A woman can't be alone. She needs a man. A man and a woman support and strengthen each other. She just can't do it by herself.
-Marilyn Monroe
Karma sat across from Lisa on the couch in her parents’ living room. She still hadn’t heard from Mark. She wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or bad. On one hand, if he wasn’t calling her, he could be busy unknotting his past and tossing it out. On the other, he could just be giving her the space she said she wanted.
“How are you holding up?” Lisa said.
“About as well as I can be.”
“At least your dad has finally come around.” Lisa and her glass-half-full optimism always knew how to make the best of every situation.
“True.”
Her dad had finally accepted Mark, more or less. She couldn’t expect him to be all lovey-dovey right out of the gate, but at least her dad no longer cursed Mark’s name and was ready to welcome him into the family. The only problem was, what if Mark could never move forward? What if he couldn’t get past Carol’s duplicity and would always hold back a piece of himself? Could Karma live with that? Could she accept him if he never fully got over his fear of commitment? Other than that, he was perfect in every way. Charming, sexy, affectionate. It was only when he had to face his past that he locked down and became a stranger.
But she wanted all of him, not just the best parts. She didn’t want to always be thinking that at any moment he could have a meltdown or withdraw from her. That something would spark a painful memory and drag him into a pit of despair where she couldn’t reach him.
Then again, she loved him. As such, shouldn’t she accept the bad with the good? To support him when he suffered, and to be waiting for him once he reemerged from his dark moments and once more became the man she had fallen in love with?
She could drive herself crazy thinking about this, because her thoughts kept swirling in one long, vicious circle.
“You know, things could be a lot worse, Karma.” Lisa curled her socked feet under her and leaned her head on her hand, which was propped on her elbow against the back of the couch.
“I know.” She hugged the throw pillow she was holding more snugly against her tummy.
She and Lisa had gone around and around, trying to follow her wicked line of thinking about just how much shit she should accept.
Lisa tilted her head to one side. “The vows do say for better or for worse, in good times and in bad.”
“That’s if we can even make it to the wedding. Mark is so terrified that I’m going to leave him at the altar the way Carol did that he can’t even set a date.”
“Then you set one. Take control.”
“But I want him to be a part of it. I want him to want this as much as I do and to have a say.”
Lisa leaned toward her and touched her knee. “I know you do. Every woman wants her future husband to participate. But maybe Mark just can’t. Maybe you’ll just need to do this for him. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you, that he doesn’t love you, or that he doesn’t want to spend his life with you. I mean, like I told you last night, everyone can see how much he loves you, Karma.”
Karma sighed and laid her head back on the arm of the couch. She didn’t want to plan their wedding without him, but maybe that was the compromise she would have to make if she really wanted this to work. After all, weren’t relationships all about compromise?
“Maybe he’ll get his head out of his ass while I’m gone,” she said. “Maybe I’ll go home, and he’ll have miraculously moved on and be ready to get married next week.”
“I wouldn’t hold my breath.”
“Gee, thanks. And here I thought you were the optimistic one.”
“I am, but I’m also a realist.” Lisa sat forward. “Hon, maybe you’re expecting too much from him. Maybe you should be happy with what you’ve got. Most women would kill to have a man who adores them the way Mark does you. You do not have to worry about his eye wandering. Mark isn’t even the slightest bit interested in anyone else. He only has eyes for you, even if he has been a lug-head lately.”
“I don’t know, I—”
Her mom’s scream cut her off. In an instant, both she and Lisa were off the couch, rushing toward the kitchen. When Karma flew around the corner, she found her dad writhing on the floor, his hand gripping his chest. Mom was holding him up.
“Oh my God! What happened?”
“I don’t know! He was complaining of indigestion, and a few minutes later, he collapsed!” Her mom shot pleading, terrified eyes toward her as her dad grunted through what sounded like an enormous amount of pain.
“Heart attack,” Lisa said beside her.
Without thinking, Karma snatched the phone off the counter and dialed nine-one-one.
“Nine-one-one, what’s your emergency?”
“My dad is having a heart attack. We need an ambulance.” She rattled off their address.
She stayed on the line with the nine-one-one operator, relaying information as her dad’s condition deteriorated.
On the outside, she forced herself to keep it together as the operator told her help was on the way, but on the inside, she was falling apart. Was she going to lose her dad today? Was he going to die and never walk her down the aisle? Now that he’d finally accepted Mark, was he never going to be able to give his official blessing? Never be there to meet his grandchildren? Never go fishing with her again or do all the millions of little things that made her Daddy’s little girl?
The train of chaos in her subconscious could have sent her into an emotional and nervous breakdown if not for the need to remain calm and get help. Her mom was disintegrating into an emotional mess. Dad couldn’t help himself. Lisa was—
She spun around. “Call Johnny. He needs to know. His number is in my contacts on my phone.”
Lisa shot out of the kitchen and returned a minute later, her phone to her ear.
Sirens rang out in the distance, and Karma hurried to the front door, throwing it open and running into the front yard to flag them down.
Once the ambulance arrived, time flashed, everything happening faster than she could track. The EMTs rushed inside, strapped her dad onto a gurney, busily attended to him in a flurry of activity, and then hurried him into the ambulance. The sirens turned back on, and with the neighbors gawking from their yards, the EMTs whisked him away.
Mom was delirious with worry, crying, pacing, frantic to get to the hospital.
“I’ll drive,” Lisa said as Karma locked up the house.
“Good, because I’m not sure I can drive right now.” Now that her dad was in the hands of the doctors, she was unraveling fast.
That was her dad. Her hero. The first love of her life. She couldn’t lose him. Not like this. Not today. Not ever.
Tears streaked her cheeks as she bustled her mom into Lisa’s car and hopped into the passenger seat.
She needed her fiancé. Her future husband. Her rock. Because right now she wasn’t sure she could stand on her own without falling right back over.
Giada’s words from the night the two talked in Mark’s childhood bedroom came back to her. Mark is your strength. You are his purpose. Together, you build something strong that can weather any storm.
She finally understood. She got it now. Mark was her foundation, and she was his reason for being. They needed each other. Everything else was inconsequential. What was marriage but a symbolic ritual to show the public that two people who loved each other had chosen to spend their lives together? The choice had already been made. She and Mark had already chosen one another. Was a wedding more important than that? Was a wedding necessary to make their love for one another stronger than it already was?
All marriage did was make an already committed relationship legal in the eyes of the government. She and Mark could just as easily take that step without holding a grand event where a few hundred people gathered to witness their vows. They could just go to a Justice of the Peace and not dither around with making plans for a gargantuan, intimidating affair that would upset Mark.
Compromise. A relationship was all about compromise.
But right now, she just needed him. She needed his arms around her. She needed his power, his strength, his stability.
In one brutal moment of clarity, she understood the truth. She didn’t need anything else but him. Just him. Without Mark, she was barely half.
Fishing her phone out of her purse, she dialed his number.
* * *
“Dinner was terrific,” Mark said to Antonio. “You’re one talented cook.”
“You two should compare notes,” Carol added.
He wasn’t sure he was ready to become best friends with Antonio, but he could start by getting to know the guy. He’d never given him a chance before, but anyone who could make homemade tortellini that incredible couldn’t be all bad.
“Sure,” Mark said. “I’m always looking for recipes I can steal.”
Antonio snorted at his light-hearted ribbing. “Only if I can steal your meatball recipe. I really hated you during Carol’s pregnancy. All she wanted were your damn meatballs, and I could never seem to get the recipe quite right.”
“Is that so?” He smiled at Carol as they stacked their dirty dishes.
Krissy cooed up at them and slapped her hands on the tray of her high chair. She had Carol’s blue eyes and her dad’s black hair. She was going to be a stunner when she grew up. He could only hope to have a couple of such beautiful girls of his own someday, but only if Karma took him back.
She had to take him back. He had to make her see he was no longer afraid. That he was finally all-in. Really and truly all-in this time.
Carol ruffled Krissy’s hair and kissed her forehead as she sat down beside her. “Poor Tony. All he heard about for nine months was about Mark’s incredible spaghetti and meatballs.” She leaned over and kissed her husband.
“So, yeah, Mark,” Antonio said, “The next time Carol’s pregnant, I’m getting that meatball recipe from you. I don’t care what it takes.”
“Only if you hand over your tortellini recipe. That was incredible.”
“Consider it done.”
The three of them had chatted more about the past during dinner, talking openly for the first time about what had happened. About how he and Carol had been so young. Too young. Neither knowing what they or the other really wanted. More apologies went around the table, and then, as is often the case over good food and good wine, the apologies and tension gradually gave way to laughter and pleasant conversation.
Carol asked about Mark’s job, his plans for the future, and Karma. He asked about life with a baby, their dancing, and their recent win in Europe. The conversation was an equal give-and-take, no one dominating, discussion smoothly flowing.
“So, when are you going to have more kids?” he asked. That was one thing they hadn’t discussed, yet.
They looked at each other, and Carol smiled. “We’re trying now.”
“Really?” He glanced at Krissy as she gave a random squeal of laughter. “What about dancing?”
“We’ll still dance for now, but Antonio wants to open a restaurant someday, and I’d like to have more time to raise a family. So we’re looking at making some changes in the next few years.”
Mark recalled the burst of flavors that had blown his mind from the first bite of Antonio’s tortellini. “Let me guess,” he said to Antonio, “you want to open an Italian restaurant.”
“Yes. Authentic Italian from the Motherland.”
“I think you’re on to something there.” He nodded at their empty plates.
“Thank you.” Antonio glanced at Carol, who smiled back.
Mark knew what she was thinking, because he was thinking it, too. When she opened the door tonight and let him in, they’d been strangers. Three people who had tiptoed around one another for eight years. Now, after a couple hours of good conversation and good food, they sort of felt like friends. Friends with a long way to go before they were completely comfortable with one another, but friends with potential, for sure.
But then, that’s how forgiveness worked. Truly forgiving someone lifted away not just the fear, but the resentment and animosity, too. It swept away all the inconsequential goo, leaving behind a clean beginning.
Mark wasn’t blameless in what had happened with Carol. He was as much responsible as she was. He couldn’t fault her without faulting himself, especially when he realized that this was the path their lives had been meant to take.
Maybe some good would come out of this now.
Carol and Antonio had just begun to clear the table while he kept Krissy entertained when Karma’s ringtone began serenading the room. Maybe it was cheesy, but he’d selected the 80s song Lady in Red as her ringtone. It seemed so fitting given how they’d met.
He pulled his phone from his pocket.
“Karma?
“Mark?”
Immediately, he knew something was wrong. She was crying.
Every cell in his body locked up as he shot to attention. “What’s wrong? Karma, are you okay?”
“I need you.” She sobbed. “My dad had a heart attack.”
Carol and Antonio stopped and watched him, concern etching their faces.
“I’m coming. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Where did they take him?”
She rattled off the name of the hospital.
“Mark, I’m sorry I got mad at you. I—”
“Ssshhh. Don’t worry about that right now. That’s the last thing you should be thinking about. Just hold tight until I get there, okay? I’m leaving Chicago now. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
She whimpered, making a sound that sounded like “Okay.”
He paused then said, “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“Everything’s going to be okay.”
She sobbed. “I don’t know, Mark. It’s pretty bad.”
“Ssshhh. I’m on my way.”
He disconnected then turned to his hosts. “I need to go. There’s an emergency.”
Carol nodded. “Of course. Go. You need to be there.”
She and Antonio followed him to the front door, where she gave him a quick hug.
“Thank you for coming, Mark.” She didn’t need to say any more to express how important their conversation had been to her. She looked relieved, as if she’d finally forgiven herself.
Mark knew exactly how she felt. Finally facing the past had completely freed him. The air was clear again. “Thank you for dinner.”
Antonio held out his hand, and Mark shook it.
“Don’t be a stranger,” Antonio said. “And about those meatballs . . .”
Mark grinned. “I’ll e-mail the recipe as soon as I get the chance. But you’re sworn to secrecy. I’ve never given that recipe to anyone.”
“I’ll guard it with my life,” he said.
With a curt nod, he gave them each one final glance then turned and hurried down the steps.
With a wave out the passenger window, he hit the gas and sped away.
Karma needed him.
And he needed her.
And this time would be forever.