Chapter Eleven

Big Girls Don’t Cry, But They Do Get Pissed

 

 

 

Later that afternoon, sickening déjà vu rolled over Lexi as she came through Taylor’s bedroom doorway. Same as the last meeting, Taylor sat in her window seat dressed in a tracksuit—lime green with pink piping this time—and the rest of the boosters were scattered around, wearing their usual casual but planned to an inch of their life outfits. Lacoste, Anthropologie, J. Crew, it was all there.

A difference this time—the expressions on their pretty faces. A mixture of eager speculation and morbid curiosity. A few, like Zoë, actually looked sad. Lexi looked from one booster to the next, wondering what, exactly, was the best way to handle this.

“Hi,” Taylor said, ignoring the stupid way Lexi was standing there, awkwardly staring at all of them. “Come on in and sit down. We’re waiting for Monica.”

At the mention of Monica’s name Lexi’s stomach lurched, but she forced a smile as she perched on the corner of the bed next to Zoë. “Are you okay?”

Zoë leaned over, speaking softly. “Yeah. Thanks for asking. I’m, it’s, well, yeah. I guess I’m all right.”

One of the other girls scooted close. “How about you? How’re you doing, Lexi?”

“Okay, I guess.” It was a lie, but what else could she say?

“Yeah?”

Lexi pressed her lips together and nodded.

Taylor tipped her head and smoothed back her glossy hair. “We’re all really concerned about you, Lexi.”

She angled back and looked at everyone again. “Well. Thanks.” They all stared back at her, their faces expectant. “I’m fine.”

Once they caught on to the fact that she wasn’t about to dish out a second-by-second account of what it was like to find a dead body, the girls started talking about their plans for the upcoming week. Andrea and Betty Ann went on about going to the mall to look at prom dresses—even though the dance was still months away. Sheryl Banter bragged to anyone who’d listen about Isaac, her latest ‘boyfriend’.

Lexi’s own plans consisted of avoiding her mom, Dale and everyone else. Except Ash.

Sudden silence snapped Lexi’s attention away from her dismal thoughts and she turned to see why everyone was staring. Monica, leaning against the doorjamb, smirking like she’d just been made America’s Next Top Model, was the cause. As quickly as they’d stopped, everyone started talking again. Not to each other, but to Monica.

“Hi, Monica!” Sheryl said, tossing her feathered brown hair.

Betty Ann got up and did a mock bow. “Awesome outfit, fashion goddess!”

Someone behind Lexi asked, “Where’d you get your hair blown out?”

Monica answered all the questions, smiling as she pulled a chair over to sit beside Taylor.

Right beside Taylor.

Oh.

Yes. Of course.

Monica had been chosen as next year’s president and no one had bothered to tell her.

“Okay, let’s get going,” Taylor said, turning to Monica, her new best friend.

“I don’t think we need to discuss the auction,” Monica said. “With everything that’s happened, it’s obviously off.”

Everyone nodded, murmuring agreement. Everyone except Lexi, anyway. She sat silently as conversation about the investigation, who the police had questioned, who they hadn’t, tumbled around the room. What was happening to Zeke? Nobody knew. Then the topic turned to Peter’s funeral and how it was going to be completely—totally—private. Strictly family only. And all the parents were saying no wakes for the kids.

Taylor waved the conversation away with both hands. “Let’s focus on what we can do to move ahead. We’ll need to make up the money over the summer, which is one of the reasons I’ve called this meeting. The other, of course, is to make it official—I’ve recommended Monica to replace me next year. As always, she’ll start doing the small duties at first and be completely ready to take over when I graduate.”

Bubbles of applause popped all around the room. Lexi patted her hands together, pretending to be happy as her last dream was squashed.

“Okay! Okay!” Taylor and Monica laughed together, their matched smiles toothpaste ad perfect. “I know. It’s awesome news! But we don’t have time to celebrate right now. Not with everything going on.” She lifted her arms to silence the last bit of chatter. As a solution to canceling the auction, Monica suggested we make up the lost money by having a giant garage sale after Thanksgiving or maybe in the spring.”

The girls’ heads jerked up and down. Monica could’ve suggested cleaning people’s basements and they would’ve agreed. The other girls exchanged ideas for the garage sale, but Lexi couldn’t summon the energy to care. The whole boosters thing suddenly seemed so stupid and pointless. What did it matter now? She let the rest of the meeting buzz around her, waiting as the girls sorted out the details for the garage sale.

The air in Taylor’s room was smothering, and she didn’t want to be caught alone with Monica. The second the meeting was called to an end, she said goodbye to Zoë and the others nearby then was the first one out. It was rude to leave without saying goodbye to Taylor and the other seniors, but she didn’t care what the other girls thought anymore.

She was out of the front door and across the lawn in second. After hopping into Saturn, she checked her rearview mirror. Everyone was bunched up with Monica in the center, laughing and accepting hugs. Lexi pulled away from the curb and hit the gas.

So what that she’d left in a rush?

It wasn’t like things could get any worse.

The curves of Taylor’s TV-ready neighborhood had more twists and turns than usual. The wide homes flashed past, turning into a beige blur. When her tires squealed in protest at the awkward throw of the wheel, Lexi realized the houses weren’t flying by. She was driving at twice the legal limit and gripping the wheel so tightly her knuckles were white.

Screw Monica.

Ditto Taylor.

And the boosters.

Lexi took her foot off the gas, coasting to the next stop sign. She paused, took two deep breaths, then headed toward town. She’d go to the library for a while, get some extra studying in, so she could at least continue to beat Monica where it mattered.

Cruising by the high school, the bright blink of Ash’s Mustang caught her eye. The back gym door was propped open. She turned in. Walking across the mostly empty lot, she reconsidered. Too bad she wasn’t wearing something better than an old pair of skinny jeans and a ratty ice-blue Champion sweatshirt. No worries. She’d distract him with a flirty smile.

Ash was the only guy in the weight room. His white tee clung to his back, and sweat glistened on his neck. Lexi paused, checking out the band of his white briefs, which almost blended in with his light-gray Nike shorts. Even his pale legs looked strong and muscular. Her gaze crept back up. Yum.

When their gazes connected in the long mirror stretching the length of the weight room, he grinned. He’d noticed her staring at his ass, but she could tell he was more than okay with it.

“Hey, what’s up?” he shouted over the blaring Lamb of God.

All pretense of being flirty and fun vanished as Lexi walked toward him. He was her friend. She could be real with him. “Taylor made Monica president.”

He switched down the volume, but she could tell he hadn’t heard her, so she told him again, adding, “But I’m okay with it.”

“You earned that spot. She didn’t.” He crossed over to pick up some really heavy-looking black plates. “So, no, you’re not okay with it.”

“Really. I am.”

She followed behind him, watching as he positioned the hole of one of the plates at the end of a long bar then slid it on. He did the same on the other side.

“That’s nice of you to worry about me,” she said, “but—”

“I can’t believe Taylor made her president.” The second plate slammed into position with a loud crack. “Nobody likes Monica. She’s a total bitch and everybody knows it. Even the teachers know it. They just act nice to her because she does what they say.”

Lexi took a step back, not quite sure what he was so mad about. Unless he really did care that much about her. “It’s not that big a deal,” she said, trying to lighten the mood. “Look on the bright side, we’ll—”

“There is no bright side. You wanted to be president, you should be president.” He angled himself under the bar so it rested across his beefy shoulders, then stepped forward and squatted. Each time he stood, he grimaced and let out a heavy puff of air.

He moved forward then paused, looking over at her. “It matters to you. If there’s any way you can make it happen, you should do it. “

Lexi shrugged, still not sure what he was getting at.

“Do it. Whatever you’ve got, use it.”

Lexi waited until he’d dropped the bar back into place to offer, “We’ll have more time to hang out this way.”

He let out one last hard breath, shoved his hair off his forehead then turned, his gaze softer. “You think?”

“Sure. And—the other good thing. They canceled the auction.” Her mouth curved up, her gaze traveling the length of his long, lean body. “Now you don’t have to worry about me bugging you anymore.”

That made him laugh. Still grinning, he climbed back under the bar, put it across his shoulders again.

Lexi was starting to feel stupid staring at him while he was all sweaty and groaning. “I’ll get out of here so you can—”

“Hey, wait. Zeke’s around.” He paused. “Hang on, you can say hi.”

Lexi knew he wasn’t in jail or whatever, but the idea that he was out walking around was a shock. Besides, the cops had told her not to talk to anyone, and she was pretty sure that especially meant don’t talk to Zeke. Even though she was still wondering what he was going to tell her about Monica. “Nah. You guys have to work out, right?”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He lowered himself down then grunted as he pushed himself up. “He can’t start school until the school board says so, even though the judge is telling them he should be in school.”

“That sucks,” Lexi said, that image of Peter in the hot tub coming back.

“Yeah. It does. Especially since he moved to get away from the last thing.”

Lexi let her curiosity push away that image of dead Peter. “What was it?”

“Just something that happened.” He went down then up again. “It totally wasn’t his fault.”

Lexi took a step back, looking around. Ash and Zeke were way closer than she realized. “What kind of stuff?”

“Lame crap that nobody but parents care about.” Ash laughed. “Something about some girl and a video. Know what I mean?”

A girl and a video?

Yeah. She knew what he meant.

Exactly.

“Anyway, it was really bad for him there, but it’s going to be great for us because he’s the best catcher in the state.”

Lexi took her phone out of her pocket, flipping it over in her hand and doing her best to look everywhere except at Ash. “Yeah, yeah, that’s great.”

“What’s wrong? You look weird.”

Lexi touched her hair, running her fingers through the strands near her cheek. “No. It’s just, well, you look really good doing that.”

“Distracted you, huh?” he said, stretching his arms overhead, the edge of his T-shirt riding up, showing more of his hard stomach. Lexi took advantage of his misunderstanding. “Yeah, so I guess I really better get going. I’ve got some studying to do at the library. Tell Zeke I said ‘hi’.”

“Right. Don’t want to mess with your head. I know those good grades matter to you.” He dropped his arms, the crooked smile vanishing as quickly as it had appeared. “Think about what I said. That thing with Monica. Okay?”

Lexi nodded, then with another wave and a last glance at the hard curves of his back, she was out of there and heading to her car. Enough was enough.

She climbed in and typed a text to Monica.

 

We need to talk.

 

After she hit ‘Send’, she headed to the library.

 

* * * *

 

Later, still waiting for the princess to respond, Lexi leaned hard on the fridge door. Blocks of cheese, piles of yucky-looking pimento loaf and cans of beer filled the shelves. A sour scent drifted forward from somewhere inside. With a quick shove, she closed the door. She couldn’t even get something to eat without being reminded of Dale.

Even though it was pointless, she took her phone from her pocket and checked the screen again. Still nothing. A violent shout followed by pitiful screaming burst in from outside. Then a pause, then more shouting. She slipped her phone back into her pocket and peered out between the curtains at the driveway. Dale behind the wheel of his welding truck, her mom clinging to the driver’s side door. Her stepdad’s thin lips were twisted into a snarl, and he yanked his arm away when her mom tried to touch his shoulder. She was trying to say something but he was waving his hands in her face. After he nearly spat at her, she let go, limping backward.

He backed out, tires squealing, leaves flying, then sped down Cedar. A cloud of dust rose up from the gravel driveway, swirling around Lexi’s mom, and she waved her hand in front of her face. Then, with her back slumped and arms folded over her chest, her mom watched him disappear around the corner.

If there was one thing Lexi knew well, it was that rejection tore a person apart. She wanted to wrap her arms around her mom, comfort her. But at the same time she wanted to shake her shoulders, shout ‘be glad he’s gone, look at how he treats you, look at how he treats me’.

No matter what she did, nothing would change. Her mom would always be the doormat her stepfather trampled. Lexi let the curtain drop as her mom opened the door.

“Hi, honey. How’s school today?” Instead of waiting for an answer, she pulled the door shut, heading for the kitchen as though nothing had happened. The only evidence of the truth were the tear-stained red blotches on her cheeks.

Lexi stood stock-still as her mother very calmly opened the dishwasher. When she started rinsing off the morning dishes, Lexi squeezed her hands into fists. Just as quickly, she released the tension and did her best to relax her voice. “Mom? You’re going to act like that didn’t happen?”

When she didn’t respond, Lexi snapped. “He treats you like dirt! He walks all over you, and you let him. Do you like that, Mom? Do you like being treated like that by some useless, manipulating loser?”

Her mom started scrubbing the plates from last night’s dinner.

“Do you like the way he treats me? Always in my face? Telling me I’m a loser?”

One at a time, her mom put the plates into the dishwasher. Then she started on the cereal bowls.

Lexi watched, her eyes starting to tear as she waited.

Say something.

Anything.

How could her mom just take Dale’s crap? Didn’t she see she didn’t deserve it? Where was her pride? What about the two of them?

“Mom, I know you don’t want to accept it, but he’s using you. Next time he comes home, don’t let him in. Please. Tell him to get lost and not come back. Okay?”

Her mom put the last of the plates in, added some detergent then closed the door. After she poked the buttons, the machine started to hum and her mom finally looked at her. “Is that really what you want?”

Lexi let out a breath and nodded.

Her mom pulled out one of the padded kitchen chairs and pointed to the matching one across from it. “Sit down, honey.”

Lexi sat, taking in the lines of her mom’s face. Finally, the conversation she’d been waiting for.

“I know it isn’t always perfect, but Dale and I have been together a long time. He took us in, took care of us. Remember how it was after your dad died? We were all alone, struggling to get by.” She ran her fingertip under her eye, wiping away the mascara smudges, something she did way too often. “Sure, Dale and I have our problems, but we’ve put a lot into our relationship.”

“Mom,” Lexi forced herself to speak gently, “you’ve put everything into the relationship, even your self-respect. He hasn’t put in anything. He just takes.”

“Honey, you can’t understand.” She looked around the room then turned weary eyes back to Lexi. “You’re too young. Idealistic.” Tipping her head and again looking around the room, she added, “I understand. I used to be that way too.”

Lexi grabbed her mother’s elbows, forced their gazes to connect. “I know it was hard when it was just the two of us, but I remember how great things were too. We watched movies, went shopping—even though we couldn’t buy anything—it was just the two of us. We were so close, shared everything we were thinking and doing. Then Dale came along and ruined it.”

“He did not ruin us. He made us a family.”

Praying that Mrs. Howell was right, that her mom did want to hear what she had to say, Lexi pulled all her thoughts together, searching for the perfect words. There were many things she could say, ways to make it sound less awful. None of those sounded right. There was only the truth. “We were already a family—you and me. But with him here, always coming between us, asking questions, making up stuff, he pits you against me. And he harasses me when you’re not around. If he went away and stayed away, it could be the same as before. We could—”

“You want me to kick him out of his own home? Divorce him? Your stepfather may not be perfect but I’m not—”

The wall phone rang, cutting the words off. Her mom’s gaze flew to it, a desperately hopeful light shining in her eyes. Within a heartbeat, she was on her feet but Lexi was faster. Snatching the receiver, she turned her back on her mom to answer it, and in that split second, Lexi rebuilt her protective wall.

Even as she answered it, she already knew who was on the other end.

“Is your mom there?”

Lexi looked at her mom, opened her hand and let the phone smack onto the linoleum. Her mother’s submissive voice followed her to the stairs. Then some mumbled words that sounded to Lexi like an apology.

The apology wasn’t to her. A single tear escaped, but she quickly wiped it away.

Her own phone vibrated in her pocket.

Monica. Finally. Her text—

 

Starbucks by school. Now.

 

Lexi headed back down the steps as she texted back.

 

Okay.

 

Her mom was sitting at the kitchen table, the phone cupped to her ear. No sense in telling her where she was going or even saying goodbye. She grabbed her bag and left.