Joe and I sat together on the sofa, our arms around each other.
Joe spoke haltingly about himself and Dave when they were roommates.
And he told me that he wondered if Dave was in such a bad place that the only way he could accept his father’s death was to create a fantasy that Ray had been murdered.
“It doesn’t make any sense otherwise,” Joe said. “Why would anyone kill Ray Channing inside a hospital?”
I didn’t want to break into Joe’s thoughts, but I was also grieving. Moments with Claire were flashing through my mind, starting with the look on her face as she told me about the cancer diagnosis, then back to her smiling at me when she painted my toenails the day Joe and I got married. She was Julie’s godmother and I was Rosie’s. Each of us was the go-to person for the other whenever we needed advice, love, support, and the truth.
I couldn’t imagine my life without Claire. And I didn’t want her to go.
Joe was holding me, and my body started shaking and I just couldn’t stop it. He turned me so that I was looking into his face, gripped my shoulders, and asked me, “Lindsay. What’s going on?”
I blurted out, “I said…I wouldn’t tell anyone.”
My voice cracked. He was alarmed and he tightened his grip on me.
“Tell me,” he said.
“Claire has cancer.”
I cried. Joe consoled me until he cried, too. Second time I ever saw Joe cry. I was so grateful that Julie was in bed, but Martha felt the sadness, came out of Julie’s room, and put her nose on the couch between us.
“Keep talking,” Joe said.
“She said it’s nothing to worry about, but she was lying.”
Joe held me tight. I thought about what Claire must be going through.
“She hasn’t told Edmund.”
“She will.”
“I can’t bear this, Joe.”
“You can. You will. You’ll be strong for Claire.”
We went into the bedroom and got in bed, under the blankets, and held hands.
The last time I looked at the clock, it was 3:40 in the morning. The big paw that had once caught footballs enclosed my hand, and when Joe squeezed my fingers, it was gentle. A hug.
I slept hard after that, and when I woke up a short time later, Joe was dressed.
He leaned over and kissed me.
“I made coffee and walked Martha. Julie’s still sleeping. Mrs. Rose will take her to the pre-K bus, and she’ll pick her up, make her dinner. I’ll call you after I see Dave.”
I sat up and kissed him again.
He said, “Go back to sleep. I’ll call you later.”
When the phone rang, I thought it was Joe, but it was Cindy.