In the car on the way back to her parents’ house, Grace couldn’t get Oli’s face out of her mind. It was as if it had been emblazoned there for the rest of the night, like some kind of sign that she needed to re-evaluate her life.
But how? What was it that she should do? Right now the whole situation was far more confusing and complicated than she wanted to contemplate.
When her father parked outside Rosehip Cottage, she got out and went inside, then made her excuses about wanting to do some writing.
Her parents had been wonderful at the party, socializing with everyone and getting on particularly well with Paul and Maxine. Then there was cute little Tom and his intelligent and mature sister, Amy. It was almost as if fate had thrown their families together and suggested they see how they all got on.
But Grace didn’t believe in fate, only feelings, and her own were now a boiling pot. She went upstairs and into her bedroom then flopped onto the bed, wondering what to do with the rest of the evening. She could write, of course, but she felt too restless to sit in one place. Perhaps a walk would help? Yes, she needed to get out into the fresh air to clear her head.
She pulled on a thick jumper and wrapped a scarf around her neck then picked up her hat from the dresser. Back in Cardiff, she often strolled through the city in the evening, watching as people went about their lives, some leaving work late and some off out to socialize with friends and colleagues. Then she’d return to her small flat alone, and turn on her laptop immersing herself in her latest manuscript. Writing was a good way to lose herself for a few hours, but right now she knew she needed some air before she tried to tackle a particular plot point, or she’d end up staring into space thinking about Oli and how she really shouldn’t be thinking about him at all.
Once she’d slipped her feet into wellies, she told her parents she needed a walk to find some inspiration for a scene, then she strolled out of the garden and along the road, appreciating the quiet of the village. Everything was so calm and peaceful, even though it was seven-thirty on a Friday evening. Conwenna was so different to Cardiff and although she loved the bustling city, she did sometimes crave peace and quiet. As she walked, she could smell the salty tang of the sea and hear the waves as they rolled against the shore of the cove. It was comforting and made her feel closer to nature, more a part of something than out on her own, which was how she usually felt.
The end of the road led off in three directions. One was towards the veterinary surgery and attached cottage, which she now knew to be Oli’s, the other was down the steep path to the cove and the third was back across the cliffs and towards the harbour. If she went that way, then she’d likely end up bumping into people and she didn’t fancy having to make conversation. She certainly wasn’t about to go to Oli’s cottage, and he might not even be home yet, so she decided that a walk along the beach might be nice. She’d strolled down with her dad earlier in the week, and loved the crashing waves and wind that had left them red faced with streaming noses but feeling refreshed and energised.
The narrow path down to the sand was steep and she took it gingerly, aware that a fall would be unpleasant at the best of times. When she reached the bottom, she stepped onto the sand. The beach was illuminated by the full moon. She walked towards the dark expanse of the water. The tide was on its way out and the sand beneath her boots was wet; it sucked at her soles, making walking harder. But the view was worth it. She gazed out at the water where the moonlight fell across the surface, undulating with the currents, creating a wavy silver ribbon that led to the skyline like a pathway to peace. She stood still, savouring the scene, enjoying the sense of tranquillity that crept into her heart.
And she knew in that moment that Sam would have loved it here. Everything about the pretty fishing village would have made him smile. So why hadn’t her parents ever brought them here for a holiday?
She thought she knew the answer to that.
Their own fears and doubts would have held them back. On one hand, they might have thought the sea air would be good for him, on the other they’d have worried that it would have been too cold; they’d have hoped a change of scenery might have helped him, but they’d have worried that the journey would have been too much for him. And then, of course, there was the biggest factor in keeping them tied to their Welsh home. They worried constantly that Sam might need specialist medical attention for his infections that had increased in frequency and severity as Sam had aged, and taking him away somewhere would have meant being further away from his doctors and the hospital. So fear had kept them tied to one place. Not just Sam, but Grace and their parents too.
They’d spent twenty-two years living in fear and in the end the result had been the same. Sam was gone. They couldn’t save him. But he’d lived and was loved.
The dull ache in Grace’s heart picked up again, for her parents and for her brother and for all that they been through and all that they had lost. Life could be so cruel. Yet it could also be so wonderful, because Sam had been her brother and she’d adored him.
‘Are you all right, Grace?’
The question startled Grace and she turned to find Maxine stood just a few feet away, her face bright in the moonlight.
‘Oh… yes. Thank you.’
Grace sniffed and realized that her cheeks were wet. She pulled off a glove and rubbed at her skin.
‘The cold air making your eyes water?’
Grace nodded.
‘Happens to me all the time.’
Maxine’s face was so kind and her voice so soothing that Grace suddenly realized she might break down completely. She bit her lip hard and took a few steadying breaths.
Maxine startled her by whistling long and loud, which was soon followed by the pounding of feet heading towards them from out of the darkness. She tensed, wondering what on earth was headed their way, then burst into laughter as she saw two greyhounds circling across the sand. She could just make out their long tongues dangling from their mouths and their powerful leg muscles propelling them at high speed. Just when she thought that one would collide with her, it darted sideways then turned back in the direction it had just come from, before turning again and jogging towards Maxine, its companion doing the same.
‘You have two greyhounds?’
Maxine nodded. ‘The best thing I ever did was adopt these two. Brother and sister they are… Most beautiful siblings I’ve ever come across.’
She hooked leads to their harnesses, then gently rubbed their chins before kissing them both on the top of their narrow heads.
‘There you go, you two, I promised I’d let you have a run tonight, didn’t I?’
The dogs panted in reply, both seeming to smile as they fixed their eyes on their mistress.
‘I’m a good listener if you’d like to talk about anything, Grace.’
She smiled at the older woman.
‘Thank you. I’m okay though. I was just thinking about someone I lost a long time ago.’
‘I’m sorry for your loss, but Conwenna will do that to you. Help you work out your feelings, so to speak.’
‘I’m beginning to realize that.’
‘Sometimes you need to let it all go, lovely. Allow yourself to feel the pain in all its glorious technicolour then release it.’
‘I’ll try. But it’s difficult.’
Maxine nodded.
‘On another note, did you enjoy the party?’
‘Yes, very much. Oli’s children are lovely and it was nice to meet more of the locals.’
They started to walk automatically, taking a slow pace across the sand towards the cliffs and rock pools. Grace inhaled the cold air, filling her lungs with it as if it could cleanse her from the inside out.
‘Have you always lived here?’ Grace asked.
‘I grew up here, but moved away in my twenties. I was convinced I wanted to travel the world and escape my loving but rather domineering parents. So I did for a while, I lived in France, Belgium, Italy… I had some elicit love affairs.’ She laughed. ‘They were wonderfully exciting at the time, but all came to nothing. Then I moved back to Cornwall and rented a small cottage in Porthleven. Close enough to visit Mum and Dad but not on their doorstep. It was a beautiful village but, after a few years, the landlord wanted to sell and I didn’t have the funds to buy the place. Then my parents died within months of each other, and left me their cottage in Conwenna and the job at the surgery came up. I’d had some training assisting a vet nurse during my travels, so I applied for the job. I didn’t expect to get it, but Oli said I could study for my level three diploma in veterinary nursing apprenticeship-style while working at the practice. With his help and support, I qualified. He’s a lovely man, he’d do anything for anyone.’
‘He would?’
‘And he’s had such an awful time of it.’
‘With losing his wife?’
‘Yes. For a while there I thought we’d lose him too, but then he picked himself up and soldiered on.’
‘What was his wife like?’
‘Linda was… bohemian. She was a very pretty girl with fine blonde hair and gentle brown eyes. She ran her own online bespoke clothing business and could make a dress out of a tea towel. Very talented, she was.’
‘Impressive.’
‘Yes. They complimented each other as a couple and always seemed to be laughing.’
‘The perfect marriage.’
‘I guess so.’
The breeze picked up and Grace swayed, almost losing her boot as the sand sucked it down while the wind pushed her to the side. She wobbled then regained her balance.
‘You guess so?’
‘What I mean is that they went through a terrible time. I don’t want to share too much because it’s Oli’s business, but I see that he likes you and I want him to be happy.’
‘He likes me?’
Maxine stopped walking and turned to Grace. The moonlight lit up her cheeks and forehead and made dark hollows of her eyes.
‘It was obvious when I saw you together this evening. The way he looked at you was just… well I haven’t seen him look at anyone like that in the two years since Linda died.’
‘Oh.’
‘Look, I might seem out of turn saying this but… please be gentle with him. Linda was diagnosed with breast cancer towards the end of her pregnancy with Tom. She was given the option to terminate the pregnancy and have treatment, or to have treatment and risk the baby, or to wait until after she delivered. She insisted on waiting. They induced her a few weeks before her due date so they could start treatment right away. She had chemo and radiotherapy and the cancer went into remission for three years, but after that… it returned with a vengeance.’
‘That’s so sad.’
‘And it’s why I worry about Oli. He’s been like a closed book ever since. The only things that get close to him are the children and the animals he treats. When he’s cuddling Amy or Tom, or treating a dog, I see a flicker of the man he was before Linda got sick. But it doesn’t last long. I think it’s why he sometimes comes across as cold and aloof, it’s kind of a protective layer he assumes. But today, I saw that flicker when he danced with you.’
‘I really don’t think it was anything other than his friendly nature emerging.’
Grace’s stomach rolled uncomfortably. She liked Oli, but he’d been through so much. Could Maxine be telling her the truth or just what she wanted to hear? Or, of course, what Maxine wanted to believe because she obviously cared about the single father.
‘I know Oli quite well. Not only have I worked with him for five years, but I’m also involved with his father. I see him on a daily basis and therefore see the ups and downs. Take my word for it, you have permeated his protective veneer. So if you have no interest in him, then please back off right now so he doesn’t fall for you. However, if you genuinely like him, then make him happy.’ Maxine reached out and squeezed Grace’s shoulder. ‘I know that Paul would be as delighted as me to see Oli with a new life ahead of him and those children with a mother. They’re so young, you know?’
Grace swallowed hard. Yes, she was attracted to Oli and she knew that could probably develop into something more – but the children? Adorable, sweet, and Tom had definitely squeezed his way into her heart already, but to become a mother figure to them? That would be a huge responsibility. It sounded like Linda was beautiful, talented and gentle. And she was dead. Forever perfect in everyone’s memories. So to attempt to take her place would be madness and something Grace would never do. Yet was there a way to fit into Oli’s life and into his children’s lives that would suit them all?
She sighed.
‘Look, Maxine… please don’t take this the wrong way but I think you’ve read far more into the situation. I like Oli, and his children, but I barely know them. With what they’ve all been through, it sounds like they just need some time and space. I mean… you know them better than me, but you don’t know me or what I want from life.’
‘Sorry, love, it’s a lot to consider. And perhaps I am being an interfering old so and so.’ Maxine took her arm. ‘Take your time. Be sure before you decide yay or nay. Life is short. Love is wonderful and it’s the only thing worth fighting for.’
They made their way towards the steep path, then Maxine gestured for Grace to go first. As she walked, she tried to empty her mind. It was the best way for her to process information. She would spend a few hours writing when she got back to Rosehip, then hopefully have a decent night’s sleep.
Tomorrow would be another day at Conwenna Cove and she would see where it took her; right now, she had no idea where that would be.