3

Kosef J announced that he was feeling much better and asked Fabius to allow him to be on his own a little. Fabius got out a handkerchief, wiped Kosef’s face and mouth, and, gently forcing him to keep the handkerchief, responded: ‘Yes, of course.’

Left alone, Kosef J calmed down little by little. The prison guards’ lavatory was spotless; he could almost see his reflection in the tiles. It smelt of quality disinfectant and Kosef J breathed in the air with delight. Then he tried for minutes on end to remember the exact phrase Fabius had told him. He was not sure of its wording. He was trying to remember it, rummaging through his head. His brain echoed something along the lines of ‘Be brave, Mr Kosef, you were freed this morning.’ But no, this was too long, Fabius used other words. ‘Take it easy, take it easy. From now on you are a free man.’ Not this either. Fabius used an official term, something like ‘your period of detention has come to an end.’ Still not there. What Fabius told him felt like a piece of information conveyed with great concern: ‘Beware, as of today you are free as a bird.’ No.

Kosef J would have liked to feel something really special, to be blissfully happy or moved to tears. But he didn’t experience anything like this. He was given the news, his brain made a record of it, and that was that. All he could feel was stomach ache, and a terrible hunger. What Fabius told him would certainly explain all the strange behaviour that morning. He was allowed an additional three hours of sleep because he, Kosef J, was entitled to it. In his capacity as a free man. Yet he was not informed of this fact, of being a free man, straightaway. He slept his first sleep as a free man without being aware of this freedom. The two prison guards were rather strange, and, to be fair, they behaved nicely but strangely. Perhaps it wasn’t their job to tell Kosef J that he was suddenly free, and this would explain everything. But if it wasn’t their job to tell him he was free, whose job should it have been? Kosef J gave up thinking about all this and made a real effort to feel pleased. He tried to be pleased with his stolidity, and concentrated on this with all his might.

‘This is the most beautiful day of my life,’ Kosef J whispered to himself, hoping to get a little emotional.

He waited for a few moments to savour the impact of this sentence, and then, disgruntled, he repeated it much louder: ‘This is the most beautiful day of my life.’

‘Did you say something?’ Fabius asked, and Kosef J had to make use of all his strength to prevent the guard from opening the door.

‘Do you need anything?’ Fabius asked again, checking whether there was a need for him to pull the door open.

‘No, nothing at all,’ Kosef J answered in a soft voice from within the lavatory.

Except for hunger, nothing bothered him any more. He glanced at his reflection on the tiles and smiled. The tiles were white and his skin gained a pearl-like glow. He noticed, mounted on the wall and in a marble frame, a ring-shaped toilet-paper holder. He instinctively felt the urge to roll down as much paper as possible and stash away a few sheets for later. His sense of superiority held him back from this urge though. He pulled his trousers up, pulled on the golden chain of the water tank and stepped out of the lavatory.

In the meantime, Fabius had disappeared. Kosef J no longer felt awkward. He took his time washing his hands and face in a sink he spotted on the corridor, right under a window. After savouring the cool water on his face, Kosef J looked out of the window.

The window overlooked a side of the prison Kosef J had never seen before. He realized that he was facing the administrative building, comprising offices, storerooms and the guards’ own bedrooms. An alleyway covered in gravel led to one of the side entrances to the prison. The alley was flanked by a few old poplars that Kosef J liked immensely. The gate at the end of the alley was less commanding than entrance Number One, which he had known for so long. Two lanterns placed on either side gave this entrance a discreet, intimate and inviting feel.

The thought that he was now finally free sprouted again in his mind. A tremendous urge to run towards that gate flanked by lanterns had suddenly awakened in him. Good God, what on earth could freedom actually entail? Would freedom mean that he was allowed to walk on that alley flanked by poplars? Would he be allowed to return to the window after nightfall and check out the light of the lanterns for himself?

Feeling helpless, Kosef J bit his lip. He practically knew nothing of what his life would be like from now on. Someone should have certainly told him a thing or two, but that someone hadn’t yet come forward. The two guards appeared a little uncomfortable, too. Perhaps it was up to him to ask a few questions, to ask for more precise information. After all it was he who got freed. Yet he found it quite difficult to imagine that old Hoss had never granted anyone else their freedom before. ‘I’m an idiot,’ Kosef J said to himself, and headed to the kitchen garden with determination.

He could spot the two guards from afar, sprawled on a bench, enjoying the few sunrays that had managed to miraculously break through the clouds. The two were eating sunflower seeds and Franz Hoss had his eyes closed.

The detainees were busying themselves happily among the cabbage and tomato patches. They stopped work when they caught sight of Kosef J, and, with astonished yet respectful expressions, started whispering to one another. For a moment Kosef J felt guilty that he’d slept all morning instead of coming out to work alongside everyone else, as usual. He got over this quickly, though, saying to himself that he was now a free man after all and had other responsibilities. As he was heading towards the bench where the two guards were slumbering, Kosef J decided to ask for no less than to be escorted as soon as possible to the main prison gate.

‘How’s it going?’ Franz Hoss probed, opening his eyes just before Kosef J could get close enough to engage them in conversation.

Fabius rose to his feet for no apparent reason. Kosef J’s breathing stopped and all his plans to ask a few questions suddenly evaporated. The detainees resumed work.

‘Fine,’ Kosef J said, realizing that the old guard was clearly awaiting a response to his question.

‘Would you like to sit with us?’ Fabius asked and Kosef J said yes.

‘It’s a miracle that the sun still breaks through,’ Franz Hoss muttered.

Fabius handed a bag of sunflower seeds to Kosef J.

‘Here, have some.’

Kosef J accepted gladly. He was extremely hungry and would have been able to eat just about anything. He would have liked to dash to the garden and pick a few peapods, but for some reason he was embarrassed to do this.

‘Look at these sluggards,’ the old guard croaked again, ‘they haven’t made any progress since morning. They’ve filled their bellies, that’s what they’ve done. They filled their breadbaskets. That’s all.’

Kosef J blushed suddenly, fingers frozen in the air. He managed to spit out a few shells and, with his mouth open, was waiting for air to somehow penetrate his lungs. Was this a veiled reproach from Franz Hoss?

‘What a shame that today’s Sunday,’ Fabius said, resting his gaze on Kosef J, but the latter failed to grasp the actual meaning of this sentence.

For a while all three kept quiet. The break in the clouds was about to come to an end, to the regret of Franz Hoss. When the last ray was abruptly severed by an avalanche of clouds, the old guard jumped up and issued a command. The detainees lined up immediately. It was mealtime and everybody was awaiting their return to their cells.

‘So that’s that,’ Fabius said to Kosef J, wrapping up a conversation that had never really taken place.

The prisoners fell into formation. Franz Hoss was shouting down the line, issuing all sorts of commands and insulting someone or other. Fabius shook out the shells from his beard and followed Franz Hoss.

All of a sudden, Kosef J felt incredibly lonely. A hard and oppressive loneliness, veiled in an almost unbearable sadness. He had never felt so abandoned, had never experienced a greater state of confusion. Of all the contradictory impulses that had tried him, Kosef J chose the most natural one. He decided to re-enter his cell and wait there for lunch.

So he ran to catch up with the inmates.