A train. I’d always wanted to ride on a train. Not one at a park, not a subway or an LRT, but an actual train with passenger cars, dining cars, sleeping cars… The whole package.
Sad that it had taken so long for me to finally manifest that wish. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched my fiancé speaking to a man loading a large crate. I vaguely remembered something about the special cargo she needed to bring home with her, but I couldn’t find the memory that would have told me what it was. Most people would likely have just asked but she was always accusing me of not listening to her and we’d already had a serious fight; adding to it wouldn’t be the smartest move I could make. How hard could it really be to figure out on my own anyway?
The train caught my attention again and I felt a little giddy, like a kid with a bag of Halloween candy. I could see they were already boarding passengers, and I turned back to where my fiancé had been, to find that her and the crate were no longer there. She had probably boarded without me — likely still angry about the fight we’d had. I couldn’t even remember what it had been about. Which usually meant that it hadn’t really been important. We were going to have to sort it out, but perhaps delaying that discussion wouldn’t be ill advised. We both had long-burning tempers — time or physical exertion was usually necessary in order for a more coolheaded and rational solution to prevail.
Trying not to lose the good feeling I had, I got on the train. I wasn’t quite sure where my seat was or if I had a place in a sleeping compartment. Well, it would come to me or I’d find my fiancé.
In the first car, I started to make my way down the aisle.
“We’ll be rich!” a gentleman at the far end shouted excitedly, almost coming to his feet before his companion shushed him, firmly holding him in his seat while speaking quickly and earnestly.
Sensing that my attention or interest was likely unwanted, I did my best to focus on the design of the car, the smell of leather, machinery, and people, and the noise of other conversations and work being done. It was actually pretty easy to do, and I moved past them and into the next car without incident.
A quick scan of the few passengers in the seats showed a distinct lack of the woman I planned to marry. Focused as much as I was on trying to find her familiar features among the faces in the seats, I almost tripped over a young boy playing in the aisle right in front of me. Thankfully my reflexes were good enough that I managed to catch the corner of a seat and prevent myself from landing on him.
His big blue eyes peered up at me through a strip of black cloth that had holes cut out for his eyes. A messy blond mop of hair floated above the dark mask almost like a glowing halo and, of course, he had on a blue and red cape to finish off the look. His face split into a cheeky grin that displayed dimples. He couldn’t have been more than six years old. “Hey mister, do you need help?”
Smiling back was instinctual. “No, I’m fine. Thanks for the offer though. You should be careful. Being in the middle of the aisle could cause an accident.”
At once the innocent smile turned serious and he jumped onto the seat closest to him. “Right. It’s a superhero’s job to stop accidents and bad guys. I’m gonna be the best superhero in the world and beat up the bad guys and save people.”
Nodding at him, I tried to show that I took what he said seriously. “That is a very noble cause, young man. Work hard and I know you’ll succeed. Good luck.”
“Thanks mister! Be careful, and if you need my help beating up bad people let me know. I’m a ninja you know.”
“I will. My thanks.” I turned quickly to hide my smile as I moved down the car. I was almost at the other end when an older woman, looking a bit frazzled, stumbled in.
“Excuse me, have you seen a young superhero around by chance? My grandson…”
Pointing back the way I’d come, I shifted so she had a good view of who she was looking for. She let out a heavy sigh. “Thanks. I’ve never actually got to meet him until now. You’d think that after raising my own children a grandchild would be like getting back on a bicycle. But that isn’t so. I’d better get to him and have a bit of a talk… His parents are counting on me to take good care of him until they’re able to join us and that could take a while. Thanks again.”
Not bothering to watch them reunite I kept going, only to find myself in the dining car, where I finally spotted my fiancé. She was sitting near the window, a wistful smile on her face as the train finally started to move. She seemed so sad, even lost… If I could just remember why we’d fought, there might be a chance for me to help replace that forlorn look with one of her soft “you’re ridiculous, but you’re my ridiculous” smirks. Perhaps, if I could find out what was in the crate, maybe it could jog my memory… But how to do it while avoiding making her feel worse…
I made my way over to her table and sat in the chair opposite her, following her gaze out the window. “Thank you for this. I know you would have preferred to fly because it would have been quicker. It means a lot to me.”
Her smile seemed to become a bit less sad and more wistful. Her voice soft, barely a whisper, she said, “We should have done this sooner.”
“All that really matters is that we did it.”
We fell into silence as we both watched the scenery pass by.
—— «» ——
Walking up to our table, a waiter asked if he could get anything. I shook my head but she ordered a ginger ale, casually mentioning that her stomach was a little queasy. I was about to ask if there was something I could do but she abruptly went back to staring out the window, and the words stuck in my throat.
I had learned long before that trying to force a conversation when she wasn’t interested or ready for one would only lead to a more difficult situation for both of us. We both had a lot of emotion and, sadly, emotion was far from logical. She needed time to process what she was feeling so she could deal with it more rationally, and I usually did too. If I could just remember what our fight was about … or what was in that crate…
“Look honey, I want to get a better look at the train. How about I meet you where we’ll be spending the trip? Do you have our seat locations?”
She sighed slightly before slowly moving her ticket from where it had been hidden by her purse and arm. The black color of her dress made her skin seem much paler than it actually was. She took a sip of her drink as I leaned over to gently kiss her cheek. She shivered at the contact.
“I’ll see you soon darling. Make sure to put on a sweater if you find yourself cold. Maybe try to get some rest.” A soft smile tugged at the corner of her mouth, and her fingers gently touched her cheek.
Satisfied, I slipped out ahead of a train conductor making his way slowly through the dining section checking tickets, and I continued on to the end of the car, opposite the way I had come.
The next two cars were for passengers so there was no crate in sight. It was likely something she had to transfer due to her job at the museum. Possibly an artifact of some value but not so expensive or delicate that it needed a special or armed transport. If that was the case, though, something should spring to mind. Some fragment of memory tantalizingly close to the surface. Still, there was nothing, despite my inner peace needing to know the answer. If I couldn’t remember before I found it, I might have to open it when I got there… Unless there was a really descriptive shipping label on it somewhere, maybe a manifest.
I stopped at an open seat and sat down for a second to look outside at the world racing by. It seemed as though that crate and what was in it was making me a little obsessed. Why did I believe so strongly that the answers to what I’d forgotten, the fight we’d had, the tension I felt, the sadness on my love’s face, even the train ride itself, were inside?
Truth was, I didn’t have a real answer, just a strong feeling and an overwhelming urge to find out, that only intensified the longer it took.
“Sir? Is there anything I can help you with?”
Glancing up, I found a young woman, blond hair in a braid, wearing a conductor’s uniform.
I smiled slightly at her, though it likely looked rather crooked considering she’d surprised me. Almost as if she’d appeared out of nowhere. That and she was an entirely different conductor than the one I’d seen in the dining car.
“Is it that obvious?”
Her wide eyes held sympathy. “Sort of comes with the job. When you deal with people on a regular basis, in a more intimate way, well, you develop a knack for reading situations and individuals’ souls fairly accurately. My offer stands, of course. Do you need any help?”
“Well, my fiancé and I have a large crate traveling with the cargo. I just want to make sure it’s okay. Do you think you could take me to it? Just so I can have peace of mind?”
“It’s not something we do regularly, but I was about to go check on that car anyway. Having a little company on the way there wouldn’t be a bad thing. Is this your first time traveling by train?” She moved a step back so that I could get up.
“Yes actually. Something I’ve wanted to do since I was a young child but never had a chance. You know how life sometimes gets away from you; you keep putting your ‘wants’ aside to get done the things that take care of your needs or the needs of those you love. Sometimes it seems like five years — even if they were filled with happiness and love — goes by in the blink of an eye. That’s sort of what happened to me, just really never got around to it until now, you know?”
She nodded slightly and moved in front of me, leading the way. “I hear that often, sir. It’s a sentiment that many I’ve met seem to share.”
We naturally fell silent as we walked.
As we were transitioning to the next car, we had to hug the wall to let another man pass. The man was grinning with an excitement I hadn’t seen often — pure joy, as he stopped briefly beside me. “Isn’t this wonderful? Not only a great mystery answered but an awfully big adventure as well. They might not think us fortunate or lucky but it’s them I feel sorry for.”
Just as quickly as he came, he was gone. The train conductor acted as if she hadn’t heard anything and kept moving forward. I followed without asking her what she had thought he was talking about. After all, I couldn’t risk the chance to see the crate for myself.
He was one of the most intriguing passengers I’d run into. Tied with him were the grandmother and her grandson. Still, there was something else about them that stuck out to me, something they shared, somehow, with the train conductor I was following. What it was eluded me, however.
“Next one is cargo, sir.”
The second she said it my throat went dry and my feet seemed to turn to cement blocks. It wasn’t rational, but I was suddenly afraid of what I was going to find out. It was just a large wooden box — nothing dangerous or scary. My fiancé wasn’t fond of anything that was life-threatening or scared her, so why…
“Truth…”
“What?” I stared at the conductor, wide-eyed.
“I was just saying, truth is, we don’t have a lot of time for this, so I hope you’re ready to find what you were looking for.” Without hesitating, she led the way into the cargo area.
For some reason the lights seemed brighter once she moved further inside, and I was blinded for a few seconds, blinking quickly to try to see through the dots dancing in my vision. A part of me must have thought that I would have a hard time finding the crate, but I didn’t. It was right there in the middle of the car, as if it had been waiting for me the entire time. Creepy was an understatement; I wanted to run from the room and forget all about my unease and questions, but I was pulled toward it and couldn’t stop myself until I was directly next to it. Slowly, I put my hands on the rough wood.
Without moving the crate’s lid, somehow I could see what was inside, as if I had x-ray vision… Past the wooden top was the shiny, dark cherry red cover of a coffin. As I stared down at it, I knew, beyond a doubt, that my answers were nestled within. But my heart, mind and body froze, unwilling to see what I needed to.
The truth could only be put off for so long though, and soon I was looking down through the layers of wood and fabric, to my own face, held in a single moment in time. Me and yet not — just a vessel, like an empty shell I had shed because it was no longer able to contain me. I was no longer alive in the way that term had been defined all my life. That was the truth, and then I remembered.
—— «» ——
We’d been walking together. My love had told me we were expecting a child earlier in the day, and we were having a heated debate over names. Not unusual since our life together had always been filled with passion and testing each other’s limits. It seemed the names we’d both loved since childhood were the exact ones the other couldn’t stand. Such a trivial thing since it was the new life that was important, a gift. A name, whatever name we chose, was insignificant in comparison to that.
She had started to cross the road at the cross walk, more focused on the conversation than the street. What the driver of the car was most focused on, I have no idea, but the car didn’t slow down as it was supposed to.
I didn’t think, just moved, somehow finding the speed and strength to get to her side. I spun her around in my arms as if we were dancing, my eyes never leaving her face as I pushed her forcefully back toward the sidewalk. Watching the confusion in her eyes turn to horror as she processed what was happening. It was slow motion — so much happened in such a short time, seconds really.
There was no fear in my heart in that moment, only love. Love for her, for our unborn child.
I remember trying to tell her I loved her and that my lips moved, but I had no idea if she’d heard the words — all I could hope was that she could see all the love I felt showing in my eyes as I held her gaze. Just a brief moment in time, but it held everything within it.
The pain never touched me.
—— «» ——
Peering up at the train conductor, things seemed to click into place. “You aren’t really what you appear to be, are you?”
Her face seemed far more androgynous than I remembered it, as her lips curved slightly into a semblance of a smile that never touched the sorrow in her eyes. “No. Much is not as it appears to be — both in life and in death.”
“Am I really on a train with her?” My fingers turned white on the edge of the crate as a tightness took hold of my chest.
“Yes and no. You now exist in separate planes but in the same place and time.”
“She can’t see or hear me, can she?”
A slight shaking of the blond head was the only response.
“But the others…” That was when I fully understood. The others I had interacted with were dead, like I was. The grandmother who’d only just met her grandson, the boy who wanted to be a superhero, the man on his greatest adventure — for what greater adventure or mystery was there than death? Perhaps even the two men who were trying to change their financial future… My fiancé hadn’t actually spoken to me; at most I might have been able to claim that she had spoken at me. Not once had she even looked directly at me. And what about the baby…?
“She’ll have a healthy baby boy. He’ll be born on your birthday, and she will name him Leonidas for the love and sacrifice you showed that day. Leonidas as the great Spartan king who died so his people might live. Leonidas Alexander after his father who saved him. He will be a great man one day, and he’ll never forget that you loved him and his mother.”
“I wanted to be there for him.” My heart ached and my voice cracked.
She laid a hand on my arm and I met her eyes. “You were.”
—— « o » ——
Melodie Leclerc is an aspiring author hoping to make her mark on the world. She was born and raised in Langruth, Manitoba and graduated from the University of Alberta with a BA in English before teaching English in South Korea for two years. She is married and had three children — although her first son passed away, her remaining daughter and son continue to bring joy into her life.