‘Love yourself first and everything else falls
into line. You really have to love yourself
to get anything done in this world.’1
LUCILLE BALL
The action I took in the first few years of building my business led to some incredible results. In particular, 2016 brought new waves of opportunities and excitement in our lives and business. Just scrolling through my iPhone photos from that year reveals exactly that. In order to juxtapose what I’m about to share in this chapter, I wanted to list out what 2016 consisted of, so here goes (I promise, there’s a point)…
You get the idea… life was good. From the outside looking in, everything was exactly as it was always meant to be. And by all accounts, it looked like I really did love my life. How could I not? And to be honest, I really thought I did.
In December 2016, I attended the Titan Summit, hosted by Robin Sharma. The four days were filled with lots of ‘ahas’ and the world’s most amazing and inspirational speakers. On the third day of the conference, we were in the middle of completing an exercise when Robin posed us a question that would change me forever. Although he was speaking to the room, I felt like he was talking just to me. He asked, ‘Are you happy?’
I’m sure that question doesn’t sound particularly riveting, but for me in that moment, it was powerful because of what I heard next.
No. No. No.
I was stunned. I immediately thought about my current reality. It was so different to where I’d been just a few years earlier. I’d hit seven figures; I was in a room with billionaires; I had amazing clients; our house was incredible; I was working with the love of my life. What more could I want?
It’s confusing when you get what you want and find that you’re still not happy. After all, during my quarter-life crisis, I’d been so sure that when my vision board manifested into a new reality, I’d finally have nothing to worry about. So what went wrong?
Let’s be clear about one thing: I knew I couldn’t not love my life. I ran a company called I Heart My Life, after all. I felt guilty that I wasn’t happy. I was embarrassed. After all, so much of what I wanted had come to fruition. Nothing was inherently wrong with my life, and I was incredibly blessed. But none of that seems to matter if you wake up one day and realize that your life has been a whole series of waiting for things to get good. Although I won’t pretend to know what it’s like to have a child of my own, I felt like a mother who births a new life and is so engrossed in raising her child that she forgets about herself. My business, in fact, had taken over.
What would make me ‘happy’? Would I ever be happy? Would my dial ever turn to happy? I needed to find out. It was time to recalibrate.
Simply put, what I soon realized was that, ultimately, increasing my happiness meant increasing my self-love (or my focus on self).
In working with two coaches over a period of nine months, I learned there were some key concepts I had yet to master that were negatively affecting my happiness: health, boundaries, anxiety, presence, saying ‘no’, pressure, trust, foresight, among others. Ultimately, all of them had to do with me putting myself first and experiencing ultimate self-love.
I also began to see that neither happiness nor self-love are by-products of success – just like other key elements of success, they too have to be generated and focused on. They aren’t always naturally occurring, and it isn’t usual for women like us to put ourselves first. In fact, as one of my coaches used to describe it: we often leave ourselves the crumbs. And for many of us, it takes an experience like the one I shared above to act as a wakeup call to the reality that we can no longer put ourselves last, or expect to just ‘feel’ happy.
Think about it like this: when we’re on a plane, there’s a reason why we’re instructed to fasten our oxygen mask before helping others, but we rarely do this in everyday life. This chapter is about helping you learn how to do that for yourself. As the Dalai Lama said: ‘The world will be saved by the Western woman.’2 But that can’t happen if you’re in a coffin, burnt out, or consistently so self-sacrificing that you have no energy to live your purpose.
Before we really dive in, know that this chapter is a miracle in itself. I never envisioned myself writing it. Self-love in particular wasn’t part of my former recipe for success. I was of the mindset that tough love and harsh ‘motivating’ words are what is required. The fact that I was even at the Titan Summit, having that wakeup call, was a miracle as well. I’d bought the $7,500 ticket on a whim on my phone when I’d first heard Robin speak. I knew I had to be in that room, but I wasn’t expecting to learn that I was unhappy.
And if that’s where you’re at today – with the connection between self-love and success not yet made – I invite you to remain open. Even if you’re not ready for what I’m sharing, know it’s here waiting for you when you are. It’s been a learning curve for me too, but once I really got this, everything changed and I was able to discover what would not only create sustainable success, but consistent happiness as well. And isn’t that why we’re all really here after all?
From where I sit today, I see that I’m blessed to be one of those people who have had a radical wakeup call that resulted in a personal quest for joy and ultimately love of self. I’m going to share some of the top shifts that helped me transform my life and get me loving it (maybe for the first time).
We’re part of a movement of women who are no longer willing to put themselves last. (Trust me, the world doesn’t need another example of a woman leaving herself with the crumbs.) That deserves some major celebration!
Like many of the topics we’ve already covered in this book, happiness isn’t something we’re taught in school. And although I believe we’re born joyful, we lose sight of that joy along the way. We lose sight of ourselves. We get so wrapped up in the external that we forget to look within.
We look outside of ourselves for the answers. We see others doing what we desire to do and think their way is the recipe for success, and we should follow it. I’m not saying that’s wrong or that you need to reinvent the wheel entirely, but you need to put your own spin on it and create your version of what that success looks like – with the focus on happiness first and foremost.
For example, most of our clients come to us desiring freedom, and I always ask them to explain what that really means to them because everyone’s definition is different. It’s the same with happiness, and I think we’re always rewriting that definition. It can evolve and change as we go along.
I’ve seen in my own life the power of happiness, and doing what feels good to me versus what I think I ‘should’ be doing. If happiness isn’t a part of our everyday life, why are we doing what we’re doing? What’s the point?
We live in a ‘I’ll be happy when…’ world. For example, ‘I’ll feel more fulfilled, happy, and confident when I get my business off the ground’; ‘I’ll be happy when I pay off my student loans’; ‘I’ll be happy when I graduate and get my dream job.’ These are not quotes from one particular person, but a belief that a lot of us hold. Essentially, we’re all playing a giant waiting game, and it needs to stop.
Life satisfaction – or better
yet, happiness – isn’t
something you wait for.
Frankly, if you’re not happy now, well, you may never be. The reason for this is, as we achieve more success, we’re happy for a period of time, but because our desires rise simultaneously with our success, we revert back to that base level of happiness. The result is never feeling satisfied or happier. We see this with children – when they get a new toy, they’re entertained for a few days and then they revert to their happiness set point, and dream of the next toy that comes their way.
There’s evidence for why our brain operates this way. Most of us possess something called the optimistic bias, which is the tendency to think that our future will be better than our present.3 But I refuse to believe that these ‘set points’ and ‘biases’ are permanent. In my opinion, this is why mindset work is absolutely crucial when it comes to happiness as well as success. We have to learn how to bring ourselves back to the present moment – to find satisfaction here and now instead of continuously kicking that can.
So, what would that look like for you? Starting a gratitude journal? Being present for a conversation with your husband? Doing something you love today versus ‘when you have time’? One of the easiest ways to make this shift is to go back to the basics.
One fascinating thing that tends to happen with my clients (and me) is that we forget what got us to this place or level of success. For example, in the beginning of our IHML programs (just like in this book), we’re very focused on mindset, before we get to the how-tos and strategy. For weeks, my clients are reading regularly, journaling, practicing gratitude, monitoring their thoughts and celebrating wins big and small. And they start to see big shifts in their levels of happiness and life satisfaction.
But then, as they move on to the next stage of building their business and going for their dreams, they forget the basics. Their time is taken over by funnels, emails, sales calls. That’s great, and it needs to happen, but we have to remember what’s helped us get to this place and what was working until we stopped doing it. It’s like a person with depression saying they don’t need their happiness pills anymore because they’re ‘better’ – but the pills are what contributed to them feeling better! Make sense?
In many ways, I’d forgotten the basics in my own life. My mindset work, meditation, journaling, gratitude practice – I’d convinced myself that I didn’t need it and that the answer was to work harder. Three years into my business, I’d gained 35 pounds. My self-care game clearly wasn’t much to write home about. I took care of my clients but most of the time I forgot myself. I made sure my clients celebrated, but did I?
I soon realized I had to focus on the daily habits that would create my happiness. Ultimately, I had to give myself permission to go back to the basics and pay attention to what actually made me happy and made me feel good.
The movie Bad Moms is completely bonkers and hilarious. If you haven’t seen it, it’s the story of a mom, played by Mila Kunis, and her quest to get over this idea of perfection. She’s barely holding it together, with two young children and a husband who is pretty much her third child, a job that’s supposed to be part-time yet she works harder than anyone there, and pressure from the PTA Nazi, played by Christina Applegate. Throughout her crisis, she bands together with two other moms, played by Kristen Bell and Kathryn Hahn.
In one of the early scenes, the ladies are describing their ultimate mom fantasies over drinks and Kristen’s character surprises them all with her admission. She reveals that sometimes, she wishes she could be involved in a car accident and be a little bit injured. Nothing too bad – just enough so that she could be admitted to hospital for two weeks (all covered by insurance of course) and have other people take care of her instead of her needing to take care of everyone else.
Although I’m not a mom, and I wouldn’t call them fantasies, I had the same feeling about my business at one point. One of my darkest moments was when I realized I was actually hoping to get sick because then I wouldn’t have to keep working. How did I get to this point, I wondered.
One of the tendencies I uncovered in myself (that was definitely a happiness blocker) was an addiction to hard work. It was like I was birthing this new life, but stuck in a never-ending cycle of labor, after labor, after labor. Constant pushing.
Now you may be saying to yourself, well, there’s nothing wrong with a little hard work, and in some ways, you’re right. There are times when hard work is a positive – there are times when the fact that I’m never satisfied drives me forward; but there are also times when both of those negatively affect my health, happiness, and relationships (and leave me wanting to get sick). It’s the same for you, so you have to start to recognize when you’re using your powers for good and when those tendencies are harmful to you and your dreams.
I love what Steve Siebold has to say on this subject: ‘If hard work was the secret to financial success, every construction worker and cocktail waitress would be rich.’4 In other words, there’s more to making money than plain old hard work, or even luck.
I grew up with a father who woke at 4 a.m. to go to work, every day of his life. He had a heart attack in his early 40s. I’ve no idea if those two things are related, but I do know that what was modeled for me was a 14-hour work day. I figured that was just the reality of running a business and being successful, so I too was a card-carrying member of the Hard Work Club.
But as I moved forward in my business, I secretly hoped there was another way. Yes, you have to show up. Yes, you have to take massive action on behalf of your dreams, but did I really want to kill myself in the process of getting where I wanted to go? Did it have to be this hard? And if that was what was required, was I really willing to do it?
The sad truth is that many of us are willing to do anything – even if it means putting our health and relationships on the line. It’s hard to see another way. When we think about not working hard, we wrestle with the fear that changing our habits will mean the loss of the success we’ve created. I often wondered what would happen if I wasn’t online in the middle of the night, answering emails. What would happen if I didn’t take the call. What would happen if I said ‘no’ to the interview.
Many of us fall for the lure of hard
work. It allows us to feel in control.
After all, hard work provides some sort of peace when you think about it: working hard = success. It’s a tried-and-tested equation. It allows us to feel in control of our current and future reality. Don’t get me wrong, hard work is one of the reasons I’m here today writing this book. But when I uncovered the fact that I literally hoped I’d get sick so I could have an excuse not to work, it was obvious that some part of me felt there was no way out. Maybe that was a normal reality for some people, but I didn’t want that to be my normal. Plus, I knew that working that way wasn’t sustainable. I wanted to play the long game, not run my business for a few years and then quit.
I’ve consulted with plenty of clients who share my habit of overworking. They come to me stressed, unhealthy, in tears nearly every session. It’s like they’re on a hamster wheel and they don’t know how to get off. Because this is an addiction – no different to an addiction to eating too much sugar or obsessively checking Facebook – it takes some retraining of the mind to understand that it’s not a recipe for success. We need to reinvent the definition of hard work and add rest into the equation.
But here’s where this becomes tricky for women like us – once we’ve seen the result of hard work (and believe me, it’s all around us), it’s difficult to believe there’s another way. I had to retrain my mind to believe that I could have everything I desired, even if I worked less. And in fact, if I continued to work in the way I had been, everything I desired wasn’t going to become my reality.
One of the ways I was able to retrain my mind was by focusing on necessity. Brendon Burchard defines necessity as ‘the emotional drive that makes great performance a must instead of a preference.’5 I wasn’t prepared to lower my goals, so I had to focus on the result I wanted that operating in this new way would bring (or I hoped it would bring). Another way to think of this is the ROI (return on investment).
For example, my ROI always has to do with money and success. That’s just the reality. Through years of experience, I knew what hard work would get me, but I didn’t know what self-love and joy would get me. I had to trust my coaches to share their own experience with me and guide me. And from what they told me, self-love was the answer to everything I desired! (I remember our relationship coach telling me that I’d make more money if I had more sex and pleasure in my life. She knew how to appeal to me!)
I had to think about the ROI of rest, the ROI of stretching, the ROI of turning my phone off at 7 p.m. in order to connect with what it was going to do for me (and how much more money I was going to make). I had to pair the two together. Self-love = more money. Rest = more money. Pleasure = more money.
It’s imperative that you find your necessity too and connect to the desired result. So is it freedom? Time? Health? Money? You get to decide, and by the way, there isn’t a right or wrong answer. It’s whatever resonates with you.
Take time to ponder those questions above and uncover your own ROI before moving forward with this chapter.
One of the other concepts that helped me make a huge shift and dial back my addiction to hard work and constant pushing was starting to think of myself as an athlete. (Stick with me.) Throughout this book, we’ve uncovered the fact that you know you’re meant for something big, and in order to achieve something big, you have to show up differently; and it does take a lot of physical output and time to reach your goals. An athlete training for a big game or sporting event adheres to certain practices and ways of life that the rest of us don’t (and probably wouldn’t think about).
Now, rest assured that I’m not talking about taking ice baths or completely giving up coffee, but I am suggesting that you look at yourself differently from now on. You are not normal, and so the action you take cannot be normal. What you put in your body cannot be normal. The decisions you make cannot be normal. There’s nothing normal about wanting to change the world and do something big.
Think about it like this – what would an athlete training for the Olympics eat? How much water would they drink? How many hours of sleep would they get? What boundaries would they put in place? How would they spend their time?
Your dreams are about longevity, right? You don’t want to be a one-hit-wonder. You don’t want to peak and then crash and burn. For that reason, you have to think about achieving success as a marathon, not a sprint. And you have to ask yourself, what is it going to take to consistently show up and take action on behalf of your dreams? (The key word here being consistently.)
There’s been plenty of research conducted on what recovery does for athletes – in fact, recovery is essential to their success. As my husband James says: ‘Your ability to create something as big as your ever-expanding goals is dependent on your ability to maintain and sustain momentum for the long term. When we’re working, learning, creating, exercising, we are stressing our minds and our bodies, which promotes growth. But remember, growth only happens in recovery. We must meet the stressors of our mind and body with an equal amount of recovery in order to grow.’
In my mind, it helps to think about adding in downtime to work – time for fun, rest, moments of silence – rather than focusing on no longer working hard. After all, like I said, you really need both. When I’m in flow and in my Zone of Genius, I can get more done in a day that most people accomplish in a week or two. But there I go again: wearing hard work like a badge of honor. You see, I too am still a work in progress.
Ever since college, when my roommate stayed up until the early hours of the morning listening to opera music and studying, I’ve had issues with sleep. While I was building my business, I experienced many restless nights when I’d wake up at 3 a.m. for what appeared to be no reason at all.
One day, I posted a question in a group I belong to with fellow seven-figure (and even eight- and nine-figure) companies and my own high-level coach. I asked the members to share the one thing that moved the needle the most for them in terms of energy and reducing stress. Most people listed out multiple practices and shifts, but there was one that all of them had in common: sleep. In particular, one person said they learned to ‘protect their sleep.’ I’d never thought about it that way – protecting my sleep.
I’m guilty of looking at my phone late into the night – even email sometimes. With the majority of our clients and team in the US, it seems like we’re always ‘on.’ I knew this couldn’t continue forever, and frankly it didn’t need to. I’d heard Robin Sharma say, ‘Your phone is costing you your fortune,’6 and at the time, I thought that was a little dramatic. But maybe he was right?
(In case you’re unaware of it, the light emitted by your phone puts your brain into ‘awake’ mode. So when you look at it right before bedtime, it stops your brain from producing the melatonin that’s required to induce sleep. Watching TV does the same thing.)
Although it’s still a work in progress for me, I’ve learned to protect my sleep, and that includes not using my phone late at night, lighting lavender candles, taking a bath or shower before bed, not drinking coffee past noon, and ending my work day around 6:30 p.m. It’s important to figure out what works for you and start protecting your sleep like your life depends on it (because it does). So if sleep isn’t at the top of your list of important things, it needs to be – starting today.
Another key component to my success has been self-care. For me, that comes in the form of regular massages (I’ll get one every week most of the time, and then have spa days pretty much every quarter). I also do simple things like buy myself flowers, light beautiful candles around the house that inspire me, spray my bed with lavender spray at night, get my nails done regularly, and take long showers. There’s no right way to practice self-care, so you need to start paying attention to what makes you feel good and do more of that. It’s that simple.
In addition to focusing on myself, I had to start paying attention to my interactions with others and learn to make friends with boundaries.
Did you know that boundaries are actually a form of self-love and happiness? I love how Danielle LaPorte describes this and differentiates boundaries from barriers. She says, ‘Boundaries are like a fence with a gate – the energy can come and go. Barriers are like a shield that you drag around – ready to defend yourself from attacks.’7
I had to learn to protect myself in a way that worked for me. I had to pay attention to the people I allowed into my life, as well as the quality of my thoughts, and boundaries are just that – quality control.
I realized that allowing people in who didn’t get my mission and didn’t show kindness toward me – or even allowing clients to overstep – was a form of self-abuse. That may sound extreme to you, but it’s really not. Any time we put others first and deny what we really want, and what’s good for us, we’re not showing ourselves love, appreciation, and respect. We have to teach people what’s acceptable and what falls into alignment with what we desire, not just tolerate things. I don’t even want ‘tolerate’ to be a part of your vocabulary. It doesn’t have to be. Envision your ideal life and create it – boundaries and all.
One of the easiest ways to think about boundaries is to focus on what you’re saying ‘yes’ to in your life. For example, saying ‘yes’ when you actually mean ‘no’ is the opposite of self-love. You’re essentially putting someone else’s needs and desires before your own, so how could that possibly be a positive?
You and I both know that this doesn’t result in anything good – even if the intention is to make someone else happy – because you end up resenting the other person and feel out of alignment. (Plus, although you think you’re being stealthy, people can tell when you’re not being truthful and it does nothing for the relationship but breed mistrust.)
When I finally got this concept and started to really pay attention to my ‘yeses,’ I was shocked. How often throughout my day was I putting others before myself ? Yes, I want to be loving, generous, and kind-hearted, but did that really mean I had to come in last in the order of important people?
Let’s get one thing straight:
putting yourself first
doesn’t mean you’re selfish.
Putting yourself first means that you know what’s required for you to show up as your best self, to perform at your highest level, to be your happiest, to be able to give to others because your glass is full. And clearly it means that other people benefit from being around you because you’re happier and in alignment.
It means your relationships are pure and meaningful because you’ve chosen them carefully, and you’re not trying to squeeze in time with people – you’ve deliberately created time. How incredible would it feel to have relationships like that? It’s possible, and it starts by you saying yes only when you want to say yes. (And if you want to put a label on it, let’s call it self-full.)
In her book What I Know For Sure, Oprah Winfrey talks about the first time she declined to donate money. The request had come from Stevie Wonder, no less, but she was so over writing checks that she didn’t want to write and couldn’t bear to do it any longer. She was so nervous to have the conversation with him, but when she told him her truth, he responded like it was no big deal. For her, it was everything.8
Why does it take so many of us so long? Why are we constantly sweeping what we want under the rug? Why are we putting the needs of our husbands, kids, clients, and employees before our own? Want a one-word answer? Fear.
One of the main reasons we don’t put ourselves first is the fear of what people will think and what will happen if we show up differently. It goes back to the evolutionary example I gave earlier: we don’t want to be disliked. And we, as women especially, don’t want people to think we’re a bitch. We don’t want people to question the ‘goodness’ of our character.
And of course we want to be kind; of course we want to have friends – but you’re telling me you’re willing to put yourself last in the process? It needs to stop, and it starts with saying yes only when you mean yes, and putting an end to being a bitch to yourself.
Another key component of my personal transformation has been time. In the first quarter of 2017, I completed an exercise about time. I took a few minutes to think about that day’s date and then wrote down the first thoughts that came to mind about it. (I highly recommend you try this yourself and see what comes up.) Here’s what came out on paper:
I remember writing that and immediately feeling like I wasn’t far enough along. Realizing I was ‘behind’ on my daily tasks. There are a lot of things that come up when we think about time and timing, right? The truth about time and me is that we haven’t always been friends, and we’re still a work in progress.
I’ve often thought I should be further along; thought I did something wrong to end up in this place; felt like I was running out of time; felt overwhelmed about everything on my plate. And one of my more recent (and biggest) realizations about time is that I often made the present moment wrong. That last one is a doozy.
How often do you make the present moment wrong? If you’re thinking anything like the thoughts in that list, you’re making the present moment wrong. The issue with this is that when we’re so focused on what’s not happening or the ways in which we’re behind, we get more of those feelings, and we stall.
Especially when you’re just
starting out, it’s essential
you see that everything is
happening as it’s meant to.
Even those challenges are helping you. You have to become the person you’re required to be, in order to get there. What if that challenge is helping you do that? What if without it, you’ll stay in the same place? What if times are challenging right now for a reason? (We’ll cover that in the next chapter.)
What if you aren’t meant to know the answer yet? What if you’re on the cusp? Remember, there’s so much going on beneath the surface that doesn’t meet the eye. Everything is happening exactly as it’s meant to. You are and always have been in the right place at the right time.
Making peace with time had an unexpected side effect for me; reduced anxiety. When I was first building I Heart My Life, I suffered from anxiety in the evenings. In fact, most nights I was anxious. I asked James to place his hands on the top of my chest. Sometimes it comforted me, and sometimes it made me cry harder.
Now the way I deal with anxiety is to focus on my mindset and get clear on the thoughts and words that are going through my mind at the moment the anxiety is present. Yes, there are times when anxiety can serve us – maybe there really is something you need to pay attention to or a red flag that you previously missed. Only you can discern what your anxiety means.
For me, most of the time it means I’m living in the future: my mind wants to go into fortune-teller mode and predict the outcome of something. And most of the time, it’s not pretty. In those moments, I remember that I need all my energy to make things happen, and right now, I’m wasting it on the worry. It truly is a waste; I hope you can see that.
This reminder of leaking energy helps me shift my anxiety because I remember how much I want to do in this one life. I need that full bucket of energy and I cannot afford to waste it on anything other than living the life I want and having an impact. Plus, as we previously covered, most of our worries never actually happen. More importantly, even if they did, I know I’m strong enough to be able to handle them.
One of the tools I recommend you implement when anxiety comes up is following your fear. Say you’re anxious about a client not paying on time. Follow that fear. What would happen if they didn’t pay on time? What would happen if they pulled out of the contract? Run through the scenario in your mind and even make a plan for if that happened. Once you do that, you’ll start to see that your worries aren’t actually that scary, and if they ever did come to life, you’d be okay.
How often do you feel pressure? Pressure to achieve, do, or be something? Pressure runs rampant in our everyday life. One of the concepts I had to come to terms with is that pressure doesn’t actually exist. Well, it does, but it’s all self-imposed.
While at a retreat with my coach, I asked her why she thought I was so hard on others – especially my team. She simply said, ‘Because you’re hard on yourself.’ I was speechless. That was a wake-up call I needed.
The reality is, if you’re putting pressure and being hard on yourself, the chances are you’re making things more difficult than they’re meant to be. When there’s no room for error, life isn’t fun and you don’t have all the energy you need to achieve your big dreams. Pressure is draining. Releasing the pressure and recognizing that most people are doing the best they can (yourself included) is incredibly transformational.
As you’re shifting into the world of self-love, it’s important to identify what might throw you off track. For example, if you were looking to eat more healthily, you would do your best not to purchase all the sugary stuff. You’d surround yourself with healthy food so the temptation was lower. You wouldn’t go to the café with all the croissants and cookies because it would be too easy to give in.
It’s the same with your dreams. So much of becoming more successful is about you being self-aware and honest with yourself about your natural tendencies. Don’t make them wrong or judge them, but recognize your patterns and make decisions that set you up for success.
On my own journey, I realized that, to a certain extent, Facebook was ruining my life. (I know, more dramatics.) I knew it wasn’t all of Facebook, but one day I found myself down the Facebook rabbit hole looking at a little girl’s 4th birthday party photo album – I didn’t even know the mother! And then I saw that someone’s 90-something dad had renewed his driver’s license, and then the next photo was of someone’s trip to Italy (again – I didn’t know this person).
It wasn’t that those posts evoked negative emotions in me, but I had to be real – this time I was spending scrolling was taking me away from my purpose. Maybe even costing me my fortune and impact. So I spent an hour unfollowing people on Facebook. If I didn’t know them, didn’t have a relationship with them, didn’t like what they stood for, didn’t feel that their posts added value to my life, I unfriended them. I also blocked any ads I didn’t need or want to see anymore. That’s just one simple example, but sometimes the simple things that can have the most impact.
When I think about the personal transformation I went through in my quest for self-love and happiness, it comes down to trust. I had to learn to trust myself above all else. Trust that when I was tired, I rested; trust that when I felt sad, I cried; trust that when something didn’t feel right, it was a no. I had to trust that I was enough and deserving, and soon, I started to see huge shifts. I was happier, less anxious, clearer, and overall more energetic. I worried less about what people thought of me, and learned to make what I thought about me my main concern.
We’re going to continue to talk about trust throughout the rest of the book, but just envision what trusting not only yourself, but life and others, would do for your level of happiness.
Ultimately, I’ve discovered that the quest for self-love and happiness is a lifelong journey. I have good days and bad days, and you will too. But I’m so excited to see how self-love changes your life. Because believe me, it has the power to change everything.
What does putting yourself first look like in your own life? How would self-love change your life and level of happiness? What do you think would make you happier?
This is a very personal chapter, and it will apply to your life in a unique way. For that reason, go back through each section and choose at least one way you can implement these practices, starting this week. Pay attention to which of the concepts really speaks to you and start there.