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Colt
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I’M NERVOUS. MY PALMS are sweating as I bounce on the balls of my feet, holding the flowers in my hands. Orchids. Her favorite.
I’ve been an absolute jerk these last few weeks. I ruined things with Em and have been destroying everything else in my life. She can’t stand to be in the same room as me. Coach is about to kick me off the team. The guys walk on eggshells around me after I punched Rome in the face because he looked at me the wrong way. Austin hasn’t been over to the apartment for so long, I almost miss his annoying ass. But none of that is as bad as the way I’ve been treating her.
Turns out I am capable of caring and loving. I just tend to put up walls around myself so I don’t get hurt. She came into my life, smashed down those carefully constructed walls and worked her way into my heart. Now, I have to make amends for being a dick.
I brush my hand through my hair in a last-minute attempt to smooth it down and make it not look like I’ve been tugging on the ends. Waving my hand in front of my face, I breathe in to make sure my breath is minty fresh. I even sniff my armpits.
And then I pace.
I called her earlier, begging for a second chance and seeing if she’d meet me at the park by the beach. I half expected her to hang up on me, but she didn’t, she agreed.
I check my watch and realize she’s twenty minutes late. She must be standing me up. Ain’t that a bitch. Getting stood up when you’re trying to make things right. Repair the damage. I can’t lose her.
I decide to wait. Maybe she’s testing me. Checking to see if I’ll wait for her, as if that proves I care.
I’ll sit here all god damn night if I have to.
And then I see her. Eyes narrowed, arms crossed as she strolls along the path towards where I’m waiting. But I can’t wait any longer, I rush the distance between us and wrap my arms around her. “I thought you weren’t going to show.”
“Unlike you, I keep my word.”
I deserve that. I release her and hand her the flowers. She accepts them, stiffly.
“I’ve been here for a while. I was enjoying watching you sweat,” she huffs and moves over to the bench seat nearby.
“I...ahhh...” Why is this so hard? I can’t form the words I need to say to make things right.
“Yes?”
“Umm. I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry. That’s it?”
Chewing on my bottom lip, I shrug. “Really sorry.”
She lets out a bitter laugh.
“I know I’ve been a jerk, and you haven’t deserved that. At all. I’ve just been trying to process everything that happened, but it’s hard on my own.”
She nods once. “You need to sort yourself out. Figure out what you want and what you plan to do about it.”
“Right now?” I ask, and she shrugs. “Well, right now.” I drop to my knees in front her, clasping her hands in mine. I press a kiss to her knuckles, and she sighs. “I want to make it up to you. I want to beg for your forgiveness, if you’ll let me?”
“You can start by complimenting my outfit and my mighty fine ass.”
I chuckle and when she grins at me, I know we’ll be okay. “I love that outfit. The attention to detail on that sequined chicken is incredible. It brings out the color of your eyes,” I say, pointing to the garishly bright sweater she’s wearing.
“I picked it for you. I wanted to dress up for you.”
“Well, I’m flattered. But I must say... Your ass is mighty fine in those black sweats.”
“I’ve been working out.” She flexes her arm muscles.
“It shows. You don’t look a day over seventy.”
Her eyes flash and she beams at me. “You think so?”
“Ethel, I’d never lie to you.”
“Oh, Colton... You know how to make a girl swoon. Sometimes. When your head isn’t so far up your ass you can’t see the forest for the trees. Now, what are you going to do about dear Emerson?”
I shrug and drop into the seat beside my second favorite woman. “I don’t know. She still won’t talk to me. Avoids me at all costs.”
“Do you want her back?”
“In any way I can. Friends. Bang buddies. Whatever she’ll give me, I’ll be happy. I hate the way things are now.”
“Then, my dear boy, you need a grand gesture.” She lifts her arms in a wide circle, smacking me on the face with her flowers.
“Flowers?”
“That might have worked on an old duck like me. But Emerson needs something more. Something that shows you care about her and you’re sorry. Make it grand. Make it from the heart.”
“How did you get so wise?”
“Oprah.”
I throw my head back and laugh.
***
HIS FINGERS DANCE ACROSS her bare skin, the small sliver peeking out below her tank top, rubbing circles on her hip. My favorite part of her body. I love the way she gets goosebumps when I drag my teeth over that spot.
And now he’s touching her there.
Fucker.
My fingers tighten around the neck of the beer I’m still holding. It’s warm and tastes like shit, but I need something in my hands so I don’t punch Austin in the face. I kind of need him on his game next week. Coach has organized a pre-season, warm-up game and we’re up against the one team we couldn’t beat last season. If they weren’t knocked out in the first round of finals because their star shooter suffered an injury, I know they would have won the championship. They’re that good.
And I need Austin on his game, because I’m sure as fuck not. I’m lucky if I make it through an entire coaching session. It’s hard to focus on basketball when a part of me is missing.
Em barely speaks. She’s never home. And the other night I woke to her crying beside me. I wanted to reach out and comfort her, tell her everything is okay, but I didn’t.
I’m chicken shit.
Chicken shit doesn’t cover it. Clyde and Jordan have more balls than I do.
Em’s sitting on Austin’s lap; her fingers are in his hair. She’s talking to him and a couple of other people I couldn’t care less to meet. Another party. Another crowd.
Her fingers should be in my hair.
She should laugh at what I’m saying.
Not him.
Austin tilts his head and whispers something in her ear, and she nods and smiles.
My leg is bouncing and I’m rocking back and forth. It’s taking all my effort not to get up and go over there.
“Urgh. So gross,” a quiet voice says from beside me. The weird girl is sitting to my left. The one who screwed everything up. Where the fuck did she come from?
“You talking to me?”
She doesn’t fit in here. That much is obvious. Her long straight blonde hair with a ribbon tied in a bow on top of her head, her collared white shirt under a black dress. I take her in, from the childish hairstyle to the frilly socks on her feet and the book clutched in her hands; she looks like Alice in fucking Wonderland. And who the hell brings a book to a college party?
“No. Maybe. I don’t know.” Her shoulders slump, and she wraps her arms around her waist. “Do you want to talk to me?”
Uhh.
No. Not really. Not after her last piece of advice.
“I see you listened to what I said over the summer,” she says.
“Yeah. Thanks for that.” I grit my teeth.
“You’re welcome.” She sighs. “They’re happy, aren’t they?”
I grunt out a response. My eyes still trained on Emerson and Austin.
Who cares if they’re happy? I’m fucking miserable.
He glances around Em and catches my eye before sliding his gaze to the weird girl beside me. His eyes flash with something and they narrow on me again. He leans in close and whispers in Em’s ear.
“Get a room,” the weird girl mumbles, drawing my attention back to her.
“Why are you here? You don’t seem the party type.”
“Neither do you, and a friend invited me.”
I make a show of looking around, over my shoulder, beside me, beside her. I stand and lift the cushion from the sofa. “Don’t see any friends here, do you?”
She giggles. It’s soft and sweet, and almost childlike in its innocence. I thought Em was innocent, naïve. But this girl takes the cake for sure. I didn’t pay that much attention to her when we went camping. I was thinking with my dick.
“He’s over there.” She drags her eyes over to Austin and Em.
Well, that perks me up.
“I figured. How long have you been friends?”
“Since kindergarten.”
“Funny you should say that. Em, the one that’s...” Straddling him? What the hell does she think she’s doing? “Sitting on his legs,” I grind out, refusing to say the word straddle out loud because that implies parts that have no business touching each other, are in fact touching, rubbing, feeling...
“I know who Em is.”
“Yeah. Em. She’s my best friend.” I lift a shoulder in a half shrug. “From childhood, too.”
“I know. Austin’s told me all about her.” She smiles. “She’s umm...” Alice—I’m going with Alice because I haven’t asked her name and don’t really care—avoids eye contact and fiddles with the cover of her book. “Lovely. She is. He can’t shut up about her.”
That’s news to me. Em doesn’t talk about him. But Em hardly speaks to me now, so I can’t go off that. I know they hang out, but she never tells me much. Until this point, I thought they were friends. Hell, I’m sure of it. But what if me ending things the way I did pushed Em into his arms?
“He likes her.” Alice sighs. “I can’t compete with that.”
I whip my head around to her. “Compete?”
She shrugs and gives me a sad smile.
“You’re in love with him?”
“It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t see me as any more than his little sister.”
“Have you got gum?” I ask. I don’t mean to sound insensitive. That’s a lie. I don’t care how I sound. But I’m still trying that whole fake feelings thing. She’s in love with Austin, and I have an idea.
Alice frowns. “What?”
“Gum? You know the stuff you chew.”
She pulls open her purse and digs around inside before handing me a pack of spearmint gum.
“Thanks.” I take a piece and pop it in my mouth. “I’ll help you.”
“With what?”
“Him.” I stand and point at Austin, who’s too busy staring at Em to pay any attention to me.
“No, please don’t,” Alice begs and reaches for my hand to pull me back. “Say nothing to him. I don’t want to lose his friendship. I’d rather be miserable and have him in my life, than be miserable and never see him again.”
“Sorry. I have to.”
“Why?”
I chew my bottom lip. “By helping you, I’ll be helping me.” And with that, I turn and stalk across the room to Em and Austin.
Rome tries to intercept me, but I shove him to the side, knocking him down.
“What the hell is your problem?” he spits, pushing himself up, but I don’t give him a second glance.
I don’t have much focus, but on the rare occasions I channel my energy into focusing on something important, like training, or a game, there is no getting in my way. I’m like a bull seeing red. I charge it head on and it’s best to get out of my way.
Em is my red. And Austin is the matador, waving her in my face.
“Hey,” I say when I reach them. I clench my fist at my side. It’s taking every ounce of strength I have not to knock that smug smile off Austin’s face.
“Colt!” Em widens her eyes, and her mouth drops open. “What’s up?”
“Thought I’d see if you want some gum?”
“Gum?”
I nod. Em looks at Austin and bites her bottom lip. He cups her face and pulls her lip from her teeth with his thumb.
“Sure,” Em says, still watching Austin. “I’d love some gum.”
I smirk to myself because no one is paying me any attention, and I’m happy that she answered right.
And before I can think twice about what I’m doing, I thread my fingers into Em’s hair and tug until she arches her neck and meets my gaze, not fucking Austin’s, before I swoop in and capture her mouth with mine.
Fuck.