This intervention can help in a number of ways: it encourages daily or almost daily mindfulness meditation (a good treatment for a traumatized nervous system). It promotes internal awareness of parts that might otherwise disrupt or destabilize your normal life part, and it increases self-compassion and compassion for the traumatized parts.
All it takes is willingness to trust that any pain, loneliness, shame, overwhelm, or threat you feel is a communication from dissociated child parts. Rather than wait until they get triggered or until you are overwhelmed by their feelings, the meditation circle practice helps to build internal dialogue, create trust, and reassure the parts that someone cares and prevent problems from escalating.
Once a day, preferably at the same time each day, find a comfortable quiet place to sit. Relax or close your eyes, take a breath, and then make an internal announcement, for example: “I want to ask every part of me to come into the meditation circle … this is not to criticize or judge or control you. I want to get to know you—I want to know when you’re having a hard time—I want to know what’s bothering you so I can learn to help you more.” Then pause and visualize the meditation circle, communicate welcome to the parts, and be curious about the children and teenagers who slowly join it. Do you recognize the parts that slowly gather together? Are you surprised at who shows up or how they communicate who they are through their body language and facial expression?
Many people are surprised by what they see: more parts than they expected, more obvious pain and vulnerability, younger or older ages. Assume that everything you notice (ages, facial expressions, dress, even body language) will tell you more about them. Your job is to welcome them, to be curious about what they need, hope, or fear.
Sometimes there is no clear image, just a sensation of the parts joining you, or no one shows up at all. This is not a problem. You can still validate them and what they have endured: “I bet some or all of you don’t trust this—maybe you are worried that it’s a trap—or that you will have to let your guard down.”
Once you have an image or sense of parts gathered in the circle, invite them to tell you what they are worried about—is there anything they want you to know about their worries?
Try to be a good listener: try to really “get” what they’re telling you about themselves. Take their fears and feelings seriously. If they express feelings of abandonment or hurt that you haven’t been there, try to “own” it if you recognize some truth to their perception. Try to take responsibility: “I should have been there—I can see why that was hard for you.” Be an “equal opportunity” welcomer: even if you are “turned off” by a particular part’s shame, vulnerability, or anger, try to accept all feelings and beliefs expressed by the parts as a natural and normal emotion any traumatized child might be likely to have.
To the extent that you can, try to come up with the support and validation the parts need to assuage their fears and frustrations: “I will remember how scared it makes you when people get angry—maybe you can stand behind me so you don’t have to worry about someone blaming you.” “Maybe I can help you look out for bad things—maybe I can promise to protect you from …” “You’ve been alone a long time—I won’t forget that.” Try to keep the focus on today or right now: “Notice that right here, right now, I am here and I’m not leaving.” Traumatized children have many fears, and it doesn’t help them to open them all up at once or try to solve them all at once. Equally, it is natural that some parts won’t trust you at first, will hesitate to hear you, or even be angry. You can tell them, “Every day we will meet, and you can tell me more about your worries and what I can do each day to help or understand or be there. Maybe over time, you will trust me. … There is no rush—take all the time you need.”