Erica woke with her muscles already taut and her heart racing. She could hear movement in the flat just outside her door. She opened her eyes in the hope of still being caught in a dream of some sort and also losing the intensity of her senses. She’d forgotten to put in the earplugs she’d started wearing. Hadn’t she? No. That’s right; she’d left them out in case … Ah, the girls.
Gradually her body tension loosened and her heart returned to a normal steady beat. But what would they be doing up? She checked the time, despite already knowing it would be around five a.m. Sure enough, it was what was considered a ridiculous hour by most, but to Erica her normal wakeup time. It didn’t seem to matter that she’d gone to bed later last night – almost midnight – after several rounds of Scrabble.
She pushed the covers off and dragged on her robe and then socks, noting the weight in her limbs and overall sluggishness as she did. Out of bed, the grittiness in her eyes burnt and there was a slight ache of tiredness behind them. If she hadn’t heard movement and hushed voices out in the main room she’d have lain there and listened to a meditation or something. Oh, who was she kidding? She’d have still got up. And gone and sat in the window …
She found Mackenzie and Issy sitting on a dining chair each underneath the split-system air conditioner, feet tucked up under them, a quilt around their shoulders, looking out the window. Just as Erica did each morning. She always returned the chair to the dining table to be tidy; one thing out of place in the small area made everything look a mess.
‘Are you okay? Did you get cold?’ she asked.
‘Sorry if we woke you. There was a noise – well, several, actually,’ Issy said.
‘And, yes, it’s bloody freezing – not under here, obviously,’ Mackenzie said.
‘Sorry, I should have suggested you leave your door open.’ Erica liked sleeping in a chilly room, thanks to the changes that had resulted from menopause. She’d forgotten the younger generation liked their spaces warm.
‘I guess we’re not used to how quiet it is here,’ Issy said.
‘Yeah. Every noise is so loud,’ Mackenzie said.
‘It’s most likely the bakery down there,’ Erica said, leaning between them and peering out the window. ‘They have deliveries – but not every morning. And a baker must start work early. It almost scared me witless my first morning here, until I realised what the noise was. I wear earplugs now most nights.’
‘Oh, look, there’s someone working in there,’ Mackenzie said.
‘Yes, I get up and sit and watch him. He’s quite good company, actually. Well, I’m assuming it’s a he – I can’t really tell from here.’
‘Creepy much, Mum?’ Mackenzie said.
‘Well, it’s not like I know who he is or anything. And I doubt he can see me up here from down there.’
‘Well, he wouldn’t need to if you weren’t creeping the poor bloke out by looking down on him,’ Mackenzie said.
‘It is a little weird, Mum,’ Issy said.
‘Cup of tea, anyone?’ Erica said, going to the kitchen.
‘Are you serious?’ Mackenzie said.
‘Yes. Completely. I’m up now. I’ll sit and be peaceful – the last few mornings I’ve been listening to a calming music track or guided meditation, which is quite nice. Better than the silence I used to sit in. Stops me thinking.’
‘But you still sit here and watch him?’ Mackenzie said.
‘Well, yes. I like it.’ He’s become my friend, my protector. Silly, I know, but still. ‘And, might I point out, Mackenzie, that’s exactly what you and Issy are doing right now. Actually,’ Erica said, her eyebrows raised.
‘Oh, yeah,’ Issy said, and got up, taking her chair with her.
Mackenzie silently followed suit, pulling the curtains together behind her when she left.
‘I don’t turn the light on – he probably doesn’t even know I’m here,’ Erica said.
‘Mum, you’ve got the light on right now,’ Issy said, settling herself cross-legged on a dining chair.
‘Yes, but only over here,’ Erica said. ‘And I’ll turn it off in a bit. So, no tea for you two?’ she asked, having to raise her voice over the kettle, which was very loud in the tiny space.
‘Oh, all right. White English breakfast, thanks,’ Mackenzie said, joining Issy at the table.
‘Yes, thanks: when in Rome …’
Erica smiled to herself. Clearly they were too tired and too embarrassed by their mother to seize the opportunity to team up for their catch-cry.
‘Mum, the poor man probably thinks he’s got a stalker,’ Mackenzie said.
‘Oh, don’t be ridiculous, Mackenzie,’ Erica said.
‘Er, Mum, remember Kayla,’ Issy said gently.
‘Yes, but that’s, that was –’
‘Different?’ Mackenzie said.
‘Oh god. You’re right. Poor man.’ Erica delivered the girls’ teas and then experienced a sense of loss as she sat down at the table with her own rather than in her usual spot in the window. They’re right, aren’t they? I have to stop looking out.
‘Why would you actually get up now and not try to go back to sleep, anyway? You know you’ve trained yourself into these early starts, don’t you?’ Mackenzie said, blowing on her tea.
‘Darling, you wait until you get to my age and experience all the joys of menopause and thereafter. There is no more sleep to be had. Yes, I’ve probably had less than usual due to us being up late, but five-thirty is seven hours after my usual bedtime.’
‘So this isn’t about Kayla and PTSD or any of that?’ Issy said.
‘I don’t know. At first I got a terrible fright because of a noise – pretty sure it’s a delivery.’ And I’m still a bit jumpy a lot of the time, but you don’t need to know that.
‘Yes, I can imagine you thought Kayla had found you or you were back at home and going through all that again, or something,’ Issy said.
‘Exactly. It’s actually quite nice to know there’s someone right over there,’ Erica said, nodding towards the now hidden window.
‘Hate to burst your bubble, Mum, but he’d never hear you if you needed him to save you, or whatever,’ Mackenzie said. She looked over her mug at her mother.
‘Especially if he’s wearing earbuds, which he probably is. I would be,’ Issy said.
‘Oh no. I couldn’t work in the dark alone without some music, but not via earbuds,’ Mackenzie said, visibly shuddering.
‘Well, he’s not in the dark – he’s got lights on. Obviously. But, yeah, you’re probably right, actually – about wearing earbuds,’ Issy said. ‘Though, he’s fine – he’s in the country, with no one else around.’
‘So? Plenty of horrible things have happened in country towns in South Australia,’ Mackenzie said.
‘Hmm. True, I suppose. I can see what you mean, Mum,’ Issy said, ‘how it could be a comfort. So, you don’t know who it is?’
‘It’ll be the baker, I expect,’ Mackenzie said, joining them at the table.
‘Well, der, Mackenzie,’ Issy said.
‘I thought you knew everyone around here, Mum – didn’t you say it was that sort of place.’
‘I don’t remember saying that – I think that might have been your assumption. I’ve only met a few people.’
‘And, anyway, if the baker is near the end of their shift, they’ll be off to bed. Chances are your paths would never cross,’ Issy said, before taking a sip of her tea.
‘Yes, that’s true,’ Mackenzie said.
‘I like the intrigue of not knowing,’ Issy said, a little dreamily.
A part of Erica longed to meet the person toiling away over there, but another part didn’t want her bubble of solace and dreamy speculation shattered.
‘When it’s light I usually go for a walk,’ Erica said, changing the subject. ‘There’s a lovely creek below the mountain that runs right beside the town.’ She wasn’t about to admit to them that she still hadn’t been able to make herself go there. She might be able to if she had company … ‘And there’s always the streets, too. A few people walk their dogs.’
‘So, Mum, are you seriously up now, as in, not going back to bed? At all?’ Mackenzie said.
‘Nope. As in, I’m serious that I’m up and not going back to bed.’
‘Oh god. It’s going to be a long day,’ Issy said.
Welcome to my world and that of countless other women, darlings.
‘Yes, how do you survive?’ Mackenzie said.
‘Girls, nothing and no one is stopping you going back to bed. I don’t need the company and I promise I’ll be quiet. And you’re young – you still need your sleep. Do you want to go for a walk with me in a couple of hours?’
‘Uh, maybe. Depends.’
‘If I’m not here when you wake up, that’s where I am and I won’t be long and not far away. And if you’re up you can come, or not. Entirely up to you.’
‘Good night. I need some more sleep,’ Issy said, putting down her mug. She yawned as she unfolded her legs.
‘Me too,’ Mackenzie said, catching Issy’s yawn and also putting her mug down and getting up. ‘Fingers crossed I can,’ she added, rubbing her eyes.
‘Good night, sleep tight,’ Erica said, and also got up. She took her mug over to the window and looked out and down to the bakery. The girls were probably right, she again conceded reluctantly: maybe it was a bit creepy. Anyway, she wasn’t quite the same person she’d been when she’d arrived. She was so much calmer and could take comfort in listening to a meditation track in her room instead.
Bye, baker person, she thought. A touch of sadness followed her to her room. I’ll miss you.