Chapter Nine

Bedtime Stories

 

 

 

Lexi inched the door open, stepped through, then turned to gently push it closed. Once she was inside, she heard the hum of her phone. It came then went, then came again. And again. No way was she going to answer it. She wasn’t even going to look. If it was Jazz, she’d understand why Lexi wasn’t in the mood to talk. With Ash gone, the loneliness and anxiety had already crept back. All she wanted was to climb into the shelter of her covers and wait for the oblivion of sleep. Tomorrow she’d deal with the fallout from the party. With Monica. Sort out whatever was left of herself.

The house was dark, except for a single red light glowing from the kitchen counter. When she went over to snap off the coffee maker she spotted her mother slumped over the kitchen table, asleep beside an empty Wayne State mug.

Lexi paused, questions crawling through her mind.

Why didn’t her mom see she could get someone better than Dale?

How long until she herself snapped, ended up helpless and pathetic too?

Queasiness curled through Lexi’s stomach. She couldn’t let that happen.

But what if what Ash said was true—that there were some things you couldn’t control?

She gently nudged her mom, but she woke with a start anyway.

“Dale?” she mumbled, pushing her hair off her cheeks.

Lexi’s heart sank. Of course he was the first person she thought of. “No, Mom. It’s me.”

“Oh, Lexi. Hi, honey.” She looked up with sleep-filled eyes smudged with mascara. Even though she was hurting, she still felt sad for her mom. Over and over she let Dale disappoint her. She rubbed her mom’s shoulders, realizing she wasn’t going to tell her about Peter until morning. “Go to bed. You’ll get a stiff neck sleeping like that.”

She pushed herself upright, searching the kitchen with her puffy, tear-stained eyes.

“Go to bed,” Lexi repeated, as gently as she could. “It’s late.”

Defeat lingered in her gaze. “I’m waiting for Dale. I don’t know where he is, he hasn’t called.”

Figures.

“We went to bed, but when I woke up, he was gone.” She looked into her empty coffee cup as though she might find some answers in the cold sludge at the bottom. “You go to bed, sweetie. I’m going to wait up for him.”

She couldn’t remember the last time she’d kissed her mom, but right then she felt so sorry for her that she bent down, placing her lips on her temple. Even though her own world was falling apart, she didn’t feel as miserable as her mom looked. And at least she still had the confidence to fight back, to do something.

And now she had Ash.

“You should go to bed, Mom.”

“Don’t worry about me.” She ran her fingers under her eyelashes, trying to wipe away the makeup smudges making her look hollow. “Your mail stack’s getting pretty big,” she said, forcing her voice to a high, falsely cheerful pitch. “Lots of important-looking college stuff. Why don’t you take it up with you?”

Like that matters.

It does matter, she reminded herself.

It’s your only way out, away from all this.

“Good night,” Lexi called softly, pausing at the bottom of the stairs to grab her overflowing pile of school brochures and test prep postcards.

She bunched the mail together then held it under her elbow as she went to her room. She was alone, but there was no escaping Dale. He’d straightened her things, washed and folded her laundry, carefully made her bed—again. The perfectly tidy room gave the illusion of privacy, the image that everything was right. It made her feel sick.

She passed through the perfect gloom, flipping through the stack of mail. Six college packets and two ads for summer pre-admission programs.

Lexi ran her finger along the edge of the glossy envelope from an out-of-state college. The only way she was going to get that far from Cherry Grove was with a scholarship.

A soft rap on her door made her jump.

“Dale’s home.” Her mom’s bloodshot eyes stared through the dim light. “He says you’re having trouble again. Someone was talking about you down at that coffee shop he likes to go to, saying something about an accident with one of the kids from school.” Her mom paused. “Are you all right, honey?” She moved into the room, the light from Lexi’s desk casting shadows across her face. The frown pulling on her mouth made her look old and tired.

Lexi raised a shaky arm, awkwardly pushing her bangs back. Even if she did want to tell her mom what had happened, she wouldn’t know where to start. It hadn’t made any difference last time, so why bother? And there was Dale, lingering around somewhere, a threat even though she couldn’t see him. “I’m fine, Mom. I stayed up too late, that’s all.”

“There’s too much going on in this town. You need to be more careful.” Her mom sighed, then stood a little taller. “Dale’s right, you need a curfew.”

Fresh anger flowed across the horribleness of the night, but Lexi held still, waiting for it to pool in a place where she could seal it away. Now was not the time to lose it. So she stayed silent, hoping her mom would slump away the way she usually did when Dale was nearby.

Her mom moved back and flipped on the overhead light. “Well, what happened?”

Lexi squinted against the bright invasion. “I’ll tell you in the morning. Okay?”

“No.” For the first time in ages, her mom pressed for an answer. “Dale wants—I want—to know. Now.”

“Really, Mom. I’ll tell you everything tomorrow.” Lexi kept her voice low, hoping Dale would stay wherever he was instead of coming in and acting like his opinion mattered. “Rehashing it now won’t change anything, it already happened.”

Slight friction crackled in the room. Lexi found herself half hoping her mom would actually fight back and insist that she tell her everything, show some emotion, some determination, instead of just giving up.

“Mom, Dale is what we need to talk about.”

“No.” Her mom folded her arms across her chest, her elbows poking out of the threadbare robe. “We should talk about you, and what’s been going on lately. Why are you involved in all this trouble? What’s going on with your friends?”

“If you’re not going to talk about Dale, I’m not going to talk at all.”

“Why do you want to talk about him? He doesn’t have anything to do with any of this.”

The strength lingered on her mom’s face for a heartbeat then fell and was replaced with confusion and grief. Defeated, she stepped back and touched the light switch. Darkness crowded the room, the door clicked shut, closing off the opportunity for a real emotional exchange once again.

Lexi slipped out of her skirt, let it puddle at her feet, took off her top and tossed it onto her desk. Not the usual jumble she preferred, but it was a start. She still had the swimsuit on, so she peeled it off, threw it toward the laundry basket.

Her mom wasn’t going to be much help right now. At least she had Ash.

He was solid and real. Someone she could depend on.

Wearing a plain white T-shirt, she crawled into bed. After staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours, she finally slept.

But it wasn’t good sleep.

Questions about Zeke and Monica spun through her mind. Pictures of Peter’s limp body and the rush of her own confusion filled her dreams.