part0026

I sit and wait at a table in Joey’s Cafe, not far from the Rise, the local common, waiting for Biro to arrive. It’s cheap, sort of cheerful and always smells of a mixture of fried eggs and coffee.

I take a sip of my hot chocolate but it tastes of nothing; I think my taste buds are in shock and not working. I trace the brown swirls on the table with my finger and try to process what’s just happened. Biro texted to say he’d meet me here and I’m just starting to get worried that he’s not coming when the door flies open and he comes in on a blast of cold air. He shoves the door shut with a bang and glances at me unsmilingly then walks past me to the counter. I hear him ordering his drink then he clomps over and sits down opposite me. The thought pops into my head that he never does anything quietly and I have to stifle a hysterical giggle.

‘You okay?’ I say.

‘No. What,’ he leans forward and lowers his voice, ‘The fuck, were you doing in his house?’

I stare at him dumbly unable to think of anything I can say that would make any sort of sense.

‘He’s not stupid, when I knocked at the door, he knew I was up to something but he didn’t know what, just kept saying he knew me, that I looked familiar. I said I just have one of those faces but I could tell he didn’t believe me.’ Biro is frowning so hard I think he’s going to go cross eyed. ‘He practically threw me out of the front door.’

I continue to stare then draw a shaky breath. ‘You were right all along, Biro. You were right about him.’

We’re interrupted by Joey putting Biro’s cappuccino in front of him on the table. We wait until he’s out of earshot.

‘He’s a weirdo,’ says Biro quietly. ‘I know that, but that doesn’t explain what you were doing breaking into his house.’

‘I didn’t break in, I slipped in when he was putting his bin out and then I was locked in because you need a key to get out.’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about so tell me it all, from the beginning.’

‘I never told you about my Mum being stalked, did I?’ I say.

Biro looks shocked. ‘Stalked? No.’

I tell him about the months of phone calls, the secret codes and the birthday card.

‘What’s this got to do with Adam?’ I think he’s guessed, he just wants me to confirm it.

‘It’s him. He dropped his notebook on the floor in my counselling session on Tuesday and I picked it up. I didn’t realise straight away. When I saw his writing in the notebook, I knew it was him. It’s the same writing as the birthday card that was sent to Mum.’

Biro looks at me in disbelief. ‘And you broke into his house on the strength of a birthday card ? You didn’t think he might just have similar writing? You saw that card a long, long time ago. Once. I can’t believe you broke into his house on the strength of some fucking handwriting that may or may not be his.’

Biro’s voice is getting louder and Joey glances over at us with a frown.

‘Mate, really?’ Biro whispers. ‘Really ?’

‘I have an eidetic memory,’ I say.

He looks at me blankly.

‘Photographic. I have a photographic memory. I only need to see stuff once and I remember it.’

‘Yeah,’ he says, unconvinced. ‘But he could just have the same writing, it’s not proof is it? Fuck me, Josie, it hardly warrants a bit of breaking and entering, does it? What did you think you’d find? Photos of your mum plastered all over the walls or something?’

I don’t know what I expected to find; all I know is that once I’d remembered, I was sure, absolutely certain. I had no proof at all and I’ve surprised myself with how certain I am, how ready I am to believe the worst of Adam.

When I thought the very best of him.

‘No, it’s not proof,’ I say. ‘And I was seriously doubting myself when I didn’t find anything, starting to think that maybe I’d got it all wrong. But then I saw the scarf.’

Biro listens while I tell him about the scarf.

‘Now do you believe me?’ If he doesn’t believe me, I have no hope that anyone else will. Am I going mad? Am I imagining things?

‘Yeah I do believe you, but others might not.’

I feel a rush of relief.

‘Because, er...’ Biro hesitates, ‘The fact that you’re having counselling and have had problems could go against you.’

‘I know.’ I fight back tears. ‘People will think I’m mental.’

‘Which is why we need proof.’

‘I know.’ It’s unlikely that anyone is going to believe me. I wouldn’t believe me.

‘So, how do we prove it?’

‘I don’t know. But that’s not all of it.’ I feel despondent and foolish.

Biro narrows his eyes and looks at me.

‘I thought I was in love with Adam.’

‘And I thought he was in love with me.’ I look down at the table as a tear rolls down my cheek and I brush it angrily away.

‘But now I don’t know what’s going on. Why would he do that to me? Did he know who I was before the counselling? Did he plan it? Why? Why would he pretend to have feelings for me? I don’t understand any of it.’ I can’t hold it back any longer and I start to sob. Biro silently hands me a paper napkin and I blow my nose and try to compose myself. ‘I’m just a stupid idiot,’ I snivel.

‘No, you’re not. He groomed you.’

‘No he didn’t. I’m not a kid.’

‘Yes, he did,’ Biro says angrily. ‘He’s supposed to be helping you and he used his position to take advantage of you.’

‘Nothing’s happened.’

‘Sexually, I mean.’

‘Would have done though, wouldn’t it? Bastard. Bloke’s a sicko, like I always said. Something up with him. He needs to be stopped.’

‘How? I can’t exactly tell anyone that I’ve been in his house, can I?’

‘You can at least report him for inappropriate behaviour, counsellors aren’t supposed to behave like that.’

I don’t know what to do. There’s no proof, apart from Mum’s scarf, and he could just say he found it in the street, it’s hardly conclusive.

‘You could ask him,’ Biro says thoughtfully.

‘What? Is that supposed to be funny? I never want to see him again.’ I look at Biro in shock.

‘Go to your counselling tomorrow and confront him, see what he has to say for himself.’

I shake my head. ‘I can’t, I don’t think I can even talk to him. I definitely don’t want to be alone with him.’

‘You wouldn’t be alone, I could hide somewhere and record it.’ Biro holds his phone up. ‘I can record it on here and if you feel frightened just shout out and I’ll come out of hiding.’

‘I don’t know if I’m brave enough.’

‘Course you are. And if you’re not, I’ll confront him.’

‘Do you think it could work?’ I ask tentatively.

‘Mate,’ Biro says confidently, warming to his idea, ‘I know it will.’

‘He’ll probably deny everything,’ I say.

‘Yeah, well, if he does, we’ll just have to leave it to the police but without a confession or proof he’ll probably get away with it. At least this way we’ve got a chance of catching him out.’