‘Create the highest, grandest vision possible for
your life, because you become what you believe.’1
OPRAH WINFREY
In April 2008, toward the end of my senior year in college, I learned that I’d been accepted into 10 out of the 12 graduate schools to which I’d applied the previous year. San Francisco, Colorado, North Carolina, Chicago, New York; I had the United States covered and flew to lots of cities to get a feel for their campuses, programs, and staff.
Upon finally making a decision, I called the Program Director at Northwestern University in Chicago and told her I planned to make her school my home for the next three years. She was welcoming and comforted me in my decision, saying, ‘Make sure to let your parents know we’ll take good care of you.’ I smiled to myself and thanked her.
And yet, soon after that phone call, something started to shift. Throughout those next few months, I enjoyed being in my home state of Ohio more than I’d anticipated, and the idea of leaving felt off. This came as a huge surprise to me, seeing that all year long – in fact, all life long – I’d wanted to get out of there.
I knew there was nothing for me in the city of Columbus (except for my family and friends, of course), and I was ready to leave; but I began to freak out and wondered what I was really doing with my life and if my future career plans were the right ones. For the first time, I started to worry about the seriousness of life after college.
Was I ready to spend another three years in school and take out more than $100,000 in student loans? Did I want to leave the only friends I’d ever known? It was all very daunting, but I chalked it up to something similar to pre-wedding jitters and continued to move forward and make plans for the move (ignoring the doubts that had started to surface).
The time came to find an apartment in the city that I would soon call my home. Two hours into the five-hour ride from Columbus to Chicago, with my mom driving, I found my heart rising into my throat with every passing town. I swallowed hard, in the hope that it would contain the emotions I was holding inside. Tears began to form in my eyes, beneath my favorite oversized sunglasses, but I quickly wiped them away – just as I’d done dozens of times before when I wanted to hide any sign of weakness.
But mothers always know. ‘It doesn’t seem like your heart is really into this,’ my mom commented. She’d interrupted my thoughts about that summer, and wanting to get back to Columbus in time to go to a friend’s softball game. I’m sure she’d noticed my tears too. ‘Something has changed. Is it the money?’ she asked.
‘I don’t know, Mom,’ I replied. I truly didn’t.
‘I just don’t know anything anymore,’ I continued. ‘I need time to think. I need a few weeks. Maybe we can come back next month and look for a place? There would still be time at that point…’
I waited for her response, but it never came, at least not in the form of words. Instead, she turned the car around.
I never did move to Chicago, and that was the first moment my whole life changed course.
Meant for something big. Meant for something big. Meant for something big. Do you hear that? It often starts as a whisper; then, just as a flame does if you tend to it and cultivate it, that whisper becomes louder. You become braver. You start to take action. Doors open.
I’ve heard that whisper since I was a young girl, and given that you’re reading this book, you can probably relate to what I’m saying. That whisper comes to you at work – when you’re sitting in the cubicle at 7 p.m., wondering when you’re going to get to go home so you can spend your time doing what you really want to do. It comes to you when you pass the bookstore and imagine the cover of your own book staring out through the window. It comes to you when you see your friends taking a trip to Bali and feel a pang of jealousy that you’re not under the verdant palm trees with them. It comes to you when you feel the calling to move to a new city, despite not knowing anyone there.
You probably also feel different. You don’t fit in with your family or your group of friends; they don’t get you. They think your head is in the clouds and that you should just be grateful for what you have. But you know the truth: you’re meant for something big. You’re meant for more. And just like I realized in the car on that drive to Chicago, and just like Oprah Winfrey realized as a young child in that story in the Introduction, your current reality and life right now are most definitely not all that’s in store for you.
I’ve come to realize over the past few years that most people are in denial about what they’re meant for. There are women who’ll tell you that they don’t hear a calling at all, but don’t be fooled by them. It’s there, whether they can hear it or not – it’s just that in those moments, the sound is disguised: like one of those whistles that only dogs can hear. Those who can’t hear their calling simply haven’t tuned in enough to themselves and their own heart and intuition, so they miss it.
Similarly, there are people who definitely hear the calling, but they push it away. They are ashamed of the whisper and scared of what it means for them and about them. Much like the tears you hold back when the date doesn’t go as planned, when your boss yells at you in the meeting, or when your parents ask how you’re feeling, you hold back the whisper. You pretend it isn’t there and assure the world that everything’s fine as it is. You do that in order to fit in. To avoid rocking the boat. To stay safe.
If you’ve denied your ‘something big’ in the past – or if you’re doing it now – just know that there’s nothing wrong with you. Simply put: up until now, you couldn’t help it. The truth is, you’ve been programmed not to show up for years.
Maybe you know you’re meant for something big but you hear the louder voices of your family, society, or even yourself saying you should just be grateful for what you have, and those voices overpower the whisper. They remind you that if you don’t ever put yourself out there, you won’t fail – and that feels, well, much safer than failing.
The issue is that most of us don’t actually know this is happening beneath the surface. We hear the whisper of ‘something more’ and almost simultaneously hear what we deem to be the ‘voice of reason’ – reminding us that we don’t have the money to start the business; that we haven’t been with the company long enough to ask for the raise; or that we don’t deserve the love of the man.
My darling friend, that is not the voice of ‘reason’ – that’s the voice of fear and old programming, and it’s essential you learn to call it like it is and stop believing it. That voice is going to come up throughout this book, and I’m going to teach you exactly how to handle it. But first, think about that calling or whisper. Are you in denial? Are you listening? Are you ready to answer the call? It’s time.
When I was young, as the oldest child and first-born girl, my parents were very protective of me. Even as a senior in high school, my curfew was never later than 11 p.m. I wasn’t allowed to go to the boy/girl sleepover after prom or be alone in the basement for very long with a boy I was dating. Even when my husband James and I were engaged, we had to stay in separate rooms on family trips or when we visited my parents.
Looking back, I have compassion for those rules. Although I hated them at the time, I can see that my parents just wanted to keep me safe. They were using all the knowledge they’d been given from their parents and their parents’ parents to make decisions about the wellbeing of their own children.
It’s the same with that voice you hear on a regular basis: telling you not to take action, that you’re not good enough, or that things won’t work out – safety is its only concern. Some people refer to that voice as the ego or the subconscious, and I use both terms interchangeably. What you need to know is that your ego exists to keep you alive, but it is also a fear-based voice inside that wants to hold you back. It’s doing the best it can, but it doesn’t like change.
In fact, it deems all change unsafe. This work that we’re going to do together is about reprogramming your mind (you’ll learn how to do that later, and we’ll dive deeper into this concept of safety) and taking new action on behalf of your dreams in a way you’ve never done before.
Look around. Feel the safety that exists for you today. In this moment, while you’re reading this book, allow all your worries to disappear. You can continue this practice of bringing yourself back to the present moment and your present safety whenever your mind brings up new fears and doubts.
So, why have you been playing it safe? Although we’re no longer hunters and gatherers like our ancient ancestors, and many of us no longer live in the same village as our family from birth to death, there remain quite a few tendencies that have been passed down from hundreds (and thousands) of years ago.
From an evolutionary perspective, there was a time when the human race needed to stay within the box in order to survive. We needed to make sure people liked us. We couldn’t deviate from the path (literally) because our community equaled safety. We had to stay within the group, otherwise we wouldn’t have the food and shelter we required to survive and could even be attacked or killed.
As you can clearly see, for those of us in the Western world, this is not our current reality. Most of us are safe. Yet every day, we’re making decisions with default programming that tells us we’re not. We stay in the ‘safe’ job; we get married to the ‘safe’ partner; we avoid using credit cards because they are ‘unsafe.’ We haven’t learned to update our own programming. (And why would we? This isn’t taught in school.)
We’re still functioning with an
old operating system that’s
detrimental to our success.
Think about it like this: would you expect a computer retrieved from Apple founder Steve Job’s garage in the 70s to work properly today, and give you the results you want? Of course not – you’re way too smart for that. But your mind tells you that updates, reboots, and anything outside the norm are unsafe; and the reality is, you’ve been stuck believing it.
The ironic thing is, there’s just as much to be afraid of inside the box (maybe even more!) Right now, you’re settled, and walking around pretending to be happy. Saying you’re fine with the way things are turning out. Denying the fact that you want to travel, enjoy luxury experiences, make more money, have an impact in the world – the list goes on. Yet you’re hoping that happiness will be hand-delivered to you someday, along with opportunity, right to your front door.
You’ve been brainwashed to believe that you’ll be in your ‘safe’ 9–5 job forever (yet all around you people are getting laid off or quitting due to burnout or depression). Is that really safe? And more importantly, is that really what you want? All that denial sounds (and is) exhausting. I say this with love and respect: unless something drastic changes, you’re going to remain stuck forever.
We both know that it’s time for you to figure out what you really want and make it happen. And to do that, it’s essential that you follow your whispers.
Now, you might be saying, ‘Emily, that’s great, but how? I don’t have clarity – I’ve no clue what that “something big” actually is.’ That’s the part that trips you up. That’s the part that makes you doubt everything you feel and causes you to push the whispers away. That’s the part that makes you feel stuck, lost, confused, and even a little crazy.
All I ask of you right now is to put the ‘how’ to one side. That may sound counterintuitive – you’d never travel across the United States without your Google Maps app and a plan, so why would your goals be any different, right? Well, that’s half correct, and we’ll revisit this point later in the book. But for now, don’t worry about having a specific destination. All I want is for you to acknowledge the whispers today. (And by the way, that step alone is more than most people do their entire lifetime, so you’re already ahead of the game!)
Celebrate the fact that you’re already on the path to your most successful life, just by acknowledging your whispers!
If it’s any comfort, you should know that I’ve been in that place of confusion too! Do you think I knew my next steps when my mom turned that car around? No! Despite my success today, for a long time I had no real, tangible information about what I was meant for. In fact, even when James met me back in 2011 (three years after turning the car around), he said he could see this fireball inside of me. Neither of us knew what it was meant to be used for, but it was there, and I just needed to figure out what direction to point it in.
That directionless fireball still comes up from time to time today – when I’m itching to start on a new project or craving more clarity. We’ll get into your specific fireball in the next few chapters (it’s another piece that you may have buried, but it’s there), but you don’t actually have to know what your something big is yet. You can just know that it exists. It’s your truth. It’s meant for you. It’s been there since the day you were born.
And the incredible thing is that it’s not about a one-size-fits-all something big. It’s about discovering what excites you, what you were put on this Earth to do; it’s about your purpose, the life you’re meant to live and what’s unique to you. Right now, all I want you to do is bring that feeling to the surface. Reignite it if you’ve lost it. No longer deny what you’re meant for.
The first step to creating a life
you love is acknowledging that
you’re meant for something big.
For you, maybe that first step is a huge leap. Maybe it means so much more than that acknowledgment – it means potentially cutting ties with unsupportive family and friends or even a spouse. We don’t need to go there yet, but I want to be really honest about what it takes to make your dreams a reality, and let you know that yes, dramatic changes are a real possibility.
But when you think about it – is there really another option? Do you want to get to the end of your life and question whether you’ve really lived? Or worse, regret not going for your dreams? I don’t know of anyone who, on reaching the end of their life, said: ‘I’m so glad I was practical. I’m so glad I didn’t take that trip. I’m so glad I did the same thing day after day. I’m so glad I didn’t follow my heart.’ I don’t want that to be you.
In the book A Course in Miracles, it says that ‘if miracles aren’t naturally occurring in your life, then something has gone greatly wrong.’2 I had no idea of this, did you? Miracles are meant to be natural occurrences, and you acknowledging your something big is the way you activate this. The desires in your heart are meant for you – whether they’re to start a business, live abroad, become a millionaire, work with someone you admire, or speak around the world at live events with an audience of thousands. All of that is valid and meant for you, if that’s what you want.
The reality is that your denying the whisper that says you’re meant for something big isn’t serving anyone, and it’s stunting the miracles. As Marianne Williamson says: ‘Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.’3
Have you ever thought of it that way? That it’s a fear of living your ‘something big’ and shining your light that’s actually scaring you and keeping you stuck in your tracks? Well, as my friend Rebecca Campbell says, ‘Light is the new black.’4 Light is everything. So, stick with me. I’m going to teach you how to move past that fear so you can shine just as you were born to do.
Say these words out loud: ‘I’m meant for something big.’ Feel all the emotions that come with that statement, and then journal about what’s coming up for you. Do you believe that statement is true? If not, what’s stopping you from really believing it?