Sometimes you have to walk away and let karma take over.
-Author Unknown
An empty Ben & Jerry’s container sat on the coffee table beside a much lighter Kleenex box than it had been an hour ago.
Karma had cried so much while relaying what had happened with Mark that Lisa had retrieved a small metal waste can from the bathroom so she could throw away her tear-soaked tissues rather than pile them on the table.
But now she was both talked out and cried out. Her eyes felt like they’d been rubbed with vinegar-soaked Brillo pads, her face was puffy and hot, and her voice sounded like she was Kim Carnes singing “Bette Davis Eyes,” one of her dad’s favorite songs from back in the day.
Lisa took her hand. “Mark loves you, Karma.”
“I know he does, but I just can’t do it, anymore, Leese.”
“Maybe you misunderstood what he meant by wanting to dance again. Maybe he wants to dance with you.”
“Then why didn’t he tell me? Why did he put that on his list of things he was too scared to tell me then not bring it up? He confessed everything else on that list, so why not that? And why did he cross it off?”
Lisa shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe because he was worried about how you would react, because he knew you’d make the connection to his past. Or maybe he just changed his mind.”
She tossed another spent tissue into the trash can. “Well, what about last weekend. What about that?”
“Do you have any proof that he was really thinking about Carol while he was having sex with you?”
“No, but—”
“Then maybe he wasn’t.”
“But it makes sense, given everything else.”
“Just because it makes sense doesn’t mean it’s the only answer, or even the right one. You know how Mark is. He’s the quintessential mystery man. Who knows what’s really going on inside that complicated brain of his?”
Karma grabbed the Ben & Jerry’s pint then plunked it back down when she remembered it was empty. “Why are you defending him?”
Lisa huffed. “Karma, I just can’t believe that the Mark we’ve come to know . . . the Mark who is madly in love with you and has expressed his devotion to you in so many ways, including tattooing your name over his heart . . . who tread through fire and brimstone to come back to you . . . would still be holding a flame for the woman who jilted him. Think about it. He’s revealed all these deep dark secrets to you. Things he’s never told anyone else, not even his best friend. Isn’t that what you said?”
Karma didn’t like this shock logic Lisa was tossing at her. “Yes.”
“Okay, so do you think he would confess all that to you if he didn’t love you? And not just love you, but love you more than he’s ever loved anyone? So much so that you’re the only person he trusted to reveal that stuff to?”
Chagrined, Karma sank into the couch, crossing her arms. “I guess.”
“So let’s look at what might really be going on here. What do we know about Mark? We know that he’s a damn stubborn control freak.” Lisa began ticking items off on her fingers. “He’s an internalizer. He internalizes everything, right? He also keeps everything close to the vest, revealing very little about himself. He takes responsibility for things out of his control. For example, he blamed himself for Carol leaving him, when that was all on Carol. Mark takes things personally at a deep level. To him, dancing again could be symbolic for something far different than what you and I consider dancing. Why? Because that’s just how Mark is. He’s profound, mysterious, and more sensitive than he lets on. I know this, because you know this . . . because you tell me these things all the time.”
Karma uncrossed her arms and sighed. “What are you saying? That I overreacted?”
“Not necessarily. This could be just the swift kick in the ass he needs.” Lisa handed her another tissue as tears bubbled at the corners of her eyes again. “Mark holds onto a lot of fear. He’s afraid of losing you. Maybe even overly afraid, which is why it was so hard for him to reveal all his secrets in the first place, and why he kept trying to push you away. He probably didn’t even realize he was doing that.”
Now that the drama of the day was winding down and she’d expelled her pent-up frustration, Karma felt a little silly for some of the assumptions she’d made, even if they held a hint of validation. But still, she couldn’t just take him back if he was unwilling to change. He needed to show her something to convince her he was willing to work for their future. Whether that was getting rid of the old jewelry, actually setting a wedding date, or explaining what the last item on his list really meant, or all of the above, she needed something.
As if reading her mind, Lisa said, “You need some good food and a good night’s sleep. Maybe even an intense yoga session. You haven’t been sleeping, which is messing with your mind, and you haven’t been to yoga class in weeks. You’re probably just out of balance. You know yoga helps you see things more clearly.”
“I’ve been too busy.”
“Well, tomorrow morning, I’m taking you to the gym.”
She groaned and flopped her head on the back of the couch. “Lisa, I don’t have my clothes.”
“I’ll loan you some of mine.”
“Lisa—”
“Nope. Not gonna hear your excuses, sweetie. You’re going, and that’s final. You’ll feel better and be able to think more clearly so you can sort all this out.”
There was no sense arguing. Lisa was in mom mode.
“Fine. I’ll go.”
Lisa’s phone pinged with a text. She picked it up as Karma dabbed her eyes and blew her nose.
A second later, Lisa grabbed the empty ice cream container and started for the kitchen with her phone.
“Is it him?” Karma asked. She’d turned her own phone off so he couldn’t reach her and talk his way out of the dog house.
Lisa stopped and gave her a sheepish smile. “He wants to know if you’re okay.”
She missed him. She wanted to be in his arms right now, but the image in her mind was a fantasy that included him putting her engagement ring back on her finger as he poured out his soul, promising never to let Carol come between them again. The reality was that it would take more than a simple assertion of his intent to make it happen. She wanted actions, not words. She needed him to actually make a change, not just say he was going to.
“What are you going to tell him?”
Lisa shrugged. “The truth.” She hesitated. “Do you want to talk to him?”
“No.” If she did, she would cave. And she couldn’t do that. Mark needed to get his head out of his ass, and the only way that was going to happen was if she stuck to her guns.
But as Lisa disappeared into the kitchen, all Karma wanted was to hear his voice.
No matter how angry she was right now, she still loved him. She still wanted him.
And she still wanted to marry him.
* * *
Mark sat behind the wheel of his car, waiting for Lisa to reply. He couldn’t leave until he knew Karma was okay.
His phone pinged and he quickly checked the message.
She’s better but still upset. But don’t worry. She’s staying with me tonight. I won’t let anything happen to her.
What a relief. Thank God for Lisa.
He replied, Thank you. I’m heading up to Chicago tonight. And I’m not coming back until I’ve fixed this.
Her response came within thirty seconds. I know you’re working through some serious shit right now. But maybe this will help. She still loves you. She’s crazy about you. So, go get your shit together so you can come back here and put a smile on her face again.
Lisa’s text made his heart flutter. Karma still loved him. There was still hope.
See you in a few days. He wouldn’t ask Lisa to tell Karma he loved her. He needed to show Karma that when he returned home.
He set his phone down and backed out of the driveway, headed for Chicago. Back to where it all began.
Within the next twenty-four hours, the last eight years would finally come full circle and he could re-chart the path he’d always been meant to take.
And this time, he would get it right.
He would dance again. And he would dance with Karma.