Chapter Five

Can You Keep a Secret?

 

 

 

Friday afternoon, after two mind-burning hours in one of the beige-walled Cherry Grove Library study carrels, Lexi steered along the careful curves of the Fairview Ridge subdivision south of town. The dusty scent of fall leaves and freshly cut grass came in through her open windows, floating in with high-pitched kid laughter and the thump of a basketball hitting the driveway. Yeah, it was the same stuff as in her neighborhood, but out here, away from beat-down buildings and small, old houses, it was better. Much better.

Lexi pulled up in front of Taylor’s bragalicious McMansion, tumbled out and leaped over the piles of leaves along the curb. People in Fairview didn’t do ordinary things like bag leaves. They heaped them into the street and waited for the service trucks to come by and suck them up with a giant vacuum. Very tidy.

Lexi would rather have stayed at the library than come to this boosters’ meeting, but her future depended on attending. So there she was, standing on Taylor’s porch wearing her extra long, burgundy campus sweater, matching headband and All Stars, and pretending not to be the girl who’d been ditched in the middle of a movie.

Mr. Lawton swung open the ultra-fancy wooden front door before she rang the bell. Compared to other dads around Cherry Grove, he was all right. Friendly enough to not be awkward but didn’t ask a bunch of tedious questions or pretend to be cool by talking about music. “Go on upstairs, Lexi,” he said, waving his steaming U MICH mug toward the dark steps at the back of the house. “I think the girls are just getting started.”

It was an expected Cherry Grove place, matched seating arrangements and color-coordinated knickknacks picked out by decorators. Huge windows that showed off the landscaped yard. Nothing personal or homey about it. Except the family photos in gleaming silver frames covering the piano. Those offered up a couple decades of winning at everything and always being the best.

Lush oriental rugs silenced Lexi’s steps, even the stairs were quiet. It was like she wasn’t even there. But she was—and so was Andrea MacNeil, because her voice was coming from Taylor’s room.

“I can’t believe he died sitting right there in the park.”

Lexi paused outside the door. Sweet-faced Betty Ann Thompson, the only other freshmen in the boosters, added, “Well, geez. He was eighty or something. He was bound to die sometime.”

“Peter Archer’s mom and my mom have been helping Mrs. Filpot,” Andrea said. “That lady is out of her mind. So they’ve pretty much been planning everything. Coach’s wife probably just wants to cry her eyes out.”

A pang of resentment hummed through Lexi. Her mom had reached out to Mrs. Filpot right away, before any of the other moms in Cherry Grove, and been rejected every time. Apparently the coach’s wife had been waiting to be helped by the right people, like Mrs. MacNeil and Betty Ann’s mom.

“Anyway,” Andrea kept right on going, even though nobody was responding to her, “Do we really have to wear black? You guys are all going, right? Are we going to sit together?”

“I read some new stuff on Jon’s Facebook page,” somebody else said, ignoring Andrea’s questions. “There’s a list of places he likes to go, you know, to eat and stuff.”

Murmurs followed. Debate about whether or not they had to wear black was cut into by more speculation about Jon and gossip about Mrs. Filpot losing it.

Lexi couldn’t make out all the words, but she didn’t need to. They all wanted details.

Information.

Monica’s voice sliced through the chatter. “Yes, we have to wear black. Of course Mrs. Filpot is upset. Her husband died. Yes, we are sitting together. For unity and support. And the only thing we can do about Jon is be supportive of his family, stop spreading rumors, and let the cops know if we see him.”

It was Monica’s last comment that made the pang of resentment turn hard and settle deep inside Lexi.

The only thing.

Aside from telling the truth, yeah, keeping your mouth shut is the option.

Next came Zoë Weinberg’s faint voice, so light and airy she practically sounded like some phone sex girl. “Monica’s right, and going on about everything will only make us all feel worse. And nobody wants that. Right?”

If Lexi didn’t quit stalling, Monica was going to totally take over. Lexi shook off the resentment, slid in, said hi with a bright face—not the expression of a girl who came from the wrong side of town and had too many things to hide—and took a spot on the bed, curling up against Taylor’s lemon-yellow headboard. She set down her bag, fluffed out her hair, and did her best to look natural and carefree like everyone else.

Taylor, wearing a lagoon blue Speedo tracksuit, sat on the way-too-flowery cushion inside her huge window seat. She swept back her uncurled red hair and looked around the room to make sure everyone was focused on her. Once she was sure she had everyone’s complete attention, she set her hands on her legs and leaned forward. “Okay, let’s get started.”

The meeting began with roll call and a list of what they’d talked about at the last meeting. Lexi needed to listen to Taylor, but all she could hear was the ugly rattle of her stepfather’s voice. And the thick sound of her mother’s weak silence.

Sad but true fact for the day—not even Peter’s stupidity or worry about Jon or grief for Mrs. Filpot could keep her mind from circling back to Dale Welks.

Back, when he should have stayed gone.

How could her mom stay with a man who abandoned her, then wandered back like a stray dog? That crap he handed out about having to take work out of town, it couldn’t be true. There had to be jobs around Cherry Grove. It was a big place, after all. And there were nearby cities that had to have work too.

The boosters meeting went on. Lexi sat silent, reminding herself that she needed to stay involved, yet unable to do more than keep that ready-willing-and-able smile firmly in place.

She managed a purposeful nod a couple times and even laughed when one of the girls made a joke. All the while, bits of discussion drifted around, Lexi half-listening.

“The coach would want this…”

“…the team…”

“Next year…”

A ring of laughter here, a choked giggle there, then one by one girls started checking their phones and talking about Peter. The noise kept rising, getting higher in pitch as panic increased and guesses got wilder. Thank God none of the ideas included her or the theater.

“Okay, exactly how many people got a text asking about Peter?” Zoë asked, waving her glam pink-covered phone.

Andrea, Betty Ann and other girls raised their hands.

“Me too,” Zoë said, still holding up her cell. “He’s supposed to be helping his mom set things up, and she’s pissed because he’s blowing it off.”

“I bet he’s getting drunk with Troy.”

“Those two are idiots.”

“What about you, Lexi?” Monica asked. “Did you get a text about Peter?”

Monica’s dark eyes gleamed, her glossy lips pulling into that smile that sent chills down Lexi’s spine. This time the chills were accompanied by a wave of anger because obviously she knew about Peter leaving her at the theater. Considering Monica and what she’d do for guys, she’d probably set the whole thing up. Told him if he ditched Lexi, she’d give him what he wanted for the signature.

No way was she going to give the other girl any satisfaction. Flashing a smile so sweet she could be on the cover of an ACT prep book, Lexi turned to Monica with a soft voice everyone would hear, but a nasty stare only Monica would see. “Nope. No texts. And last time I saw him, he was fine. Just fine. And smiling.”

Monica turned away, acting as though Lexi hadn’t said a thing. Taylor cut through the chatter with a reminder that they had stuff to get done. Phones dropped lower, but the damage was done—none of the girls focused on the agenda and each kept glancing down for more information. For Lexi, the rest of the meeting blurred by in a slow haze. Most of her effort was spent on not looking at Monica. In the end, there was a vote. They agreed to sit together at Coach’s funeral and the auction date stayed the same.

Once Taylor called the meeting officially over, all the phones came up at once and everyone started talking about Peter. There was no new information, just all the girls trying to piece together what they knew. Oddly, nobody mentioned him going to the movies. Had he kept that a secret? Why?

From the corner of her eyes, Lexi watched Monica. She was cozying up to Taylor, speaking so softly Lexi couldn’t hear what the two of them were discussing. Knowing Taylor, it was anything but gossip. Which meant Monica was doing what Lexi should be doing, getting more involved in the work and doing whatever she could to help organize the auction.

Planning to text Taylor later to ask what she could do, Lexi offered everyone a wave, said bye, and slipped back down the silent steps.

Twenty minutes later, as Lexi was turning into her driveway, her phone chirped. Her stir-crazy stress completely evaporated when she checked the display.

“Hi, Ash.” She pictured his cute dimple and intense eyes.

“Hey there,” he said, his yummy voice husky.

She climbed out and headed up the walk, which, thanks to her mom and not ever-lazy Dale, was no longer covered with leaves.

“You doin’ anything tonight?”

Lexi smiled, leaned onto the front door and pushed it open. But what she found on the other side made the grin vanish. Dale, stretched across the couch, flipping through a stack of papers clutched in his soot-stained hands. His dirty boots were kicked off on the floor and his feet, covered in grubby white socks, rested on the arm of the couch. Clods of dirt dotted the rug. And that smell, the sooty, ashy scent that followed him everywhere, floated around the room.

Swallowing hard, carefully disregarding him as she strolled past, she replied softly to Ash, “Just hangin’ out.”

But Dale wasn’t about to return the favor by ignoring her too. From the corner of her eye, she saw him sweep the papers aside, set his feet on the floor and lean forward.

“Lexi,” he said, putting a threat in his tone, trying to stop her from going up the stairs.

She cringed, struggling to keep the ugly tension out of her voice when she whispered into the phone, “Hey, can I call you back in a minute?”

“You okay?” After a second of silence, Ash came back, “I’m coming over to get you in a half hour. Okay?”

Lexi sensed Dale closing in behind her, felt a fog of tension settle across her shoulders then drift down her spine. Not now!

She opened her mouth to say ‘sure, of course’ to Ash, but he’d clicked off. Lexi tucked her phone into her palm, praying he wouldn’t try to snatch it away from her.

“Who was that?”

Lexi pretended to be relaxed and casual as she brushed off Dale’s question. “Is my mom around?”

“Who was that on the phone?” he asked, angling back and folding his bony arms across his chest.

Answering might be the only way to shut him up. “Ash Carpenter.”

Moving forward, he forced her to smell that scent again as he asked yet another annoying question. “Why was he calling you?”

“Because he’s my friend.” Lexi dropped her phone into her bag, took a step up, feeling some of the tension fade as she got father away from him and found her nerve. “What’s it to you?”

Dale set his hand on the banister, searching her face. “The school’s athletic director asked me to step in for Coach Filpot. For this season, maybe next too, if things work out.”

Why did he think she cared? “Whatever.”

“Ash’s a good player. Solid. Dedicated. Not all kids are like that, you know?”

She took another step back, and because it made her feel stronger, she let the irritation snap in her eyes and voice. “Do you want something?”

“I’ve talked to your mother about that deal the two of you made.” Amazingly, his thin lips curved down even farther. “The curfew?”

She forced herself to breath naturally. “What about it?”

“With Jon still missing and everything that’s going on with you, I think she’s starting to see what I’ve been telling her. Good grades or not, you need a curfew. It’s what’s right.”

Like you’d know what’s right.

Lexi turned away, replying over her shoulder as she marched up the stairs, “My curfew is none of your business.”

“I’m making it my business,” he called back. “You don’t seem to understand that—”

Lexi rushed to her room, cutting off his words with the slam of her door.

 

* * * *

 

“Do you usually come all the way over to this side of town just to get coffee?” Lexi asked Ash, pushing her way through the double doors of Barnes & Noble as they went back outside to get away from the noisy kids waiting for a visiting author. The sun was out, but the air was cool and Lexi curled her hands around the hot paper cup.

“No, I usually go to the Starbucks by school.” He came up beside her, the heat from his body fusing with hers, making her pulse skitter. He stepped even closer, near enough their arms brushed. Her blood turned amazingly thick. “I figured you needed a break, so the longer drive over this way, you know?”

Lexi nodded as she took another sip of her mocha latte. He was so easy to be with. No nosy questions, just understanding. Like a friend. Who knew there were guys who weren’t sex crazed or controlling?

Ash tipped his head and started walking down the row of shops again. Lexi jogged a couple of steps to catch up then matched her stride to his. They went past a pink and white bath and body shop, then Williams Sonoma.

The setting sun glimmered off the reds and oranges of the tree branches arching across the sidewalk and sparrows hopped around, picking up crumbs left under café tables. Beyond the sidewalk, freshly washed cars pulled in and out of the spaces down the street. Bright-colored delivery trucks rumbled past, wheels humming against the brick-paved streets that led to rows and rows of pretty houses. Typical life in Cherry Grove. Everything just right.

He gave her a nudge with his elbow. “So what was the deal on the phone? You sounded stressed.”

There was no point lying. Besides, she needed someone to talk to. Someone who wasn’t going to judge her or use the information to talk about her behind her back. “My stupid stepdad, asking stupid questions—as usual.”

Ash stopped short, the expression on his face unreadable. “You two don’t get along? All the guys on the team think he’s okay.”

Maybe she’d read him wrong. He wasn’t someone she could talk to. Lexi, hoping to keep him from seeing her disgust and resentment, kept walking, swinging her arms and looking around.

“No, really, I want to know.” He stopped her, wrapped his free hand behind her back, pulled her snugly to him and guided her forward. “What’s the deal?”

That liquid heat came back and she relaxed. After all, he’d never had a stepdad, so how could he know what it was like? This was her chance to explain. “He actually thinks I care about his opinion.”

“But you don’t care what he thinks, do you?” His voice was light, teasing, and that warmth of understanding encouraged her to look at him.

When she glanced over and spotted his dimple, she grinned. “How’d you guess?”

They paused and moved aside to let a mom wrestling with an overloaded stroller pass. The toddler tagging along behind was squeezing a drink box, making grape juice spurt out of the straw. The purple liquid streamed down her little arm, dripping from her elbow and leaving a drizzly trail on the sidewalk. The mom was trying to capture the girl’s hand with one of her own while pushing the stroller with her other. Lexi would’ve let herself laugh aloud at the awkwardness of it if the poor woman hadn’t looked so stressed. Finally the mom scooped the girl up, drippy juice box and all, and carried her toward the parking lot. Her giddy laughter turned to something deeper. She and her mom must’ve been like that once. The two of them together all the time, her mom looking out for her.

When they started walking again, she shook the thought off, brought herself back to now.

Ash leaned close, practically whispering in her ear, “I sat behind you in zoology last year, remember? You acted like you owned the place, bossing Zoë Weinberg and Sheryl Banter around, making them clean up after every lab.” His body vibrated with his low laugh, sending tiny pulses of yummy electricity skittering across her skin. “I don’t think you care about anybody’s opinion. And you’re really, really good at making people do what you say.”

Grinning, she bumped him with her hip. “Shut up.”

“But I’m right.” He lifted his eyebrows and lowered his voice. “Admit it.”

“Okay,” she said, glancing away because it freaked her out that he actually understood her that well. “It’s kind of true.”

When she finally got the nerve to look at him again, he was downing the last of his coffee, his throat jerking with the swallows. Once the cup was empty, he pitched it into the trash can at the end of the walkway. It hit the metal rim and thumped to the bottom.

He howled, raising one arm above his head, his whole body shaking as he punched the air. “Who’s the man!”

Her body bounced with his, making her snicker. “You’re crazy, you know that?”

He howled again, pulled her against him, and she laughed more. For a couple of minutes they walked along, looking at each other and laughing like they were in third grade, except for that awesome tingling inside her skin and the deep thudding in her chest.

After a while Ash broke the silliness with a very brief, light kiss on her cheek, so quick she could have imagined it. Except that warmth came back and she felt protected, secure.

He looked down at her. “Don’t worry about Dale, you’ll find a way to take care of him.”

The giddiness fell away, and she found herself remembering how Dale made her feel. Little. Weak. “You think so?”

“I know it. Losing somebody you don’t want to makes you like that. Strong. In control. Capable.”

Lexi had never thought of losing her dad that way.

“It makes you different from other people, remember that.”

All she remembered was the never-ending pain. “It was a long time after my dad died before I could deal,” she said. “At first I didn’t even want to talk about it. Think about it. Anything.” Remembering about the way Ash had come back to school, only a couple of days after his father died last spring, Lexi added, “But you totally handled it. Everyone was amazed.”

“They were?” he said, stiffening with surprise.

She bumped into him, grinning. “Yeah. Of course. That’s about the time you really started to stand out.”

He lifted an eyebrow, silently asking her to continue.

“It was like you…all of a sudden…” There wasn’t a way to say he stopped being a nobody pretty much overnight, so her words hung between them.

He didn’t seem to notice her unfinished thought. “I had to grow up all of a sudden,” he said. “I guess I wanted…”

They reached the Village Bike shop, the end of the business section, so Ash looped her around and they started back to where they’d left his Mustang. Lexi finished her latte, tossed her cup into the trash can then wrapped her arm behind Ash’s back. His muscles were thick and hard. Strong.

“Wanted what?” she asked. “What were you going to say?”

“It sounds lame now, but the whole time growing up, nothing I ever did was good enough for him. So when he died, it was like I wanted to show him how wrong he was.” His steps slowed until he stopped moving altogether. She stopped too, waiting silently for him to continue. “I decided I wasn’t going to lose anyone ever again and I wasn’t ever going to let anyone get in my way.”

“Who was in your way?” she asked, amazed that they had that goal in common.

“Doesn’t matter anymore. I found a way to take care of it and you’re going to help me.” Lexi slid him a glance but he was staring ahead, still talking. “Even though he isn’t around, I still want my dad to know I’m good enough. I’m going to prove it. It means a lot to me, even though, like I said, I know it sounds lame.”

She was going to help him? What did he mean?

“That’s not lame,” Lexi said, trying to think of a question to keep him talking, anything to get him to explain more.

“Enough about me.” His fingers flexed on her waist, bending to match the curves just above her jeans. “You always get what you want. From everyone.”

“We’ll see,” she said, glancing over, wondering what he was getting at, then wondering what he’d say if she asked about Peter.

He started moving again, slowly, as he asked, “You still waiting to hear who Taylor’s going to recommend for president?”

She’d have to find a way to get back to that other topic later because this one mattered too. “Yes.” She came up behind him and smacked his shoulder with her hand. “And you aren’t helping any by not signing for me.”

“I’ll let the other players— Hey, did I tell you? We have a new guy coming.”

They started moving together again. “I don’t care about a new guy. I want you.”

“I hate that stupid auction.” He glanced over at her, a gleam in his eyes. “What if some loser buys me?”

She couldn’t tell if he was serious or not. “I’ll buy you.”

Ash halted, his gaze fixed across the street on the small square building tucked behind a row of tall pine trees. “Hey, isn’t that Monica Sanders?”

Across the street, Monica was rushing out of the family counseling center, her mom close on her heels, saying something the girl obviously didn’t want to hear. Monica stayed a few steps ahead, texting like mad as she hurried across the parking lot.

Lexi’s stomach rolled. “What’s she doing coming out of there?”

“What do you think?” Ash smirked. “Everyone knows that girl is crazy.”

Monica climbed into her mom’s white sedan and slammed the door so hard the whole car shook. Her mom lingered in the parking lot, digging her keys out of her purse. “But Monica does everything right. The teachers love her.”

“Oh yeah, she’s everyone’s favorite, that’s for sure.” He paused, his mouth twisting as he nodded slightly. “But she’s messed up.”

“I didn’t know you knew her.”

Ash’s face settled into a blank expression, and he shrugged. “I bet there’re other people from school that go there.”

Lexi watched Monica’s mom. At least she cared enough to get her daughter some help. “I never hear anything about anybody getting help like that.”

Ash chuckled, low and soft. “Guess they keep each other’s secrets.”

Lexi’s attention shifted to Monica.

“Come on, don’t look like that.” He nudged her, making her move along with him as he took a few slow steps forward.

Monica’s mom pulled the keys out and marched to the driver’s side door. Her back was stiff as she yanked open the door and got in. She slammed her door and again the car shook.

Lexi forced a smile.

“Stop thinking about Monica Sanders being screwed in the head. You of all people should be glad.”

She turned away from Ash, watching Monica and her mom flash past in Monica’s mom’s Sebring, their rigid shoulders obvious even from a distance. Once the car was out of sight, she turned back to Ash. “Why do you say that?”

“You aren’t friends with her anymore, right?”

“Um, yeah, um, no.” She laughed, pretending that none of it mattered while she scrambled to figure out how he knew anything about them being friends at all. They’d been careful, not posting anything, especially pictures, of what they’d been up to.

The expression in Ash’s eyes was understanding, not judgmental, and heat from his body wrapped around her, offering comfort and that indescribable electric sizzle. She caught a glimpse of their reflection in one of the shop windows. They looked perfect together—him wearing black leather and her in a pale pink corduroy jacket. She slid out her phone and took a picture of their reflection.

“That’s more like it,” he said, nudging her with his leg.

“We’ll look even better together tomorrow, at Coach’s funeral. And everyone will be jealous.”

She took a couple more shots. He laughed, grinning as he forced his chest forward, doing what he could to appear bigger.

“Maybe you should make a video of us,” he said, making faces and watching his reflection in the window.

Her blood cooled and her stomach turned to stone. Making videos, that was something she never planned to do. Ever again.

She laughed the suggestion off, giggling in a silly way that she knew sounded fake. Thank God he didn’t notice because his phone was starting to hum.

Still holding on to her, he pulled it out and hit the screen. The lighthearted humor on his face fell into something close to despair. Maybe it was panic. Worry? With Ash, she was beginning to realize, it was tough to tell what he was thinking. “Oh, God—no.” He scrolled down, reading and talking to Lexi at the same time. “Cops found Jon’s bike. In the dumpster by the old Westerville diamond.” He looked up, his gaze searching. “You know the field I’m talking about?”

Lexi swallowed hard. “Um, yeah. Maybe, I’m not…sure.”

Ash tapped his screen, replying without looking up. “The one by the party store with the guy who doesn’t check IDs?”

Images of that last night with Monica flickered through Lexi’s head, starting with a scene at that exact party store and ending with her and Monica waking up, losing their minds, her putting on Jon’s bike gloves and both of them working together to toss his banged-up bike into that very dumpster. “Right. Yeah. I’ve heard of that place.”

“Just heard of it, huh? You never went there to buy?” That causal, easygoing expression came back onto Ash’s face. He shoved his cell back into his pocket. “You are sitting with me tomorrow, right?”

“Sure, right,” Lexi said, checking her own phone. A text from Jazz, saying her parents weren’t going to let her go to the funeral because of the cops finding Jon’s bike. No doubt everyone in town knew about the bike by now.

“Meet there a bit before.” Ash leaned down and kissed her check. “I want you with me.”

Lexi leaned back, sliding into the new connection they’d formed and pretending like his erratic moods weren’t weird at all and that she knew nothing about that party store, Jon’s bike, the dumpster or Jon.