I woke up the next morning, squinting as sunlight filtered between the drapes. I glanced over my shoulder to see Kipa snoring away, the covers half-sprawled over his torso. We hadn’t made love, but that was okay. It was going to take me a while to get back in the groove, and I was grateful that he hadn’t pushed me. I could tell he was more than ready—his cock was peeking out from behind the covers, fully erect and ready—but last night he had simply given me a long back massage, not pushing and not trying to rush me. Then he brought me pizza and milk in bed, and rubbed my feet while I ate. I slept better than I had in weeks.
I yawned and stretched. The exhaustion I had felt every morning since I had gotten home from Annwn seemed to have lifted. I knew it was too good to last, at least for now, but it was a welcome respite. Heading over to the window, I opened the sash, leaning on the sill as the fresh breeze wafted through. A nice tall fence separated me from the neighbors, so they couldn’t see in, and the breeze felt good against my naked body.
“Good morning,” Kipa said.
I turned around, smiling as he pushed himself up against the headboard so he was sitting up. I opened the door and Raj came in, lumbering over to crawl on the bed. Kipa rubbed him on the back, and Raj let out a little grunt of enjoyment. He liked being petted, even though the leathery skin was about as far from fur as you could get.
“I need to take a shower and then tend to the ferrets.” I turned to Kipa. “Would you feed Raj and start breakfast for us?”
He nodded. “Sure thing. Angel taught me how to make French toast the other day. Would you like that?”
“That sounds good, and bacon. Lots of bacon.” I looked at Raj. “And don’t you try to wheedle Kipa into giving you cat food this morning. I think you need something a bit more nutritious.” It wasn’t that cat food was bad for him; but it was an expensive treat and I had been giving it to him to make up for feeling emotionally distant. While I felt good, it was time to start breaking some bad habits I’d let myself fall into. “If you’d make Raj some oatmeal and some eggs, that would be good. Meanwhile, I’m going to get my ass in the shower and have a good wash.”
As I padded into the bathroom, I heard Kipa getting up and dressing. I closed the door softly behind me, staring at myself in the mirror.
The tattoos covering my body—well, they were actually birthmarks, although they looked like tattoos—seemed more vivid than they had been in weeks. When I was feeling subpar, they seemed to mute, though they never left me entirely. Today, they seemed to sparkle more.
The patterns were from my parents. The wings swirling on my back were a mark that my mother was one of the Bean Sidhe—the Queen, actually. Some of the others that worked their way down my arms and across my chest and torso I had inherited from my father, the Black Dog of Hanging Hills. Curikan was his name.
I shook my hair. It now reached to my lower back and I was trying to decide whether to have a few inches cut off or not. It was black with purple streaks that run through it—another natural coloration.
I headed to the shower, turning the water to a pleasantly warm setting. As I slipped in under the spray, I caught my breath and closed my eyes as I relaxed. I lathered up, suddenly realizing that I was aroused as I brushed the loofah over my nipples. I hadn’t felt sexual in weeks, either. I thought about calling Kipa in, but then decided that I didn’t want to start something I might not be able to finish. I didn’t want to disappoint him, or myself. I turned the water to cold, blasting myself with an icy rinse, and stepped out of the stall.
I finished washing my hair, then quickly dried off. As I pulled out my blow dryer, I couldn’t get my mind off the spirit who had screamed for help. My normal inclination would be to check out the situation and help if I could. And right there, I decided that I wouldn’t let my fear stop me from doing the right thing. I made a decision to go check out the building and see what I could find out. Llew was right. I couldn’t lock myself away forever. It was time to ask for help and reclaim my life. But I’d learned my lesson. Never trust strangers, and don’t make friends so fast.
I dressed and headed for the ferrets’ room.
Gordon and Templeton were still snoozing, but Elise was awake and waiting for me. They weren’t really ferrets—or rather they were, but they were more than ferrets. I had discovered three spirits cursed and trapped in a tree up on Mount Rainier years before, and in trying to free them, I had ended up turning them into ferrets. Now, they were trapped in their ferret bodies, living far beyond the average lifespan of the creatures.
Gordon, pure white and slinky, had practically turned into a ferret, and Templeton, all black, was headed that way, though he was still able to resist the temptation to give in and let the animal nature take over. But Elise, who was sable brown and lovely, had managed to keep her sense of self. She stood up to the cage as I came in, her nose moving a mile a minute.
“Good morning, Elise. How are you doing?” I hadn’t spent much time with them the past few weeks, though I always made sure their cages were cleaned and they were taken care of.
Elise stared at me for a moment, then—as I unlocked the cage door so they could have a run around the room—she cocked her head.
I was wondering the same thing. How are you, Raven? I’m not quite sure what happened, but you’ve been acting distant lately, and nervous.
Elise’s thoughts came through quite clearly to me. I wasn’t sure how we managed to communicate, but I just appreciated that we could. I pressed my lips together for a moment, then sat at the table, picking her up so she could sit on my lap. Although Elise remembered her days when she had been alive, she still liked to be petted and groomed, like most pets.
“I know, and I’m sorry. I haven’t really wanted to talk about everything that’s happened. I had… I was…” I paused, not wanting to distress her. But she could tell when I was covering up something, and she had become a good friend over the years. I felt I owed her the truth.
“I was caught by an emissary for Typhon. Remember, I told you about him?”
Yes, the Father of Dragons.
“That’s right. He’s broken out of his slumber and he’s hiding somewhere in the Phantom Kingdom right now. But he’s sent emissaries to pave the way, and he’s also unlocked the gates for his children to return. So in December, I ended up being captured by one of his emissaries. Remember when I was gone for a couple weeks?”
Yes, Kipa took care of us during that time.
“Right. I was healing up over in Annwn. Pandora, Zeus’s daughter, is working for Typhon and she caught me. I was tortured and almost didn’t make it. I’ve been having flashbacks since then. I really haven’t been myself. But I am going to talk to Herne’s friend Ferosyn, the healer who patched me up, and see if he can recommend a good therapist. I seem to be having trouble getting over some of the trauma.” I paused, wondering how much to tell her. Elise was a gentle soul, though resilient, and while I counted her a friend, I didn’t like wounding her sensitive nature.
Oh Raven, I’m so sorry. I knew something was wrong, but I had no clue it was anything like that. Is there anything we can do? I know we’re just ferrets now, but…you can always talk to me if you need to. Elise pressed her front paws against my chest, staring into my face. She nuzzled me with a soft chook-chook.
“Thank you, Elise. You’re sweet and I’m grateful for the offer, but I don’t want to burden you. Seeing a therapist will help more than anything.” Actually, what would help more than anything was to see Pandora dead, but she was a goddess and that wasn’t possible. Next best thing? Mental health therapy.
I stroked her back, smiling as she wriggled in delight. I had promised the ferrets I would search for a curse-breaker to the hex that bound them in ferret form, but I had come up empty time and again. I was starting to think we’d never find anything to help. If that was the case, then eventually even Elise would lose herself into her ferret nature, and they’d live out their days in the quiet world of being pets, returning to the spirits of their former selves after their bodies gave out. But at least they weren’t trapped in a tree anymore.
Elise jumped down after a bit and I cleaned out their cage, changing their bedding and filling their food and water bowls. After I finished and they were tired from running around, I returned them to the cage and gently locked the door. I leaned against the metal frame, staring at them.
Thank you for sitting with us. Elise glanced at me. Remember, if I can help in any way…
“I’ll remember. Thank you for caring.” I opened the window a crack to let some fresh air in, then washed my hands in the adjoining bathroom and headed to the kitchen where Kipa was making breakfast.
Kipa had breakfast ready when I entered the dining room. French toast dusted with powdered sugar, scrambled eggs, bacon, lattes with thick heads of foam, and a platter of grapes and strawberries. I slid into my chair and forked thick slices of the bread onto my plate, spreading butter on them and then dousing them with syrup. I was the kind of woman who preferred some pancakes or waffles with my syrup, as opposed to some syrup on my pancakes or waffles. The bread was just a vehicle to support the toppings.
Kipa had fed Raj, who was happily munching away in the corner. Raj glanced over his shoulder at me, spitting food all over the floor as he said “Good morning” before going back to breakfast.
“You didn’t give him cat food, did you?”
“I did not. Turns out if you mix a little maple syrup in the oatmeal, he loves it. Go figure.”
Kipa was dressed in a light green V-neck sweater, the sleeves shoved up to his elbows, and a pair of black leather jeans. He had on a silver belt buckle in the shape of a wolf’s head, and his hair was pulled back into a ponytail. Gorgeous, with golden skin and a dolphin bite piercing in his lip, Kipa also had the darkest brown eyes I had ever seen. He was magnetically handsome, yet a playful, caring energy filled his aura.
“Well, that’s good to know.” I set to my breakfast, wondering whether I should bring up our sex life—or lack of one. I didn’t want Kipa to think I’d gone cold on him. He probably understood, but given our discussion the night before, it made sense to open up all the way on the changes that had happened lately.
“Hey, about our sex life…” I licked syrup off my finger and sat back, frowning.
“You’re not feeling all too safe letting down your guard right now?” He gave me that look that told me he already knew what I was going to say.
I nodded. “I just don’t want you to think that I’m not interested in you.”
“Don’t worry. That part of our relationship will fall back into place once you process all this baggage Pandora dumped in your lap.” He finished off a slice of the French toast and added, “Just keep me up to date on where you’re at. I don’t want to push you, or rush you, so it’s on your timetable. I’ll be waiting when you’re ready again.” After a pause, he asked, “What are you going to do today?”
I wiped my hands on my napkin. “I’m going to examine a building that I ran across last night. It’s abandoned, and I think it has a couple of trapped spirits in it.” I glanced across the table at him.
Kipa slowly stretched, yawning. Then, in a casual way that was anything but casual, he asked, “Want me to go with you?”
I shook my head. “No, that’s not necessary. Don’t you have a busy day ahead? I thought Ember said that today they’re going to be reconnoitering some space over on Bainbridge and they wanted you to go along.”
“Nope. That’s not for another couple weeks, and yes, I do have to go. But today I’m free.” He paused, eyeing me carefully. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come along with you?”
I thought about it for a moment. Having Kipa along would set me at ease, but I was tired of being afraid. I wanted to feel the way I used to—relentless, capable, sure of myself. And he would try to cushion the blows, which would make me less effective.
“No, I think I want to do this myself. But if you’re up to it, Raj could use a real run in the park. We didn’t get very far yesterday, thanks to me.” I stared at Raj glumly, feeling guilty.
“I can do that. But promise you’ll text me if anything happens? Even if nothing happens?” He leaned forward. “I can’t help worrying about you. I’ve never known anybody quite like you, Raven. And I know that I’ve got a bad track record, but now…you mean more to me than anybody I’ve known in…well…centuries.”
I slowly reached across the table and took his hands. “You know who my last important relationship was with. I know from Ember that you and Herne’s ex…well…”
“You mean Nya, his fiancée? I knew this would come up some time.” He ducked his head, looking embarrassed. “I admit, at the time I was an asshole and I’m not proud of what I did. At that time, I didn’t give a fuck about anybody else. Nya was pretty, and Herne was so full of himself. Ember doesn’t know how much of a fuckup he could be and I’m not going to tell her, but there were things he did that weren’t any better than the crap I pulled.”
I laughed. “I believe you. I like Herne but with as long as he’s lived, there have got to be some situations he’s really screwed up. So, tell me…was Nya the woman you last fell for?”
He leaned back in his chair. “No, actually. I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told anyone, especially Herne. And I don’t want him knowing. The fact is, I wasn’t that interested in Nya until she came onto me. She’s the one who seduced me. Yes, I could have refused but I didn’t. But…I didn’t initiate the encounter. Nya was bored and I was a wild child.”
“Then you weren’t out to take her away from Herne?”
“Gods no,” he said. “She was a ditz.” He paused, then squeezed my hand. “No, the last woman I truly loved was from around three hundred and fifty years ago.”
“Woman…she wasn’t a goddess?”
He shook his head. “Actually, Venla was human. I lived with her from the day we met—she was about twenty—until the day she died, sixty-four years later. I took care of her. I loved her. I held her when she was dying, and I buried her. And before you ask, no, we didn’t have any children. She couldn’t have any. She had been beaten when she was young and the beating injured her uterus. Her stepfather beat her for refusing him, then cast her out from her family. I found her in the woods one day, when she was out hunting for dinner.” He closed his eyes. “Herne never knew about her. Nobody did. I just vanished for that time period, and after I left the home we had built together, I never told anyone about Venla. Not until now.”
I stood, circling the table till I was standing beside him. “You gave your heart to her.”
“Yes, I did. And she’s held it all these years. Until I met you.” He looked up at me, his dark eyes flashing. “I’ve slept with a lot of women since then, but none of them reminded me of Venla. And you don’t, either, not in the way that you might think. But she was a rebel, and strong-willed, and so are you. She never let me forget that I had been invited into her life, not the other way around. She made me a better man while I was with her. And Raven, you make me a better man now.”
I pressed against him as he draped his arm around my hips. “Never be afraid to talk about her, please. I want you to remember her. I want you to not be afraid to still love her, like I will always love Ulstair. I know that the love you have for me isn’t any the lesser because she held your heart first.” I leaned down and kissed him.
His expression crumpled, and a tear trickled down his cheek. “Thank you. I’ve never talked about Venla because I didn’t want to remember losing her. And if I had told Herne about her, well, at one time—not now, but back then—he would have laughed at me and called me a liar.”
I pressed my lips against the tear gliding down his cheek, gently sucking the droplet between my lips. “You taste like the ocean,” I whispered.
He pulled me onto his lap, his lips meeting mine in a hungry, desperate crush. I kissed him back, and I could feel his urgency build. I wanted him, and I knew he needed me. He needed to remind himself that he was still alive, even though Venla was gone. He needed reassurance and passion and all those wonderful things that went into making up a relationship.
“Take me into the bedroom,” I whispered.
“Are you sure?”
I kissed him again. “I’m sure.”
So Kipa lifted me up and carried me into the bedroom, and I was able to let down my guard. He loved me, long and passionately, and yet as gentle as the morning breeze that drifted over us from the open window. And when I came, he kissed me again, and he kept kissing me as we lingered in the bed until Raj knocked on the door to ask for a snack.