Oprah Winfrey’s commanding voice boomed from the speakers and the huge screen in front of us lit up with black-and-white images of her early life. It was 2014 and my father-in-law had paid for me to fly from London to Washington D.C. to attend Oprah’s ‘Live Your Best Life’ event. Upon hearing our host’s first words, the thousands of people in the audience stood up and cheered, immediately mesmerized.
She told us a story about her grandma, who had raised her in Mississippi, in the Deep South of the US, while working as a maid. One day, as she hung up wet laundry on the clothesline, she’d spoken softly to the young girl about her purpose in life: ‘You have to watch me Oprah Gayle, because one day you’ll have to do this for yourself.’1
Oprah knew well enough not to talk back to this beloved woman, but in her little girl mind, she knew that wasn’t her purpose in life. Although she may have outwardly nodded as a sign of respect, she secretly shook her head simultaneously, knowing she was meant for more.
This early incident in Oprah’s life illustrates just how powerful our gut instinct, heart, belief, intuition actually is (in this book, I’ll be using these terms interchangeably). Her mind couldn’t have dreamt that: it was all heart. The feeling that she was meant for something big was what pulled her and directed her onto her path – to the success she’s had over her lifetime – and it can do that for you too.
As a seven-figure entrepreneur, author, speaker, course creator, and success coach, I have the rare opportunity of seeing human success (and failure) firsthand, and I know what it really takes to achieve big goals. Every single day since starting my company, I Heart My Life (IHML), I’ve worked with driven women around the world.
I’ve seen them celebrate huge milestones: resigning from a 9–5 job; enabling their husband to quit his job and follow his dreams; the manifestation of trips; turning an annual salary into a monthly income; breaking harmful family patterns that have lasted for generations; an increase in confidence; and going after dreams they never thought they’d have the opportunity to reach.
But I’ve also seen a lack of awareness when it comes to desire. I’ve seen women deny what they want and allow their inner demons or fear to run the show. I’ve witnessed jealousy, stubbornness, and competition take women down. I’ve watched them question whether what they really want, deep within, is possible for them. And most painfully, I’ve seen them deny that they are worthy of the success they desire.
This book is about supporting women in getting clear about what it is they actually want, giving themselves permission to have it, and taking the steps required to obtain it. That means you too.
The message I’ve been put on this Earth to share with you is that anything is possible. You’re capable of so much more than you know, and I’m in the business of helping you realize this and bring it to light.
During my own journey, there were two key moments when my life truly changed course, and I’ll share these with you later in the book. Maybe this is one of those key moments for you. Whether you sought out this book or were gifted it by someone who loves you, I’m so glad our paths have crossed. I know that wasn’t an accident, either – as you read on, you’ll see that I believe everything happens for a reason.
You’re meant for more and this is your time. Not living up to your full potential doesn’t serve anyone: not you, not the world. It’s time to stop playing small.
Simply put: I believe the sky is the limit when it comes to your dreams, and right now, you’re probably living a small fraction of what you’re truly capable of. You’re listening to what others deem is possible for you, instead of the internal barometer that is your heart. You’re creating self-imposed limitations for your life and your success.
This book is an invitation to start showing up in a different way, and to truly live the life you were born for, maybe for the first time.
As the spiritual teacher and author Marianne Williamson says: ‘Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.2
The good news is that everything you desire is already within you. I’m certain of that. This is about you becoming the person you were meant to be. This is about you showing up. This is about you taking your life by the reins and no longer settling for ‘good enough.’ This is about you living an extraordinary life.
Maybe everything I’ve shared so far is starting to bring up red flags for you. Who is this Emily Williams? you might be thinking. She doesn’t know what’s possible or not possible for me. Doesn’t she realize that I’m not smart enough, rich enough, skinny enough (insert your own ‘enough’ statement) to get everything I desire?
If that’s the script currently running through your mind, or if you can hear other doubts creeping in, just know this is completely normal.
But what if I told you that you don’t have to welcome every thought that comes into your mind, and that you don’t have to believe every thought either? And what if I told you that, in order to create a life you love, you must monitor and transform your thoughts? You can’t let just anything seep in. What if I told you that your mission from now on is to be fiercely protective of your mind, because it is the foundation for everything you can create?
Think about what it takes to build a home; I’m not a contractor, but even I know that you need to pick a plot of land that’s suitable for building and then focus on creating a strong foundation. So many of us are building our lives, dreams, businesses, and careers on a shaky foundation: like a card deck about ready to topple over. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
One of the reasons my clients are so successful is the deep work we do to create a strong foundation on which their dreams can grow. The plan is important, but if someone is lacking in confidence, courage, or even clarity, they aren’t going to take the action needed to move forward with their dreams. So, first of all, you have to get really clear about your foundation. What are you building your house on? Is it stable ground or quicksand? We’ll uncover the answer together, but for now – for the next few pages at least – tell those doubts to take a back seat, because you’re driving.
Speaking of driving, this book is also about you taking action. I know there can be a lot of questions and confusion when you’re going for your dreams and transforming your life. Without guidance and support, it can be difficult to make any progress at all. That’s why I’ll be showing you the exact steps you need to take to get there – those that have worked for my clients and for me. My goal is that by the time you reach the end of this book, you won’t even recognize your own life because so much will have changed and shifted.
But please, know that it’s not enough to just read this book. We’ve been conditioned to scan, memorize, and repeat, but that’s not going to get you the life you want. One of my former mentors, multimillion-dollar entrepreneur, author, speaker, and coach Brendon Burchard, has a fabulous saying that illustrates this beautifully: ‘Common sense isn’t always common practice, which is why so many potentially great people suffer.’3
Your goal is to take action on everything that I teach you in this book, and to integrate what I teach you into your life – not just read these words. You may put your own spin on it (in fact, you should, because you are your own, unique person), but taking action is key to creating success.
Here’s how I recommend you approach the book – both to get the most from it and to start to immediately see huge shifts in your life:
I’m going to share with you concepts that you’ve probably never heard about before. Be open to them working for you. Don’t discount anything. Although you may find that not everything resonates with you or works for you right now, it can and it will, over time.
For example, every time I work with a coach, there are elements of our work together that sink in immediately and others that come to light when I’m ready at some point in the future. Trust that all is unfolding as it’s meant to and that you’re hearing what you need to hear.
Use a journal alongside this book and as you go through each chapter, really study the words and take notes. Also, every chapter features a Success Tip and ends with an Action Step, and I want you to complete all of them. If you want to stop settling for a life that doesn’t light you up, make these non-negotiable. Nothing will change unless you do. Let this be the change. And by the way, they are simple and meant to be fun!
What I’ve come to realize over the past few years, through working with thousands of women around the world, is that most people are in denial about what they’re meant for. And maybe that’s you right now. I invite you to start to trust and know that today doesn’t dictate what’s possible for you tomorrow – and neither does the shape of your body, your bank account, or your high-school SAT score.
Whatever you want, it’s possible for you to have it. If you can envision it, you can have it. Simple as that. Trust your inner knowing and bring that feeling to the surface. If you believe you’re meant for more, then you are!
How about we decide here and now that this is the moment your whole life changes course? You can choose to do that right now. The word ‘decide’ literally means ‘to cut off’ so let’s cut off any possibility that you’re meant for anything less than extraordinary.
Today, ask yourself what you want for your life. Heck, what do you want for your week? How are you holding yourself back? What are you longing for? What do you need to start believing is possible for you? No more excuses. Your dream life starts with this decision.
As women, our programming is still along the lines of ‘give to others and leave yourself with the crumbs.’ If that’s where you’re at today, please know that you can give to others and go for your dreams. And in fact, going for your dreams is the best thing you can do for others.
You doing this work and creating your most successful life is a gift for them, too! They get to see what’s possible and that will open their own mindset to possibility and change. If you have children, think about the example you’ll be setting for them. Think about what they’re going to see you accomplish, and in turn, feel that you gave them permission to do what they desire too. What a gift!
At the same time, know that doing this for others cannot be your own motivation. I know, you want to be selfless, altruistic, win a prize for how much you give to others and put yourself last, but I beg you to start thinking of yourself and your own happiness. No one else is going to put you and your dreams first.
As motivational speaker and bestselling author Mel Robbins says in her book The 5 Second Rule, ‘No one is coming. It is up to you. It has always been and will always be up to you.’4 I want you to truly understand that this is your time and this is your chance. We get one life. Stop being a victim, stop complaining, stop pretending that you’re happy when you’re not. I can help you. Allow me to help you. We can do this together.
Throughout our journey, I’ll be providing insights from my own life and my clients’ experiences. Each chapter starts with an extract of my journey between 2008 and 2018. Then I’ve woven some of my clients’ stories into each chapter, along with stories about other influential people and experts whom I’ve studied with and learned from over the years.
The reason I’ve done this is because our behavior is learned through stories and by watching others take the action we desire (whether we know we desire it or not). For example, when you were a young child, you saw your parents or older siblings walking and learned to do it yourself. Although some behavior is rooted in instinct, much of what we experience and do in life results from seeing others do it. Understanding that it’s possible for us gives us the confidence to also give it a shot.
One of the scientific reasons behind this is a distinctive class of neurons in our brain called mirror neurons. Firing off when we take action, as well as when we observe someone else taking the same or a similar action, mirror neurons explain why when we see or hear someone yawn, we yawn.5
The same thing happens when you hear stories of success and triumph. Sara Blakely, Mark Zuckerberg, Richard Branson… these and all the other people who are doing something new and great. We know it’s possible because they’ve showed us how.
As you’re reading along, I ask that you try to see yourself in these stories. In other words, see yourself doing what we did. And if you don’t believe what I’ve done is possible for you, think about it like this: I’m human, you’re human, so whatever I’ve done is possible for you too. For instance, would you walk past me sitting in my First Class seat on a plane and tell me that it isn’t physically possible for you to sit in First Class too? You are capable of moving from 23B to 1A; trust me, I did it! (You can adopt my belief in you if you don’t yet have that self-belief available for yourself.)
You, too, have so much to give, so much potential to reach. You’re capable of more than you know, and so much is possible for you. And it all starts with loving you and being kind to yourself. Success is not about being critical or mean to yourself – it’s about loving yourself like your life depends on it (because it does).
The work you’ll undertake in this book is going to change your life. To be able to say that you don’t even recognize your own life means we’re going to be doing a pretty extensive overhaul of what currently exists. And, as with any overhaul – digging up the dirt, stretching into possibility, and reaching new heights – it doesn’t come without some pain at times.
Think of the process as like giving birth to a new life. There will be uncomfortable moments – contractions – but it will be so worth it in the end. And just like a new life coming to this Earth, in those challenging moments you can celebrate. The growth is happening. Changes are taking place. You wouldn’t feel any of those things unless you were growing, so it’s good news! And the other good news is that I’m going to show you how to handle those moments. I’m going to show you how to have far more exciting and positive moments – even pinch me ones.
When it comes to celebrating, my friend and fellow Hay House author Niyc Pidgeon says, ‘There’s evidence to show that when you celebrate your strengths, you become stronger and more successful. People actually build better relationships with you, you reach your goals so much faster, and you’re physically and mentally healthier as well. It’s not just a women’s empowerment thing, but a scientific thing as well.’6
For that reason, in all of our programs at IHML, we have a tradition of celebrating with Success Fridays. Our clients share that week’s successes, and explain what they’re proud of or excited by. I want you to do the same as you read the book, so I’ve included Celebration Breaks in every chapter. When you come to one, take a few minutes to complete it. It’s there for a reason, not just to look pretty.
I’m well aware that many of the opportunities and luxuries I present in this book are not available to every woman on the planet. At least not yet. I recognize that a huge percentage of the world’s population doesn’t have the opportunity to make big life decisions or follow their heart. I hope that I see that change in my lifetime, and I will do everything in my power to continue to inspire diverse groups of people and foster change in the world.
For the purposes of this book, I’m going to focus on women who are able to go for their dreams. Those of us who have the right to choose; the right to follow our desires; the right to make as much money as we wish. I want to remind you that we owe it to ourselves and to the women out there without that freedom, to finally take the reins and create a life better than our dreams. We have a choice, and that, in itself, is miraculous.
I ask that you don’t squander that choice any longer. We can choose to live a life that’s less than what we desire – a life of ‘almosts’ and ‘could haves’ – or we can choose to go after our dreams and live an extraordinary life. Otherwise, we’re spitting in the face of those who fought so hard for us to have the rights we have today. We’re wasting our one precious life, and we have to ask ourselves what other less privileged women around the world would say to that – those who dream of going to university, marrying someone they actually love, becoming a doctor, or starting their own business; the ones who dream of deciding how many kids they want to have.
What would they say? What would they do with the opportunities that you have? Lovely, if you can’t do it for you, do it for them.
Nearly eight years have passed since I wrote that letter to myself on my 25th birthday, and today, as I look out at the Duomo in Florence, Italy (where I’m writing this book), I wonder how I got here. How did I end up living in London, meeting the man of my dreams online, running a seven-figure company, and writing this book in a 5-star luxury Italian hotel for a woman like you? How does that even happen?
After years of learning from the best coaches, teachers, and leaders, and in personally coaching women all around the world to make their dreams a reality, I know the answer is simple: follow your heart.
The book A Course in Miracles reinterprets the biblical quote ‘Many are called, but few are chosen’ as ‘All are called, but few choose to listen.’7 To that, I’d like to add: ‘Many are called, but few choose to listen and take action.’ You’re called for something big. You’re called for the life you want. It’s time to act.
In the pages that follow, I’m going to teach you the principles that will make you wildly successful. I’m going to show you how to create more wealth in your life, drop the limitations that are holding you back, and finally have all the secrets you’ve been craving when it comes to going for your dreams. But it all comes down to following your heart. That’s all it’s ever really about.
And remember, I’m just a girl from Ohio with really big dreams: if I can create a life better than my dreams, so can you. Let’s do this!