there. The site has been...interesting. So far I’ve been propositioned twice, gotten into one political showdown, and picked up one crazy online stalker. You?
SunnyD: LOL Chatted with a couple of guys. No one got crazy, thank goodness. Although I did just get back from a date with a guy who thinks he is Don Juan, but has to be using a Cyrano online.
CaptAm: How’d they get in the same book? Seriously, not cool.
He caught classic literature references. Promising…
SunnyD: I don’t know, but he was so skeevy that he’s permanently out of my book. In fact, I read your message right after one of his. I’m glad you clarified, b/c I definitely read it a little creepy.
CaptAm: Yeah, sorry about that. I tend to write what I think and forget to filter for the Internet. Comes from being a pretty straightforward guy, I guess. I just don’t do innuendo.
SunnyD: Good to know. What do you do?
CaptAm: I just started to work from home, freelancing. I’m still building my business.
SunnyD: That’s funny. I’m starting a business myself, a restaurant. It’s so frustrating. I’m going nuts with the delays from the city. I email and call at least once a week, but I’m getting nowhere.
CaptAm: Maybe you should try going down there in person. A smile and a plate of cookies open a lot of doors. I bet you’ve got a hell of a smile.
Dani did smile before she replied.
SunnyD: I also make a mean chocolate chip cookie. ;)
CaptAm: I’ll have to take your word on that, unless you’d like to demonstrate for me sometime? I do love cookies.
SunnyD: We’ll see. :)
CaptAm: Listen I’ve got to run, but I really enjoyed chatting with you. Is it too forward of me to ask if I can massage you later?
Dani blinked at the screen. She read it twice just to make sure she wasn’t misunderstanding.
SunnyD: Yes, it is too forward! You may not massage me! Ick!
CaptAm: *message! MESSAGE! Damn Auto Correct!
Dani nearly spit out her ice cream, she was laughing so hard.
SunnyD: ROTFL! Yes, you can message me. Thanks for the laugh. I needed one tonight.
CaptAm: Happy to oblige. Goodnight, SunnyD.
SunnyD: Goodnight, Captain.
Dani leaned back, genuinely relaxed again after that good, long belly laugh. Maybe she’d give this online dating a second chance.