Dani carefully locked the door behind her, hung up her bad news date dress in the very back of her closet, and pulled on her comfiest sweatpants and softest t-shirt. She tugged her hair back into a messy bun and scrubbed every trace of makeup from her face. Then she calmly walked into her living room, opened her laptop, and erased her dating profile. She was numb, moving in a bubble, where the outside world couldn’t reach in to hurt her. Not yet. She closed her laptop and her eyes, curling into the protective comfort of her couch. She poked her thoughts where they hurt the most, willing more cleansing tears to come.
She was alone. Again. She wanted a hug from Aunt Helen to soothe her and make it all OK again, like it had when she was a girl. She wanted a cuddle from little Taco to make her smile. She just wanted to feel that she was special to someone. Was it too much to ask? Why had he tricked her? Tears continued to stream quietly down her face as her pity party reached full swing. She got up to get her favorite couch blanket and heard his footsteps in the hallway. She froze as his distinctive tread beat a warning down the hallway. She listened intently, waiting for a slamming door to signal that he'd gone inside.
Instead she heard a bump and slide that sounded like a very large man sliding down her door to sit on the floor in the hallway. Great, now I'm trapped. She heard a scratch and whine. He’d brought Bella into this? That was low. She was waiting with baited breath for his next move, when he cleared his throat and began to sing. His clear tenor filled her apartment. She had not seen that coming.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away."
The sweet song pulled the tears back to her eyes and set her heart aching because she wanted it to be true. She leaned on her door and slid down to sit on the floor of her entryway. She tipped her head back and rested it against the door with her eyes closed. For just a moment, she let herself dream that it was all true. That this man refused to be pushed away. That he loved her and wanted her in his life. That everything he said online and everything he did in real life stemmed from respect and love.
Sighing deeply, and listening to her subconscious, she turned her thoughts to Nick and Captain America. Dani could still feel the sting of his words as he said, "There's no one special!" She deserved to be someone special! She couldn't settle for less. But when she looked at how he'd behaved since returning from rehab, she certainly felt special. He had gone out of his way to help her with the restaurant instead of finding work elsewhere. He'd spent several weekends building pieces for her. He had given her emotional support when she'd needed it, and yet he'd respected every boundary between them.
Her heart nearly burst with bittersweet happiness. That was exactly what she had wanted: the man she loved, the man who turned her knees to jelly with a single glance, the man who made her laugh out loud in an empty room, the man who had just the right thing to say to help her get through a tough day, the man who knew her inside and out and loved her anyway. Two men rolled into one.
Was she projecting her own feelings onto the actions of a friend? Could she forgive the lies? Could she risk her heart again to find out? But the reality was that she didn't know how he felt. Lowering her head to her knees, she gave up trying to understand and just let the sound of his voice wash over her.
When the singing stopped, Dani picked up her head and tried to convince her body that it was time to get up from the floor. Nick's voice coming through her door halted her.
"Dani, I hope you can hear me. I'm sorry if my surprise hurt you. I'm sure you'd like to be alone right now, but I am not walking away from you. I can't.” She heard the conviction in his voice. “How can I walk away from my heart? Dammit, Dani, can't you see it when you look at me? I meant what I sang. I love you, Dani.” Dani gasped. Had she really just heard that? Nick voice became softer, “I wanted to say that to your face the first time. I know I broke your trust, but that's not what I meant to do. Quite the opposite. I was working for a second chance.”
She heard Nick shift as his head tapped against the door. Dani held her breath as she waited to hear what he had to say. When he continued, his voice was stronger, “The whole month I was away, I worked hard every day. I laid myself bare in that counseling room. I pushed myself to face my fears and my memories because of you. For you. For us. You are so damned special. It scared me, because I knew I wasn't good enough for you. Hell, I'll never be good enough for you, but it turns out, I don't care. I can't let you go. That guy you fell for online? He's one hundred percent me. He could say the things that I wanted to say to you during the day and couldn't. You wanted us to be friends, and I needed that too. You're my best friend, Dani, and I would hate to lose that, but I need more. I need to be your lover, your protector, your confidante. I need your laughter and love. I need you. Dani, SunnyD, by any name, you are the light that makes the rest of my day shine. I love you."
Dani sat still on the other side of the door. Her mind had caught on one salient point. Nick loved her. He thought she was special and wanted her in his life. Captain America, the guy she'd grown to like and admire through words, was the same as the man she'd fallen for physically. The irony of her earlier thoughts was not lost on her. She had the perfect package: a physical attraction, an intellectual equal, an emotional connection. Nick’s actions paired with Captain America’s words suddenly made all the sense in the world. All she had to do was be brave and trust that this love could be real. That was the sticking point. Could she risk it all one more time for love?
Nick was still rambling on the other side of the door. She was no longer paying attention, but it gave her time to think, knowing he was still there waiting for her to respond. She looked at her sideboard where she had family pictures on display. She saw the love her parents had shining in their faces on their wedding day. She saw her grandmother in a pair of shorts and a kerchief, sitting on her grandfather's knee, arm around his neck, in front of their porch back in the day. The confidence in her eyes showed that she knew she was exactly where she wanted to be. Her family had plenty of love stories to point to, but how could she be sure that this was the beginning of hers? She looked at Aunt Helen's picture, and whispered, "How can I be sure?"
As she sat there, she recalled Aunt Helen’s stories of her husband, Alfred. They had only been together a few months before he was called to war and never came home. Aunt Helen had been crushed, but she’d never regretted marrying him for a second. Nothing in life was a sure bet. She couldn’t be sure. But would she regret not taking a chance on him? Yes. Likely forever.
But the lie, the trust… She had trusted him with her body, and he’d pushed her aside. That had hurt her deeply even though she understood why. She was afraid to trust him with her heart in case something bad happened again. What if he had a PTSD relapse? What if he changed his mind? What would he do?
What had he done this time? He hit rock bottom, picked himself up and got the help he needed. He had chased after her as both friend and lover to convince her that he was worth loving. He hadn’t given up on their relationship like she’d thought. He’d found a way to build it back stronger than ever.
Well, when you looked at it that way, it made a lot of sense. Did she value their relationship enough to fight for it, too? She tried to imagine her life without him in it, not as her lover or as her friend, and it was too painful to bear. Of course, she still loved him. It was her turn to take a risk and jump in. There were no guarantees in love, but it was worth the risk. Having someone in the world wanting to show you how special you are was worth the risk. And she did. She loved him. In the end, that was the only thing that mattered.
Dani tuned back in to what Nick was saying on the other side of the door.
"I don't know why I said what I said. Maybe I was scared of what you made me feel, or how out of control I was. Maybe I just didn't want to cheapen our story with my asshole friends, but it wasn't true. There's never been anyone more special than you."
Drawing in a deep breath for courage, Dani abruptly opened the door, and Nick fell backward knocking his head on her hardwood floor.
"Say it again."
"You're someone special,” he groaned from his prone position, holding his head.
"No, not that part. The really important part. The part you wanted to say to my face."
Nick rolled to his knees and pulled her down to join him. He cupped her face gently in his hands, and said, "I love you, Dani Carmichael. I love you, and I need you, and I want you like crazy." He leaned over to kiss her, but she blocked his lips with her hand.
"Nick, you hurt me. But then you helped me, and held me, and healed me. I love you, too. I need you in my life. Sometimes I want you so badly it hurts. Is this real?"
"As real as it gets. God help me, if I ever give you reason to doubt me again." He kissed her forehead, her nose, and finally her lips. He drew her close and she lost herself in the sheer pleasure of kissing him slowly. She let out a low moan as he tortured her, melting her with his tenderness. Pulling back, he looked into her eyes. What did he see there?
"Marry me, Dani. Be the someone special in my life. Give me another chance."
Shock froze her mind for a minute. Nick mistook her silence for doubt.
"Shit, I'm doing this wrong again. We shouldn't be on the floor," he muttered as he pulled her up to her feet. “Hang on a minute.” He spun away into his apartment, leaving Dani staring after him. He returned, holding a plate of lumpy, half-burnt oatmeal raisin cookies.
“Hi, I’m your new neighbor Nick, and I was wondering if we could start over.” Dani laughed until tears ran down her face.
“Did you make those yourself?”
“I did. I had Mrs. Grady supervise.” Dani sampled a cookie, and he took advantage of her silence.
“Marry me Dani. I love you. When I look at you, I see us married, having kids, growing up, and growing old. I see us together in twenty years with our kids going off to college, and in fifty years snuggled up on a porch swing. I see my future. I know I don't have a lot going for me right now, but that'll change. I..."
Dani halted his babble of raw emotion again with her soft fingers gently covering his mouth.
"Say that important part, just one more time."
"I love you, Dani Carmichael, and I always will.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing that.” She moved into his arms. Bella swarmed the cookies that hit the floor, forgotten by her humans.
“Do you want to hear me say it in a church?”
"Yes, I do. I love you, Nick Gantry, and I want to start over with you as many times as we need to get it right.”