Contents

1. Big White Birds

2. Boy Scouts, Ringworm, and Paris

3. Sound Off

4. Kissing Age

5. There Will Be Horses

6. Sick Wild

7. The Man from Glad, Car Crash, Amnesia

8. Clinical

9. Psyched

10. Love and Breakup in the Time of Watergate

11. Love at First Shite

12. Feet First

13. For Donna, Ibsen, Pepys, Levitation

14. The Soft Imperative

15. Third-Wave Coffee

16. Wisdom Teeth and Encyclopaedia Britannica

17. What’s Up with Dramatic-Value Vomit?

18. Old Houses, New Residents

19. Bee Spree

20. Hello, Mr. President

21. Chemical Neutral

22. Pure Corn

23. Fly

24. The Honey Room

25. Bridge Failure, Heart Attack, Fava Beans

26. Monkey, Nail Biting, Jesus

27. Cardio, Lightbulbs, and a Funeral

28. The Rule of One

29. Water Me

30. Feathers

31. The Quality of Your Sleep

32. My Father, Going Deaf

33. No Secrets, Victoria

34. Flip-Flops and the Leaning Tower of Pisa

35. Ravioli, Richard III, and a Dead Bird

36. Apri la Porta

37. Buongiorno

38. What’s New

39. Small Beans

40. American English, Italian Chocolate

Source Acknowledgments