Blue stood with his head against the window frame. He’d craned his neck to watch Clara and the girls as they hurried toward the shack. As soon as she’d heard Eddie and the cowboys might stop by the church, she had called the girls and bolted. It was obvious she was afraid someone might recognize her. But who did she fear so much? She’d said her father was controlling, but surely that wasn’t reason enough to fear him.
He might never know who she was afraid of, because she’d steadfastly refused to provide him with so much as a clue.
What would she say if he offered to protect her and the girls? Likely she’d laugh.
His heart grew cold and brittle.
And well she should. He’d failed to protect his own family and would never again take on such responsibility. Would never open his heart to the pain it could bring.
But someone needed to take her home and look after her and the girls.
He pushed away from the window. Time to get back to work, or Eddie would think he wasted time. He returned to the sawhorse.
A few minutes later the door opened, and he straightened, waiting to see who had come calling. It wouldn’t be Clara. She would have come through the back door closer to the Mortons’ shack. He told himself he wasn’t disappointed. After all, he knew better than to let his heart go in that direction.
It was Eddie who entered, taking his hat from his head. “How’s the work going?”
“Fair to middling.”
Eddie looked at the pews Blue and Clara had put together. “A fine job.”
“Thanks.”
Eddie circled the room, examining the wood still to be cut and the pieces waiting to be assembled and glancing out the windows.
Blue wondered what his boss really wanted. “How’s your wife?”
“Linette is getting impatient for the baby to be born, but other than that she is doing fine.”
Perhaps there were problems among some of the newlyweds or the new wives. Hadn’t Alice said that adding a woman to any group changed the way people acted? At Eden Valley Ranch there had been three new brides just the past few months.
“And the others?” he asked. “Roper, Cassie and the children? Jayne and Seth, Brand and Sybil? Mercy and Abel and the twins?”
“Everyone is doing fine. There’s a lot of visiting back and forth. Seems one or another of the ladies is always at the house or the children are going from one house to the other.”
It was the main reason he had chosen to spend some time at the church. Where he’d be alone. It hadn’t quite turned out that way. Funny how things had worked out. He knew he should regret it, but when he saw how Clara had run away frightened a few minutes ago he was glad he could offer her a few days of safety.
“Macpherson says you have someone here with you.”
Of course Macpherson knew. What did Blue expect?
Eddie gave Blue a quizzical look. Clearly, he wanted the details.
“A young woman and her two girls.” He explained how he had found her unconscious down by the river, with no place to go and no one to take her in. “She insisted she must do something to pay for her keep, so I’ve been teaching her woodworking. Turns out she’s pretty good.”
“Good. Good.” Eddie plunked down on one of the pews. “Miss Prudence Foot came looking for me as soon as I reached town to complain that you and a young woman were in the church without adequate chaperoning. She’s very offended at such disregard for the sanctity of the church. Her words. Not mine.”
Blue leaned back on his heels and studied the man who was his boss and known to be fair in his dealings. Too bad Miss Prudence couldn’t be fair, as well. It surprised him that a man like Rufus who ran the livery barn without judging man or beast should have such a judgmental sister.
Eddie waited for him to explain the activities at the church. “Her daughters are always here. They sleep in Bonnie and Claude’s little shack. There need be no concern about our conduct. Besides, you know me. I’m not interested in becoming involved with a woman.” Especially one with children, he added silently. Though he realized he felt less and less sure of his conviction.
Only because it bothered him to see her so fearful, he told himself. Someone ought to take care of her.
“Why don’t I take her out to the ranch? Linette would be happy to have her.”
Blue nodded. “I thought of that, but she refuses to leave town. Says she’s waiting for someone.”
“She’s expecting someone to come for her?”
“It would seem so.”
Eddie sighed. “Can she be persuaded to wait at the ranch?”
“I doubt it. She’s rather stubborn.”
Eddie laughed. “I remember trying to convince Linette to go back to England. It was a waste of breath.”
Blue nodded. He figured it would be a similar waste to try and change Clara’s mind.
“Well.” Eddie planted his hands on his knees. “I trust you to act wisely in the matter.” He pushed to his feet. “Tomorrow is Sunday. Why not bring her and the girls out to the ranch for church?” He looked around the building. “Soon we’ll have a proper building to meet in, but I have to admit I’ll miss gathering in the cookhouse with Cookie and Bertie leading the service.”
Eddie wasted no more time. He went out to meet up with the Eden Valley cowboys. “I’ll leave you to your work,” he told Blue. Then they rode away.
Blue returned to his saw, and the echoing silence mocked him. How had he gone from dwelling in his own thoughts and enjoying complete solitude to thinking the place was too quiet?
Clara and the girls were how.
And he would pay a stiff price for letting them worm their way into his life.
Maybe if he took them to the ranch, Clara would see that it was a far better place than here to wait for...whoever she waited for. He’d ask her when he went for supper.
As soon as it was a reasonable time to show up for supper, he left the church and made his way to the Mortons’ house. He stepped inside and looked about. Clara and the girls weren’t there yet. Was he that early?
Bonnie noticed his surprise. “Clara has been busy all day. She washed clothes over at the shack. I said she could do it here, but she insisted she could manage, though goodness knows how she did with only a small pan to work in. Then she bathed the girls and washed their hair. She said their hair is still wet, and she didn’t want to take them out in the cold, so she took food over there to eat.” Bonnie came up for air. “Sit.”
He did. How was he to ask Clara to go to the ranch if she didn’t come for supper?
He had no choice but to go to the shack. Never mind what Miss Foot would say. He wouldn’t go inside, so if Miss Foot watched, she would see that.
Bonnie rattled on about all the people who had come to town. Claude added a comment or two, but Blue just listened.
Finally, the meal ended. Blue thanked Bonnie and Claude and hurried from the house. He crossed to the shack. From outside the door he heard murmured voices from inside, but he couldn’t make out what was said.
He stepped forward and knocked.
Instant silence greeted him.
He wanted to slap his forehead. Knowing how she feared someone, he should have called out a warning.
“It’s me. Blue. I need to ask you something.”
“Wait a minute.”
He heard sounds from inside, like something being shoved across the floor and shuffling. Had she pushed boxes against the door to stop someone from entering uninvited? The thought made his nerves twitch.
He leaned against the door frame and waited.
When she opened the door, her cheeks were pink as if from exertion. “Yes?”
He glanced past her. The girls stood by the stove dressed in white nightgowns, their hair hanging down their backs. The homey scene touched a lonesome spot in his heart.
He shifted his gaze, not welcoming the reminder of what he had lost and buried two years ago.
“Yes?” she said again.
“Everything okay here?” That wasn’t what he’d come to ask, but it was what he wanted to know.
“Yes, fine.” She backed up as if preparing to close the door. “Thank you.” The words were uncertain. Spoken, no doubt, out of politeness when she really would rather have told him to leave her alone.
“Wait. I wanted to ask you something.”
She glanced over her shoulder, then stepped outside and closed the door.
He swallowed a protest. Did she think he meant to say or do something that would hurt the girls? Why, he’d do all he could to keep them safe if she’d let him. He quickly amended his thought. He might if he hadn’t promised himself he would never again care deeply enough about anyone to risk having his heart broken. He meant to keep that promise.
He cleared his throat and his thoughts. “Tomorrow is Sunday. Everyone at the ranch gathers for church at the cookhouse. It’s a simple, informal gathering, but it’s good.” Seemed a poor way of describing it. “Refreshing.” Still not what he meant. “Encouraging.” Now satisfied, he plunged onward. “I wondered if you wanted to go. I could rent a wagon and take you and the girls.”
Her eyes brightened. She opened her mouth as if she meant to accept his invitation. Then hardness overtook her face.
“I’m sorry. I can’t. I have some things I need to tend to. But thank you.” She hurried inside and closed the door, leaving him staring at it.
How odd. He was certain she liked the idea, then had refused it anyway.
Didn’t she realize she’d be safer on the ranch than here in town? What he wouldn’t give to know who she feared. Then he’d find that person and warn them to stop making life miserable for Clara and the girls.
Or what?
He didn’t answer his question because he didn’t have the answer. What could he do to protect them without involving his heart?
* * *
Clara stood with her back against the door as she sorted out her feelings. Her heart had leaped at his invite. Oh, to go to church, sing with others, have her faith renewed and strengthened.
To accompany Blue on the half-hour ride to the ranch for the service... Well, wouldn’t it be great to feel safe for just a little while? Her nerves had twitched with fear all afternoon. There were too many people coming and going to the store. How was she to know if one of them looked for her?
Despite the hunger of her soul, she couldn’t go with Blue. What if Petey came, and she missed her ride? She dared not risk that. Today had made one thing clear: she would never feel safe in Edendale.
Besides, she had no business looking to Blue to make her feel safe. She had to prove she could take care of herself. Not only to prevent her father from taking the girls from her but for her own peace of mind. Otherwise, Father’s doubts about her ability would always have a stronghold on her thoughts.
“Mama?” Eleanor sounded worried. “Is something wrong? What did Mr. Blue want?”
She wouldn’t tell the children about the invitation to church. Instead, she thought about another service—the Christmas service in their new home in Fort Calgary. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if they could make it in time for Christmas? “Just to make sure we were okay seeing as we didn’t go over for supper.”
“Oh. What did you tell him?”
“I said we were fine.”
“Oh.” Eleanor didn’t sound convinced. Libby, she noticed, looked equally doubtful.
“We are, my girls. Hasn’t God always taken care of us?” She’d have to trust Him completely tomorrow when Blue went to the ranch. She’d be alone.
Of course she would be, and she could handle it. Wasn’t that the whole point of striking out on her own? She hadn’t forgotten her goal. She would not be afraid. The Lord is my shepherd. But she admitted she would miss his company.
“Now let’s get your hair dried so you can go to bed.” She sat on a chair before the stove, pulled Libby to her lap and brushed her fair hair to speed its drying.
“Tomorrow is Sunday, isn’t it?” Eleanor’s voice filled with concern.
“Yes.”
“Are we going to have church in the church?”
“It isn’t really open yet.” Eleanor’s question gave her an idea. “We could have our own service there, though. Wouldn’t that be fun?” She injected as much excitement into her voice as she could manage. Just the three of them wouldn’t give her the same satisfaction, but she’d make it fun for their sake.
“I guess,” Eleanor said.
“Will Mr. Blue be there?” Libby asked.
“I think he has other plans.”
Libby bounced from her lap to face her. “Like what?”
“Libby, he can come and go without our permission.” Sometimes her daughter’s strong emotions frightened her. She wished she could have prevented Libby from growing so attached to Blue. “He has a life that doesn’t include us.”
Libby’s bottom lip came out. Her eyes flashed denial and then filled with tears.
Clara pulled her back on her lap. “Libby, you knew that all along.” Clara reached for Eleanor and pulled her to her other knee. She held them close. “We all knew that.”
Libby sobbed softly, and Eleanor clung to Clara. Clara rocked them and hummed. “Soon we’ll find a place where we can settle down and have a home again.”
The girls quieted.
“For Christmas, right?” Libby demanded.
“I hope and pray so.” Clara could promise them no more.
“I wish it could be here,” Eleanor whispered.
Clara nodded. “I know you do, but it can’t.” Today had reinforced that fact in her mind. Every time someone rode into town, she would fear it was someone looking for her. Fort Calgary was farther north, less settled. Surely it would be less inhabited. If she understood correctly, the man she hoped to work for lived on a farm. Perhaps, God willing, it was far enough from the fort she could remain unnoticed.
She finally got the girls’ hair dried and tucked them into bed. They didn’t whisper or giggle. In fact, they seemed subdued, convincing her she needed to get them settled in a new home as soon as possible.
Sunday dawned bright and clear. She’d told Bonnie not to expect them over for meals, insisting the woman deserved time off from cooking for them. Instead, she had brought over food from the evening meal.
They ate together at the tiny table. As they cleaned up afterward, the beat of horse hooves grew close. She peeked outside. Blue sat astride his horse. He pulled the animal to a halt and met her gaze, then touched the brim of his hat and continued on his way.
She stared after him. How long would he be gone? Likely all day, for he had no reason to hurry back. She sighed. Why should it matter to her? Her plans did not include him. Yet the hours suddenly stretched ahead of her—a long, lonely day.
The girls called for her attention, and she returned to them. “I’ll braid your hair, and then we’ll go over to the church.”
Eleanor stood quietly as Clara did her hair but Libby twisted and turned. “Will Blue be there?”
“No. I told you that last night.”
“Well, maybe you’re wrong.”
“I saw him ride out of town a few minutes ago.”
“Oh?” She grew quiet a moment. “Where was he going?”
“Libby, I’m sure I don’t know. Perhaps out to the ranch.”
Eleanor watched Clara finish Libby’s hair. “Maybe we should wait for him.”
“I don’t think that’s necessary.” She fixed her hair, handed the girls their coats, put on her own and picked up her Bible. “Let’s go to church.”
The girls followed without arguing. When they entered, the church was still warm. Blue’s bedroll was stashed neatly in one corner. The tools had been cleaned and put away, the wood neatly stacked, the floor swept clean. Plenty of evidence of Blue’s presence. Everything but the man himself.
Not that she missed him. She was only used to seeing him here. She pulled her thoughts back to her plan and indicated the girls should sit in the front pew. She sat between them and opened her Bible.
“You have to stand in front,” Libby said. “Or it isn’t church. It’s just our mama reading to us.”
Clara nodded and stood before them. “I’m going to read from Exodus chapter fourteen.”
“Don’t we need to sing first?” Eleanor asked.
“What song would you like to sing?”
Eleanor beamed as she answered. “‘A Thousand Tongues.’ It makes me smile.”
Clara cleared her throat and sang the words, “O for a thousand tongues to sing my great Redeemer’s praise.”
Eleanor knew most of the words, and her voice rang clear and certain.
Libby’s voice was equally clear, though the words were a bit muffled.
Clara’s heart swelled at the joy of their united voices.
“Let us pray,” she said when they finished. She smiled as the girls folded their hands and bowed their heads. She had much to thank God for—life, health, peace and, most of all, God’s love and protection.
Then she read from her Bible, the words catching in her throat as she read how Pharaoh thought the Israelites were entangled in the land, shut in by the wilderness.
It echoed her own thoughts. She felt entangled and lost, but God was in charge. She would trust His guidance.
She continued on until the fourteenth verse, when she had to stop. The words had hit her with such assurance she couldn’t speak.
“Mama?” Eleanor’s brow wrinkled with worry. “What’s wrong?”
“Girls, listen carefully to this verse. ‘The Lord shall fight for you and ye shall hold your peace.’ Isn’t that a wonderful promise that God will take care of us?”
They nodded obediently.
She reached the part where Moses held out his rod, and the waters of the Red Sea parted.
Libby’s eyes grew wide with amazement. “That was exciting.”
Clara nodded. “God can do anything. Nothing is too hard for him. He is our guide and protector.” The words of a hymn came to her mind. “We’ll sing ‘My Shepherd Will Supply My Need.’”
“In pastures fresh He makes me feed, beside the living stream.” The final words calmed her soul. “No more a stranger, nor a guest, but like a child at home.”
She dismissed the girls, then sat on the pew and meditated on the words. A home. Safety. Belonging. Acceptance. The words circled through her thoughts.
Would she ever know such things? Would God provide them? She couldn’t ask for a better Christmas present for them all than that.
She silently poured out her longing to her God and Savior, asking that He would give her the desires of her heart.
Realizing the girls waited at the door for her, she rose. They left the church to return to the shack.
They removed their coats and sat staring at one another.
“Girls, why don’t we play a game?”
They nodded, eager for some amusement.
“I’m going to Grandmother’s house, and I’m taking a satchel.”
They went round and round, adding things to take with them and having to remember everything that had gone before.
Eleanor was every good at it, but Libby kept forgetting items. When her turn came next she said, “Will we have to go back to Grandfather’s?”
Clara recoiled. “I thought you understood that we are going to make our own life.”
“Yes, but I heard—”
“Shush,” Eleanor said.
Obviously the pair had a secret. “What did you hear?” Clara asked.
Libby gave Eleanor a defiant look and answered. “Mary said Grandfather would never let us go. She said he would find us and make us go back even if you didn’t want to.”
Clara swallowed her swelling fear. Her father would not hesitate to do as he said. What could she do? Nothing except keep running until she felt safe and then build a life that proved she would provide for the girls.
She needed to leave Edendale while she could.
The girls waited for her answer. “Who are you going to believe? Me or Mary?”
Libby giggled. “You.”
“There you go.”
She fed the girls from their dwindling leftovers. Her inability to provide for them mocked her. She looked about. If Father saw where she lived, he’d have no trouble convincing everyone she’d failed.
It was stuffy inside. The walls closed in on her.
“Girls, let’s go outside and enjoy the sunshine.” She hurried them out the door and lifted her face to the warmth of the sun.
“Can we go down to the river?” Eleanor asked.
Clara granted permission, and they followed the path through the trees and down the bank to the water.
She looked at the place where she’d fainted. Where Blue had found her and carried her to the church.
As the girls played along the water’s edge, she brushed off a fallen log and sat down.
Here she was. Back where she started. It wasn’t an encouraging thought.
Like the children of Israel, she felt entangled in the land. Up against the wilderness.
God had guided the Israelites through.
What trials must she face before she reached safety?