42

The lucid voices didn’t take these items of news delivered by Kosef J too seriously. Kosef J tried several times to tell them about what was going on in town, and even about the guards being so out of their depths. Yet every time the lucid voices replied no. In case there was any disquiet in the air this could only come from within the community, because a few days earlier a man had gone missing.

The voices on the brink of madness didn’t share Kosef J’s concerns either. Sure, it wasn’t great that such things were happening out there. Not to mention that irrespective of what was happening out there, these happenings would never benefit those within. Now, however, a man had gone missing. Nothing like this had happened before, or at least no one could recall anything of this sort to have ever happened. One of the free men had gone missing and nothing was known about him. The man hadn’t left behind any signs, clues or words. The rag mountain had been thoroughly turned upside down, but he wasn’t found in there. They had been looking for him in all the other abandoned cellars, in all the hollows that could have possibly sheltered a man, they had even broken the ice in the abandoned pool and looked from him underneath the layers of ice. They had searched for him in the snow, wherever the snow had been touched and gathered in heaps. They had searched for him in the cracks in the wall, after all he could have fallen into one of the rabbit traps himself. They had searched for him all around the colony, wherever the soil or the woods could have potentially concealed a frozen body.

In the end, it was Kosef J who found the missing man. Looking for a quiet and pleasant location to be alone with his thoughts, he had ventured into the apple orchard and his gaze fell on a withering corpse hanging from a tree. Kosef J was overwhelmed by such an intense shock that he burst out crying with hiccupps. The apple orchard had been his secret hideaway where he’d come once every month or so, to admire the sunset. Crying and unable to supress his hiccups, Kosef J ran to alert those in the committee that the missing man had in fact put an end to his days.

A horrible debate broke out at once within the free world. All the lucid voices started to yell as one that the suicidal man was in fact a traitor and an enemy of democracy. The lucid voices claimed that such a thing was unforgivable, in a democracy there is no such thing as suicide, one seeks other people’s opinion, there is consultation, participation, etc. . . .

Kosef J was the only one unable to join the debate because he couldn’t stop hiccupping and tears kept rolling down his cheeks. Something had entirely closed down in him, and he was suddenly unable to think, understand what he was being told or concentrate on the various tasks he had to carry out day in, day out. There was no way he could be sent out to bring bread or in a position to make love to Rozette. Kosef J would huddle up all day in the heap of rags, whimpering like a child.

Everyone was touched by what had happened to Kosef J. The suicidal man had been forgotten, in fact the committee had solemnly declared that the man hadn’t actually existed. The reason for this was to prevent creating a precedent in the zone of democracy. Kosef J’s situation, on the other hand, led to ardent debate.

Kosef J attended discussions without being able to focus on the meaning of the phrases uttered by all these people present in front of him. Various exclamations and reflections would reach his brain every now and then, such as: ‘Democracy cannot allow itself to be ungrateful,’ ‘We must introduce a system of rewards, otherwise we fail,’ ‘People need time for recovery,’ ‘Let’s not forget that it was him who had fed us all winter,’ ‘We have to send him away from the frontline for a little while,’ ‘People aren’t destined just for work and fight, they also need moments of recreation, relaxation and entertainment. Having fun every now and then is not an anti-democratic concept.’

Perhaps in other circumstances Kosef J would have realized that the precarious state of his general and, in particular, mental health had generated in fact an ideological debate, and this would have been a source of immense pride for him. Now, however, he barely managed to stay put on a chair, with a confused look on his face and always nodding, as if he had been in agreement with absolutely everything that was being said. These head movements were in fact the only ones he was able to control, because he was actually trying to disguise his hiccupping and whining by means of these jerky head-based movements.

‘We’ll do the transfer tomorrow evening,’ he could hear a voice, without also being able to feel the hand placed on his shoulder at the same time.

‘This will do you good, you’ll see,’ another voice reassured him, while another hand was trying to gently wipe his tears away and make him blow his nose.

‘You’re still young, you’ll recover swiftly, you’ll see,’ other blurred voices pointed out, displaying an unprecendent sense of communion for democracy.

Kosef J was almost entirely gone during the transfer. He was asked to keep as quiet as possible, and perhaps not to hiccup too loud. Apart from this, he was carried by four wiry men in a kind of labyrinth, and appeared rather patient as they had to wait hiding behind some crates for almost half the night, and was unable to understand why a man, for all intents and purposes seemingly locked away by the four men, might have wanted to protest.

Kosef J only came briefly to his senses when he realized that he was again back in cell number 50. An immense sensation of warmth overwhelmed him. At one point he heard a familiar clang and then a few swear words, which made him jump up because he had recognized them. When he also heard the overtly familiar creaking of the trolley, on which he knew that the breakfast trays would be brought along, Kosef J suddenly felt overwhelmed by a sense of gratitude. Yes, there was some humanity in this world, there was still hope. Kosef J became anxious only when he had to face the two old guards, Franz Hoss and Fabius. Yet these two simply looked through him, as if he were just a transparent frame, and this made Kosef J sigh with relief. He recalled that, at times, people were no other than mere numbers, and this realization finally put him at ease.