Charlotte got the children bathed and into bed. They were all tired after the excitement of the day. Both Johnny and Edie had had a ride on the new pony, Muffin, and the twins were already tugging at Gramp’s trousers, asking to be put up on Barney. There had been a game of hide and seek, the boys had played football of a sort, and then Felix had turned up with Dieter in tow. To Charlotte’s disappointment, Felix hadn’t stayed long, but Dieter had waited and walked home with her.
Before they’d left Jane had come back from her walk, even more snappish than usual. She was introduced to Dieter, but she had hardly a civil word for him before she stumped off upstairs, collected her overnight bag and slung it into the boot of her car.
‘I’ve got to get back,’ she told her parents.
‘It’s been lovely having you home for the night,’ said Margaret as she kissed her cheek. ‘Come out again soon.’
‘Of course, Mum,’ Jane promised, wondering as she did so if she’d ever be able to come back to Wynsdown if her affair with Daphne became public knowledge.
‘You look, tired, darling,’ Margaret said. ‘You’re working too hard. Time you had a proper holiday.’
‘It’s not easy, Mum.’
‘I know, but you should still think about it... find yourself a nice doctor and settle down.’
‘For goodness’ sake, Mum, don’t start!’
Margaret gave a rueful smile. ‘I’m not. Dad and I just want to see you happy and settled.’
‘I know,’ Jane sighed. ‘I know.’
When Jane had gone, Charlotte packed up the children’s things and with the twins sitting squashed into the pushchair and the other two cavorting along beside them, she and Dieter set off back to the village.
Edie watched Dieter’s rather unsteady progress and after a while she said, ‘Why do you walk funny like that?’
‘Because I had an accident and I hurt my legs.’
‘Don’t they work any more?’
‘They do, but not well like they used to.’
‘You should go to the doctor’s,’ Edie advised. ‘Our doctor’s called Uncle Henry.’
Dieter smiled. ‘That’s good advice. I’m going home tomorrow, but perhaps I will visit my doctor when I get there.’
‘I didn’t know you were leaving so soon.’ Charlotte, overhearing this conversation, fell in beside him.
‘Yes, I have finished all I came to do here. Perhaps I will return when the names of my comrades have been added to the stone in the churchyard. Mr Swanson will...’ he hesitated, looking for the word, ‘say prayers for them again. He will write to me when that will be.’ He turned and looked at Charlotte. ‘If I cannot come, will you go there... stand with them for me? They were not bad men. It is war that is bad.’
Charlotte looked at his earnest face and took his hand. ‘Yes, of course,’ she said. ‘I promise.’
Dieter smiled at her. He knew she was a girl who kept her promises.
They had parted at the village green, Charlotte and her children trailing up the last couple of hundred yards to Blackdown House. Dieter watched her and her family until they turned the corner and were out of sight and with a sigh walked back to the Magpie. He knew he would never come back to Wynsdown, there was nothing for him here. He had met Charlotte, and having done so, knew there would never be anyone else, but he also knew she wasn’t for him. If Felix ever managed to free himself from his cold bitch of a wife, then, Dieter knew, he would find happiness with Charlotte, and it was a happiness he didn’t begrudge either of them.
Back at the Magpie he told Jack and Mabel he would be leaving the next day and asked them to arrange for Fred Jones to collect him in his taxi the following morning. It was time to go home.
*
Charlotte was playing the piano when she heard it: a knock at the front door. She rested her hands on the keys, cocking her head to listen. It came again. She looked at her watch and wondering who it could be at nearly nine o’clock on a Sunday evening, she went to the door.
‘Felix!’
‘Can I come in?’ He was standing propped up against the door jamb, as if for support.
‘Of course.’ Charlotte stood aside to let him pass and he stumbled into the house. ‘Are you all right?’
‘Yes, of course I am,’ replied Felix, his words slightly slurred.
‘You’ve been drinking.’
‘A bit.’
‘A lot,’ remarked Charlotte, but with a smile to soften her words. He staggered into the sitting room and slumped down onto the sofa. Charlotte went and knelt beside him, reaching for his hands.
Goodness knows how much he’s had, she thought as he looked up at her with red-rimmed eyes and she was treated to a blast of alcoholic breath.
‘Felix, what on earth has happened? What’s the matter?’
‘Everything,’ Felix answered.
‘Tell me.’
‘I can’t,’ he groaned. He’d come to Charlotte for comfort, but now he was here he knew he couldn’t tell her everything.
‘Felix, I’m here. You can tell me anything. Is it Daphne? Has something happened to her?’
‘Is it Daphne?’ Felix gave a mirthless laugh. ‘Oh, it’s Daphne, all right.’
‘What’s happened to her? Is she ill?’
‘No. She’s gone.’
‘Gone?’
‘Walked out.’
‘Oh, Felix.’ Her grip on his fingers tightened. ‘Dear Felix, I’m so sorry.’
‘Are you? Well, I’m not.’
‘You’re not?’ Charlotte was confused.
‘No, she’s gone and I’m glad.’
Why, then, she wanted to ask, have you hit the bottle? What she actually said was, ‘Are you? D’you want to tell me about it?’
‘No... yes... I don’t know.’ He closed his eyes and for a moment Charlotte thought he’d fallen asleep. Silence settled round them and she let go of his hands, wriggling to make herself more comfortable on the floor. At her movement Felix’s eyes opened again, and for a moment he looked about as if he didn’t know where he was. Then seeing Charlotte sitting on the floor beside the sofa, he rubbed his eyes.
Encouraged by this, Charlotte took his hand again and said, ‘I’m not trying to pry, Felix, you don’t have to tell me anything that you don’t want to. I just hate seeing you so miserable.’
‘Angry,’ Felix said. ‘Angry, not miserable. I should have realised ages ago.’
‘Realised what?’
‘That it’s all been a lie,’ Felix said bitterly. ‘It’s been lies from the very beginning.’
‘Lies?’
‘From the very beginning, my marriage to Daphne was founded on lies.’
Charlotte waited, still holding his hand, her thumb gently caressing his; simply waited for him to speak. At last, his voice soft and low, he told her everything that had happened over the weekend. Well, almost everything. He did not mention going to the quarry with Dieter and what he’d discovered there. He couldn’t bring himself to confide that to her or anyone.
As she listened, Charlotte longed to reach out and take him in her arms, hold him close as she would one of the children to comfort him.
‘Oh, my dearest Felix, I’m so sorry,’ she murmured when he’d finally finished and silence slipped round them again. Felix raised their joined hands to his lips and said, softly, ‘Don’t be. Don’t be sorry, Charlotte, it’s left me free. Free to love you.’
‘Me?’ Charlotte looked up in amazement.
‘You.’
‘But...’
‘Up until now I felt bound to Daphne. I knew I didn’t love her any more, but I was married to her.’
‘You still are,’ pointed out Charlotte. ‘Married to her.’
‘Yes, but not bound to her. She’s been having an affair for months, maybe years.’
‘An affair? Who with?’
‘That doesn’t matter,’ Felix said. ‘Someone in Bristol, but as far as I’m concerned her infidelity releases me. I’m free to love someone else.’
‘And that’s me?’
‘It has been since that day in the churchyard when you told me about the twins.’ He looked down at her, anxiety in his eyes. ‘From that day it sort of crept up on me and then suddenly I realised that I loved you. I wanted to look after you, protect you, become part of your life. I do love you, Charlotte. Do you mind?’
‘Mind?’ Tears sprang to Charlotte’s eyes. ‘Mind? Why should I mind, Felix?’
‘Because of Billy. Because it’s too soon?’
‘Is it? Is it too soon? I don’t know.’ She closed her eyes for a moment, thinking of the void Billy had left behind, her sorrow at his loss, her anger at fate leaving her abandoned and her aching loneliness without him. Felix, not daring to speak, remained silent as he watched the emotions pass across her face.
‘I loved Billy with all my heart,’ Charlotte said softly. ‘I still love him, but he’s not here to love me. He’s a part of me, he always will be, he’s a part of my children. Maybe it is too soon, I don’t know yet. The idea that you love me is too new. I’ve got to get used to it. To believe it.’
‘Believe it,’ Felix said. ‘Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere, but my darling girl, please believe it.’ He stroked her cheek. ‘I know you still love Billy but I’m hanging on to the hope that maybe, one day, you’ll have room in your heart for me, too.’
‘Oh, Felix, you’re there already. I don’t know when or how, but you’re there. I love you and now, unbelievably, here you are, loving me.’
‘Charlotte,’ Felix’s voice was husky as he repeated her name, ‘Charlotte.’ He drew her into his arms, crushing her against him as she raised her face for his kiss. ‘My darling girl.’
When they finally broke apart Charlotte gave a choking laugh and said, ‘You taste of whisky!’
‘I know, I’m sorry. Drowning my sorrows.’
‘The whisky doesn’t matter,’ Charlotte said, ‘but,’ her voice became more serious, ‘you’re still married to Daphne.’
‘I won’t be.’ Felix looked down into her eyes. ‘I promise you I won’t be for long.’ Adding anxiously, ‘Will you mind being married to someone who’s divorced?’
Charlotte peeped up at him. ‘Married? Are you asking me?’
‘Of course I’m asking you. What do you take me for?’
Charlotte reached up and stroked his face. ‘Then the answer’s no, I don’t mind, not if it’s to you.’
‘It’ll take time and there’s sure to be gossip,’ Felix said with a sigh.
‘I know,’ Charlotte agreed. ‘There always is in this village, whether there’s foundation for it or not.’
‘Still, I think with Daphne gone, we should be very careful not to give them any ammunition,’ Felix said. ‘I don’t want them gossiping about you and the children.’
‘Nor do I,’ Charlotte agreed, ‘but if they do, we’ll survive.’
*
It wasn’t long before the news that Daphne had left Felix was round the village. She’d packed her bags and gone; she’d driven off in the car, leaving him with no transport; she’d left the house in turmoil. It was Mavis Gurney who was the fount of information. She’d arrived on Monday morning to find Felix alone in the house.
‘Mrs Bellinger away, is she?’ she asked, standing at the office door and peering in at Felix.
‘Gone to visit a friend, Mrs Gurney,’ he said without looking up.
‘So, what d’you want doing, then?’
‘Just your usual Monday morning, please, Mrs Gurney.’ He glanced up and smiled at her. ‘Thank you.’
Mavis went out into the kitchen and looked round. It was surprisingly tidy. An empty whisky bottle and a dirty glass stood on the table, but there was no other washing up waiting for her in the sink. She went upstairs to change the bed. When she reached the landing, she saw that two extra bedrooms had been used. The bed in the blue spare room was tumbled and unmade; the bed in Mr Felix’s old bedroom the same, and when she got to the master bedroom, it looked as if a tornado had swept through. The wardrobe door stood open, showing that only Mr Felix’s clothes were still hanging there. Some of the drawers in the chest were pulled out and completely empty; the dressing table bare of its usual clutter. This bed was also unmade, the sheets tossed aside, the pillows lying on the floor.
Mavis stared round her. It didn’t take a genius to see that Mrs Felix was going to be away for more than a few days. And who’d slept in the blue room? Some floozy of Mr Felix? Or perhaps they’d slept in here. Was that why Mrs Felix had gone? Clearly all was not well in the manor house and Mavis couldn’t wait to discuss what it meant with her friends.
‘Of course,’ she said piously to Sally Prynne whom she met in the post office on her way home, ‘I don’t know why she went, but I can tell you for nothing that she ain’t going to be back any time soon.’
‘Well,’ Nancy Bright said, as usual joining in her customers’ conversation, ‘I never liked her much. Always thought herself too good for the likes of us.’
‘Oh, she weren’t so bad,’ declared Mavis, proud of her inside knowledge, ‘once you got to know her, like. Worked for her for near on four years, I have. She weren’t so bad. Couldn’t cook and clean properly, but I suppose she did her best.’ She lowered her voice conspiratorially. ‘We all know they was a bit strapped for cash, don’t we?’
Nancy nodded. ‘Perhaps that’s why she’s gone.’
‘More like she’s got a fella, don’t you think?’
‘One with more money?’
‘Maybe.’
‘Never seen her with one.’
‘No, well you wouldn’t, would you? She’d have to be ever so careful.’
‘More likely to be him,’ suggested Sally Prynne, ‘Mr Felix, I mean. Maybe he’s got a bit on the side and she’s copped on.’
‘Well, whatever it is,’ Mavis said, ‘she’s gone and everything she owns has gone with her. She’s even took the car!’
Felix had left Mavis washing sheets and gone to see his mother. ‘I’m afraid Daphne’s taken the car and disappeared,’ he said, ‘so I can’t take Janet to Bristol today, Mother. She could go on the bus and train, I suppose.’
‘Why not let her stay with me for a couple more days?’ Marjorie suggested. ‘I’m enjoying her company. She’s a breath of fresh air, and from what she says, her mother will be in hospital for a week or so yet.’
‘Are you sure? That would one less thing for me to worry about.’
‘Absolutely.’
They put the idea to Janet and she was thrilled. ‘Really? Can I stay here with you for a bit? I don’t want to go back and tell Mum about Daph running off. It was my fault.’
‘You can stay as long as you like,’ Marjorie assured her. ‘You can write your mum a letter and tell her where you are and say that you’ll come straight home when she’s better. How’s that?’
‘And I don’t have to tell her about Daphne going off?’
‘Not if you don’t want to.’ Felix had explained to Marjorie about Janet’s revelation and now Marjorie reached forward and took the girl’s hand. ‘And remember, my dear, none of it’s your fault.’
‘And,’ Janet said with the optimism of youth, ‘she might have come back by then.’
Felix was pretty sure she wouldn’t be back and this became a certainty when the post arrived the following day. Recognising Daphne’s writing, Felix took it into the office and opened the envelope with some reluctance.
Dear Felix,
Just in case you wondered, I’m not coming back. I was going to leave you anyway after Janet telling her tales. There were too many lies between us for us to go on as we were. And the largest one of all, which you only discovered by the greatest bad luck, was Jane. Well, not a lie exactly, but something between us that can never be resolved. So, I’m not coming back. If you want to marry again (maybe that little creep Charlotte, I always had my doubts about her), you’ll have to get a divorce. I don’t think you can divorce me for going off with another woman, so either you’ll have to provide me with evidence of your adultery, perhaps with Charlotte? so I can divorce you, or you’ll have to wait for however many years it is and say I deserted you. Well, I suppose that’s fair enough, I have.
You can of course cause a stink by suggesting Jane and I are lovers, but we shall hotly deny that and no one can prove it. Few people will believe it and it will only antagonise Jane’s family and with one thing and another they’ve been through enough and you’re too decent to do that. Too decent altogether really, such a bore to live with.
Of course some money would be nice, but I shan’t need as much as before. The one good thing about Janet turning up is that I can stop paying my mother the blackmail money every month to keep her mouth shut. Now you know everything, she’s nothing to blackmail me about. I’ll get a job somewhere round here. In a garage maybe. It’s funny, but I shan’t mind working if it’s for me and Jane.
Anyway this is the last time you’ll hear from me unless you decide to let me divorce you, in which case we can arrange it all.
You shouldn’t have married me. I never loved you then and I don’t hate you now, I have no feelings for you at all.
Your wife... because I am still your wife,
Daphne
P.S. I’ll keep the car for now.
Felix read the letter through several times and then reached for the telephone and rang Mr Thompson’s secretary to make an appointment.
Mr Thompson read the letter twice and then looked at Felix over his spectacles. ‘You say she’s having a lesbian relationship with this Jane.’
‘Yes.’
‘I see.’
‘Do I have to go on paying her an allowance?’ Felix asked.
‘Not if she’s left the marital home of her own accord. If she’s chosen to live somewhere else when you’re providing her with a perfectly adequate home, I would say not. But, Felix, I’m not a lawyer who’s had much to do with divorce. If you’re planning to sue for divorce you need a specialist and there are an increasing number of those.’
‘No, I understand that,’ replied Felix, ‘but I just wanted some general thoughts.’
‘Fair enough, and one of them is, don’t destroy this letter. It states her intent to leave you for good, and that constitutes desertion. I can’t encourage you to follow the “adultery” route, though many people do, because it is illegal.’ He cocked his head questioningly. ‘May I ask you, if it’s not presumptuous, do you wish to remarry?’
‘Very probably,’ Felix replied carefully.
‘Charlotte?’
Felix didn’t answer and Mr Thompson nodded. ‘Fair enough,’ he said again. ‘But I wouldn’t want her embroiled in a messy divorce. I have no legal standing with her any more, of course, but over the years I’ve grown very fond of her.’
Not as fond of her as I have, Felix thought as he left the solicitor’s office and rode home. He stabled Archie and then walked over to Blackdown House. Caroline was there having tea with the children. Charlotte felt the colour flood her face when Felix appeared at the back door.
‘Caro,’ she said, ‘could you keep an eye on the children for a minute or two? I just need a word with Felix.’
Caroline smiled. ‘Of course, take your time.’ Like the rest of the village she knew Daphne had gone, and she’d been wondering what the future now held, if anything, for Charlotte and Felix.
Charlotte and Felix went out into the garden. As soon as they were out of sight Felix gathered Charlotte into his arms, kissing her and holding her close. Her response thrilled him, the way she gave herself up to his embrace, returning his kisses with a hunger that made him want to laugh and weep at the same time. When they finally broke apart, she looked up into his eyes and said, ‘Hallo.’ So he kissed her again.
Felix had already told Charlotte about Daphne’s letter, but had not allowed her to read it. He was determined to keep her ignorant of the part her sister-in-law had played. He knew Charlotte didn’t particularly like Jane, but he didn’t want to make it impossible for them to meet with at least a degree of cordiality when their paths crossed, which they undoubtedly would, at Charing Farm. ‘I’ve an appointment with Mr Thompson,’ he’d said. ‘I want to see what he advises.’
‘Well?’ Charlotte said now. ‘Tell me. What did Mr Thompson say?’
‘He read the letter and he said he thinks that in time I’ll be able to sue for divorce for desertion. He’s not a divorce lawyer as such and he suggests that when the time comes I should instruct a specialist... and in the meantime I have to behave myself. No breath of scandal must attach itself to me.’ He drew her to him again. ‘Charlotte, sweetheart, it may take some time, but will you wait for me to disentangle myself?’
Charlotte, reaching up to kiss him, murmured, ‘Felix, I’ll wait as long as it takes.’
We hope you enjoyed this book
Diney Costeloe’s next book is coming in spring 2018
For an exclusive preview of her bestselling The Throwaway Children, read on or click the following link
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