photo © Neil Beckerman
“We will not put a gun in any woman’s hands.”
—MARIAM JALABI, Syrian National Coalition’s representative to the United Nations and founding member of the Syrian Women’s Political Movement
Her six-year-old son’s name is Rumi, after the famed thirteenth-century Persian poet renowned for such famously profound quotes as, “Wherever you are, and whatever you do, be in love.”
“His philosophy is the religion of all,” Mariam told me, explaining why she and her husband chose to name their son after him. “He is a prophet of love, where it doesn’t matter what path you come from, as long as you’re on the right path,” she continued. Mariam is Muslim. Her husband is Jewish.
Mariam lives with her family in Brooklyn, New York. They have two kids, and the younger child is a one-year-old girl named Elmaz, which means “diamond” in Arabic. In addition to speaking English and Arabic at home, they speak Russian. “It’s important to know the enemy’s language,” she said with a grin.
Both Mariam and her husband know what it’s like to live among their enemies. Mariam’s in-laws were forced to flee Latvia due to persecution of Jews when her husband was just a child. Mariam is the daughter of a doctor who was a member of the nonviolent resistance during the Hafez al-Asaad regime in Syria and was imprisoned five times before the family decided to flee to Germany when Mariam was just five years old. Later, schooled in the Golan Heights, her first chosen career was in the fashion industry, taking her to New York City where she started a company designing clothing for modern Muslim women. “I view clothing as a language through which to liberate women,” she told me. In 2011, however, when the Syrian revolution began, her career and her entire life were forever transformed.
I first met Mariam in January 2017 at The John F. Kennedy School of Government at Harvard University. Inclusive Security, a Washington-based nonprofit which consults with global policymakers on ways to involve women as decision-makers in peace and security processes, was holding its eighteenth annual colloquium. Nine women, each of whom were risking their lives and livelihoods to forge more peaceful paths for their homelands (Kenya, the Philippines, Liberia, Afghanistan, Colombia, Israel, Sri Lanka, Iraq, and Syria), participated in a panel discussion on how to effectively establish peace.
Of all the women on the panel, Mariam stood out. Well-poised and intent, she spoke from the heart about the power of collaboration. “We have to reevaluate the paradigm that the only way to solve our countries’ problems is through violence,” Mariam replied when asked about how to best end war in Syria. “But I cannot create a democratic Syria by myself, and I, myself, cannot change the world,” she added, looking at each of the other panelists. “But by working together, we all have a chance.”
At the close of the panel discussion, I introduced myself to Mariam and asked if I could interview her when she was back in New York City. She agreed, looking both humble and surprised.
A few weeks later, Mariam and I met at a small café near her office at the United Nations where she has served as representative of the Syrian National Coalition since 2013. The day of our meeting, she arrived modestly dressed in a brown top and black pants, her shoulder-length dark brown hair complementing her dark eyes. Her ivory skin did not house a hint of makeup. I asked her to tell me more about her work, particularly as a member of the Syrian Women’s Political Movement (SWPM), which she helped launch in 2017.
“For too long, women in Syria have been boxed and cornered in civil society, education, and humanitarianism,” she told me. “Whether it’s been about elections, the constitution, or antiterrorism, women have represented only about five percent of these groups. We will no longer be sidelined.”
With over one hundred current members, 15 percent of them men, SWPM is run and led by women like Mariam, who influence UN policy. “Ultimately, we want to create a separate body, a women’s political party, that will guide men rather than have them view us as competition,” she said assuredly.
I was so impressed by the dedication and courage Mariam expressed the day of our meeting that I decided to include her as one of Women’s eNews’s 21 Leaders for the 21st Century in 2017. She humbly accepted, and during the night of the gala the following May, she again stood out. Honored among a revered group of twenty other women and men, including political leaders, foreign ambassadors, and leading artists and activists, she shared a number of tragic stories, one of which moved me above and beyond any other story I heard that night.
As she stood at the microphone, she spoke softly of a Syrian boy whose image she had seen in a photo. His lifeless body lay spread out on the street as bombs exploded all around him. He was covered in white dust. Not a soul was around to carry his body away from the carnage surrounding him.
“And he is one of just many, many we don’t even know about,” Mariam shared. This powerful story brought tears to Mariam’s eyes, to my eyes, and to the eyes of numerous others in attendance. “Now the solution in Syria is to create a comprehensive peace, and no more killing on the ground!” Mariam exclaimed, her voice rising in strength. The entire audience rose to their feet in applause.
More than two years later, I met with Mariam again in the summer of 2019. This time it was to interview her for this book. We greeted each other like longtime friends. Again she dressed in dark, modest clothing. But she had a determination about her that seemed even more resolute than before. It had now been two years since SWPM was launched, and her organization’s commitment to nonmilitary strategies to help rebuild her country was even more solidified. Six months after the SWPM held its first general assembly meeting in Frankfurt, Germany, the movement reiterated its commitment to continue to press on with the goal of creating gender equality in Syria by being part of a political process that guarantees the rights of all its citizens, women and men.
She told me exactly how they planned to do it, by establishing a comprehensive feminist plan involving five strategies: 1. Prioritizing public services, infrastructure, and utilities; 2. Identifying the needs of women, men, and youth; 3. Activating women’s political and social participation; 4. Promoting, monitoring and accountability; 5. Reforming and amending property laws.
“We are collectively working toward creating a free and inclusive democracy and sustainable peace,” she told me.
Once she had finished explaining the plan, she fixed her eyes on me. “We need to have an established party of very qualified, politically experienced women who are ready to jump on any new composition to take over in Syria,” she said. “And we will not put a gun in any woman’s hands.”
Mariam then spoke about the United States’ role in Syria, and how it used to take a leadership role in creating peace there. “But when Barak Obama became president, he said he did not want to intervene any more in Syria.” She cast her eyes downward for the first time. “And now that Trump is president, it’s worse. He just doesn’t care about Syria or any of our policies. He seems to only care about taking down ISIS. At least with Obama, the US gave more humanitarian support.”
In the vacuum that’s resulted from this lack of commitment to Syria, Russia has taken the lead, which, according to Mariam, has resulted in the “killing of people left and right, with impunity.” At this point she gazed back up at me, more intent than ever, and said, “The Russians don’t care about human rights, they only care about keeping al-Assad as president.”
Because of that, three and a half million people in Northern Syria’s province of Idlib live under constant bombardment with nowhere to go. “All of the borders around Syria are closed,” Mariam said. “Nobody wants refugees.”
The need for a new constitution in Syria, where women are equal, is paramount. “This will enable women to be the executors, not just the policymakers, to ensure that decisions about health, education, and other basic needs are followed through,” Mariam said. “These policies have to be gender-sensitive for every girl receiving medical care, for every girl receiving an education, for every single girl!”
Our time was up after an hour because Mariam had another appointment scheduled. Still, she didn’t leave until she thanked me for being, as she said, a “catalyst” for the recognition of her work.
“You gave me that first award of recognition,” she said, referring to Women’s eNews’s 21 Leaders award in 2016, “which made me feel a little more confident.” Since then, she has been honored by numerous other organizations, including Apolitical (a global learning platform for government) as one of its 100 Most Influential People in Global Policy for 2019.
“You were the first person I thought of when I won that award,” she told me as she gave me a long hug. “You made me feel, for the first time, that it’s okay to be recognized publicly,” she continued. “I now know that if I accept recognition, I will not shrink.”
As we walked out of the café and said our final good-byes, I watched her as she raced across York Avenue among the yellow taxi cabs stopped in traffic, then quickly up the stairs to the entrance of the United Nations.
As I thought about our meeting, and about Mariam’s unrelenting and all-embracing work to create peace in a country ravaged by war, one of my favorite Rumi quotes came to mind: “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right-doing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”