38

‘Janet, what the hell are you doing here?’ Daphne stared at her daughter in horror. ‘What’s happened, are Mum and Dad here too?’

‘Course not.’ Janet shook her head. ‘You know Mum’s in the hospital having her appendix out, and Dad’s got the garage.’

Daphne glanced into the hall to see if Felix was near enough to overhear. She hadn’t told him that her mother was ill, she knew he would have nagged her to go and visit and she had no intention of doing so.

‘When did you get here? How did you come?’

‘On the train, of course.’ Janet fixed her sister with a stare as she repeated the lie she’d told Felix earlier. ‘Didn’t you get Dad’s letter, saying I was coming? Telling you to meet me at the station?’

‘No, I didn’t. Why’ve you come?’

At that moment Felix appeared at the front door. ‘Aren’t you girls coming in? You’re getting wet!’

‘Of course,’ said Daphne, gathering her wits. ‘I was just so surprised to see our Janet here, and all so grown up.’ She reached out and took her daughter’s hand. ‘Let’s go inside, and you can tell me all about it.’

Determined to keep the conversation light and general until she could get Janet alone to discover the situation back in Hackney, Daphne chatted carelessly as she rustled up a scratch meal of scrambled eggs and bacon. As Daphne placed the plate in front of her, Janet stared at the food. How did Daphne get hold of enough eggs and bacon to fill three plates?

‘You didn’t tell me your mother was in hospital,’ Felix said to Daphne when he joined them at the table. ‘Janet’s been telling me how she was rushed in with a burst appendix.’

‘I didn’t know,’ asserted Daphne, the warning in her eyes silencing Janet before she could say anything to the contrary.

‘Janet said your father rang when it happened.’

‘He can’t have got through,’ Daphne said, ‘unless of course Mavis took a message and forgot to pass it on. It would be just like her.’

Felix let the matter drop. He knew that Daphne must be lying, but decided not to have it out with her in front of her sister.

‘So, tell me how poor Mum is doing,’ Daphne said, turning back to Janet.

‘She’s getting better, but she’ll be in the hospital for a while yet,’ Janet replied, adding with wide eyes, ‘She nearly died, you know. The doctor who talked to Dad said that she only just got there in time.’

Hearing this, Daphne was surprised to feel a twinge of anxiety. Her mother had been so near to death and she hadn’t known. How might she have felt if Mum had died and she hadn’t seen her again? Relief, tinged with guilt... or guilt tinged with relief?

‘But she’s on the mend now, isn’t she?’

Janet, her mouth full of scrambled egg, nodded.

‘Well, that’s good then,’ Daphne said.

At the end of the meal Felix said he had work to do and disappeared into the farm office. Daphne gathered up the dirty plates and put them in the sink.

‘Better get these sorted, I suppose,’ she said, turning on the tap. ‘Then I’ll show you where you’ll sleep.’

‘Oh, I’ve been up there already,’ Janet told her. ‘Felix showed me.’

They had hurried home as it began to drizzle, Felix leading the way down the lane and in through the manor gates. When she saw the house Janet stood stock-still, staring.

‘Is this your house?’ she whispered. ‘Does Daphne live here?’

‘Yes, this is where we live. Come on, Janet, let’s get in out of the rain.’ He opened the front door and Janet followed him inside, her eyes round at the sight of her sister’s home.

Felix had been rather at a loss as to what to do next. ‘Tell you what,’ he said. ‘Why don’t I show you where you’ll be sleeping and you can unpack while I make us both a cup of tea and perhaps find some cake.’ He picked up her bag and led the way upstairs, opening the door of the blue spare room.

‘This is your room,’ he said, exactly as if he’d been expecting her and the room had been prepared. He stood aside to let her in.

Janet was entranced by the room with its blue curtains and blue bedcovers. There was a fireplace with an embroidered screen covering it, a chest of drawers with a china ballerina dancing across the top and a wardrobe built into one corner. She went to the window and kneeling up on its window seat, looked out over the driveway and the front garden. Fancy Daphne living in a house like this. No wonder she didn’t want to come back to visit them in Hackney.

‘I’ll leave you to it,’ Felix said. ‘Bathroom’s just opposite. Come down when you’re ready.’

Janet had listened to his steps going down the stairs and then crept back out onto the landing. She used the toilet and then went quickly and quietly along the landing opening doors and peering into the rooms beyond. It was clear which was Daphne and Felix’s, furnished with a large bed, a heavy old wardrobe and a dressing table untidy with bottles and jars. Some of Daphne’s clothes were heaped on a chair, but apart from some slippers under the bed and a shirt thrown over another chair, there seemed to be little of Felix in the room. She peeped into the other rooms, one of which had obviously been Felix’s childhood bedroom, with a well-filled bookcase and a shelf displaying model aeroplanes, but the rest looked Spartan and unused. She closed the doors on those and went back into her own room. She didn’t unpack her clothes, simply removed the birth certificate and put it under her pillow, ready to show it to Daphne when the moment arose. It had been as she closed the case again that she’d heard the car turn into the drive and ran down the stairs to greet her sister.

‘Well,’ said Daphne when the kitchen was clear, ‘let’s go and sit down and you can tell me why you really came.’ She saw the light showing under the door to Felix’s office and knowing he was safely out of the way, led Janet into the sitting room, shutting the door firmly behind her. ‘Now,’ she said, ‘what are you doing here?’

‘We broke up for the holidays and with Mum in the hospital for some time yet, Dad thought it’d be a good idea if I came to you for a while.’

‘What did Mum say?’

Janet shrugged. ‘She doesn’t know, or she didn’t. ’Spect Dad’s told her by now.’

‘I can’t believe it was Dad’s idea to send you off down here.’ Daphne fixed her daughter with a gimlet eye. ‘In fact, I don’t believe it. It was your idea, wasn’t it?’

‘He wrote to you.’

‘No, he didn’t,’ said Daphne firmly. ‘You’re lying. You lied to Felix and now you’re lying to me. I’m not stupid, Janet.’

Janet shifted awkwardly under Daphne’s gaze. ‘I wanted to see you.’

‘Did you?’ Daphne’s voice was laden with sarcasm. ‘Or did you just want to come and sponge off us for a few weeks?’

‘I wanted to ask you something,’ Janet said defensively. She hadn’t been sure how welcome she was going to be, but had been more worried about Felix’s reaction to her unannounced arrival than Daphne’s. She’d got it wrong. Felix had been welcoming, but Daphne was decidedly hostile.

‘Oh,’ said Daphne cautiously, ‘and what was that?’

Janet decided to grab the bull by the horns and said, ‘Are you my mother?’

‘What?’ Daphne, startled by the question, but pretty sure her mother would not have told Janet about her parentage, managed to inject laughing incredulity into her voice. ‘What on earth gave you that crazy idea?’

‘Well, are you?’ demanded Janet, her eyes never leaving Daphne’s face.

‘No, of course not! Where did you get that from?’

Janet evaded the question. ‘I was going to ask Mum, but with her being so ill, I thought it was better to come and talk to you.’

‘Well, I’m glad you didn’t suggest such a thing to Mum,’ Daphne said. ‘She’d have been devastated. And,’ she went on, ‘I hope you didn’t say anything to Dad, either. Whatever made you think such a thing?’

Daphne’s fierce protestations were beginning to convince Janet that the fears she’d tried to set aside had been justified after all. Birth certificates couldn’t be wrong, she’d known that really; so, she was indeed like Marion and her father was unknown. Why did Daphne keep denying it? Janet wanted to know more and decided not to mention the birth certificate yet.

‘Well,’ she said, ‘it was something someone said at school.’

‘Who said? What?’

‘Rhoda’s gran told Rhoda.’

‘Told her what?’

‘Told her I was your daughter, not Mum’s.’

‘Well, I don’t know who Rhoda’s gran is,’ growled Daphne, ‘but she’s lying, lying in her teeth.’ She reached out and took Janet’s hand. ‘Don’t think about it any more,’ she said. ‘It’s all a pack of lies. I’m glad you came to me and didn’t worry Mum and Dad with any of this.’

Janet looked her firmly in the face and said, ‘Does Felix know?’

At that moment the sitting-room door opened and Felix came in. Overhearing this last remark, he said, ‘Does Felix know what?’

‘That Daphne ain’t my sister. She’s my mum!’

Daphne fought to control the impulse to slap Janet hard across the mouth as Felix, startled, said, ‘What? What did you say?’

‘Janet’s got some bee in her bonnet,’ said Daphne quickly. ‘Something about being my daughter. Some girl at school’s been spreading lies and of course she’s upset.’ She forced a smile to her lips and said, ‘I’m just thankful that she came to me and didn’t worry our parents with such rubbish.’

‘Janet, Daphne’s right,’ Felix said gently. ‘We haven’t been able to have children... because Daphne can’t. She has something wrong inside and can’t have a baby. So, you see, it’s just an unkind rumour someone is spreading about you.’

‘You’re wrong,’ said Janet. ‘She can have a baby, she had me!’ Red-faced, she was almost in tears. She flung herself out of the room and up the stairs, returning moments later with the birth certificate in her hand. She thrust it at Felix. ‘There,’ she said. ‘This was in Mum’s papers’ box. I found it when I was looking for your address.’

Daphne jumped to her feet and made a grab for the document, but Felix twisted away and unfolded it. He scanned its details and then read it again, his face paling beneath its summer tan. Without a word he handed it back to Janet and walked out of the room.

Daphne snatched it from her, crumpling it into a ball and throwing it across the room. ‘You stupid little cow!’ she snarled. ‘You’ve ruined everything!’

‘No,’ cried Janet. ‘You ruined everything. Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘It was Mum’s idea. There was no reason for anyone to know. It was to protect you, you silly little bitch. So that you wouldn’t be a bastard!’

‘Nothing to do with you, then?’ snapped Janet. She was not stupid or silly and she had a great deal of both her mother and her grandmother in her. ‘Not your fault that you got pregnant sleeping around with soldiers.’

‘He was a sailor, actually,’ snapped Daphne, ‘and it only happened once.’

‘So all my life has been a lie, right from the moment I was born.’ In that moment, Janet shrugged off her childhood and looked at her mother with adult eyes. ‘If you’d admitted it when I asked you just now, treated me like a grown-up, you could have explained and Felix need never have known.’ She walked across the room and retrieved the crumpled birth certificate, smoothing it between her fingers, folding it carefully and putting it in her pocket. She stalked to the door before turning to Daphne and saying, ‘You say I ruined everything? No. It ain’t my fault “Mummy”, it’s yours!’

Daphne heard her stamping up the stairs and then the slam of her bedroom door. Stupid child! Stupid, stupid child! She paced the room, her mind working furiously. How was she going to placate Felix now? He would know she had lied to him from the start, that she hadn’t been a virgin on their wedding night. He would probably guess that she had actively been avoiding conceiving a child, even though she knew it was his dearest wish. What was he going to say? What was he going to do? She needed to get away. She needed Jane. She’d go to Jane. But Jane wasn’t at the flat, she was staying with her parents. Daphne went out into the hall. The house was silent. She crept up the stairs and saw lines of light showing beneath the doors of both the blue spare room and Felix’s old room. The door to their bedroom, Felix’s and hers, stood open and the room was in darkness. She walked quietly along the landing, went in, shut the door and locked it behind her.

Janet lay in bed in the blue room. She had been unprepared for the extreme reaction her revelations had provoked. She was sorry for Felix. He’d been kind to her and she liked him. He’d been so chillingly angry when he’d looked at the birth certificate, it was clear that Daphne had never told him that she’d had a child. And Daphne? Daphne was raging! What on earth was going to happen in the morning?

Exhausted, Janet closed her eyes. It had been a long day and despite the turmoil of her emotions, she finally drifted into an uneasy sleep.

Felix did not sleep. He too lay on his bed, his mind churning with what he’d learned that evening and the wider implications. Janet was Daphne’s daughter, that much was clear, and it meant that the whole of his life with Daphne was founded on a lie. She had pretended to be a virgin, refusing to sleep with him until they were married. A lie, the first lie. When he’d met her, he wouldn’t have been surprised to discover she’d had some sexual experience; the way some girls behaved had altered during the war. He wouldn’t have blamed her for it. Maybe he could have come to accept that she already had a child if she had told him, if she’d been honest and perhaps explained the circumstances. But she’d lied, she had lied because she wanted him to marry her. Not for love, he could see that now, but for what marriage to him would bring. He’d loved her, but she’d used him. She had lied about not being able to have children. He had believed her, but Janet was the living proof of that lie.

Felix’s anger was cold. The hot flashes of anger that had erupted occasionally during their marriage were nothing to the ice-cold anger that gripped him now. Their whole marriage was founded on lies.

Daphne spent the night gathering her things together. She would pack her bags and go with Jane when she returned to Bristol in the evening; leave Felix to stew in his own juice, and as for that stupid girl, Janet, well, she could take herself back to London and good riddance.

‘I’m leaving,’ she told Felix next morning. ‘I’ll go and stay with Jane for a while. She’ll put me up until I decide what I’m going to do. I’ll go with her when she goes back to Bristol this evening.’

‘Suit yourself,’ replied Felix. ‘What about Janet?’

‘What about her? Send her back to London, I should.’

Daphne had tried to ring Jane at Charing Farmhouse, but there was no reply and she realised that the Shepherds must have gone to church. She glanced at her watch and seeing that the service would soon be over, she decided to walk up the lane in the hope of being able to snatch a quick word with Jane; put her in the picture. When she reached the church, she found the congregation already spilling out onto the village green. Jane was standing with her parents as they chatted with the Masterses. Edging forward, Daphne heard them talking about the German airman who’d turned up in the village. She caught Jane’s eye, but Jane merely smiled and with the faintest shake of her head indicated that she couldn’t talk just now. Daphne, who certainly didn’t want to explain what had happened last night to anyone else, nodded and having mouthed ‘the quarry’, she moved away again. She would meet Jane as planned in the afternoon and tell her what had happened then.

She didn’t go back to the manor until she saw Felix and Janet leaving the house and heading towards Eden Lodge. Was he really taking Janet there for lunch? She’d give anything to see old Ma Bellinger’s face when they were introduced. She’d lay money on the fact that Felix would introduce her as Daphne’s sister, and how would snobby Marjorie deal with Felix’s cockney teenage sister-in-law?

She brought the cases she’d packed down to the front hall and left them ready to put into Jane’s car when she collected her later. She put some buttered bread, a hard-boiled egg and an apple into a basket for her lunch, picked up the picnic rug and set off to meet Jane. She’d be early, but she didn’t mind that and she was determined to be away from the manor when Felix got home again.