‘Taking massive action on massive dreams amidst
massive uncertainties, is pretty much where
anyone who’s ever done anything massive had
to start. And then things got way easier.’1
MIKE DOOLEY
Between 2015 and 2016 I worked with hundreds of clients in my live programs, and even more went through my self-study courses. I hosted events and traveled around the world to be a part of masterminds and other group programs. I sent out an email every single Monday to my email list, ran Facebook ads, hosted teleclasses and live webinars, sent out more sales emails than I could count, and personally invited people to work with me.
The result? I was able to make seven figures in the first 18 months of my business. Seven figures! A million dollars in revenue. Once again, I tell you this so you can see what’s possible for you too. (Clearly I did turn way more than my yearly salary into my monthly salary. Envision that for a second…)
I won the top award – the Divine Destiny award – at the group program I was a part of. James and I moved out of our tiny flat into one with four bedrooms, which meant we could each have an office. Oh, and that leads me to another milestone: James was able to resign from his 9–5 job and join me in the business as a coach.
We didn’t plan on that happening; in fact, it was my coach who suggested it while I was with her in Bali. Thousands of miles apart, James and talked about it, and he put in his notice a week later. By April 2015, we were in Venice, celebrating him leaving his job and starting on this new adventure together.
By no means was this easy, but I did everything I could think of doing and got out of my own way. I took more action than I ever had previously. I showed up, even when I didn’t have confidence. I kept going, even when I was tired, scared, or unsure.
And as a result of this combination of mindset + goals + action, I was able to transform my life. That’s what’s possible for you, too.
A key part of creating a life you love is owning your desires, admitting to having them, and then taking action toward them, and in this book, we’ve already explored a lot of the tips and tools for getting you there. However, I want you to understand that there’s a chance your dreams will become pipe dreams if you’re not taking action toward them.
If you look up the word ‘pipe dream’ in Urban Dictionary you’ll see this definition: ‘A vain dream that will never ever happen, given the harsh reality of life.’2 That in itself is harsh! Back in Chapter 3, I shared that I believe your dreams and desires are literally ‘dropped in’ – that they are meant for you and possible. But the pipe dream risk is real; action is what stops your dream from becoming a pipe dream.
Think about it like this: all the money mindset work is great, all the goal-setting is admirable, but if you don’t take the steps to actually bring in the money, you’re probably not going to be any closer to the wealth and success you’re craving. It may seem obvious to say this, but one of my biggest secrets to success is that I take more action than anyone I know. I show up – even when the fear is there (and it is there!)
I work with a lot of very spiritual women, and I’m spiritual myself – as you know, I believe the Universe has my back, and I’m all about the power of silence and meditation. I definitely think we should ‘feel’ into what we want and what that right next step is for us, but at the same time, I know that we have to take action on behalf of our dreams.
The mistake I see so many women make is going to that spiritual ‘mountaintop’ – whether it’s meditation, a retreat, or journaling – and staying up there for far too long.
Mel Robbins illustrates the importance of taking action in one of my favorite quotes: ‘You may never feel inspired or clear-headed enough to seize a moment, but you have to force yourself to do it even if you don’t want to…The best time to act on a feeling you have is right now.’3
Mel created the powerful ‘5 Second Rule,’ which suggests you take action on a feeling or thought within five seconds (otherwise you never will, due to your head getting in the way.) Think about it – how often is your heart saying ‘yes’ in terms of your dreams but then your head butts in and allows fear to run the show?! This chapter is about getting you to take massive action on behalf of your dreams, and that requires you to come down off the mountaintop.
On the flip side, I’ve also worked with women who are such huge action-takers that they do far too much at any one time and end up overcommitted. That’s definitely been one of my personal struggles. In fact, in the beginning of building my business, my coach flat-out told me I was showing up like I had four months left to live. She was right. I’m a doer.
In 2015, there came a point when I was working 80–100 hours a week on running two group programs and working with 27 clients one-on-one, and I was also traveling around the world. I remember telling my coach (through tears) on one of our calls that I just wanted to be able to see my husband. She promised me that there was light at the end of the tunnel, but also encouraged me not to take on so many things at once.
Although working in that way brought in a lot of money for my company, I knew it wasn’t sustainable. This chapter is not about the promotion of burnout, but it is about showing up on behalf of your dreams through taking action toward your goals.
When I interviewed my friend Bob Heilig, an incredible seven-figure entrepreneur, for my I Heart My Life Show, he talked about the amount of action and implementation he takes. He said people always think that because he’s taking such fast action, he’s really clear about what he’s doing and what’s going to work. But the truth is, it’s the complete opposite – because he’s not sure, he takes action quickly so he can pivot if necessary. I can definitely relate to that.
The truth is: it can be difficult to know which steps will lead to the result you want. For example, going back to our analogy of traveling across the United States using Google Maps, there are thousands of routes you could take to get from New York to LA – and it’s the same with your dreams.
However, just like that cross-country journey, when we’re clear on our goals, have a starting place in mind and an ultimate destination (or at least an idea of the area we want to end up), it’s really just about putting one foot in front of the other.
Just like understanding how your mind works and how to handle fear and worry, I want you to know there will be times when you won’t want to take action because you don’t ‘feel’ like it. In fact, there will be days when every fiber of your being will tell you to stay curled up in your bed and to put off until tomorrow that next step toward your dreams. But here’s the key: if you’re ready to make your dreams a reality, you can’t wait until the mood strikes or you have 100 percent clarity.
To paraphrase the US poet Ralph Waldo Emerson: do the thing, and you will have the power to do the thing. Think about working out – once you get to the gym or to the yoga class, you feel proud of yourself; you get into the mindset of being there and take the action required. But lacing up those training shoes and getting out the door often feels like a struggle.
Brendon Burchard spent years studying success and this is demonstrated beautifully (and quite impressively) in his book High Performance Habits. When it comes to wanting to take action, he says that you won’t be overcome every day with magical waves of inspiration. You won’t necessarily feel ‘in the mood’ to write your program content, to work on your website, or to invest in your business. You have to consistently generate the desire to do it. As he says, ‘the energy plant doesn’t have energy, it generates it.’4
In those moments when you don’t feel like moving forward or taking action, your first step is to keep in mind your why. Ask yourself why it’s so important that you create or grow your business (for example). Is it to create a better life for yourself and your family? Is it so you can have the kind of opportunities you’ve been longing for? Or be able to make an impact in the world?
Everyone’s why is different. For instance, when it comes to losing weight, some people do it so they can fit into their clothes; others want to feel stronger, lower their risk for disease and have more energy; others still want some time away from the kids. You get the idea.
My why was always financial freedom and making an impact. For example, back when I was getting my business off the ground, James and I went to a house party, and after about two hours, I started to get the itch to leave.
But I felt guilty. What would people think? What would James think? But I remember thinking to myself that I would soon be able to invite people to a much better party if I continued to move forward and dedicated myself to my vision. (Just being honest – we were in a crappy flat drinking crappy beer with people I wasn’t even close to!) So I told James that I was headed home, and jumped on the train back to our flat to work on my business. And a few years later, we were able to throw an incredible Christmas party, complete with a private chef !
Remembering your why is crucial in helping you move forward when faced with those less-than-inspiring moments. When you keep your purpose at the forefront, regardless of your mood or your feelings when you wake up each day, you’ll be reminded of what motivates you to take that next step in the direction of your dreams. Let your why serve as a reminder that you already have the ability within you to take at least one action step today that will bring you closer to the life and success you desire.
Write down your why and keep it in a place where you’ll see it often – on your nightstand, your bathroom mirror, or your laptop. Use it as a way to begin each day with a reminder of why taking action matters. Let it serve as inspiration for setting an intention for your day.
The next step is to ask yourself what you’re getting from procrastination. (Remember, there’s always a reason why we’re continuing to show up and not show up in a certain way.) The answer might shock you. You may hear things like, It keeps me safe, No one will make fun of me, or I can’t get it wrong.
There’s always a deeper reason
behind why we do something…
and why we don’t.
It’s your job to uncover that motive and shift it. And as luck would have it, the best way to shift it is through action! Decide to move forward in spite of your mood or your feelings. Even when the mood isn’t striking, use your reasons for doing what you’re doing as your motivation to create something, to sell something, and to propel your dreams forward.
Trust me, I know what it’s like to have those days when things feel less than inspiring. But I’ve learned that when I take action in spite of ‘not feeling like it’ I really start to build momentum, to create resilience within myself, and to form the habit of being persistent. I become disciplined.
(By the way, discipline doesn’t have to mean what you think it does – getting yelled at and punished by your parents or the teachers at school. It means that you’re a ‘disciple of ’ something. I’m a disciple of life, of writing, of coaching, of inspiration. And that discipline has been key to my taking action and setting myself apart from the crowd.)
You have what it takes to do that too. You have the ability to make your dreams your reality. So make the commitment to yourself right now to take action and move forward toward your dreams, each and every day. Because you and your dreams are worth that effort.
As a driven woman, you may be tempted to put off taking any action until you feel like you have everything together – i.e. you have an amazing website, you have the qualification framed on your wall, you have a beautiful workspace, and so on. If that’s you today, just know that this is totally natural. But as someone once said to me, perfectionism is just like procrastination, but in a cuter outfit.
Our ego tells us that if we don’t have everything figured out, it must mean we’re not ready. This is something I hear constantly from my clients. They want everything to be perfect before they start – the perfect time, the perfect amount of money in the bank account, the perfect strategy for success. But there are two issues here:
The reality is that everyone who’s amazing at something was once a total beginner at it, and the only reason they’re now skilled and rockin’ it is because they didn’t wait on perfection – they took action and learned and grew as they went along.
My motto is: If it’s in your heart, you’re ready to start. Period. No one starts out being incredible at something or having everything ‘together’ from the get-go. The people who go on to become masters and pros don’t keep waiting: they take action, fumble their way through, and make their dreams their reality.
I’m not sure where the memo that perfect = successful comes from (especially for women), but I now know it’s actually not true – particularly when it comes to going for your dreams. As a society, we’ve turned a corner, with the rise of plus-size influencers and curvier models becoming more prevalent in fashion campaigns.
And if you look closely, our favorite TV characters aren’t perfect, either. People don’t want perfect. Take our beloved Friends characters: Ross, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, Monica, and Joey. They’ve been wildly popular for decades, yet they’re flawed, just like you and me. It’s their non-perfect traits – Phoebe being wacky, Joey being well, not the smartest, and Monica being neurotic – that make us love them and relate to them.
It’s the same for you, especially if you’re someone who is building a brand or business – people want the real deal. They want to be able to relate to you, and that’s not possible if you’re constantly showing up as perfect. Because they aren’t perfect. No one is.
I know this may sound strange coming from a girl who wears Kate Spade and poses in front of the Eiffel Tower with her beautiful British husband, but hear me out. There’s a difference between having high standards and aiming toward perfect. The latter means action isn’t taken because you’re constantly trying to reach something that doesn’t exist, and it’s a huge waste of energy and your talents.
Just like worry, my own quest for perfection has only ever given me anxiety, worry, tears, time wasted, a delay in results, putting too much on my plate, overeating, and even back pain. On the other hand, having high standards but moving forward despite things not being perfect, has given me oh so many positives: the chance to work with and affect extraordinary women around the world; getting my brand and message out there; celebrating five- and six-figure months; taking trips around the world; having the support of an incredible team; forming amazing friendships; and getting to collaborate with spectacular mentors.
See what I mean? Although letting go of perfect is still a work in progress for me, I know now that I’m never going to get to where I want to go, or be happy along the journey, if I’m always going for perfect. So what about you?
How about taking imperfect action instead? How about deciding that you know enough, are ready enough and are skilled enough? Because it’s true – you are enough. You are perfect the way you are, and the world needs you out there today.
Perfect isn’t necessary. You’re ready now. Let’s do this!
A few years ago, one of my clients told me that she didn’t even design her wedding flower arrangements without first getting the qualification to do so. I had to laugh, but there’s another part of me that finds it so sad that we’re holding ourselves back because we don’t feel ready or aren’t yet qualified.
You aren’t to blame for this. We were taught that we need a piece of paper to do anything grand, but unless you’re planning to become one of the world’s top surgeons, I want you to really evaluate what you do truly need to make your dreams a reality. Is it a degree? Or is that just a delaying tactic? Is it the fear talking? You have to learn how to differentiate between waiting because you’re delaying and waiting because it truly isn’t the right time.
You may need and want more experience in order to reach your dreams, and you may be right in thinking it will help your mission. However, I want you to give yourself permission to get started today, whether you have the experience or not. Because the truth is, experience is the best way to learn and the fastest path to the qualification you’re looking for. And it may not come in the form of a degree or a piece of paper. (What if you qualified yourself instead?)
As I explained earlier, when I began my business as a coach, I focused on working with women experiencing the ups and major downs of a quarter-life crisis. They knew they were meant for something big, but didn’t know how to make it happen. I didn’t start out as a business or a success coach, because I myself wasn’t there yet. But as I gained momentum and my business grew, my expertise also expanded and I was able to work with a wider variety of clients.
So, although it’s important to make sure you’re in alignment with the work you’re doing in the world, and ‘qualified’ to do so, make sure you’re not a chronic waiter. Because the thing is, you’re never going to get more experience unless you actually start.
Waiting is an epidemic
among women, and it’s killing
our dreams and causing
sadness and frustration.
An article called ‘The Confidence Gap’ published in the Atlantic magazine illustrates this phenomenon beautifully. Its authors explain how the computer hardware company Hewlett-Packard was trying to work out how to get more women into top management positions and decided to review its HR records. It discovered that its male employees were prepared to apply for a promotion if they felt they met 60 percent of the job’s requirements, whereas the women applied only when they met 100 percent of them.5
In further documenting this ‘waiting epidemic,’ the authors point out that studies have found that ‘men overestimate their abilities and performance, and women underestimate both. Over-qualified and over-prepared, too many women still hold back.’6 The conclusion: stop waiting.
If you’re ready to start, do it. Just know that the mastery will come in time. You’ll learn more as you go along. You’ll need to reevaluate as you go along. Remember, waiting just gives you more of the same, and often times, it’s a delaying tactic instigated by the ego. It’s like having one foot in and one foot out. You’re better than that. Ask yourself what you’re missing out on by waiting. Ask yourself who’s missing out on you. What impact are you not having by waiting? How are you (and your family) suffering? It’s time to take action instead.
Here are a few tools for showing up big time on behalf of your dreams: use this list whenever you need a quick reminder and inspiration to take action.
Now let’s take an in-depth look at each of these ideas.
One of my clients recently shared that she was ‘so close to being committed’ to her goals. I asked her what that actually meant. (In my mind, it meant the same thing as not being committed.)
You see, so often we fall into the trap of dabbling. We think that if we put a little bit of effort in, we won’t have to fully commit, and most of the time, showing up like that means fear is running the show. You’re worried what will happen if you do commit. What if it doesn’t work out? Or what if it does? Sometimes that’s just as scary.
What if people laugh at you or judge you? What if you do become wildly successful and lose all your friends and family because they think you’re too full of yourself and too obsessed with money? Trust me, I’ve heard (and felt) it all.
Just as we discussed in previous chapters though, we cannot allow our fears and worries to get the better of us and stop us from living our dreams, or to keep our dreams in pipe-dream status. Believe me, this is not a one-and-done practice. As you up-level in life, your career or business, you will have to regularly check in to see if you’re really ‘all in.’
For example, at the time of writing this book, I had dinner with one of my good friends – she is very well known in the coaching industry and was in the midst of making some changes in her business and shifting direction. We sat on a gorgeous terrace in London and she told me she was just going to ‘dip her toe in the water’ with her new program. My BS (bullshit) meter was at an all-time high on that day and was going off as she spoke. I just looked at her with an expression that let her know she wasn’t fooling me.
‘What?’ she asked.
‘You’re ready now,’ I said.
She went quiet for a bit. ‘I guess I just wonder if I’m worthy.’
I had a similar conversation with one of my clients, who was also showing up in a half-assed way. I simply asked her what it would look like for her to be ‘all in.’ That shifted everything for her.
Are you being called toward something? Is your intuition telling you to take that step? Then you’re ready! Think about a baby learning to walk. It has no idea what it’s doing; it just starts. It follows its intuition to crawl and then stand up and then walk. And it isn’t perfect at all. It’s wobbly, it’s messy, there are tears, but there are also major triumphs. The world opens up for that baby. That’s what’s possible for you.
As Iyanla Vanzant says in her book Trust, ‘we take out first breath outside of the womb because something within us trusts that the next breath will come with grace and ease. Babies do not think or talk themselves out of their needs; babies do not believe their needs are wrong.7
At what point do we stop trusting our instincts that are telling us that now is the time to act? And if you can’t hear that voice anymore, at what point did you let fear cover it up so it’s no longer audible? Without action – without starting before you’re ready – there’s no chance for change. And you’re meant for so much more than that.
By the way, even a small action is better than no action at all. So if you’re feeling stuck in a rut or unworthy, take action. Learn something. Try something new. Put yourself out there. There’s no better time than now to start truly embracing your potential and pursuing your passions. There’s no reason to put your desires on hold any longer. After all, one small step can be all it takes to start walking in the direction of your dreams. As Stacey, one of my previous clients, says: JFDI. Just F*cking Do It.
In his classic 1937 book Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill said: ‘Successful people make decisions quickly (as soon as all the facts are available) and change them very slowly (if ever). Unsuccessful people make decisions very slowly, and change them often and quickly.’8 In my experience, it’s not the fast decision-making alone that makes you successful – it’s the fact that when you make quicker decisions, you actually make more decisions and take more action. (Just like Bob described earlier in this chapter.) You also lose less energy on worry and the bouncing back and forth between action and no action.
Think about your body, the energy coursing through it up and down. You wake up in the morning and it’s filled to the brim with energy. As you start your day, maybe you lose some energy on deciding what to wear or what to eat for breakfast. (You may have heard about people like Einstein wearing the same clothes day after day? There’s a reason for that – decisions can be draining.) Then you lose a bit more deciding which route to take to work or what project to start on. These are simple examples, but I want you to start to recognize when you’re spending too much time in limbo land and aren’t getting enough done.
Limbo land is where
dreams go to die.
You go round and round about something until you have to make a decision because you’ve no more energy to think about it (and you really need all that energy to achieve what you want to achieve!) And then it’s over and you’re in a worse place than where you started! Here are a few other key elements to making quick decisions:
I help my clients make decisions based on where they want to be, not from where they currently are. (Note: this is especially important on sales calls. As you know, there was a period of time when I had 54 ‘nos’ in a row, and I had to face the fact that I wasn’t so great at sales. And why would I have been, since I’d never done it before? I discovered that, as a coach, one of the biggest shifts I had to make was to learn how to help a potential client make a decision. Most people don’t know how to make a decision, so helping them do so is a game-changer. For that reason, whenever I’m on sales calls with potential clients, I do my best to help them make a decision about moving forward, there and then on the phone. Whether it’s working with me or not, it doesn’t matter. No one likes to end up in limbo land because literally nothing happens there besides the draining of your energy.)
It’s my job to help my clients connect with their heart and what they actually want, and make a decision based on where they want to be – not from where they currently are. I hope this resonates with you too. So many of us are making decisions based on our current reality – I don’t have the money so I can’t sign up; the trip isn’t possible so I’m not going to book the hotel or even do the research; I can’t coach so I’d better not even try.
As you know, our mind often pulls from our past to predict our future, which is often why we’re so scared to move forward. Our brain is hardwired to function on autopilot, based on what we’ve experienced in the past – which is another reason why it’s so common for us to feel resistance and fear when trying to start something new. And all too often, I see women get stuck in that place of resistance because they’re looking backward instead of looking ahead. That’s why it’s essential to realize that looking ahead is a deliberate choice and central to taking the right action on behalf of your dreams.
For example, when I was starting out in my business, I had to consciously make the decision to let go of limiting beliefs from my past (for instance, my money story, the times when I’d failed at something, or the idea that I was too late) and instead choose to look ahead and imagine a new picture of what was possible. I could no longer base my idea of what was possible on what I’d experienced or been taught in the past.
And I’ve since learned that gaining momentum in life and business is all about making decisions from where you want to be, not from where you are now or where you’ve been.
It’s so powerful when you make
decisions based on what
you desire, not on your
current state.
An example of this would be buying the domain name, moving forward with the coaching program, going to the event. Implement this, and your whole life will change.
I also recommend that you avoid ‘buyer’s remorse’ when it comes to your decisions. We’ve all been there – you make a decision and then all of a sudden your ego tries to get you to go back on it. In those moments when it seems like things aren’t working out, we often wonder if we’re going to get it wrong.
One of my mentors once asked me how it would feel to make all my decisions right, and to recognize that there really isn’t a wrong decision. I’ve implemented that concept in my life and business. Although I still get tripped up from time to time, I now know that the moments when I don’t trust myself are the ones that make decision-making more difficult. How free would you feel if from now on, you made all your decisions right, and knew that no matter what the outcome, you’ve got this?
Making quick decisions also means that you make more decisions and take more action over a period of time, which results in more failures but also more successes. It’s a numbers game. I’m not saying you should be hasty, but when we wait and go back and forth around decisions, our mind tends to take over and we forget what we actually want. It’s as if we can’t hear our heart anymore.
Think about the last time you had an important decision to make. I imagine you knew the right answer from the start, but you allowed your mind to delay you, or even to talk you out of it. You want to avoid limbo land, and making decisions quickly helps you do that.
I’ve mentioned a few times the group program I was part of when I started out as a coach; this was instrumental in helping me move forward with my dreams. It taught me the ins and outs of business and mindset, and provided me with incredible connections with like-minded women.
However, one of the interesting things I started to notice within the group is that not everyone had what it takes to run a business and achieve their goals. Of course it was humanly possible for them, but when it came to taking action and being consistent, it was a constant dance of one step forward, two steps back. The truth is, anyone is capable of starting and taking action in the beginning, but you have to be in it for the long term. As Robin Sharma says: ‘Consistency is the mother of mastery.’9
Take a marital relationship for example: anyone can date, be infatuated, spend every waking hour with their new love – but how many people are in it for the long haul? How many people are willing to put in the work? How many are willing to commit to the relationship during the good, the bad and the ugly?
It’s like this with your dreams. When it comes to taking action, are you dedicated or dabbling? Is it two steps forward and one step back? Is it consistent action one week and then take the next week off?
Recently, one of my previous clients sent me a message saying: ‘Your dedication is really inspiring... I was thinking about it the other day: how you just stick to what you’re doing, no matter what it takes, what anyone thinks, or where the “market” goes. And that is amazing.’
Over the years, quite a few IHML community members who have been following me from the beginning have told me they admire and value my consistency. I’ve written a newsletter every Monday since I started – that’s several years’ worth of emails. I remember hearing Marie Forleo say that unless the Internet is dead or she’s dead, her followers are going to hear from her every Tuesday! What if you showed up like that? How would things change?
When it comes to taking action, are you consistent? Are you dedicated to your vision? Or are you making excuses, not showing up, and not being willing to give it 100 percent? If it’s the latter, it’s crucial that you commit to changing that today. You can’t show up for 50 percent of the time and expect to get massive results.
Think about it like this: if you only ate healthily for 50 percent of the time, how would you expect your body to feel? If you only disciplined your kids for 50 percent of the time, would they trust your rules? If you only showed love to your partner for 50 percent of the time, would they know you cared for them? (Maybe a little, but you get the idea!)
There will be times in your life when you just have to move forward, despite things not being perfect (or even close to it!) In fact, I didn’t quite know the direction my business was headed in the beginning – I was still figuring everything out. But I did know how badly I wanted to get clients and grow my business, because it was my passion and I knew I could help people.
And I realized that I had to keep putting myself out there and being persistent – even if that meant taking sales calls on a random park bench in California! (One of the two potential clients did sign up, so it was worth it.) I had to keep showing up; I had to make my presence known. I had to show everyone, myself and the Universe that I was in this for the long haul.
Since starting my business, every time I’ve sat in a nail or hair salon, I’ve used the time to finish tasks for my company – answering emails, writing funnels, responding to clients, writing programs, working on my website: you name it, I’ve done it in a salon – or I’ve gone deeper with my personal development game by reading or listening to audios.
Every single appointment, the staff ask me if I want a magazine, and every single time I say, ‘No thanks: I’ve brought my computer’ or ‘No thanks: I’ve brought my book.’ Believe me, I love reading People magazine as much as the next girl, but while others are reading it, I’m thinking about how I can appear in it. Those epic 3–4 hour hair appointments (you blondes can relate to this!) have sparked some mega results.
Although I walked through that salon door for some sort of external transformation, the truth is that from those chairs, I’ve created a movement and transformed myself from the inside out as well, and I’ve made a ton of money. People ask me how I’ve been able to create what I’ve built in the past few years. This is how: I’ve dedicated myself to the vision. And that means using my time wisely – every single second of it.
Don’t misunderstand me here: I’m not saying we always have to be doing something – after all, moments of silence and stillness are valuable too – but how much more productive would you be if you actually took advantage of your time? How much could you accomplish in between appointments? While you’re waiting for dinner to cook in the oven? While you’re sitting outside the dressing room as your partner tries on clothes at the store? Getting your hair done?
We all have the same number of hours in our day as Beyoncé, Sara Blakely (who has four kids!), and anyone else you admire. Just sayin’.
Is it time to drop the
‘I don’t have the time’
excuse and find the
time instead?
You have so much more time than you know. You just have to be aware of every spare moment. Recognize the opportunity to move forward and seize it. Be disciplined. Decide to take action.
Think about how you’re spending your time. For example, the average American adult watches 4.3 hours of TV per day.10 Seriously?! There are shows I love to watch as well, but if you fall into that camp, let’s be real here: you have time.
One of the entrepreneurs I follow on Instagram is Jesse Itzler, husband of Sara Blakely. Jesse is a serial entrepreneur with a net worth of $200 million. I love following him and Sara on their journey with their kids and multiple companies.
One of Jesse’s posts, which featured a photo of him on the basketball court with other 40-something men, really caught my attention. The caption read: ’You don’t have to be the most talented… just find your point of differentiation.’
Jesse went on to describe a period of time when he was part of a ‘40 and over’ basketball tryout. There were 70 people trying out for six spots. In order to help them prep, the coach sent them a suggested workout program to get them in shape and ensure they’d be tryout-ready. Jesse read the instructions and figured that if he did the exact program he’d been sent, he’d be in the exact same shape as everyone else. So what did he do? He doubled it.
For 45 days he did ‘almost puke’ workouts on the dirt road behind his house. On the day of the tryouts, he took it one step further and decided to pair with the man who’d been the best on the team the previous year. Six minutes into the game, that player had his hands on his knees and was gasping for air. Jesse wrote that in that moment, he thought to himself, He wasn’t on that dirt road with me. He wasn’t on that dirt road doing the almost-puke workouts. He wasn’t taking the same action. He wasn’t as ‘all in.’
Jesse ended the post with the words ‘Same Rule Applies in Business’! I couldn’t agree more. In working with entrepreneurs and driven women, I see a lot of patterns – stopping when things get difficult; not going the extra mile; expecting success to be handed over on a silver platter; backing off when fear shows up; following the crowd.
Jesse hit the nail on the head with this post: going above and beyond is key to success. You have to stand out and go the extra mile. It’s so important to be you and do what you love because that will set you apart from the crowd. Think about what would happen if you doubled your efforts. What if you got up an hour earlier? What if you did one more video? What if you doubled the number of people you told about your program?
The truth is that most people aren’t consistently taking action; most people aren’t showing up every day; most people aren’t actually willing to work hard. Like I said, I recognized this in my own life. More than 200 people went through the group program I was a part of. Do you know how many are actually really successful today? Maybe 10 percent – and that’s being generous. This has nothing to do with the program itself: people just stop too soon. You know the saying ‘Go the extra mile, it’s never crowded?’ There’s a reason it exists! Along my own journey, I saw people dropping off, giving up, not trusting that they were capable.
Persistence and consistency will
set you apart from everyone else.
There’s a graphic I love that illustrates this truth perfectly. It shows the juxtaposition between the miner who keeps going and eventually finds the diamonds, and the one who turns around too soon, even though the diamonds are right on the other side of the next portion of wall. Keep going – the diamonds are there.
When James and I got engaged, we naturally started to think about the location for our wedding. One evening while we were hanging out at our flat, I told him I wanted to check out The Ritz Hotel in London. I still remember that look he gave me – the one he still uses when his wife comes up with crazy ideas; only now he’s not surprised! ‘We could never afford that,’ he said.
From an external perspective, his belief was completely justified. But I knew that it didn’t hurt to ask. What was the worst that could happen? They’d email us back, telling us the price and confirming it was out of our budget? Or maybe we’d have a meeting with them, getting to spend an hour in a beautiful hotel and have a glass of champagne? I operate with the belief that it doesn’t hurt to ask.
Think about your own life and goals – how many times have you missed out on an opportunity because you didn’t ask? It could be as big as getting the wedding venue of your dreams or as small as getting what you really want at a restaurant, even though it’s not actually on the menu. The worst thing that could happen is that someone says ‘no.’ And is that really the worst thing? Would you really not be able to handle that? (The answer to that question is also ‘no’ by the way.)
You can start practicing this today with something small: ask the smoker sitting next to you to move away; ask the waiter to bring you another glass of wine because the one you have right now isn’t what you wanted; ask the man out on the date. You get the idea. Those are just simple examples, but they can give you the courage to be bold when it comes to your dreams. After all, don’t they deserve that?
Remember when I got on a call with my coach and told her it wasn’t working? I was really down in the dumps, thinking that nothing was happening. I could have been one of the ones who didn’t make it. I could have given up. Thank goodness she reminded me what I was meant for and what was possible. She had faith when I didn’t.
One of the phrases Brendon Burchard uses with his clients and in his teachings is ‘honor the struggle.’ There will be struggle. There will be challenge, but you have to keep showing up. Just as an airplane uses the majority of its fuel while taking off, you getting your dreams off the ground is going to take a massive amount of action and energy; there’s no other way to say it.
But that’s how it’s supposed to be! Remember, you’re like a woman in labor – you’re literally birthing a new life – but it won’t be like this forever. It’s the same with weight loss – if you’re looking to transform the composition of your body, it’s going to take a lot of effort. But then, once the weight is off, you move into maintenance phase.
There’s a reason why they say success and failure live on the same street. You’re so close. Keep going!
The final thought I want to leave you with in this chapter is to pay attention to the quality of your action. Ask yourself whether there’s an intention behind the steps you’re taking. I’m not saying you’re always going to know how something will pan out, but I am saying that you should give it your all regardless.
Remember the old phrase ‘How you do one thing is how you do everything’? It may sound silly but how are you making the bed? How are you cooking dinner? How are you exercising? Are you all in? Or are you dabbling? And are you taking action that’s going to get you closer to the life you want? Is it intentional action? Pay attention to the quality of your action when you’re going for your dreams and everything will shift.
What action are you going to take on behalf of your dreams? Remind yourself of your short-term goals and make a list of all the actions you’re going to take on behalf of those goals. How are you going to remain consistent and bold?