‘Your job is not to say “how,” it’s to say “yes.”’1
DR. WAYNE W. DYER
In March 2018, I was in a taxi on my way to a meeting in Notting Hill, sending emails as we drove along. The driver started to cut through the back streets of Kensington, and I looked up from my iPhone at the perfect moment and realized where I was: the street I’d lived on when I’d moved to the city eight years earlier. I was shocked. I hadn’t been to the area for years, and to be on that very street, on that very day, couldn’t have been a fluke.
This was where, in my closet-size apartment, I’d cried, wishing for my life to get good. This is where someone literally threw up out the window and it blew in and landed on my bedspread. This is where I came home after my first date with James. This is where I got deathly ill (at least that’s how it felt) when I caught the flu from Edison, the little boy I took care of as a nanny. This is where I wrote that letter to myself. All those thoughts ran through my mind.
This time, I didn’t try to hide those tears rolling down my cheeks with the realization that I’d literally come full circle. I’d arrived in London with the dream of writing a book, and the reason I was going to Notting Hill was to meet the team at Hay House UK to discuss a deal for the very book that’s in your hands today.
Everything that I’d been intending, wishing, hoping for all my life had come true. James and I went to the top of the Eiffel Tower. I’d found my purpose. I’d surpassed my financial goals. It had all happened. And it continues to do so.
A few months later, I followed my heart and desires and traveled to Florence to start this book. On day five of my trip, I ate my five croissants at breakfast (I’m not joking – in Italy I have the amazing ability to eat a ton of food and only gain a few pounds due to all the steps that exist everywhere, so I go for it!) and afterward, I moved to a separate area in front of the Four Seasons hotel to start writing.
About 30 minutes in, a harpist started playing for the guests who were still enjoying breakfast. A harpist! I looked over at her and my eyes welled up. This is what life is about, I thought. Those pinch-me moments that take your breath away. Those moments when you realize that actually, there isn’t much that truly matters in the world: just people, your health, and moments like this. Writing your first published book while overlooking Florence’s Duomo.
What it evoked in me was massive gratitude for my past decisions and everything that had led me to that moment. It was true validation that the magic lies in following your heart and your desires.
After all, just a few years earlier, I’d been that girl arriving in London with four suitcases and a dream. She’d wanted to write a book. She’d been dreaming of moments like this. Somehow she always knew they were possible, and never lost hope.
Whether my story resonates with you because you’ve experienced your own full-circle moment or because you have the dream of a moment like that, this chapter is about putting together all you’ve learned in this book so you have a full picture of how to create the life and success you’re craving.
We’ve covered so much, but there are some final pieces I want you to really understand. So open your heart, and let’s take this final step together.
When I launched the IHML Show in January 2018, my first guest was my former coach Dr. James Rouse. In the episode, he opened up by asking my listeners to consider this question: ‘Are you living the epic motion picture that is your life?’
The epic motion picture.
I don’t know about you, but I’d never thought about my life in that way. But it’s true – this life is your epic motion picture, and you’re the Director and Leading Lady. At least that’s how it’s supposed to be. You’re meant to have pinch-me moments and harpists at breakfast and experiences that take your breath away. You’re meant to come full circle. Yet, so many of us are living a life that doesn’t resemble what we desire.
I know that if you’re here with me today, you want to change that current reality. Here are some final tips for making that change…
Although today he has the power to make you cry just by being in his mere presence, Dr. James Rouse didn’t always show up that way in the world. On my show, he told the story of living a life of mediocrity, until the day he got a wakeup call from his very own Earth Angel.
As a young man, Dr. James used to work into the night at a truck stop as a gas station attendant. He said he would run out to the trucks that pulled up to the fuel stop, give each driver a great big smile, and ask them, ‘How can I serve you?’
One day in particular, a truck pulled in, and at first, the driver didn’t utter a word upon hearing the young man’s greeting. He just looked at him in a way that no one else had; he looked right through him, and said, ‘I don’t know what it is that you think you’re doing here, but I’m going to Boston and then I’m going to turn around and come back through New York tomorrow night. If I see you here when I come back through in 24 hours, I’m going to kick your ass.’
Dr. James had never seen this man before, but he said that in that moment, he knew what he had seen in him. After all, it was the same thing that he wanted to believe was true about himself. For years, he had heard, ‘You do not belong here. You belong doing something much greater than this.’ It was time to say ‘yes’ to that calling, so he took that prayer and invocation and ran with it and applied to college the very next day. Thirteen years later, he became a doctor.
For me, Dr. James’s story is a powerful reminder that so many of us are under-living. We’re in jobs we hate; we dread waking up each morning; we’re asleep at the wheel of life. Ask yourself today: are you where you belong? Or are you meant to be doing something much greater than this? Are you under-living your life? If so, know that I see possibility in you. I see opportunity. I see success. And if I see you in the same place tomorrow as you are today, I too, am going to (lovingly) kick your booty.
Take a few minutes to reflect on Dr. James’s story. Write down how it made you feel and what it brought up for you.
I need you to always remember that this is your journey. No one else gets to make the rules. You are in charge here. It’s time to throw the Reality Rulebook out the window. You know, this book:
Do well in school. (After all, it’s your job until you have a job, and if you can’t do that, well, you’re failing at life.)
Get into a good college.
Study hard, and don’t party too much.
Shadow people who have the career you want, and make connections.
Get an internship.
Apply for the jobs before your graduate.
Land the best job you can find.
Get an apartment.
Buy work clothes (man, I hate work clothes).
Date.
Get married.
Have kids.
Be a good daughter, sister, mother, wife.
Take two trips a year (if you’re lucky).
The end.
You’re meant for so much more. As Oprah says, ‘Create the highest, grandest vision possible for your life, because you become what you believe.’2 This is your one life, and you create your own version of realistic.
It’s not enough for you to desire something: you need to expect it to be on its way. You have to really, truly know that it’s about to manifest into your life. This is the difference between wanting true love and expecting it. Expecting is much stronger, isn’t it?
What would it look like if you expected the raise? What if you expected to meet your future husband? Expected to lose the weight? Expected to become a millionaire? This is another emotion that needs to be generated by you – you won’t naturally expect your dreams to be a reality, like you expect to take your next breath. It’s not yet ingrained, but it can be with practice.
Also note that when you do start to practice thinking in this way, your mind will fight you. After all, is it really ‘safe’ to expect to be successful? The mind will say things like, But what if you fail? What if people laugh at you? What if it doesn’t work out? As my friend Susie Moore would say, ‘What if it does work out?3
When you start to operate from a place of it already having happened, everything will start to change, and expectation gets you into that state.
In those moments of disbelief, doubt or confusion, continue to trust your heart, make your decisions right, and look for the signs. There will be so many signs if you’re open to them. For example, in Florence, my sign came with the pizza, with a lot of progress made on my book, with how I felt when I enjoyed a gorgeous Italian coffee on the hotel terrace, when I got to look out at the Duomo and think about all the incredible artists who had also been inspired by this city – Michelangelo, Leonardo, Botticelli. There are signs and angels all around you that are telling you you’re on the right path. Follow them.
For Dr. James, that man at the truck stop was an angel. Angels can be the people out there pushing you, knowing that you can do more with your life; and on the flip side, they can be those who are telling you can’t do something. Both are angels. Both can help you move forward and inspire you to allow yourself to become who you’re meant to be. What are your angels telling you? Are you ready to finally listen?
What got you here won’t be the thing that takes you there, right? There’s validity to that statement, but please know that what you possess inside, what you’ve always possessed, is the great ability to make things happen. I guarantee there are qualities within you that already make you poised for great success.
For example, if you look back at your life, or even the last year, what has gotten you to this point? What has resulted in success for you? What has enabled you to have this book in your hands, to go for new opportunities, to show up on behalf of your dreams?
Whatever the answer is for you – maybe a personality trait or faith – keep doing it, and leave the rest behind you. Let your past give you clues about what’s required from you to make your future dreams a reality. You already have so many incredible qualities to draw upon.
Make a list of all the qualities, decisions, and ways in which you’ve shown up that have served you and your success.
‘Yes.’ It’s a simple word. It has the power to change everything though. ‘Yes’ to a proposal means you’ve found the person you want to spend forever with. ‘Yes’ to the job means you’ll spend 10,000 hours a year doing that work – probably more since 9–5 isn’t really a thing anymore.
However, I find that when it comes to our dreams, we say ‘no’ far more than ‘yes’ due to fear or uncertainty. Saying yes is one of the reasons why I am where I am today. The truth is, most of us are scared to follow our dreams. It isn’t always easy. There are moments on the path to creating your dreams when you do have to step outside of your comfort zone. You have to keep saying yes to get what it is that you want, despite the fear, insecurity, lack of confidence, or anything else that creeps up.
Frankly, when I look back at everything I’ve done over the last eight years, I don’t actually know how I did most of it. But just like me, you’re far more capable than you know, and you will figure it out. Even if you don’t feel ready, know that you can (and should) still start today. You have the capability to achieve your dreams. It’s there inside of you.
Even a small action is better than no action at all. So if you’re feeling stuck in a rut, take action. Learn something. Try something new. Put yourself out there. There’s no better time than now to start truly embracing your potential and pursuing your passions. There’s no reason to put your desires on hold any longer. After all, one small step can be all it takes to start walking in the direction of your dreams.
On the flip side, hear me when I say that you don’t have to do all the things this second. In fact, you shouldn’t.
As driven women, we are multi-passionate and we have new ideas every day. We experience ‘shiny object syndrome’ and always want to reach for the next thing. Focus on what’s important to you right now. That’s the action that’s going to create the most leverage for you. You don’t have four months left to live: you have time. Manage your energy.
In those moments when I passed my first flat in London and was writing my book in Italy, I thought about my little girl. The little girl inside all of us. The Emily who played with her Barbies and dreamt of her own Ken to ride away with in the convertible.
The Emily who tried so hard in school. The Emily who beat herself up when she didn’t get that perfect score. The Emily who lived in a hostel when she moved to London. The Emily who went on all those blind dates, hoping to find ‘the one.’ The Emily who was a nanny for a while. She’d come so far. She’d be so proud of me. I had to make sure to remember that and think of her more often, even though it wasn’t natural to do so.
Those of us who are driven,
and well versed in achieving,
often forget the incredible
things we’ve already done
and how far we’ve come.
What about your own little girl? What would she say to you? Picture her walking up to you and looking at you lovingly. I see her wrapping her arms around you, telling you how well you’re doing. What a special person you are. How cool you are. How she only wishes she could be like you someday. She could never have envisioned this.
In those moments, take it in. Express gratitude for your little girl. After all, she got you to this place. She’s incredible, and she’s still a big part of you. Channel your little girl when it feels like you’re not good enough, that you can’t do it, that you don’t have the answers, that no one likes you – she believes in you with every ounce of her being. She thinks you’re amazing. She wants to be you when she grows up. Use her admiration – take it in. Allow it to remind you that the sky is the limit when it comes to your dreams. Dream. Dream. Dream.
Life doesn’t have to be difficult. You can spend time lying on the grass, looking at dandelions. You can continue to dream of true love. You can be that astronaut, actress, or whatever you want to be. You get to decide. How does your little girl want you to show up? What decisions does she want you to make right now? What would make her even more proud? In what ways can you channel her wisdom, youth, vibrancy, zest for life? She’s there if you need her.
Sometimes, in those moments when I’m taking life too seriously, overcomplicating things or looking to make a decision, I also channel the woman I’ll be one day. I think about her and her wisdom – all she’s been through. I know even now, when I look back and think about all I’ve done up to this point, there’s only one thing I’d do differently: worry less. When you’re in your 80s or 90s, nearing the end of your life, you’re going to regret those precious moments you spent worrying. Because you were actually in the right place at the right time. Everything was working out as it was meant to.
Right now in this moment, what does that intelligent older version of you have to say? My guess is that she’s so happy about the life you’re living, but she wants you to remember not to take a single day for granted. She encourages you to take more chances, to love harder, to experience more of those once-in-a-lifetime moments that deserve every ounce of your attention. She knows what you’re capable of and invites you to raise the bar. To impact the world. To live life to the fullest and remember you have extraordinary gifts.
I can see her smiling softly at you, saying that you’re doing a great job, and you don’t have to worry – you have everything it takes. She tells you to trust that everything will work out. It’s all going to come full circle. And when it comes down to it, all that matters is that you’re living a life you love. Nothing else.
You should know one more thing about me before we part ways: I’ve never liked surprises. My parents threw me a surprise 16th birthday party and invited my whole class – they told me I was going out to dinner with my mom and my best friend and her mom.
Although I was grateful they’d been so thoughtful (and frankly I couldn’t believe they’d pulled it off), I was devastated because I wasn’t wearing the right outfit. Because of that, I wasn’t fully there. I wasn’t fully myself. I didn’t feel good enough. I didn’t truly enjoy the moment. I wasn’t present to my life that day. The one and only time I’d turn 16.
This is still something I’m overcoming: this element of not being present. Worrying about what people will think.
Wondering if I’m good enough. In my own head. Avoiding the element of surprise.
Why am I telling you this today? Why am I spending our last few moments admitting this struggle? I’m telling you as a matter of urgency. I’m sharing this because I want you to be present to this one life that you’ve been gifted. Don’t you dare allow yourself to say ‘I missed it,’ ‘I didn’t really show up,’ or ‘I played it safe.’
You now have all the tools you need to create your something big. It may not be an easy journey, but there’s nothing you can’t handle. After all, you now have the recipe for success:
Those are the steps I’ve used time and time again over the past few years to create a life that’s better than my dreams. Was it perfect? No. Were there days when I wanted to cry (and did)? Totally. Did my ego come up full force? Of course. And it will for you too. Was I scared? Every second. But that’s okay. That’s how it’s supposed to feel.
Trust, access faith you didn’t know existed, lean on your little girl and wise older soul, take more action than ever before, move past your fears – and know that when you do, you’ll be wildly surprised by how incredible your life turns out.
And, Lovely, in case it’s still not obvious, you have everything you already need within. After all, it’s never about the outfit.
Think about the woman you were when you started this book, compared to who you are now that we’ve ended this journey together. Celebrate how far you’ve come and all you’ve accomplished. Channel your little girl and future self and journal on the thoughts and emotions that come up for you. And for goodness’ sake, go have a glass of champagne!